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Buster Cannon

Obliviousness and Missed Signals

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So I'm reading the "how would you react as a man if a woman started to pursue you" thread in the 'ask the guys' section, and the the subject of showing interest came up. My question is, what do you do if a guy doesn't reciprocate? Do you just assume that he isn't interested and move on entirely? Or do you hope that the guy eventually catches on at some point?

I ask because I've been in multiple situations where a woman has shown interest and it completely flew over my head, often to the point where I don't 'get it' until much later. I can be pretty oblivious when it comes to things dealing with romance, to the point that I feel like I'd have to get slapped in the face for me to figure it out lol

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I waited a year for my boyfriend to "get it." I had actually decided to finally move on the day before he asked me out. Lucky for him that you can't erase romantic interest in 24 hours.  :lol:

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So I'm reading the "how would you react as a man if a woman started to pursue you" thread in the 'ask the guys' section, and the the subject of showing interest came up. My question is, what do you do if a guy doesn't reciprocate? Do you just assume that he isn't interested and move on entirely? Or do you hope that the guy eventually catches on at some point?

I ask because I've been in multiple situations where a woman has shown interest and it completely flew over my head, often to the point where I don't 'get it' until much later. I can be pretty oblivious when it comes to things dealing with romance, to the point that I feel like I'd have to get slapped in the face for me to figure it out lol

 

Well I recommend that you learn how to read body language. One of things I notice when reading body language is that you will pick up clues of what the person is saying even though he or she doesn't actually say it. It will take practice but eventually you'll know what to do. To start I recommend reading books about body language and people watch in the mall.

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So I'm reading the "how would you react as a man if a woman started to pursue you" thread in the 'ask the guys' section, and the the subject of showing interest came up. My question is, what do you do if a guy doesn't reciprocate? Do you just assume that he isn't interested and move on entirely? Or do you hope that the guy eventually catches on at some point?

I ask because I've been in multiple situations where a woman has shown interest and it completely flew over my head, often to the point where I don't 'get it' until much later. I can be pretty oblivious when it comes to things dealing with romance, to the point that I feel like I'd have to get slapped in the face for me to figure it out lol

 

Very good question.  You will find that there is NOTHING WRONG with YOU!  I find that MOST, if not indeed ALL MEN experience this.  I will follow up with another important supplemental question to "ask the ladies" after referencing the following quote:

 

 

I waited a year for my boyfriend to "get it." I had actually decided to finally move on the day before he asked me out. Lucky for him that you can't erase romantic interest in 24 hours.  :lol:

 

Concerning this post above, I can't help myself.  This happens to ladies SO OFTEN!  I have a very important question to ask the ladies, specifically, therefore...

 

Are you ready?  Here it goes.  Be warned; it is blunt:

 

If a lady's "signals" are THAT INEFFECTIVE, why do women keep trying to use them to probe for interest in a man?

 

Stay tuned after the ladies chime in with their answers.  I have an alternative methodology and explanation to what happens with the common "signals" that women seem to throw away all the time...

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@recoveringleft

That's the thing, when it comes to other people I can read attraction signals like a Dr. Suess book. When it involves me I tend to be a lot slower in picking it up. I may catch something here or there, but I'll think "nah, she probably didn't mean it that way" and it's out of my head.

The worst example I can think of is from back in high school. One of my classmates left me a really nice note in my yearbook, along with her phone number. I really didn't think much of it until I found myself looking through my yearbook YEARS later and I'm like:

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@Steadfast

Well, it's good that you were willing to wait that long! I'm curious as to how long on average it takes for the attraction window to expire when the woman's hints aren't getting through. It would kind of suck if the woman moves on when you're just figuring out that she was interested in the first place.

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Concerning this post above, I can't help myself.  This happens to ladies SO OFTEN!  I have a very important question to ask the ladies, specifically, therefore...

 

Are you ready?  Here it goes.  Be warned; it is blunt:

 

If a lady's "signals" are THAT INEFFECTIVE, why do women keep trying to use them to probe for interest in a man?

 

Stay tuned after the ladies chime in with their answers.  I have an alternative methodology and explanation to what happens with the common "signals" that women seem to throw away all the time...

