How would you react as a man if a girl started to pursue you?

[Geraldine 766]

Hey guys !

 

I have a question for my fellow male waiters ^^

It is generally accepted as a fact that it is better the guy inititiate the pursuing...

NOwadays, we can see lots of women who start to pursue the guy they like...

How does this sound to you?

As a male , either introverted or extroverted...would you like it?

I'm just curious ^^

Ok thanks in advance folks!

[Invincible 7,962]

I've always been the one to initiate and believed that's how it should be. But having nothing but a lifetime of rejection, it gets really discouraging. It wouldn't be so bad if I had a success here and there to keep me going. Now I think maybe it wouldn't be so bad if a girl made the first move. At least then it would be nice to feel wanted for a change.

[Guest]

Most of the guys I know had their current wife pursue them.

So I don't think you're in bad company.

[Geraldine 766]

Thank you very much guys for your answers. I do understand...

But when you say so Invincible, in wich way can she show you this so you won't feel uncomfortable?

[Invincible 7,962]

But when you say so Invincible, in wich way can she show you this so you won't feel uncomfortable?

 

I'm sorry I'm not sure what you are asking. If you mean how can a girl make the first move, then just be direct and clear about the intentions.

[Geraldine 766]

Yes you got it Invincible ! THanks again! You answered my question

[Slayerofdragon 1,272]

Well, on the one hand, I am like Vince: I am inclined to pursue the woman that I like. It is something that I naturally want to do. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind if the woman pursued me. I think feeling desired by a woman is a good thing.

[Geraldine 766]

Ok  thank you for your answer Slayer of Dragon

 

hmm...but if she tells you something like:" Well, you are a great guy, and I admit that I find you quite attractive" won't it be a  turn off?

Isn't that too agressive? Same question for Invincible?

And what about you Ringer ?

I mean may be she can show tou in a subtle way she is interested?

Really I don't know those stuff... I am learning....

Never been in a relationship...like never

Quite funny...

Ok thank you again guys

[Slayerofdragon 1,272]

Ok thank you for your answer Slayer of Dragon

hmm...but if she tells you something like:" Well, you are a great guy, and I admit that I find you quite attractive" won't it be a turn off?

Isn't that too agressive?

That wouldn't be a turn off or too aggressive. On the contrary, I would be flattered. I had a woman tell me once I am a great guy but not the second part. I am waiting for the second part .

[Invincible 7,962]

hmm...but if she tells you something like:" Well, you are a great guy, and I admit that I find you quite attractive" won't it be a  turn off?

Isn't that too agressive? Same question for Invincible?

And what about you Ringer ?

I mean may be she can show tou in a subtle way she is interested?

 

That would be just fine. As long as you convey your feelings clearly without ambiguity. Honest and direct is the best way to go.

 

I don't know, I guess what I said earlier about being okay with girls initiating was out of momentary frustration of my lack of success. I still think guys should initiate and pursue. I don't think it's wrong for girls to initiate either, but I think God created men to be leaders so that would be the ideal. That being said, I think guys should only have to ask a girl once. Whatever happens after that is up to her.

[GodsPhysicist 475]

Hey guys !

 

I have a question for my fellow male waiters ^^

It is generally accepted as a fact that it is better the guy inititiate the pursuing...

NOwadays, we can see lots of women who start to pursue the guy they like...

How does this sound to you?

As a male , either introverted or extroverted...would you like it?

I'm just curious ^^

Ok thanks in advance folks!

 

I've written it before and I'll write it again.  Isn't waiting hard enough to be worried about these things?  Too many boundaries overconstrains problems...

[573V3N 531]

I certainly would not be opposed to the idea.

[PaulJustPaul 800]

For extroverted guys, they may typically like to do the pursuing. For introverted guys, though, they probably enjoy being pursued. Now, when I say "introverted", it is not the same thing as "shy".  Introverts just focus on reflection and the inner world, and are less inclined to go out in the world and be confrontational.

