Sophie

Are the majority of your friends sexually active? If so, what is their attitude towards sex?

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The vast majority of my friends are very conservative, and are all virgins (I am only friends with girls because I went to an all-girls school for 12 years.) I have one friend who lost her virginity at age 15. They had dated for a month and ended up dating for 11 months but broke up. Since then, she has slept with two guys, one of whom she had a FWB and the other one is her serious boyfriend. Other than that...I only have one other friend who has had sex, and she was 17, and two years later, she is still with him. One of my friends tried with her serious boyfriend but it didn't work (too painful, etc,) and she hasn't attempted sex since. So...only 2.5 friends of mine have had sex. The rest are all virgins, like me, and most of them haven't even kissed a guy yet. Having this has really helped me because absolutely all but one of my friends is conservative towards sex, and I have received zero pressure from any of my friends...except playful teasing from the girl who has slept with 3 guys (she is currently 16.11, btw.) All but two other of her friends have had sex and she has 6 friends who have had abortions, 3 friends who have had babies, and 3 friends with some sort of STD. >.<

I am 18, btw, and my friends range between 16-20.

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Im the same way but im 21. Most all my friends are girls, around 19-22. Almost all are virgins, a few have never been kissed! So i have NO pressure either and we can joke about things easily...like "daymn im gonna get that for my honeymoon!!!" (Vs lingerie)

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I wish I had some that weren't lol. Pretty much all my friends are guys so that might explain it a little but all of them are great people even though they aren't waiters. I know of a few waiters in my personal life but they're really just acquaintances if that.

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Markb4...just curious are they muslim too? My friends i talked about are mostly Christian and pretty serious about their faith.

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Markb4...just curious are they muslim too? My friends i talked about are mostly Christian and pretty serious about their faith.

Yeah, they are as well :) .

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I only have a few friends I'm close enough to talk about sex with.

My best friend is a little prudish. She's not a virgin anymore but she doesn't think that sex is all that great.

My other friend is very open about her sexuality...and I'll leave it at that.

Then the other friend is against waiting until marriage. She always asks me "So what if you never get married?" and "What if you get married and find out you're not sexually compatible?"

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Yeah, I'm quite relieved that the majority of my friends are still virgins. =D And I'm pretty sure they're all waiters too.

...There are only 2 I know of that are not virgins, but they're not very close friends. More like acquaintances. One of them is married though.

I have an aunt who just turned 30 and she's never had a boyfriend before. She's very popular and happy with everyone she knows. Every time I think about her, I just get so encouraged and not depressed about my choice. =D

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Most of my friends are not waiting until marriage for sex, but choose to be in monogamous, committed relationships before beginning a sexual relationship.

I have one friend who does not have an issue with casual sex; however, she does acknowledge that it is always best to be in a relationship with a person you're having sex with.

Each of my friends respects my decision to wait until marriage, and they do support me in that decision. However, a few of them have said that they cannot imagine how I can "hold out" for so long...for something (marriage) that might not happen. I just tell them that I am faithful that I will be married one day.

Mali

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I'm 22. So yes most of them that I know of (actually trying to scramble my brain to find some) but I won't call them friends because I usually hang out by myself and do my own thing but fellow peers we shall say. Those that waited are already married but a couple still are single and waiting. My best friend, who is a 23-year old male, is a waiter and has actually never been kissed either so he understands my values. He really doesn't care too much if the girl waited or not as long as she's really pretty. Some people respect my decision and some people really hate it. Some people really admire it and some people want me to hurry up and jump in the mudd so there's no discomfort.

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My best friend, who is a 23-year old male, is a waiter and has actually never been kissed either so he understands my values. He really doesn't care too much if the girl waited or not as long as she's really pretty.

Oooh goodnesss....some boys :P

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yes and there opinions are that u can not fiscally live with out sex, which is why i confuse them, they have 1 of 2 opinions 1, im not human and have no sex drive so that's why i can wait unlike others, or 2 i have a sex drive i am human and i wont last. they cant get the idea that i have a sex drive i am human but ill still wait, that does not make sense to them, which shows today's society's dependents on sex, which i think is sad

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Off the top of my head I have maybe 4 friends that are waiters or still virgins and the rest arent, but at time that still doesnt help because 2 of them are together...... So I still get that feeling of loneliness at times but am getting use to it now and the more I think about it the more I relize that I really dont care because right now am more focused about my career and school :lol:

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yes and there opinions are that u can not fiscally live with out sex, which is why i confuse them, they have 1 of 2 opinions 1, im not human and have no sex drive so that's why i can wait unlike others, or 2 i have a sex drive i am human and i wont last. they cant get the idea that i have a sex drive i am human but ill still wait, that does not make sense to them, which shows today's society's dependents on sex, which i think is sad

I completely agree with this. People are perfectly capable of waiting till marriage. There was once a time where over 80% of the population - UK, America, Canada, etc - did just that. And now somehow it is seen as near-impossible. It's unfortunate.

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I have friends that are not waiting, at times they try to pressure me to not wait, but as you can see it hasnt worked. Their main reason for pressuring me was to get more exposure under my belt. But im ok not exposing myself to that. My other friends who are waiting dont pressure me at all, we dont talk about virginity all day, hardly at all. Its just like having blond or red hair, you dont need to mention it just because its there so we dont. If a relevant topic comes up related to our virginity we will discuss it, but we are so comfortable with one another we dont feel the need to mention it.

