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Rosemary123

college

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Hello i am a college freshman and have only been here for a couple of weeks and i already have a sense of like pressure to have sex while dating or in a relationship . I am a christian and i am sticking with my choice in waiting till marriage for sex . I am going to a non chrstian univeristy and it seems like nobody is on the same path that i am on . It is "normal" and part of the college experience to have casua sex and to have sex with your boyfriend . I am scared to be in a relationship because of that pressure. Where can i meet guys who also share the same beliefs ? I dont want to be terrified of dating and of being in a relationship because many people find in normal for there to be sex involved in a relationship . But i believe that theres a way to be in a relationship with out sex . Where can i meet guys with the same beliefs ?

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Hi Rosemary, I went to college and saw all the problems there is that you describe, I always thought since I was in college that finding someone online was easier because then I could talk to them before I meet them to find out about them to see if we were actually a good match and not basing it on looks or physical attraction.

 

However, that's always been a problem because we also don't know who we are really talking to online. Online video chat like skype would be best then with someone online, as soon as possible though with the person. But only if they are already someone who seems honest as in they aren't afraid to show their faults already on their profile and they have clear photos of themselves. Online dating sites are not that great, people are extremely picky and extremely shallow and liars even at CDFF which is Christian dating for free. My experience over there has twice been a huge pain because it seems no one was serious about a relationship because they are not really up front and honest. I know that videos is a best way of meeting people online just like speed dating, you don't waste any time and can see the other person's mannerisms and hear their voice and it's much harder to lie on camera. It is hard to meet someone!

 

Maybe you can try joining a Christian organization at school, or a nearby school. If there is none, then you probably will have to find a local church that has a youth group. At college, make sure to stay away from alcohol no matter where it is, dorms or apartments or frats. Guys can and will try to get girls drunk and then rape them when they are drunk. Maybe you can find a group of people to hang out with who do not drink, then you will probably find out they have the absitence beliefs going too.

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Welcome, Rosemary! I am not a Christian myself but as lukdor said, there should be a Christian club there.

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Welcome Rosemary! Beautiful name, btw. I agree with the previous posters. I am a Christian and went to a non-Christian university. There will probably be a Christian club or a Bible study club on campus, but that doesn't necessarily mean that all will be WTM. Get involved with a good church if you haven't already. Also, don't let fear of rejection stop you from meeting new people. Don't assume that they will not accept you, because you need to get to know them before you can figure that out. They might pleasantly surprise you. Even if they don't agree with or accept your beliefs, you can find new people to hang out with and it is ok to disagree anyway. So even if they don't agree, as long as there is mutual respect and no one tries to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, you will be just fine with being around people with different beliefs and ways of life, which is important anyway. Good luck! 

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Hi, and welcome Rosemary123! 

 

Concerning college, I would say to find the smartest, hardest-studying students in your classes and become friends with them.  They will most likely be less interested in drinking and partying and sex, as they are too busy studying, being president of the Physics club, and tutoring the other students.  As a bonus, you'll probably get better grades by hanging out with them, studying with them.  My little brother is an engineering major: he and his friends are basically the nerdiest people in college, yet they seem to have way more fun than I ever did in school.  And even though not all are Christians, many of them have very traditional values from their own cultures, and are waiting.

 

Also, I would say, focus on getting all the knowledge and experience you can out of college.  If a fantastic guy comes by who shares your values and goals in a relationship, great, but if not, don't sweat it.  This is the time you have to study and to prepare for the rest of your life.  There is some stuff about college that I regret, wasting my time and obsessing over things (read: boys) that ultimately didn't matter in the long run.  Investing time in serious studying, finding good mentors in professors and upperclassmen, and spending time with people way ahead of you in life are all important in making the most out of the college years.  Oh, and also have fun.  That too.

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Keep yourself busy. Find hobbies or extracurricular activities. If you're in a relationship get to know the person as a person. Then if you feel it's going further you can set up rules.

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Hi, and welcome Rosemary123! 

 

Concerning college, I would say to find the smartest, hardest-studying students in your classes and become friends with them.  They will most likely be less interested in drinking and partying and sex, as they are too busy studying, being president of the Physics club, and tutoring the other students.  As a bonus, you'll probably get better grades by hanging out with them, studying with them.  My little brother is an engineering major: he and his friends are basically the nerdiest people in college, yet they seem to have way more fun than I ever did in school.  And even though not all are Christians, many of them have very traditional values from their own cultures, and are waiting.

 

Also, I would say, focus on getting all the knowledge and experience you can out of college.  If a fantastic guy comes by who shares your values and goals in a relationship, great, but if not, don't sweat it.  This is the time you have to study and to prepare for the rest of your life.  There is some stuff about college that I regret, wasting my time and obsessing over things (read: boys) that ultimately didn't matter in the long run.  Investing time in serious studying, finding good mentors in professors and upperclassmen, and spending time with people way ahead of you in life are all important in making the most out of the college years.  Oh, and also have fun.  That too.