 

I'm a big introvert, though I often don't seem it. When I like a girl, I don't pursue her usually, because I wish to not make her uncomfortable, or face rejection. It's not that I wouldn't want to, but I'm less comfortable with outward declarations of my feelings. When a girl tells me they find me attractive and a good guy, and thus express interest, then I go for it! I don't need a girl to "pursue" me per se, but if she at least suggests she wants me, I would then further pursue her, but only after she initiates the pursuing, I guess.

 

I don't know why "pursuing" must be one-sided. You should pursue each other.

[Jgotmilk 169]

I've always been the one to initiate and believed that's how it should be. But having nothing but a lifetime of rejection, it gets really discouraging. It wouldn't be so bad if I had a success here and there to keep me going. Now I think maybe it wouldn't be so bad if a girl made the first move. At least then it would be nice to feel wanted for a change.

 

Vince, have faith!  I see a beautiful wife in your future!  

[Englishguy1988 380]

Hi Geraldine,

 

In my experience us guys aren't as adept at picking up subtle signals as women which is why, generally speaking, a more direct approach is better for a woman approaching a man. I think generally speaking younger guys are less likely to know when a girl is interested in them than a guy who has grown up a bit and has more experience talking with women (not just flirting). Although when a woman gives you her number and tells you to call her tends to be a big clue she is interested 

 

That being said I have noticed that guys tend to be a little shyer the younger they are, but once they are comfortable in themselves they seem to be a lot more laid back and confident when it comes to asking a woman out and talking to women on a daily basis, personally if I like a girl I'll ask her out after all rejection is better than regretting not asking her out after all dating is about finding someone you just click with, someone who understands you, someone who just... gets you.... and laughs at your cheesy jokes haha 

 

Hope that helps. 

[Invincible 7,962]

Vince, have faith!  I see a beautiful wife in your future!

 

I sincerely hope you're seeing a vision from God because all this waiting around is killing me. lol

[waitingforcarats 255]

I know this is a question for guys but It's not pursuing a guy if you let him know you're interested. You just say, "You're a great guy and I find you attractive."

 

Then leave it at that. If he's interested, he will take another step. I did this for the first time two summers ago. I was apprehensive about it, but the guy was so flattered. I have a gf who does this all the time, she meets guys when we go out by just walking up to them, introducing herself and she tells them, "Wow, you're so cute." And they feel.....flabbergasted. They blush. They get speechless. A beautiful girl is flirting with them, openly. And so you know what they do next? (This is at open mics, live music shows, etc, places  where you can mingle with strangers)...They ask her where she's from, who she's with, what she does for a living, etc. And they ASK FOR HER NUMBER. It works every time. You may not have the confidence to walk up to men. But be friendly, smile, give them a compliment, let THEM KNOW WHEN YOU'RE interested. One of my favorite bloggers (PEACEFULSINGLEGIRL) says to tell guys that you know, "You know, I think you're a great guy, the exact type I want to be with." And leave it at that.

[ClosetVirgin 80]

I know this is a question for guys but It's not pursuing a guy if you let him know you're interested. You just say, "You're a great guy and I find you attractive."

 

Then leave it at that. If he's interested, he will take another step. I did this for the first time two summers ago. I was apprehensive about it, but the guy was so flattered. I have a gf who does this all the time, she meets guys when we go out by just walking up to them, introducing herself and she tells them, "Wow, you're so cute." And they feel.....flabbergasted. They blush. They get speechless. A beautiful girl is flirting with them, openly. And so you know what they do next? (This is at open mics, live music shows, etc, places  where you can mingle with strangers)...They ask her where she's from, who she's with, what she does for a living, etc. And they ASK FOR HER NUMBER. It works every time. You may not have the confidence to walk up to men. But be friendly, smile, give them a compliment, let THEM KNOW WHEN YOU'RE interested. One of my favorite bloggers (PEACEFULSINGLEGIRL) says to tell guys that you know, "You know, I think you're a great guy, the exact type I want to be with." And leave it at that.

