Geraldine

Testimony of Shelley Luben ex porn star

18 posts in this topic

Wow! Thanks for sharing!

 

That was such an incredible testimony! 

 

Porn is so degrading to women and people in general, society needs to wake up!  and men especially we need to step up, every click contributes to human suffering , but some people still think it´s harmless.

Porn only feeds lust of the eyes and of the flesh ; which are never satisfied. It enslaves people to their own cravings. Plus it changes the way we view women.

 

It was amazing when she talked about how the Lord works in mysterious ways and about how her husband was the first man to talk to her in the eyes and not the body. She couldn't even love herself during that dark period of her life.

It is also really sad when she says that 90% of them are on drugs in order to cope. It really ruins people.

 

I found this video also:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb3bJSqcFw0

 

(The story is amazing but really hard to hear, thank God she is doing ok now)

 

We need to keep on spreading the truth.

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Dear WTM community:

 

I'm going to chime in here.  Once again, I will be hated for bringing this into a greater perspective.  However, I must do something, because I don't think anyone else will.  It might as well be the guy that is already known for telling you good things you don't like instead of someone who is already liked and doesn't want to hurt that image.

 

Complaining about people who go without sex that watch porn is completely analogous to complaining that a starving person has stolen food to eat.  In the same way, I think that if you want to get people to stop watching porn, you have to offer them methods to acquire a real serious relationship that will eventually make sex a more ideal reality for them.

 

I got news for you.  No matter HOW MANY TIMES people say that porn is evil, it WON'T stop the porn epidemic.  That's because the primal instincts for sex are just as ingrained as our primal instincts to eat.  The only thing it will achieve is making a person feel even worse about something they REALLY WANT TO STOP, but they cannot.  The problem isn't that people don't know that porn is evil and destroys lives, its that people don't offer something good in return as a replacement.  This is completely analogous to yelling at a person for stealing the food that he really needed to eat.  Frankly, yelling at the person for stealing the food just makes them feel worse.  If you wanted to truly help the starving, don't yell at them for stealing.  Instead, offer them some food for crissakes!!!

 

If you are unwilling to offer a porn addict something sexually better, then I don't think you have the right to complain about anything.  If you are a woman, for example, that complains about a man's porn addiction without offering him at least a path to marriage in return, then you won't solve the problem.

 

By the way, before people attack my credibility for "keepin' it real," I should probably defend myself ahead-of-time.  I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH PORN.

 

Yours truly,

 

GodsPhysicist (the guy that "keeps it real")

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GodsPhysicist I am not sure your reason's for waiting or if you are a strong Christian but porn is definitely sinful and definitely addictive. All lust is sinful. My personal reason for waiting is because I do not want to sin. If that is your reason i do not believe you should watch porn. 

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Hmm..I see where you're going with this Godsphysicist (i.e. "don't judge others"), and I agree 100%. But...while sex is a primal instinct, people won't die if they don't have sex you know (unlike they will if they don't eat)? So watching porn is not really analogous with stealing food to eat if one's starving. It's more so analogous with smoking or drinking as in, it's unnecessary for maintaining one's life but once engaged it becomes an addition.

 

I think the effort isn't to attack those who are victims of porn, but to stop porn from making new victims.

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I got news for you.  No matter HOW MANY TIMES people say that porn is evil, it WON'T stop the porn epidemic.  That's because the primal instincts for sex are just as ingrained as our primal instincts to eat.  The only thing it will achieve is making a person feel even worse about something they REALLY WANT TO STOP, but they cannot.  The problem isn't that people don't know that porn is evil and destroys lives, its that people don't offer something good in return as a replacement.  This is completely analogous to yelling at a person for stealing the food that he really needed to eat.  Frankly, yelling at the person for stealing the food just makes them feel worse.  If you wanted to truly help the starving, don't yell at them for stealing.  Instead, offer them some food for crissakes!!!

 

If you are unwilling to offer a porn addict something sexually better, then I don't think you have the right to complain about anything.  If you are a woman, for example, that complains about a man's porn addiction without offering him at least a path to marriage in return, then you won't solve the problem.

 

This logic only follows through if most men stop watching porn after they enter a sexual relationship. That is simply not the case. A minority of men even get addicted to porn to the point where they begin preferring it over their real-life partner, and it destroys their relationship. It isn't as simple as getting someone to stop digging through trash by giving them a filet mignon. And what would offering someone a "path to marriage" even mean?

