kama

Non-waiters withholding

3 posts in this topic

(I just stumbled upon this forum looking for some answers to my dilemma, in hopes something I read would hopefully make me understand my gf's pov better. I hope this is a proper place for this question.)

 

Ever since I knew my SO I knew that she was the one. We have both had relationships before, but recently it has come to my attention that she wishes to withhold from us having sex until we get married.

 

One reason that came from the thunderstorm that was that argument was that I am special and she wants to keep something to look forward for after marriage.

 

I will do it for her, but what's driving me crazy, is how can being special being a reason for doing that? IMO it doesn't make sense, but I really wish to see it from her POV to be able to make peace with it.

 

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Hi kama,

 

welcome :)

 

I´m not entirely sure, if I got your situation right or wrong:

 

Either:

1) You are in a relationship with your girlfriend, you both established and enjoy a sex life and now all of the sudden she wants to wait until marriage? (That is how I understood it; also because of your title I assume you BOTH are actually non-waiters, but she suddenly changed her mind and wants to wait from now on, although you both used to have sex in your relationship with eachother?)

 

or:

2) You already know your girlfriend for a long time, but it is just recently that you got into a relationship with her and she told you she wants to wait and you both never had sex with each other?

 

If number 1) is the case:

 

Well, I heard that there are indeed some cases where one partner in the relationship wants to wait all of the sudden (most of the time the woman). Because she wants the wedding night to be "more special".

Not sure, if there is any other reason to it, because if you had a regular sex life, maybe for years, with your girl-/boyfriend, then I guess, it is just the desire to withhold sex for a moment and wait a little bit longer to give the wedding night sex an extra special meaning? I don´t know, though. Just a guess. Maybe people, who suddenly feel the desire to wait (even if it´s just a few months, weeks or only days) want like a Special "build-up". Like Christmas maybe (or any other day that is supposed to be joyful).

What would be Christmas, when it would be every week? Not so special anymore, for sure.

BUT this waiting period would only be for a few weeks, maximum few months. Shortly before the wedding. So not that long.

I´m not sure, if you both want to get married in a few months......so maybe all of this isn´t relevant for your relationship anyway.

 

But maybe my assumption 1) is true and your girlfriend changed her mind without a wedding in sight!?

Although you used to have a regular, fulfilling sexlife?

Well, then there MUST be more reasons to it. Honestly. I can´t imagine, that a non-waiter, who has sex with her/his SO suddenly wants to wait, ONLY because it is "special" all of the sudden.

Maybe it´s true, it´s just really fascinating to me how someone could do it without any other deep, profound, personal reason.

 

Maybe some members on here, who also used to have sex in relationships, then started anew with the decision to wait until marriage, can give you more insight. But for what I know, they didn´t make that mind change during a relationship, but AFTER relationships or when STARTING a new one. And they certainly have more reasons, than only "because it is special". But well, maybe that reason is enough for your girlfriend. Who knows...

 

If case number 2) should be true, then Wow, you have found a girl, who waited "from the start"! They are indeed very rare (well, every waiter - virgin or non-virgin - is rare).

The reasons why people decide to wait are very diversified. From religious, philosophical, psychological or purely personal reasons, there is indeed a very wide palette. Besides religious people, there are also atheists and agnostics that do wait and all find their very own reasons why they want to walk that crazy path of waiting until marriage.

 

Maybe some of the articles on this site might give you an understanding of some WTM-reasons. Check them out (if you haven´t already).

 

Also the founder of this site wrote a book about waiting until marriage (it is called "The Waiting Until Marriage Survival Guide"). It discusses waiting of a purely secular notion and with much psychology. There is also a whole chapter with Tips for non-waiters. Maybe that might help you?

 

And most important: Talk to your girlfriend again. Only she can give you her real reasons and can tell you why she suddenly (or maybe not so suddenly?) wants to wait. Communication is key.

 

Sorry, that your exact relationship-situation wasn´t clear to me from reading your post.

Feel free to post again. The people on here are friendly ^_^

 

Good luck and all the best for you!

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(I just stumbled upon this forum looking for some answers to my dilemma, in hopes something I read would hopefully make me understand my gf's pov better. I hope this is a proper place for this question.)

 

Ever since I knew my SO I knew that she was the one. We have both had relationships before, but recently it has come to my attention that she wishes to withhold from us having sex until we get married.

 

One reason that came from the thunderstorm that was that argument was that I am special and she wants to keep something to look forward for after marriage.

 

I will do it for her, but what's driving me crazy, is how can being special being a reason for doing that? IMO it doesn't make sense, but I really wish to see it from her POV to be able to make peace with it.

If your SO feels that you are the one as well, than maybe she is looking back at every other relationship and doesn't want to make the same mistakes. Or she may feel that since you are her soul mate, she wants to give the relationship all the gravity and reverence it deserves. If she was with other people casually, or even in a serious relationship before, she wants this to be different.

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