Wow, that's some killer advice. Might try it in the future ;D

[Joshua 104]

Hey guys !

 

I have a question for my fellow male waiters ^^

It is generally accepted as a fact that it is better the guy inititiate the pursuing...

NOwadays, we can see lots of women who start to pursue the guy they like...

How does this sound to you?

As a male , either introverted or extroverted...would you like it?

I'm just curious ^^

Ok thanks in advance folks!

I'd be fine with it. My last gf initiated contact with me. I like what waitingforcarats says: all a woman really has to do is give a green light. The guy should take it from there if he's interested and available.

[SG1 161]

Wow there are some really insightful comments here!

On 9/21/2015 at 10:43 AM, PaulJustPaul said:

I don't know why "pursuing" must be one-sided. You should pursue each other.

I think this is totally true. Especially, when you’re in a committed and established relationship.

On 10/3/2015 at 10:59 PM, waitingforcarats said:

I know this is a question for guys but It's not pursuing a guy if you let him know you're interested. You just say, "You're a great guy and I find you attractive."

I am SO GLAD you chimed in! If I could give your entire reply 100 likes, I sure as hell would!

I totally love what you said! That is is NOT pursuing but rather showing a possible interest...I have always believed that should be part of the women's role. Why? Because I am a guy, not a mind reader.

Now to be honest, I might NOT take the example given as a sign of interest but rather as a compliment...I compliment women and to of my knowledge, almost all of them have not taken it the wrong way.

On 10/3/2015 at 10:59 PM, waitingforcarats said:

I was apprehensive about it, but the guy was so flattered. I have a gf who does this all the time, she meets guys when we go out by just walking up to them, introducing herself and she tells them, "Wow, you're so cute." And they feel.....flabbergasted. They blush. They get speechless. A beautiful girl is flirting with them, openly.

This is so true! It does not matter what your gender is, knowing someone finds you desirable is an amazing feeling...Guy or girl, it makes no difference. Sometimes women might forget men mostly have the same feelings they do...we might just express it differently.

If you're a woman and want to try this, just make sure you give it several days. This sort of thing is usually quite rare for the average guy and processing the experience might take time.

 

No, I would not mind if a women pursued me. Just don't be creepy about it lol

On 9/17/2015 at 2:39 PM, Geraldine said:

hmm...but if she tells you something like:" Well, you are a great guy, and I admit that I find you quite attractive" won't it be a  turn off?

Isn't that too agressive?

That might be too aggressive if you live in an Amish community but in the real world, that is totally fine. 

[alvin27d 1]

doesnt sound really cool though, but that is a lady who knows what she wants and is not afraid to go for it, and if the feelings are reciprocated, then its a go 

[Darren91 5]

When I was a teenager, I would be just happy that a girl was showing me attention, and became their love-struck servant (teenage hormones and all that). These days I'm more relaxed and can just enjoy their company wherever it's headed, friendship or relationship. None of the waiters I dated pursued me; I actively sought them out, or we met and rather quickly "came out" to each other through happy coincidence. Maybe we kind of sensed each other from our behaviour, similar personalities or something.

Non-waiter girls DO like to pursue though, and if they find out that you are "pure" then they sometimes take it as a challenge. I've recently met someone who knows I'm waiting and thinks that they will trip me up, unaware that I've actually been waiting for over 10 years and they have no chance lol 

[Will H 112]

If you are a gal and you are interested in a guy, but he hasn’t pursued you, there are a couple of possibilities:

If you don’t pursue him and he’s not interested: you waste a lot of time and heartache pining over someone that won’t form a relationship with you.

If you don’t pursue him and he is interested in you: you miss out on a wonderful relationship.

If you do pursue him and he’s not interested: you know and you can move on. It might hurt to know he’s not into you, but is it better to prolong knowing for weeks or even months?

If you do pursue him and he’s interested in you: congrats! you have a relationship!

It seems to me that a gal pursuing a guy who hasn’t yet indicated interest leads to better results than a gal who chooses not to pursue a guy.