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GodsPhysicist I am not sure your reason's for waiting or if you are a strong Christian but porn is definitely sinful and definitely addictive. All lust is sinful. My personal reason for waiting is because I do not want to sin. If that is your reason i do not believe you should watch porn. 

 

Did you just not only question my status as a waiter, but also my faith in Jesus Christ?  It is a very good thing that you are unable to try that with me in person; it would have changed you forever...

 

You also have horrible reading comprehension.  I put in HUGE CAPITAL LETTERS JUST LIKE THESE that I don't have a problem with porn.  WTF?  I cannot make it any clearer.  Please do not gossip again about problems I don't even have.

 

Hmm..I see where you're going with this Godsphysicist (i.e. "don't judge others"), and I agree 100%. But...while sex is a primal instinct, people won't die if they don't have sex you know (unlike they will if they don't eat)? So watching porn is not really analogous with stealing food to eat if one's starving. It's more so analogous with smoking or drinking as in, it's unnecessary for maintaining one's life but once engaged it becomes an addition.

 

I think the effort isn't to attack those who are victims of porn, but to stop porn from making new victims.

 

No, I wasn't trying to write about judging other people.  Allow me to truncate the main idea of my reply: I think it is better to offer something GOOD in place of evil that we would like to defeat instead of describing how evil something is.  There is no reason to go after evil if GOOD is indeed better.

 

Actually, sexual activity is a STATISTICAL NEED.  The individual member of a species doesn't die without reproduction, but that member's genetic combination dies with it if reproduction fails.  While it is true that if no one ever had sex again, the species would become extinct; but that is not going to happen, right, heh?  One thing that HAS already happened, however, is that smart people don't have as many kids as stupid people.  So, if we don't want "stupid genes" dominating the genepool, frankly, we absolutely NEED to get smart people to have more sex and more kids than dumb people.  It is the only way!  Marry your local nerd today, our children LITERALLY depend on it !!!  Our increasing scientific age begs for an overhaul of the genepool, and, to be completely blunt, this is the 21st century.  We simply can't afford this crap anymore.

 

So yes, sex IS a NEED.  Albeit, however, it is a STATISTICAL one.  But, the point is still well-taken in context because it would absolutely be better for people to have real sex than to expose themselves to porn.  I am personally ready whenever women get their respective acts together, which is rather unfair, heh, because I don't even watch porn to hold me over...

 

I suppose I should guess that no one is really going to solve any of these problems after all, and my intellectual brethren and I will simply die of sexual starvation in a few generations.  I hope Western culture is proud of what it has done to the people that brought them the most progress...

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Wow! Thanks for sharing!

 

That was such an incredible testimony! 

 

Porn is so degrading to women and people in general, society needs to wake up!  and men especially we need to step up, every click contributes to human suffering , but some people still think it´s harmless.

Porn only feeds lust of the eyes and of the flesh ; which are never satisfied. It enslaves people to their own cravings. Plus it changes the way we view women.

 

It was amazing when she talked about how the Lord works in mysterious ways and about how her husband was the first man to talk to her in the eyes and not the body. She couldn't even love herself during that dark period of her life.

It is also really sad when she says that 90% of them are on drugs in order to cope. It really ruins people.

 

I found this video also:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kb3bJSqcFw0

 

(The story is amazing but really hard to hear, thank God she is doing ok now)

 

We need to keep on spreading the truth.

THank you very much Javier!

I didn't see yet the video you put in the link...

 

Edit : I saw the testimony... Very IMPACTING also ! Thank you very much for sharing this...yeah...we must spread the Gospel of Jesus-Christ : He saves and heals

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One thing that HAS already happened, however, is that smart people don't have as many kids as stupid people. So, if we don't want "stupid genes" dominating the genepool, frankly, we absolutely NEED to get smart people to have more sex and more kids than dumb people. It is the only way! Marry your local nerd today, our children LITERALLY depend on it !!! Our increasing scientific age begs for an overhaul of the genepool, and, to be completely blunt, this is the 21st century. We simply can't afford this crap anymore.

