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Geraldine

How will you preserve both your purity and hers while dating?

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Hi folks !  :)  ;)

 

I was wondering...

Before you marry, how will you manage the relationship with your wife to be? With the woman you are (or will be)  in relationship with ?

 

I mean, you want to stay virgin till marriage, same with she..

What is your plan to achieve this during dating, courtship, engagement?

 

You are the leader, so she will trust you to set proper boundaries, I guess...

May be she will have also...

 

And both of you will be tempted by sex...

 

So...

 

Ok, I stay tuned and I am listening to you  :)

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I think I would generally take a two-step process:

(1) Don't have sex.

(2) Repeat as necessary.

 

If a woman needs me to set boundaries, then we probably aren't on the same page. It should go without saying that we'll stay celibate until marriage.

 

I think there's nothing wrong with exploring sexuality short of intercourse during engagement, prior to marriage. In fact, that's what I think I may do, unless someone convinces me otherwise. That way, we can get an understanding of each others' sexuality, while not taking away from our vow or saving the most intimate of intimacies for our marriage.

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I have three words for what my lady and I will do instead:

 

USE.

 

OUR.

 

IMAGINATIONS!

 

So, I will use the engagement (betrothal, whatever) with a lady to talk about EVERYTHING we plan our marriage to be like.  Sexuality will certainly be a huge piece of this, so there will be a lot of planning on what kinds of desires, explorations, and expectations we will each set for sex.  Imagination will also, imho, ENHANCE the anticipation and hope for the reality that will quickly become imminent and intimate.  Common discussions would include: "Have you ever wanted to try this?", "Would you like it if I did that?", "I always wanted to make love like so," "Does my body measure up to your standards?  Is it possible to improve it?"  "How frequently do you want sex?  Can you handle me?" It would be ill-advised to hold ANYTHING back during this time, otherwise after disclosing about so much elsewhere, disappointment can get very real...

 

Using our imaginations would also double as a sign of whether or not we were sexually compatible without having to "try each other out."  It is also a great time to figure out whether or not we should even get married in the first place.

 

Also, if I find a woman CANNOT even talk about these things, it is a good sign that she won't be able to be intimate physically.  She can't even TALK about it!  I mean, gimmie a break!  A married couple is expected to be naked and so close that the man is inside a woman.  I can talk with my friends about sex for cryin' out loud.  Marriage is not rated-G.  Using the imagination is a great opportunity to probe for the necessary maturity a person needs to be married...

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Personally, I plan to set clear boundaries for the relationship and stick to them. I'm probably considered a little old-fashioned, but I believe in keeping the physical intimacy to a minimum pre-marriage (for me that'd be no kissing).

Of course later on in the relationship we could talk about expectations in the area of married sex, but no physical lines will be crossed until the wedding night.

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I think the best thing to do is not to make the temptation bigger than it already is, and to trust that both are in the same place as waiters.

 

There's a reason why both have resisted for as long as each has, so lean on each other's strength. She will have had the strength to say no before me, and I have had the strength to say no before her...so I think there should be less pressure on the two in my opinion. So continue to respect the resistance each has brought to the relationship. Don't willingly lower your guards. You're still categorized as each other's temptation to avoid until you're married.

 

 

As the man, I'd enforce the "no actively tempting each other" rule. As you point out Géraldine, there will be enough temptation naturally burning within both of you so there's no need to fuel the fire. Ideas like:

 

- Kiss, but no smooches (or french kisses)

- Touch, but with certain areas **off limits**

- Cuddle, but no lap sitting or spooning

- Flirt, but no seduction

- Talk about sex (as done here), but maybe avoid graphic details. There's plenty of time for details / "show & tell" later

- Avoid being alone with each other if your desires are too strong

 

In other words, don't intend to do anything that would actively engage each other's nether regions lol. Respect the person who is still not your spouse. And when the flames naturally get too high, separate for a time. I don't mean break up, but take some "me" time to do something else until you both cool down. Put a little space between you:

 

- Conclude for the day and each go home (if together)

- Take a day off from messaging each other

- Hang out with friends or family

- Surf the web

- Get some work done

- Do whatever you did when you were single (except looking for someone else), knowing you have your person.

 

She and I would be on the final leg of a pretty long endurance race, with the finish line just in reach, so there's no need to sabotage each other when we're almost done; losing it before we've make it. So with this rule I think dating/courtship should flow just fine for the two.

 

...but it remains to be seen.

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Hey ! Thank you very much guys for your answers...

I will feel very very secure to date someone who shares the same vision as Buster Cannon...

I see like him..."little old fashionned" ahah : very good, I do like  it :)

 

And I agree with you Joshua : this person is not our spouse yet...so we have to act carefully...

 

Plus, if you gave some part of your body before marrying this person and then, you finaly break with this person...you will have regret to not have preserve all of you for the person you marry at last.

I want to give full of me to my husband. Only him will have the rigth to touch me...Because he put the ring on it :P;)

I agree with Buster Cannon and Joshua

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I am not really tempted on such circumstances; I think there will be much more to express, to talk, etc. before sex. Love, thoughts, views, hugs, kisses, cuddles, humour, etc.

So, I see it positively; there is a whole lot of things to do!

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Again, late to the party:

 

So the question of purity.. the question I always ask is "What is Purity?"

 

Is purity simply not having sex or is purity a lifestyle?

What I mean is:

 

Do you remain pure or do you become pure?

I'm not sure if it's been said but the thought of "remain pure until marriage" does that mean once you're married you're no longer pure?

 

Why is sex destroying your purity?

 

Purity is the idea that one is living a clean and sinless life, in that respect none of us no matter how hard we try are pure. Purity however is gained when one asks for redemption..

 

I think the better question is, how can you and the one you love remain a virgin until you are married.

You don't lose purity on your wedding night, you only lose your virginity.

 

So how do you preserve your virginity until marriage?

You get married as soon as possible.

That's how. :)

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I quite agree on this topic of purity with you. I simply believe virginity is the consequence of purity. And you have to preserve the both before you marry(for a Christian) and you keep on preserving purity inside your marriage...after giving your virginity:-)

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