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candacenoel

v card major deal breaker

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Hi..I am Candace and well very new to this. I am 34 and a virgin. Only friends know this about me because well, I can't handle any more feedback or comments from non virgins. Like oh I couldn't wait .. what are you afraid of.. is it because of your religion ??? I had been dating and well let's say when I mention this ..it goes one of 2 ways I get treated like I am about to join the convent and they end it or its a dinner bell being rung for a shark looking for blood. I am tired of this whole thing. Most of the time it I can handle it. But, lately its been a little to much ! I have prayed on this many times. There have been moments where I find myself tempting fate testing the waters. Trying to figure out would I feel better if I have slept with someone. I have purposefully looked for a friends with benfits situation. But, as irony would have it it has not happened. Most of the men I talked to about this that find me attractive said they couldn't with me because of me being a virgin. One point blank said I am not worthy of that gift. I am confused and tired !!! Before they knew in was a virgin they wanted to be with me . Once I tell them they freak. In summation I do believe that being a virgin feels like your an outsider always looking in. Long rant I know but, I can't be the only one who feels like they trying to wait but, the one hasn't come along !

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I'm sorry you've been questioned and treated badly because of your beliefs. Its hard to cope withe everyone telling you that what you beliefs are wrong and dated. I've had the same problem. Your not the only one who feels like the one has not come along, just about everyone on this site has felt what your feeling in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure all of us have thought about abandoning our belifes too. Keep searching. Out of the how ever many billions of the people in the world there has to be someone for all of us. We just need to never stop beliving. We will all find the one, we will all have happy lifetime marriages, and you will too. :)

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I respect K.G's response but i do not really agree that it's the best way of going about it. I think you need to learn to love yourself because if you love yourself then you will find that you are happy. If people do not respect you and your decisions then they do not matter. The point is, the fairytales happen, sure, but just because they do, does not mean it can happen for us all. Believing in a fairytale means you have faith in that fairytale, not faith in God (if that's what you believe in) or faith in yourself and your own happiness. There may not be someone out there for everyone and that's a reality because there are not an equal number of men and women and so many different factors. Times are getting harder than they have ever been. It's not always the best time and settle down for a family. This is what I tell myself to get over my own pain and so I thought you would need to hear. It's better than sleeping with someone finally and then getting pregnant or an STD and being single with a child. The types of people who laugh at people who are virgins for any whatever reason they are not good caring people worthy of even being your friend let alone your husband.

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That's a very heartbreaking story. It's always hard to fit in when you have a belief system that is so counter to the norms of society. While it's your choice, I don't think  ideals you have held on to until 34 years of age should be discarded so readily. They were obviously an important part of who you are as a woman. Giving up those ideals won't cause any man to give you the acceptance and companionship you require. To be honest, the old cliché of surrounding yourself with those who accept you for who you are is really the best way to find happiness. You aren't unhappy because you haven't had sex, you're unhappy because they don't accept you for who you are. They rejected who you were as a person and they simply used a shallow physical connection to express their denial. Giving yourself away physically to conform will just add physical trauma to the emotional pain.

 

I'll be sure to pray for you. :)

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I think that you deserve better, and wish for you that you find someone who does not frown upon it, but instead appreciates who you are, and who has similarly waited for you.

 

There is an additional section of the forum for older waiters. I suppose an admin will probably give you access to it.

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Hi..I am Candace and well very new to this. I am 34 and a virgin. Only friends know this about me because well, I can't handle any more feedback or comments from non virgins. Like oh I couldn't wait .. what are you afraid of.. is it because of your religion ??? I had been dating and well let's say when I mention this ..it goes one of 2 ways I get treated like I am about to join the convent and they end it or its a dinner bell being rung for a shark looking for blood. I am tired of this whole thing. Most of the time it I can handle it. But, lately its been a little to much ! I have prayed on this many times. There have been moments where I find myself tempting fate testing the waters. Trying to figure out would I feel better if I have slept with someone. I have purposefully looked for a friends with benfits situation. But, as irony would have it it has not happened. Most of the men I talked to about this that find me attractive said they couldn't with me because of me being a virgin. One point blank said I am not worthy of that gift. I am confused and tired !!! Before they knew in was a virgin they wanted to be with me . Once I tell them they freak. In summation I do believe that being a virgin feels like your an outsider always looking in. Long rant I know but, I can't be the only one who feels like they trying to wait but, the one hasn't come along !