Yes, I agree with you, here; smart people have less sex and reproduce less, because, they want to have their time to improve their smarts, but the others have quite a lot of time left without that - those who do not improve, and they invest it in sex. And still, they get the 'majority representation' in a democracy. You know what I mean.

I don't have a problem with porn per se, either. Porn addiction is more dependant on how someone is already addicted to, the type of porn they watch, etc. It is just that they have to be careful with not getting addicted to it. Sure, there are many kind of porn - a romantic ones with realistic sex (slow), for example, portraying the erotica in a gentle way, and the passion and emotions get really expressed in face, or, a violent gangbang with enhanced/fake boobs (seriously, sometimes they even look heavier than the people they belong to) where sex is like a racing sport and they scream the same all the time like a dog that got its leg hit, or, a singing donkey. The latter also leads to unrealistic expectations like large boobs, for which they go for expensive surgeries with high maintenance costs (and risks).

I don't think sex for pleasure is a need for an individual. I also don't think being a waiter while watching porn is hypocritical; it is just like a person who supports banning guns, playing GTA V, or someone who is opposed to violent killings playing GTA V.

And, by the way, sex is no longer a need to reproduce (but still will continue to be the main method of reproduction in humans); there are methods to bypass it and reproduce, and they are becoming cheaper. Just saying, a good news for asexuals.

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I suppose I should guess that no one is really going to solve any of these problems after all, and my intellectual brethren and I will simply die of sexual starvation in a few generations.  I hope Western culture is proud of what it has done to the people that brought them the most progress...

 

I don't get what you mean by this. Whose problem is it to solve, if not the individuals who are trying to find a partner?

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 we absolutely NEED to get smart people to have more sex and more kids than dumb people.  It is the only way!  Marry your local nerd today, our children LITERALLY depend on it !!!  Our increasing scientific age begs for an overhaul of the genepool, and, to be completely blunt, this is the 21st century. 

 

:D:lol::P

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Did you just not only question my status as a waiter, but also my faith in Jesus Christ?  It is a very good thing that you are unable to try that with me in person; it would have changed you forever...

 

You also have horrible reading comprehension.  I put in HUGE CAPITAL LETTERS JUST LIKE THESE that I don't have a problem with porn.  WTF?  I cannot make it any clearer.  Please do not gossip again about problems I don't even have.

 

 

No, I wasn't trying to write about judging other people.  Allow me to truncate the main idea of my reply: I think it is better to offer something GOOD in place of evil that we would like to defeat instead of describing how evil something is.  There is no reason to go after evil if GOOD is indeed better.

 

Actually, sexual activity is a STATISTICAL NEED.  The individual member of a species doesn't die without reproduction, but that member's genetic combination dies with it if reproduction fails.  While it is true that if no one ever had sex again, the species would become extinct; but that is not going to happen, right, heh?  One thing that HAS already happened, however, is that smart people don't have as many kids as stupid people.  So, if we don't want "stupid genes" dominating the genepool, frankly, we absolutely NEED to get smart people to have more sex and more kids than dumb people.  It is the only way!  Marry your local nerd today, our children LITERALLY depend on it !!!  Our increasing scientific age begs for an overhaul of the genepool, and, to be completely blunt, this is the 21st century.  We simply can't afford this crap anymore.

 

So yes, sex IS a NEED.  Albeit, however, it is a STATISTICAL one.  But, the point is still well-taken in context because it would absolutely be better for people to have real sex than to expose themselves to porn.  I am personally ready whenever women get their respective acts together, which is rather unfair, heh, because I don't even watch porn to hold me over...

 

I suppose I should guess that no one is really going to solve any of these problems after all, and my intellectual brethren and I will simply die of sexual starvation in a few generations.  I hope Western culture is proud of what it has done to the people that brought them the most progress...

 

You can take "I don't have a problem with porn" more than one way. I thought you meant that you don't have a problem with it because it is not that bad of a thing compared to sex  and.... I think you did? I was asking If you were Christian because I don't know. No disrespect or shade was thrown on purpose buddy. 

 

For Christians -

The people performing the act of porn are definitely sinning.

You are sinning if you are lustfully watching it. (If you can watch and not lust wow! Unless you are a girl maybe.)