 

Well, in my specific case, I was 15 years old and had never so much as been flirted with before (unless I was missing some signals of my own...). I was basically a puddle of shyness and self-consciousness. My "signals" mostly consisted of being a good friend, never missing the opportunity to talk to him or hug him, and throwing in the occasional "<3" when we were IMing. I don't really blame my boyfriend for taking so long.  :D If I were starting over now, many years later, I would not be as passive as I was.

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I waited a year for my boyfriend to "get it." I had actually decided to finally move on the day before he asked me out. Lucky for him that you can't erase romantic interest in 24 hours.  :lol:

 

Aaah, why are all your stories so cute?  ^_^

 

If a guy I'm interested doesn't seem to be picking up on my signals, I generally just keep trying. Sometimes I will keep using the same techniques until either he shows interest, he confirms that he's not interested, or I stop being interested in him. Other times, I get frustrated and try to be more obvious, which ends up breaking our friendship if he's not interested, which in turn makes me more cautious next time. I'm pretty much caught in an endless cycle of be brave - bravery didn't work so be subtle - subtlety didn't work so be brave :P

 

When I'm feeling shy, I can be extremely patient, to the point of waiting 1-2 years before giving up. Otherwise, I only wait a couple of months or so before moving on to more obvious signals.

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Very good question.  You will find that there is NOTHING WRONG with YOU!  I find that MOST, if not indeed ALL MEN experience this.  I will follow up with another important supplemental question to "ask the ladies" after referencing the following quote:

 

 

 

Concerning this post above, I can't help myself.  This happens to ladies SO OFTEN!  I have a very important question to ask the ladies, specifically, therefore...

 

Are you ready?  Here it goes.  Be warned; it is blunt:

 

If a lady's "signals" are THAT INEFFECTIVE, why do women keep trying to use them to probe for interest in a man?

 

Stay tuned after the ladies chime in with their answers.  I have an alternative methodology and explanation to what happens with the common "signals" that women seem to throw away all the time...

"I have an alternative methodology and explanation to what happens with the common "signals" that women seem to throw away all the time..."

Interesting :)

Can you explain please...^^ ?

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Ha! I fell you man! I was so oblivious in high school one of the prettiest girls told me she liked me and I thought she was joking. Another asked me who did I like and I did not realize that she wanted me to say her until I graduated lol

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Yeah, I'm bad at flirting...

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Samaye, LOL. But if they are just like that, they will most probably get it :) . It isn't that hard to understand; just make them clear that they aren't in the friendzone (there is a higher chance of getting mistaken, too).
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Samaye, LOL. But if they are just like that, they will most probably get it :) . It isn't that hard to understand; just make them clear that they aren't in the friendzone (there is a higher chance of getting mistaken, too).

I have become alot more blunt, as I've gotten older, and alot less flirty. But usually when guys flirt with me, it goes over my head. So I'm in the same boat as Buster. :lol:

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I have become alot more blunt, as I've gotten older, and alot less flirty. But usually when guys flirt with me, it goes over my head. So I'm in the same boat as Buster. :lol:

Hmm, don't feel older; just think you are a teenage girl and I think it should work well. Or appreciate their flirts :)

 

You look so cute, I wish it works well with guys. :P

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Hmm, don't feel older; just think you are a teenage girl and I think it should work well. Or appreciate their flirts :)

 

You look so cute, I wish it works well with guys. :P

Thank you! But I never really acted like a teenage girl even when I was a teenage girl :lol: Hopefully, someday, some guy will get my weirdness :D

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I've been trying to catch this guy in my class for a couple of months (I'm failing so far). But I'm not going to give up until he gives me signals to stop, he finds a girlfriend or we now longer see each other. I think I'm like a lot of women, we don't give up easy but we find it hard to make the first move.

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I've been trying to catch this guy in my class for a couple of months (I'm failing so far). But I'm not going to give up until he gives me signals to stop, he finds a girlfriend or we now longer see each other. I think I'm like a lot of women, we don't give up easy but we find it hard to make the first move.

 

What signals are you giving him that have apparently have NOT worked so far...???

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What signals are you giving him that have apparently have NOT worked so far...???

 

I try to flirt with him by finding an excuse to touch him. We always talk about things we both love (we have heaps in common). I go out of my way to help him. I try to laugh at his dorky jokes (he's adorkable XD). What else can I do? All suggestions are welcome.