 

Spot on, spot on.  I would like to add something too.  Do whatever you can to embrace single life while you have it.  There are many opportunities that are easier for singles to handle than married folks (relevant since you are waiting for marriage).  You will improve as a single, and you will keep your priorities in order while being much less likely to be teased by the pleasures of a life to come.  Get everything you can out of the opportunities that you have NOW...

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Hello i am a college freshman and have only been here for a couple of weeks and i already have a sense of like pressure to have sex while dating or in a relationship . I am a christian and i am sticking with my choice in waiting till marriage for sex . I am going to a non chrstian univeristy and it seems like nobody is on the same path that i am on . It is "normal" and part of the college experience to have casua sex and to have sex with your boyfriend . I am scared to be in a relationship because of that pressure. Where can i meet guys who also share the same beliefs ? I dont want to be terrified of dating and of being in a relationship because many people find in normal for there to be sex involved in a relationship . But i believe that theres a way to be in a relationship with out sex . Where can i meet guys with the same beliefs ?

 

Welcome I'm a college student like you too but however, unlike you I don't have the pressure to have sex due to the following reasons:

 

1. People don't seem to mind. I told two atheist acquaintances of mine that I'm WTM and they don't seem to mind at all. In fact one of them find it as a noble idea even though she is not a virgin. Interestingly she wish she was one at times. 

 

2. Since my college is near the ghetto, a lot of the girls prefer gangster bfs and they tend to be arrogant which is a huge no no for me. There are good girls but I don't really have the "connection". There was one girl I would of consider dating but because I am atheist she won't consider me as potential date because she is a devout Christian and wants a Christian boyfriend.

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Hi Rosemary. :) I know all too well the peer pressure of which you speak. A lot of us here on this site do. That is why we are here, so we can gain support from each other and know we are not alone. I hope you will find this same comfort here. Thank you for staying strong. You are an inspiration to us. :)

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Hi Rosemary,

Im a college freshman too and I totally hear you! Hook up culture here is the norm and finding someone beyond it seems damn near impossible. Literally everyone in my friendship circle has hooked up with at least 2 people in the time we've been here; its not yet even a month. But I'm optimistic because college campuses are big and there is bound to be someone who understands. Additionally, your 'romance pool' isn't necessarily limited to the confines of the university. I'm planning on joining the Christian club here even though my reasons for waiting aren't religious just maybe to have someone around who understands. But don't let your decision to wait make you feel secluded from everyone else. Personally I'm quite vocal about it and my friends know and respect it. I still go to social events except I have decided to make it clear in my mind that my night will end with me back in my room alone even if its not the same for my friends; they may seem like they are having a good time with that guy/girl but even you know the awkwardness it turns into when they have to pretend they've never even meet each other in the days to follow. Don't despair, we'll make it!!

 

Oh I just re-read the question and you asked where to meet guys; my friends actually are a great tool, they are always on the look out for guys who are waiting too. Some schools have abstinence clubs too (but be weary because sometimes people just go there for the fun of it). I'll let you know if I learn anything new  :D  

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Welcome. I went to a Christian university my first year. Transferred out as I hated the drinking and partying in the dorm which was mandatory for students under 21. There aren't any "safe places" to avoid sin as we are all sinners.  Following God is a hard path because it's in conflict with a fallible mankind.

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Hi Rosemary!

 

I am a junior in college and can attest to the temptations that college ensues. Needless to say, being in a relationship does not equal sex. And if I can safely assume, your religion plays a key factor in your everyday decisions. Don't let the people around you pressure you into something you choose not to do. Your beliefs make you unique and if someone pressures you into sex, and the thing you upheld so dearly is gone, are you really "you" anymore? In other words, don't let people break or pressure you. Who are they to have control over your choices, your life. Like I have previously told a fellow waiter, guys who are not willing to wait are not worth your time. Waiting till marriage (waiting in general) is valuable because it involves your TIME. Time, once used, can never be returned. So if a guy is not willing to wait, he is not willing to give you his time (and that, my dear, is definitely someone who is not worth it). Needless to say, not everything in life revolves around sex (something that many college students need to be instilled in their minds). You are still young and you have the whole rest of your life to find the one you are going to marry. Don't feel pressured that you need to be in a relationship just because other people are in one. Focus on self-love before you love someone else. It may not seem like it, but there are guys who are willing to wait. There may be many at your church or local Christian clubs or organizations at your college.

 

In short, don't feel pressured to rush into a relationship. The best things in life are worth waiting for! I wish you the best of luck!

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Honestly, college kids are way cooler about personal choices than high school kids. Yes, there are parties that lead to drunk make out sessions that lead to hookups, so just make sure you make your boundaries clear before things get too "hot". You'll gain more respect and you'll feel more comfortable, too! Nothing a hopeful for sex make out buddy hates more than being walked out on after they've felt you up, grabbed your butt and pulled out a condom. It's embarrassing for both of you. But setting your boundaries early on is cool and confident and avoids any awkwardness!

I went to a 4-conservatory arts school and I found the kids respected, even looked up to, kids who went against the grain and stayed true to themselves. You'll be fine!

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Hi, Rosemary! Remember the the saying: Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future. Surround yourself with people that share your values. Luckily there are such people here, but as for in-person, I encourage you to reach out to a Christian Club (if there is one).

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