It is very addictive and you feel the need to watch all the time (been there but conquered it)

I personally felt so convicted by the spirit from trying to look at porn that I was shacking and nervous. and when I went to a club with naked women I almost had to leave because i felt a literal burning in chest

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You can take "I don't have a problem with porn" more than one way. I thought you meant that you don't have a problem with it because it is not that bad of a thing compared to sex  and.... I think you did? I was asking If you were Christian because I don't know. No disrespect or shade was thrown on purpose buddy. 

 

For Christians -

The people performing the act of porn are definitely sinning.

You are sinning if you are lustfully watching it. (If you can watch and not lust wow! Unless you are a girl maybe.)

It is very addictive and you feel the need to watch all the time (been there but conquered it)

I personally felt so convicted by the spirit from trying to look at porn that I was shacking and nervous. and when I went to a club with naked women I almost had to leave because i felt a literal burning in chest

 

0mg!  I am so quick-on-the-trigger, heh.  Sorry...

 

Since I wrote something in CAPITAL LETTERS that got misunderstood in a justified way I didn't anticipate (lulz), I should clarify again:

 

I THINK PORN IS WRONG, AND I WOULD RATHER HAVE THE HOLY SPIRIT INSTEAD...

 

(Man, I really hope people don't think I watch porn now, heh.  Hopefully, they read this reply too.)

 

Sorry for the confusion, 0mg!  I really need to work on my communication skills...

 

Seriously, brutha, the last two points I seriously relate to also.  The Holy Spirit gives me experiences in place of pornography, and I would rather have the Holy Spirit now.  I read you clear as day on that one.

 

Concerning a "strip club," someone took me to one a long time ago.  It was the most AWKWARD EXPERIENCE ever!  I couldn't tell who was using who!  Was it the strippers gettin' the "boner zombies" to throw out dolla billz?  OR, was it the "boner zombies" using the strippers?  Well, that's perversion for you, you can't tell who is using who, I guess.  BUT!  I was the only one there that wanted to know what a lady's name was, what her favorite color was, etc.  When I smiled at one, and she gave me this PIERCING look like as if she were saying: "Smiles don't pay the BILLS, HONEY!"  But, I didn't want to USE her, so, I was clearly in the wrong place.  It is WAY different in-person at a "titty bar."  I couldn't remove the humanity from the ladies like everyone else could drooling on the runway drunk...

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Dear WTM community:

 

I'm going to chime in here.  Once again, I will be hated for bringing this into a greater perspective.  However, I must do something, because I don't think anyone else will.  It might as well be the guy that is already known for telling you good things you don't like instead of someone who is already liked and doesn't want to hurt that image.

 

 

The only thing it will achieve is making a person feel even worse about something they REALLY WANT TO STOP, but they cannot.  The problem isn't that people don't know that porn is evil and destroys lives, its that people don't offer something good in return as a replacement.  

 

If you are unwilling to offer a porn addict something sexually better, then I don't think you have the right to complain about anything.  

 

 

 

GodsPhysicist (the guy that "keeps it real")

 

What a wonderful martyr you are. Maybe some day we will attain your "greater perspective"......

 

Did you just say that a porn user cannot stop using porn?? wow 

 

The sexually better alternative to porn (beyond real sex)....is not using porn! And there are any number of former addicts, and scientific research, that back that up! Porn use causes sexual dysfunction and also impairs other avenues of life. I recommend you read up on the literature.

 

 

Did you just not only question my status as a waiter, but also my faith in Jesus Christ?  It is a very good thing that you are unable to try that with me in person; it would have changed you forever...

 

There is no reason to go after evil if GOOD is indeed better.

 

So it has come to veiled threats has it? or maybe not so veiled....Nothing speaks louder of being a Christian than counting someone lucky that you can't show them just how Christian you really are!

 

If you are a Bible believer (or should I say Holy Spirit believer?), then by definition pursuing "the good" will always be "better" than "the evil" even if this means dying because of it. People pursue inferior activities because if ignorance, weakness of the will, self-harming pleasure seeking, problems with embracing delayed gratification, et cetera

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Yikes; someone doesn't like me at all, do they?  I could comment about each point, but I couldn't get passed that it was simply a lot of words for: someone doesn't like me.  Also, I am not sure the above poster read my latest reply; maybe that poster will like it better.  Well, I am not so sure what my credibility has to do with my point.  However, I hope everyone can get passed me (or Gordon Freeman, heh) and just view the main point: that we must offer good in place of the evil we are trying to remove...

