DivaDreamer

I'm lost

6 posts in this topic

Okay, this is probably not the best place to post about it but you guys are such great people and you give great advice too...I just wanna share really..

There is this guy I love...our relationship is chaos but I don't why I keep coming back to him, asking for more. I mean, we argue all day and he says I'm unbearable because I get jealous and it's true,I think I'm kinda abusive toward him because I'm always accusing him of cheating with his ex and I get mad if other women try to get close to him. Being together is like some kind of hell but I can't get awy from him. When we are together, I'm afraid to talk and i always have to watch what I say because the smallest thing i do annoy him, he even claims that i upset him on purpose. I'm trying to be a better girlfriend, but I'm failing...

I'm losing myself in this, I'm supposed to be a feminist yet I do everything he says, he kinda intimade me...if he shouts at me to shut up i do. He does those weird things, where if I piss him off, he gives me 2 warnings and if i don't listen he gets violent. I mean I understand when I'm annoying but sometimes I don't even know what i do that is annoying..

But I love him so much, sometimes I hate that I love him so much, and he says also that because it's not a one way thing sometimes I also get mad at him and scream, I mean I used to but now I don't want to upset him so thoses things that bother me I keep them inside.....I'm so ashamed of the way I let him treat me so i can't talk about it with my friend or family they think I'm so strong....

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Hi Divadreamer :)

 

Thank you very much for sharing this touchy matter with us...

Well, here is my opinion, and I do hope it will help you.

 

I think respect is a very fundamental thing when in a relationship.

And I do think it is really important to be able to be entirely yourself with the person you share a relationship with...

It is true that nobody is perfect, but I believe  there is someone who is close to the ideal mate you want to be with.

When reading your post, what I can see is he doesn't respect you. And I doubt if he loves you...

Moreover, you are not able to be entirely yourself . I quote :

 

"When we are together, I'm afraid to talk and i always have to watch what I say because the smallest thing i do annoy him, he even claims that i upset him on purpose. I'm trying to be a better girlfriend, but I'm failing...
:o
I'm losing myself in this,
" :o:wacko:

For me it is a WARNING  SIGNAL you are not in a healthy relationship...and actually...if you are writing this, you do know what is the best decision. But you're afraid to do so.The best decision is to end this relationship even if it will hurt a little in the beginning (it's natural)...but if you don't,  you just set yourself for greater and greater abuse and deception later.

It is obvious you are not blooming in this situation so get out of there !

Yes it is a difficult decision to make but if you don't you will certainly regret it later...

I do understand your feelings...but don't listen to what you feel...sometimes, your feelings can  lead you to the wrong way. Listen to what it is sensible and just and fair to do.

You don't deserve such a treatment.

 

Plus, he doesn't respect you and he dares to be violent with you... You don't have to go through this...it is totally unecessary.

If it is a hell now, it will be worse in the future.

For me, it is not love. I see a difference between love and feelings.

For me, the definition of love is this :

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 corinthians13v4-7

 

And clearly, you don't live this in your situation. So it is not true love. It is strong feelings and emotions, but certainly not love.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself :

Do you see yourself marry such a person?

If it happens you have children together, what will the future look like?

Do you want to live such a life? And impose this to your children?

 

In a healthy relationship, even if there are some misundertandings and you don't always agree, there is ALWAYS RESPECT ! ALWAYS !

May be you find hard to be not in a relationship but it is worse to be in unhealthy relationship.

 

Do you have a realistic list of what you want in a partner?

I'm sure you do. If not, do this list and compare with what you have...

If it doesn't match, leave. Because you won't be happy.

That is my opinion. I hope it helps and I pray for you.

post-41207-0-28895400-1445096497_thumb.jpost-41207-0-08647600-1445096519_thumb.j

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Amazing response Géraldine. I don´t think you can say it any better than that. Respect always comes first.

 

DivaDreamer: I also hope and pray for your happiness whatever it is the decision you make.

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In coming to us, you are clearly reaching out for help. But you don't need us to tell you that this is an unhealthy, dangerous relationship to be in. You are ashamed of the person you are when you are around him. He blames you for his violence. You hate the fact that you love him. This relationship is not something you can fix by being "a better girlfriend" (and what does that mean to him, anyway? Unquestioning submission to his abuse?). I think you know all this.

 

So then the question is not "can this relationship be saved?" The question is, why are you still with him? Why do you feel you are in love with him? What do you have to realize within yourself to leave for good? We cannot give you those answers, but if you are willing to talk with us, we can try to help you puzzle some of your feelings out.

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Hi Divadreamer :)

 

Thank you very much for sharing this touchy matter with us...

Well, here is my opinion, and I do hope it will help you.

 

I think respect is a very fundamental thing when in a relationship.

And I do think it is really important to be able to be entirely yourself with the person you share a relationship with...

It is true that nobody is perfect, but I believe  there is someone who is close to the ideal mate you want to be with.

When reading your post, what I can see is he doesn't respect you. And I doubt if he loves you...

Moreover, you are not able to be entirely yourself . I quote :

 

"When we are together, I'm afraid to talk and i always have to watch what I say because the smallest thing i do annoy him, he even claims that i upset him on purpose. I'm trying to be a better girlfriend, but I'm failing... :o

I'm losing myself in this," :o:wacko:

For me it is a WARNING  SIGNAL you are not in a healthy relationship...and actually...if you are writing this, you do know what is the best decision. But you're afraid to do so.The best decision is to end this relationship even if it will hurt a little in the beginning (it's natural)...but if you don't,  you just set yourself for greater and greater abuse and deception later.

It is obvious you are not blooming in this situation so get out of there !

Yes it is a difficult decision to make but if you don't you will certainly regret it later...

I do understand your feelings...but don't listen to what you feel...sometimes, your feelings can  lead you to the wrong way. Listen to what it is sensible and just and fair to do.

You don't deserve such a treatment.

 

Plus, he doesn't respect you and he dares to be violent with you... You don't have to go through this...it is totally unecessary.

If it is a hell now, it will be worse in the future.

For me, it is not love. I see a difference between love and feelings.

For me, the definition of love is this :

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 corinthians13v4-7

 

And clearly, you don't live this in your situation. So it is not true love. It is strong feelings and emotions, but certainly not love.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself :

Do you see yourself marry such a person?

If it happens you have children together, what will the future look like?

Do you want to live such a life? And impose this to your children?

 

In a healthy relationship, even if there are some misundertandings and you don't always agree, there is ALWAYS RESPECT ! ALWAYS !

May be you find hard to be not in a relationship but it is worse to be in unhealthy relationship.

 

Do you have a realistic list of what you want in a partner?

I'm sure you do. If not, do this list and compare with what you have...

If it doesn't match, leave. Because you won't be happy.

That is my opinion. I hope it helps and I pray for you.

attachicon.gifimages1.jpgattachicon.gifimages3.jpg

Amazing response Géraldine. I don´t think you can say it any better than that. Respect always comes first.

 

DivaDreamer: I also hope and pray for your happiness whatever it is the decision you make.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

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Oh honey, you know he isn't supposed to treat you like this. Love isn't violent or hurtful. Please, please talk to to your family and LEAVE him. Do it for yourself

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