Tom Chen

Cohabitation

12 posts in this topic

Hey everyone! I want to raise an interesting question and know what you all think about this subject. What are you views on cohabitation before marriage? Is it possible to and would you cohabit with someone you're dating and still wait for sex until marriage at the same time? Would you date someone that has cohabited with someone else before? Living together before marriage has become such a common practice in the world nowadays, let's discuss all the pros and cons, if it's right or wrong, and why or or why not.

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I'm against cohabitation, personally. Even if it's a situation where I'm not having sex, it gives others the impression that I am, and that's not an example that I want to give others. It also adds an extra level of temptation that doesn't need to be there.

 

As for dating someone who had cohabited in the past, it could potentially be a dealbreaker. Depends on the circumstances behind it, honestly.

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I am completely okay with cohabitation. Often times, it is more economically sensible.

I'm not bothered by the belief of others that we're having sex. For one, I am a 19 year old male. The entire world already thinks I'm having sex.

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Thinking objectively I could see the economic benefit however I believe it is outweighed by the drawbacks of temptation, the views of the community though we say that we don't really care what others think about us.

To add:

The idea of a partner having cohabitated in the past, well I'd say it's a dealbreaker for me, as I'd assume strongly that not only was she against waiting but had gone entirely against the moral fabric of the principle of waiting by "playing" married with a former partner.

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I don't see any issue with moving in together once you're engaged, but would discourage it before you and your partner have truly decided you want to be together forever. If it's really important for you to wait until the legal/religious ceremony, though, I'd recommend either having separate bedrooms, or at the very least a sofa bed, so temptation doesn't become an issue that makes you both miserable. I'd view my partner having lived with an ex the same way I'd view them having been married to an ex -- so it'd be a deal breaker.

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Thinking objectively I could see the economic benefit however I believe it is outweighed by the drawbacks of temptation, the views of the community though we say that we don't really care what others think about us.

To add:

The idea of a partner hatching cohabitated in the past, well I'd say it's a dealbreaker for me, as I'd assume strongly that not only was she against waiting but had gone entirely against the moral fabric of the principle of waiting by "playing" married with a former partner.

I agree 100%

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I'm against cohabitation, personally. Even if it's a situation where I'm not having sex, it gives others the impression that I am, and that's not an example that I want to give others. It also adds an extra level of temptation that doesn't need to be there.

 

As for dating someone who had cohabited in the past, it could potentially be a dealbreaker. Depends on the circumstances behind it, honestly.

 

Buster Cannon, I completely agree with your point of view regarding cohabitation. Seeing most people have responded that a history of cohabitation is a deal breaker and whereas you conclude that it depends on the circumstances behind the situation, could you articulate furthermore on this matter? I'm very interested in hearing what you have to say. It would be of great help to me, thanks!

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I think that cohabitation is a horrible idea. We should refrain from all appearances of evil so as not to lead others into sin. Plus, why tempt yourself? Is waiting not hard enough? Want to add another layer of "adventure"? When it comes to the benefit of cost savings, I still don't agree. Marriage has a litany of benefits, ranging from the physical (y'all know what I'm talking about  ;) ), the spiritual (having someone to partner with and show you the love that Christ has for the church), and the financial ( the cost benefit!) etc. " Playing house" allows for people to take advantage of the marriage status without having to make the commitment, and If I have chosen to protect the physical intimacy, I will also protect the other intimacies of marriage. If the "groom" had lived with someone before me, I feel like that shows a startling lack of continuity on his part, and I would have a lot of questions: why didn't it work out? why did you think she was the one? what does it say about you that you so easily rushed into such a commitment and then blatantly withdrew? My opinion, but thanks for the post. I'd never thought about it before  ^_^

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Buster Cannon, I completely agree with your point of view regarding cohabitation. Seeing most people have responded that a history of cohabitation is a deal breaker and whereas you conclude that it depends on the circumstances behind the situation, could you articulate furthermore on this matter? I'm very interested in hearing what you have to say. It would be of great help to me, thanks!

To be completely honest, in most cases it WOULD be a deal breaker for me. If it was a hypothetical situation where the person didn't have sex I might be able to overlook it, provided that they now realized that 'shacking up' is wrong. This doesn't happen too often however.

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I wouldn't want to because of the temptation. It's funny most of the time I tell a girl that I am waiting and she isn't she will bring up that she is against shacking up. All sin is wrong but some people point fingers and I believe that shacking up and staying loyal is actually closer to God's way than those having sex with different people without being in love

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I find myself torn on this subject. There are so many variables to this question that I can't give a straight yes or no answer.

Would I be willing to live with the woman I was dating?

Yes, plain and simple. But we would both have to agree to certain circumstances. We would have to be engaged, first of all, and it wouldn't be for the entirety of the engagement. If we were like a month out from getting married then I would say it's acceptable. We would also have to sleep in separate rooms. I strictly believe in waiting until marriage and even if my girlfriend wasn't a virgin she would have to understand how important waiting is to me.

Would I be willing to live with a woman who had previously lived with another ex?

This is where it gets tricky, because if she had lived with another man before she came to Christ I could totally see past her past. But if she had lived with another guy while she was a Christian I would question her principles and views. I would want to know pretty much everything about that situation and it would be a possible deal breaker, definitely a red flag. It has become pretty common for couples to live together nowadays and honestly, I don't want something that everyone else has. I want a relationship that's unique. I could honestly care less how other people would view our situation because they don't factor in to our happiness.

Many people brought up the situation of "playing married" but if two people fulfill all the duties of man and wife, they bear children, they raise them, the are committed to one another and forsake all others, they are financially, emotionally, and sexually dependent on one another, how are they not married in God's eyes? They fulfill every requirement of a husband and wife. My sister and her boyfriend have been dating for over 10 years now. They are not married, they have 2 children (9 & 3 months), they both contribute financially, emotionally, and physically to one another's needs and their children's needs, yet they are not married legally. A piece of paper shouldn't dictate whether or not a couple is married. That judgment is for God alone. Both of them are quasi-religious and believe in God. In each others eyes they've been married for years.

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