 

I've never met anyone who "kicked the porn habit" because someone told them what it was doing to OTHERS.  I only saw people overcome when they replaced the habits with something much much better in their lives.  The reason I posted at all is because I want to protect those trying to "kick the porn habit" who need more than just being told how evil it is over and over.  I don't want them to feel even more horrible or attacked because no one gave them any POSITIVE reinforcement.  This is NEGATIVE reinforcement.  We need to offer them something better.  The one's trying to "kick the habit" already KNEW it was bad, they just needed something else better.  This is not only in the literature that maybe some don't realize I probably know more than they do, but, in fact, comes from real world examples both with my own personal relationships and other less familiar ones...

 

Also, from a greater perspective that at least one person expects from this, there is an even greater reason to be careful about this stuff here.  This is a WTM community.  People are waiting for sex.  Seriously, we need to leave waiters alone.  They have already sacrificed enough, haven't they?  We don't keep picking on the sins of waiters until their humanity is gone.  Not-to-mention, none of you are porn stars if you are telling the truth as waiters.  We need to encourage one another to find ways to make fulfilling and satisfying and even valuable sex more of a reality for everyone here.  The goal is to HAVE good sex, not to AVOID bad sex.

 

Let me give a neat example of the difference I am trying to present here:

 

A counterfeit expert is actually not trained to study multitudes and multitudes of counterfeit $100 bills.  That's too inductive, and becomes an "arms race," of sorts.  The expert is instead trained to study the ACTUAL $100 bill in totality.  That way, when ANY counterfeit bill comes along, it will be spotted as inconsistent with the authentic bill.  In the same way, I think it would be more effective for all of us to focus on healthy sexuality on marriage.  If we focus on all the the things wrong with sexuality today, we will get into serious trouble.  It's even worse than the counterfeit expert's position because none of us (if we aren't trolling) have even "studied or even SEEN the real $100 bill," as it were.  Eventually everything we are exposed to in sexuality is wrong if this isn't corrected.  This is bad, that is bad?  Well, seriously, tell us something RIGHT about sexuality.  Here's one: you guys are waiting for it, good job!

 

I am not going to let people who have sacrificed so much in their own sexuality be lied to about how bad it is before they even enjoy it if I can help it.  Here's a few facts:  Most people aren't raped, most people aren't porn stars, most people enjoy sex...etc.etc.  Let's focus on what GOOD sex is and focus on how to get that in the context of waiting for what it is worth to us...

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I'm going to have to give it to Godsphycisist on this one.

 

Even if watching pornography is wrong on many levels, let's face the facts here. Regardless of who we are, all of us want to experience intimacy for our drive in one way or another. For the person who feels isolated and alone, porn is something like a numbing factor for that self-hatred. It's a way to eliminate the drive for a night, sleep well and get back to work the next day.

 

Addiction happens because your life lacks something.

Going after someone and telling them they are bad for watching porn is much more worse in my opinion than watching porn yourself.

 

Why do I say this?

Because let's face the truth here. THERE ISN'T SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE.

 

No man is perfect, and even when a man strives to become better than himself, to exceed his own limitations we are judged even harsher by women who are waiting for our looks, height and what we are doing with our lives than women who aren't waiting (why this is belongs in a different topic).

 

What women want from men is completely different in today's world than what men want from women, and because a lot of men aren't able to meet that standard in one fatal flaw or another the discouragement comes easily. In fact, we're so different today than we were in the past. Previously, men would be matched by their parents or a town matchmaker or someone would make sure he was able to find somebody at a younger age so that there wouldn't be as much sexual frustration throughout their lives, but now with the "swag factor" the movies showing "ideal good looking men" and all the other factors that go into just finding someone we're being judged today just as much or even worse, and so the idea where we should just begin to look for someone is already thrown out the way.

 

Some of us have tried all our lives but never met with any success.

I know a lot of people say Charisma and what not has a lot to do with it.

I find that even if that might be the rule, there are always exceptions.

 

 

That's where forever aloners come in.

Do not tell the forever aloner that he has charisma or whatever. 

 

Men watch pr0n because something in their life is lacking. Even when they get married they may still have that lacking, but judging someone because he has that addiction is wrong unless you are in a relationship with them because otherwise you have no investment in the said person.