 

I don't know, maybe he isn't into me XD I'm socially inept but not ugly.

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I try to flirt with him by finding an excuse to touch him. We always talk about things we both love (we have heaps in common). I go out of my way to help him. I try to laugh at his dorky jokes (he's adorkable XD). What else can I do? All suggestions are welcome.

 

I don't know, maybe he isn't into me XD I'm socially inept but not ugly.

 

None of what you wrote is clear enough to make sure a man knows that you are interested imho.  These things can easily be interpreted as mearly: "friendly."  You are leaving the ball in the man's court doing this, so-to-speak, and you might just remain a good friend...

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None of what you wrote is clear enough to make sure a man knows that you are interested imho.  These things can easily be interpreted as mearly: "friendly."  You are leaving the ball in the man's court doing this, so-to-speak, and you might just remain a good friend...

Yeah, I guess you're right. It's so hard for women to show men they're interested without looking crazy or desperate. I'd take his friendship in any form.

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For the guys - what are some things that a girl could do to make you realise that she is interested? I'm in this situation at the moment and want to make my feelings known without being awkward or creepy! Any advice would be appreciated.

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For the guys - what are some things that a girl could do to make you realise that she is interested? I'm in this situation at the moment and want to make my feelings known without being awkward or creepy! Any advice would be appreciated.

Hmm, let's see what Derp says:

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Straightaway telling them is the less confusing, most clear, obvious but not always the best, solution. I, personally, wouldn't like to believe in anything else, because she could still claim that 'I did X because we thought we are friends' (where X is any activity we have done together), etc.

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Sometimes, listening, watching eyes to eyes while exchanging smiles (generally, if it is otherwise, it would be either of them showing an awkward gesture), random smiles, deeper but not cold questions (like what do you think about flowering grasses, but not why should a Lorentz curve be always under perfect distribution, or, do I believe that things are really Paleto optimizable) the would suggest that, at least to me, as well. I take this as a sign that her interest is a possibility, but not as something necessarily implying that she's interested, because, she can still claim that "I thought we were just friends".

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Here is just one of many things to ask to get things moving:

 

Ask: "Do you have a girlfriend (are you in a relationship, is there a woman in your life, etc.)?"  Wait for his reply.  If it is anything resembling "no," then say something CLEAR like: "I like you, and I wanted to go <do this neat activity>, just you and I.  You want to do that with me?"  The rest of the conversation should be quite natural after that.

 

You see how clear that was?  The reason ladies don't know how to do this is because they wait for the man to do all the hard work.  Well, you KNOW how to do it, you just don't want to be REJECTED.  You wait for him to be rejected by you.  That's so LAMMMMME!!!  Why should men get rejected all the time?  Take the same risk you want the man to take for you when in pursuit.  Either take the risk, or go without watching another man "get away."

 

Also, if he is with his buddies, it is even better to ask him then.  Guys like feelin' like they can "get the girl" and show the whole thing off to his buddies at the same time.

 

Also, don't let religious people destroy this advice.  A lot of people, for example, try to use biblical references to support that all men must chase girls.  They make a huge mistake because they are misinterpreting men as leaders of households as extensions into finding a mate.  Let's go one thing at a time please for crissakes.  They often love quoting 6 literal days of creation in genesis, but can't turn one more page and note that God Himself brought Eve to Adam (there are several other examples throughout the canon).  Therefore, even from a biblical standpoint, there is no reason why this thread should be suppressed...

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i'm the same way. in my case, i just don't like complicated things so i tend to see life in black and white terms.  if i can't physically see something, then it's not there. lol

 i don't do small details, suble cues, passiveness etc.

 

if i'm being approached by several men i only notice the aggressive ones and those are the ones who ultimately get my attention and respect.

i try to look at it this way:

if a guy is risking getting his ego hurt to get close to me, he deserves respect for that courage and balls alone lol

the passive ones either don't like you enough or they're more interested in protecting their own heart/pride.

some people don't realize that in love, wishy-washy attitudes won't get them that far.

 

that girl who left you her number in your yearbook, she definitely liked you. try calling her maybe if you wanna make something happen with her cuz you never know lol

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