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Geraldine

"I Like A Guy Who’s In A Relationship"

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This article was written by Natasha from the blog

 

I'm sharing with you because iI liked it.

What do you think?

 

 

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases. (‭Song of Solomon‬ ‭2‬:‭7‬ NKJV

 

Note: She’s speaking to women.

I’ve known several sisters who have done exactly what this verse warns against. There’s a brother in Christ who catches their eye, they start crushing, but the guy never really pursues them. Some of these brothers were in relationships and eventually married the girls they were with, but until that day, these sisters were convinced that the brother was truly meant for them, and the girlfriend was a counterfeit. Whether she really was or not didn’t change their reality: the brother was not pursing them, and in the end, he never did. 

It is crucial to your faith to refrain from opening up your heart to a man before the right time. If he’s in a relationship, it isn’t the right time. If he’s not pursing you, it isn’t the right time. 

Sometimes, a sister thinks the guy is into her because he shows her attention. What I’ve found is that, often, girlfriends are good at being girlfriends, but not as friends. What I mean is, she’s faithful, committed, esteeming the man, being romantic, etc. but she’s not being a friend who just hangs out and has fun with him. So the man is seeking female friendship in a girl other than his girlfriend. He’s immature, she’s immature, and they haven’t yet realized friendship is lacking in their relationship. But that’s when the single sister thinks the guy likes her, when really, he just enjoys her friendship and is using her for the sake of his fun and enjoyment. He doesn’t want to be more than friends; he already has a girlfriend fulfilling that area of his life. 

The reality check is you are an attention quencher, a fun-filler, but you’re nothing more in his eyes. If you were, he would make himself available, be open about his motives, and pursue you. 

I understand this truth can hurt. This is why I exhort my precious sisters to not share deep friendships with a man. Keep it superficial and distant. When you get married, that deep friendship will have to get snipped anyway. Why do I say this? Because with women, adultery usually begins with emotional connection. A man is listening to her feelings when her husband isn’t. A man is making time for her when her husband isn’t. This quickly spirals into a physical relationship and now you are more than mere friends. 

You don’t want to be a home-wrecker either. What if that brother comes onto you while still in a relationship? What if he then leaves her for you? Do you think God will bless that ignoble way of entering a relationship? And if you were able to steal his affection, what makes you think another woman like you can’t come around later on and do the same thing, stealing him from you? 

You don’t want a man that is so easily swayed. You want a committed one. And that’s the irony of so many women who go after the married man because they find his commitment sexy. Guess what? He’s no longer a noble and committed man once he’s sinned with you! And neither is the unmarried man in a relationship. So BACK OFF. God doesn’t write messed up The Bachelor/Bachelorette stories (hence why those relationships always quickly end in divorce!). 

If God wants you married, He’ll work it out, but you must do your part, which isn’t meddling with other people’s boyfriends or husbands. It’s being pure. That is the greatest preparation for a husband: purity. Your eyes and heart are not set on someone they shouldn’t be, they’re set on Jesus. And as you keep them on Him, Jesus will allow a godly single brother to see you. He will pray and pursue, and you can trust him to protect your purity, as you will his. And that is a relationship God will bless. Trust me, I know from experience. 

 img_2149.jpg?w=714

Love you sisters,

Natasha

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I totally agree that deep friendship is at the center of all healthy relationships, that hanging around someone in a relationship in the hope they dump their partner for you is incredibly scummy, and that such a person likely isn't a great choice of spouse anyway. However....

 

This is why I exhort my precious sisters to not share deep friendships with a man. Keep it superficial and distant. When you get married, that deep friendship will have to get snipped anyway.

 

I disagree with this bit pretty strongly. My boyfriend has a few close female friends (whom he was friends with before we were even dating), and I'd never dream of telling him to stop talking to them about meaningful things, or to stop hanging out entirely. Conversely, I'd also be pretty angry if he expected me to cut off contact with all of my male friends and my lesbian friends. While I think a husband and wife should be each other's #1 confidant, I think it's also healthy to have many friends whom you can share things with as well. I think it's a sign of insecurity and distrust to try to police your spouse's friendships. (Exceptions of course, would be if those friends were engaging in destructive or cruel behavior.) If you have the deep friendship that the author talks about in the beginning of the article, then you don't need to worry that your spouse will stray.

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I totally agree that deep friendship is at the center of all healthy relationships, that hanging around someone in a relationship in the hope they dump their partner for you is incredibly scummy, and that such a person likely isn't a great choice of spouse anyway. However....

 

 

I disagree with this bit pretty strongly. My boyfriend has a few close female friends (whom he was friends with before we were even dating), and I'd never dream of telling him to stop talking to them about meaningful things, or to stop hanging out entirely. Conversely, I'd also be pretty angry if he expected me to cut off contact with all of my male friends and my lesbian friends. While I think a husband and wife should be each other's #1 confidant, I think it's also healthy to have many friends whom you can share things with as well. I think it's a sign of insecurity and distrust to try to police your spouse's friendships. (Exceptions of course, would be if those friends were engaging in destructive or cruel behavior.) If you have the deep friendship that the author talks about in the beginning of the article, then you don't need to worry that your spouse will stray.

 Yeah Steadfast Madcap for the second part, I agree with you :)  . Concerning friendship, I think it depends on how you manage healthy frontier. Some people can do manage their frontier well, others can't. But I agree with you anyway. I think it is important to have healthy friendship. I believe what Natasha was trying to do was to point some people who can't guard their heart correctly and ends with being more intimate with their friends than they should...So I think both of you are rigth ^_^

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Great read Geraldine, thank you for sharing!

 

Ahah ! Great rookiepilot! Very happy that you liked it :lol:

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