 

So basically it goes like this.

I can tell my friends whom I've known for a long time that watching porn is bad, so long as I show an investment in trying to take him away from it by either going to church, hiking or other activities.

 

Going on the internet and telling some stranger you are doing wrong by watching porn when you have no investment in them as a person is worse than watching porn yourself.

 

With that said. I hate porn. It's vile and it corrupts minds, but I know why many of my friends struggle with it. If you don't have a path to marriage, and you're in an over sexualized society where women don't cover up then you have to get rid of that pent up drive somewhere.  I mean, I suppose if we got rid of sexualization in all movies and everything, and deleted all the porn on the internet then people would eventually go back to having no such addiction and society will be fixed, but that's just hypothetical speculation nat this point.

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Yikes; someone doesn't like me at all, do they?  I could comment about each point, but I couldn't get passed that it was simply a lot of words for: someone doesn't like me.  Also, I am not sure the above poster read my latest reply; maybe that poster will like it better.  Well, I am not so sure what my credibility has to do with my point.  However, I hope everyone can get passed me (or Gordon Freeman, heh) and just view the main point: that we must offer good in place of the evil we are trying to remove...

 

I've never met anyone who "kicked the porn habit" because someone told them what it was doing to OTHERS.  I only saw people overcome when they replaced the habits with something much much better in their lives.  The reason I posted at all is because I want to protect those trying to "kick the porn habit" who need more than just being told how evil it is over and over.  I don't want them to feel even more horrible or attacked because no one gave them any POSITIVE reinforcement.  This is NEGATIVE reinforcement.  We need to offer them something better.  The one's trying to "kick the habit" already KNEW it was bad, they just needed something else better.  This is not only in the literature that maybe some don't realize I probably know more than they do, but, in fact, comes from real world examples both with my own personal relationships and other less familiar ones...

 

Also, from a greater perspective that at least one person expects from this, there is an even greater reason to be careful about this stuff here.  This is a WTM community.  People are waiting for sex.  Seriously, we need to leave waiters alone.  They have already sacrificed enough, haven't they?  We don't keep picking on the sins of waiters until their humanity is gone.  Not-to-mention, none of you are porn stars if you are telling the truth as waiters.  We need to encourage one another to find ways to make fulfilling and satisfying and even valuable sex more of a reality for everyone here.  The goal is to HAVE good sex, not to AVOID bad sex.

 

Let me give a neat example of the difference I am trying to present here:

 

A counterfeit expert is actually not trained to study multitudes and multitudes of counterfeit $100 bills.  That's too inductive, and becomes an "arms race," of sorts.  The expert is instead trained to study the ACTUAL $100 bill in totality.  That way, when ANY counterfeit bill comes along, it will be spotted as inconsistent with the authentic bill.  In the same way, I think it would be more effective for all of us to focus on healthy sexuality on marriage.  If we focus on all the the things wrong with sexuality today, we will get into serious trouble.  It's even worse than the counterfeit expert's position because none of us (if we aren't trolling) have even "studied or even SEEN the real $100 bill," as it were.  Eventually everything we are exposed to in sexuality is wrong if this isn't corrected.  This is bad, that is bad?  Well, seriously, tell us something RIGHT about sexuality.  Here's one: you guys are waiting for it, good job!

 

I am not going to let people who have sacrificed so much in their own sexuality be lied to about how bad it is before they even enjoy it if I can help it.  Here's a few facts:  Most people aren't raped, most people aren't porn stars, most people enjoy sex...etc.etc.  Let's focus on what GOOD sex is and focus on how to get that in the context of waiting for what it is worth to us...

 

It sounds like you are excusing evil simply because a good substitute doesn't appear to be present.The good in place of the evil, is the benefit derived from not doing the evil. To draw on your stealing food analogy. If someone steals food to stop themselves from starving have they committed an evil? Have they sinned? Certainly, should one come across such an individual one should supply them with food and take care of them and I would say most of us wouldn’t hold it against them if there need was genuine but that should not preclude one from counselling the individual against sinning or at the least rebutting any claims that they are morally justified in their actions.