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I completely agree with this. People are perfectly capable of waiting till marriage. There was once a time where over 80% of the population - UK, America, Canada, etc - did just that. And now somehow it is seen as near-impossible. It's unfortunate.

i know but this is my friends opinion to wtm except 2 the rest of them can get really offensive on the subject the dont mean to but they just cant fiscally get there heads around it which i can not understand so we tend to hit a wall on the topic

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yes and there opinions are that u can not fiscally live with out sex, which is why i confuse them, they have 1 of 2 opinions 1, im not human and have no sex drive so that's why i can wait unlike others, or 2 i have a sex drive i am human and i wont last. they cant get the idea that i have a sex drive i am human but ill still wait, that does not make sense to them, which shows today's society's dependents on sex, which i think is sad

Yeah I've heard this before and it's definitely a pet peeve of mine with *some* non-waiters. It's like they think that anyone who waits til marriage has absolutely no sex drive whatsoever... which is COMPLETELY false! Lol it stands refuted by me for one lol....and I would say most if not all members of this site. The drive is definitely there thats one thing I know for sure! We just know how to control our urges better than most I suppose even though it can be difficult.

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Yeah I've heard this before and it's definitely a pet peeve of mine with *some* non-waiters. It's like they think that anyone who waits til marriage has absolutely no sex drive whatsoever... which is COMPLETELY false! Lol it stands refuted by me for one lol....and I would say most if not all members of this site. The drive is definitely there thats one thing I know for sure! We just know how to control our urges better than most I suppose even though it can be difficult.

EXACTLY. My dad once made this ridiculous comment in front of me and his girlfriend that women in the Victorian Era had much smaller sex-drives than modern women and that's why they waited: they didn't want sex out of love/marriage. Me and his girlfriend both called him out on his stupidity. People wanted sex just as badly back in the WTM days as they do now. It's morals and expectations that have changed, not the sex-drives.

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Most of my friends aren't virgins. My two best friends want to live with their future spouse for a few years before getting engaged. They don't treat sex casually, but only have sex with guys they're in relationships with.

They know I am a virgin, and they commend me for waiting for "the right guy". They just don't know that I'm waiting to marry the right guy. The truth will come out soon :D

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I can't think of too many people (if any) I know who aren't sexually active, but I'm also living in a pretty liberal area, so it's expected. Most of my friends are not necessarily about casual sex, but I think there is a mutual unspoken agreement among them that, with alcohol, anything is possible ;). Many of those who I knew were waiting (at least at one point and time) are already married. However, I don't usually breach the subject unless it comes up in a conversation where I know it won't be taken as a hostility (i.e. I won't likely mention that I've never had sex to someone who's just told me about their recent escapades over the last three-day weekend, heh.) I don't have much of a record of caving to peer pressure and so on, so not having the personal, face-to-face confidantes when it comes to WTM hasn't done much to sway my opinions or decisions, but it sure would be nice to have them.

As far as how possible something like this is... WTM is a choice, so I've always viewed it to be exactly as possible as anyone wants it to be. It bothers me a bit when people tell me that they can or can't do something that is choice-based, because it's not really a matter of 'can' or 'cannot,' it's much more a matter of 'want' or 'want not.' There's nothing wrong with either, but there is a difference. It's priority, not ability.

Sophie, your Victorian Era story cracks me up! :lol:

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Sophie, your Victorian Era story cracks me up! :lol:

Thanks. lol. I still roll my eyes when I think about what my dad said. He also expressed complete disbelief when I told him that this woman we know very well and have known for a very long time doesn't have pre-marital sex. She was married at one point, but divorced many years ago. Well he did not believe me one bit because she is very popular with men and enjoys relationships. I tried to explain to him that she does not sleep with the men she dates, but he was quite sceptical. Apparently people who WTM don't date. lol.

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I will tell you that when I was in my 20s... I had very few friends that were just wildly sexually active.... and they were the subjects of head-shaking and frustration by others... worries that they were immaturely jumping into bed with people (and of course worries about all the disease issues).

Most of my friends in my 20s were somewhere between 1 or 2 sexual partners period (very few at 0 :blush: ), but "holding" at low numbers because they just wanted to find The One... with the 1 or 2 they had slept with being people they thought might in fact be the one they were going to marry. And then there were friends that were higher up the # ladder, but who equally so, were having sex only after a significant # of dates and commitment levels. Note: I am only outlining their thoughts here, not endorsing obviously.

Did I (sometimes) feel alone being a waiter? Yes... but we didn't talk about that stuff in that way - so the loneliness wasn't a feeling of being out of sorts with my friends - they respected what I did (and didn't) do - it was a feeling of loneliness in wading through dating until I found a person that I really fell in love with.

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I will tell you that when I was in my 20s... I had very few friends that were just wildly sexually active.... and they were the subjects of head-shaking and frustration by others... worries that they were immaturely jumping into bed with people (and of course worries about all the disease issues).

Most of my friends in my 20s were somewhere between 1 or 2 sexual partners period (very few at 0 :blush: ), but "holding" at low numbers because they just wanted to find The One... with the 1 or 2 they had slept with being people they thought might in fact be the one they were going to marry. And then there were friends that were higher up the # ladder, but who equally so, were having sex only after a significant # of dates and commitment levels. Note: I am only outlining their thoughts here, not endorsing obviously.

Did I (sometimes) feel alone being a waiter? Yes... but we didn't talk about that stuff in that way - so the loneliness wasn't a feeling of being out of sorts with my friends - they respected what I did (and didn't) do - it was a feeling of loneliness in wading through dating until I found a person that I really fell in love with.

Yeah I can definitely identify with this. I don't really have any friends that are wildy sexually active but none are waiters either, if that makes sense. So it can feel a bit lonely sometimes but like you said, it's not something my friends and I talk about alot so it's not an issue.

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