'tis the Bearded One

Intimate disclosure...and tattle

14 posts in this topic

How much are you comfortable with your parter disclosing to others in regard to your marital sex life or intimate body parts? 

 

Do you think you would feel a desire to brag about your partner's sexual prowess or features to confidants? Share tales amongs married friends/relatives?

 

Would you be okay with your partner doing the above even if they only sharing positive aspects?

 

 

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Normally I'm the last person to be shy about talking about sex in a general sense. But I think I would be very private about my personal sex life with my wife. I don't mind it if my wife gave general sex advice in regards to expectations and techniques. But I wouldn't be comfortable with her talking about my "size" or my performance, even if it was positive. I also would try to honor her by not disclosing her personal details either. I would just feel like the typical douchey guy who shares sexual conquest stories with his douchey friends, even if it was about my wife.

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I will kick his ass if he shares anything, positive or negative about our sex life, even if he shares them anonymously online. Even if it's just something vague and doesn't go into any detail.

 

There will be no sharing of anything in our sex life unless we both agree to what and how much is being shared.

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I agree with vince and feel the same way. I also wouldnt want to share my marital sex life with others and i know i woud try to honor my wife by not revealing her personal details either.

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I definitely wouldn't want anything about our sex life shared. To be honest I've only had it brought up maybe two or three times and while it was always "positive" information it definitely lowered my opinions of all involved parties including the people who shared. It's just always struck me as an incredibly juvenile or uneducated thing to do. Luckily I'm fortunate enough to work with educated people so I don't really have much exposure to things like that. Phew. :P

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I'll go against the grain here and say that I'm okay with it, so long as it's not told to just anyone and without too many details. I'm very close to my group of friends and we share everything, even, to some extent, our sex lives. My friends who have had intercourse don't tell each other their partners' sizes, nor do they gossip about performances, but I do know whether they do different positions, oral, role-play, etc. A lot of the time, it comes in handy since they can exchange advice and tips. I would feel extremely uncomfortable having the same conversations with anybody else, but since we are so close and we know we're not going to tattle outside the group, I feel it's okay. If my husband had a similar group of friends, I'd be okay with him sharing the same things with them, and I'd hope he would be okay with me doing it with my friends. Of course, I wouldn't say anything he wouldn't want me to say, either, but I like generally being able to talk about anything with my closest friends.

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I would love to share the details, if she agrees with it. I would not generally say no if she does not want to, but there is a limit, yes. I think it is totally up to her, it is her preference.

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Me personally, I do not know, I have never had a real relationship before. But I am thinking about the general population in my answer. Why share if you are married already unless it was to uplift others, but of course details are not important and in fact unnecessary and juvenile. By sharing I would think the person who is married would tell only vague descriptions, not enough that the image of it happening could appear in the mind, but enough only so that the other person knew that they were being satisfied so they would not worry about them. I understand a friend would not want the woman (or man) to be married to someone who refused sex with them or shamed them for their want of sex with their partner. So in the sense, if you are married, you should have discussion with this topic with your wife. And if you are not married yet, you should discuss this before you marry so that you know what he/she would do. Oh another thing that is sort of related but not, if you are a man or woman, regardless, never ask to film or take photos of any of your partners private parts because you do not know that it could end up online, even if there is not a breakup and something done in revenge, people can hack the phone or computer and steal the pictures. So I would also advise to never tell anyone of your friends or family who like to tell other people.

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You just do not do that. It is the most intimate contact you could have with another person. So unless you have no respect for the other person, its just not right to just blab about that private moment to anyone who can listen. Its a betrayal of trust.

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How much are you comfortable with your parter disclosing to others in regard to your marital sex life or intimate body parts? 

 

Do you think you would feel a desire to brag about your partner's sexual prowess or features to confidants? Share tales amongs married friends/relatives?

 

Would you be okay with your partner doing the above even if they only sharing positive aspects?

 

 

I would be comfortable with my partner disclosing things in regard to sex life or intimate body parts.

I would never brag about my partners prowess or features without her permission. I dont know how I would feel if my spouse was bragging about me or wanted me to brag about her. I'm also unsure about the sharing of positive aspects. I think I would be mainly opposed just because what we have, other people would not need to know about.     

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I second Crystal; I think it's healthy to be able to talk about various aspects of your relationship with close friends, and that includes sex. I'm totally OK with him saying positive things about me to friends...and honestly, even negative things too. While I think all issues (not only sexual ones) in relationships should first be brought up and discussed by the two people involved, I also think it can be beneficial to be able to talk through problems with very close friends as well. I've probably only resorted to this 2 or 3 times in the course of my 6 year relationship, but each time I think it was helpful, and I trust that the people I picked to listen have not violated my confidence. I think the key to doing this correctly is that your talk with your friend shouldn't be about bashing your partner, it should be about coming to them for advice to solve a problem you and your partner are facing together.

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I can say that it depend of every couples mind and convictions, being open or preservative, that's why am not surprised to see some with it and others against it but personally i like to keep my personal life private, a secret world with one entrance and one key that only me and my partner are allowed and whatever happens there stay there, unfortunately most share things to impress the others  forgetting that a friend today may turn an ennemy tomorrow and use all what was shared to cause serious problems with the partner or even destroying the relationship itself !!

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Thanks for the perspective peoples!

 

What sparked this thread originally was overhearing a chat by some girls (some of which I knew) over sexual matters and one of them mentioned something about her boyfriend's size although in a rather non-specific way. It struck me as a violation of trust especially considering her statement could be traced to a specific, known individual and also in regard to the general context of the conversation.

 

I'm a rather private individual so I would feel quite violated if private details where shared particularly in a gossipy/casual kind of way and that could extend to not only performance but also certain acts/kinks that tend to rub against the grain in one's particular cultural context. I think the assurance of confidentiality would create more of a "safe space" feel in regard to sexual matters which would increase the kind of communication and openness to vulnerability that would further a wonderfully intimate sex life. But I also understand the value of people being able to discuss private issues to confidants in confidence. So I think a discussion of what and to whom disclosure can be made will be an important discussion to undertake.

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I wouldn't be comfortable with my wife sharing details about our sex life. And I don't plan on sharing details about her. Unless we're in counseling for something sex related, I don't see how talking to others about intimate matters helps anyone. I don't know how it is for women, so maybe it's not an issue, but if some guy was telling me how great his wife was in bed or breast size, or whatever, that's going to plant images in my head that won't honor my wife. I have to do what I can to guard myself.

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