 

The majority of materials I've come across which deal with porn addiction and recovery heavily focus on positive reinforcement. Highlighting the positives of porn-abstinence however, shouldn't stop spreading information about the negatives of porn use. And not just the moral aspects; there are plenty of non-moral negative aspects which the desire to avoid can help motivate overcoming porn. Certainly, those trying to stop obviously believe/know there is something wrong with it. But there is a multitude of people out there with little to no knowledge of the negative consequences on those in the porn industry and particularly the negative effects on the porn user.

 

I think because this is a waiting community the issue of pornography is even more relevant! All things being equal who is more likely to be tempted/use porn? The waiter or the sexually active? With a little knowledge the sexually active can see the effects of porn use [and the effects of stoping] first hand while the porn using waiter is much more dependent on relying on third party testimony/research.

 

If the pile of research and evidence on the effects of porn is to be believed then promoting a fulfilling satisfying and valuable sex life will need to address the issue of porn at some stage simply because it is soooooo pervasive in today’s society!

 

Consider a waiter (Robin - male or female) who was waiting for say 15 years to be married. In that time Robin is an avid porn consumer since it "is the best/only alternative to real sex". Due to the neuroplasticity Robin has programmed his/her brain to the supernormal stimuli of porn and developed porn induced delayed or premature ejaculation/anorgasmia/erectile dysfunction/premature orgasm. When Robin has sex with his/her spouse not only will the pair-bonding effect of sex be reduced, the couple will be fighting Robin's porn induced sexual dysfunction from the get go. Tell me: Is this "good" sex?

 

When we’re talking about HAVING good sex rather than AVOIDING bad sex we need to realise that “bad sex†[deviant behaviour; relationally disconnected orgasms etc] impedes having “good sex†due to the biochemical programing effect of orgasms. Fortunately, thanks to neuroplasticity people programmed by “bad sex†can have “good sex†with time.

 

Certainly in society in general there should be more on “good sex†but that can hardly be done without an assessment of why it is good sex and differentiating it from the “bad sexâ€. Considering the general normalisation of pornography and premarital sex this will be quite controversial and many people will be getting up in arms about being condemned, judged etc. As I’ve said, the recovery materials I have come across have highlighted the wonderful benefits of not consuming poor not simply berating the negatives. I’ve also found this community to be wonderfully sex-positive.

 

 

 

Even if watching pornography is wrong on many levels, let's face the facts here. Regardless of who we are, all of us want to experience intimacy for our drive in one way or another. For the person who feels isolated and alone, porn is something like a numbing factor for that self-hatred. It's a way to eliminate the drive for a night, sleep well and get back to work the next day.

 

If you don't have a path to marriage, and you're in an over sexualized society where women don't cover up then you have to get rid of that pent up drive somewhere.  I mean, I suppose if we got rid of sexualization in all movies and everything, and deleted all the porn on the internet then people would eventually go back to having no such addiction and society will be fixed, but that's just hypothetical speculation nat this point.

 

Pornography gives us fake comfort and an incorrect programing regarding what intimacy is which may even prevent users pursuing and valuing true intimacy when faced with the possibility. It also frequently creates problems of its own in regard to feelings of guilt, shame, and objectification. People can get rid of sexual energy in other ways than consuming pornography.

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Thanks for sharing this, Géraldine! I've read Shelley's book which is amazing, and I sometimes listen to the rap album she helped create. I'm hoping I get a chance to hear her speak in person if she does an event near me. I live near the "porn capital of the world".

To all, when people watch porn, they are a slave to it, a slave to their flesh. Sin enslaves people. Now I know for a fact Jesus can set us free from those chains! Whatever sin a person has, if they lean on Jesus strength to break free, not their own, they will be set free.

I think if a person has been caught up in sin for so long, they start to identify themselves with that sin. Then the notion of breaking free becomes entangled with the notion of losing their identity. But in Jesus we are a new creation! It's not so much staying our old self minus the porn, it's being born again of the Spirit!

Remember, we're not some kind of 'animal' that requires an orgasm every several days. It's simply not true! If people find it challenging to get by, and feel like they're climbing the walls, well we ought to remember that's what we have Jesus for, by God! When God calls, He calls us to be His holy children! So instead of trying to do all that heavy lifting for ourselves, we should let Him do the heavy lifting! Just put trust in God! Repent and pray, it works! Say bye to the old, hi to the new.

If Shelley and I can do it, so can others!

Grace and peace, I love y'all

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