 

Hello, and welcome to the site.  Well done; you've come to a very welcoming place.

 

I am 36 and a virgin waiting until marriage, and I chose to keep my "V-card" a secret since I expected the same treatment as you seemed to have tragically received.  You have made the right decision, and I hope you continue to wait for someone who is truly worth it, and who understands what a gift it is to be able to remain pure for her husband.

 

Personally, I hope its not to weird that I extend the following "olive branch" your way.  I think your virginity is incredibly, incredibly precious, and that makes you very very valuable.  People like myself on this site would agree that you are a wonderful person, and from now on, you will have people who understand exactly what it is like to wait into her thirties.  You deserve someone who recognizes that your virginity is a real gift, and it should be enjoyed with another "diamond in the rough" as the rare treasure that it is.  I find myself more encouraged by yet one more woman who waited because she understands the gift it truly is.  I would feel like it is even more of a bonus to meet another waiter, not feel threatened by it like the fools who chose to throw you away.  That is the most foolish thing they could have possibly done.  I mean really, how could someone not recognize the gift of virginity; its rediculous to miss it.  The good news is: you didn't seem to throw anything away on people who aren't worth it, good for you.  However, you have found, at the very least, a bunch of new friends here on the site who know your value.

 

I hope you can join us in the public chat room to meet us a little more directly.  It has been filling up a lot more lately, and you will meet many people on it both younger and more experienced in life who know how valuable you really are.  I know I have found that kind of respect here.  I have met many new friends already, both male and female.  There has never been anything that has gotten too weird, and I have always felt very appreciated here.  I hope to see you soon in the chat, as I am sure many people would like to also...

 

Welcome to the site from another 30-something, as I boldly extend the welcome from all the other 30+ folks...

 

=D

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That's a very heartbreaking story. It's always hard to fit in when you have a belief system that is so counter to the norms of society. While it's your choice, I don't think  ideals you have held on to until 34 years of age should be discarded so readily. They were obviously an important part of who you are as a woman. Giving up those ideals won't cause any man to give you the acceptance and companionship you require. To be honest, the old cliché of surrounding yourself with those who accept you for who you are is really the best way to find happiness. You aren't unhappy because you haven't had sex, you're unhappy because they don't accept you for who you are. They rejected who you were as a person and they simply used a shallow physical connection to express their denial. Giving yourself away physically to conform will just add physical trauma to the emotional pain.

 

I'll be sure to pray for you. :)

 

Well written, buddy.  See what I mean, Candace?  This is yet one more man who "gets it" too.

 

 

I'm sorry you've been questioned and treated badly because of your beliefs. Its hard to cope withe everyone telling you that what you beliefs are wrong and dated. I've had the same problem. Your not the only one who feels like the one has not come along, just about everyone on this site has felt what your feeling in some way, shape, or form. I'm sure all of us have thought about abandoning our belifes too. Keep searching. Out of the how ever many billions of the people in the world there has to be someone for all of us. We just need to never stop beliving. We will all find the one, we will all have happy lifetime marriages, and you will too. :)

 

I think you wrote this just fine, KG.  Heh, I got yo' back, br0!  Statistically speaking, a dataset of billions is sufficient to find who we truly need from a natural selection standpoint.  This site is proof that such an agglutination of people who appreciate one another for the rare treasure they carry is good place to find sanctuary...

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Think of it this way. Your soulmate should accept your flaws and love your strengths, right? If the men in your life can't handle a small thing like you being a virgin then I don't think you've the one yet. Be strong :)

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