Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Mac&Cheese

The Dating Game

16 posts in this topic

So, in many pre-dating phase relationships we have a set number of "potential" candidates for whom we would consider dating. Some times this can be between 2 or 4 people or sometimes even more. Is this okay, or does it set up a problem in the future? Would it be better to just talk to one person at a time...any ideas?

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dunno Mac&Cheese I kinda disagree with talking to more than one person at a time with the intent of dating each of them. For me, personally, the way I see it is how can I truely devote myself to getting to know the person if my heart is filled with more than one person. Like, if I'm talking to more than one person I'll talk to them only if I know I don't want to date them and see them only as a friend but when it comes to dating a person, I focus my attention on that one person and I'd want them to do the same for me. I'm not into games of any kind and if I get with a person I take it very serious, now and I would want him to know that I only want to be with him and only him and so I'd stop and limit my interactions with the opposite gender and to be respectful to my partner. I believe, when in comes to dating,in talking to only one person other than my family and that is the person I'm dating. I've had to learn this the hard way but it's been for the better.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dunno Mac&Cheese I kinda disagree with talking to more than one person at a time with the intent of dating each of them. For me, personally, the way I see it is how can I truely devote myself to getting to know the person if my heart is filled with more than one person. Like, if I'm talking to more than one person I'll talk to them only if I know I don't want to date them and see them only as a friend but when it comes to dating a person, I focus my attention on that one person and I'd want them to do the same for me. I'm not into games of any kind and if I get with a person I take it very serious, now and I would want him to know that I only want to be with him and only him and so I'd stop and limit my interactions with the opposite gender and to be respectful to my partner. I believe, when in comes to dating,in talking to only one person other than my family and that is the person I'm dating. I've had to learn this the hard way but it's been for the better.

I can see where you're coming from, I think in that aspect its a mutual respect if you only talk to each other. It also makes sense because it would be more frustrating to give your attention to multiple people...The better question would be how do you keep these things from developing from a friend-friend relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hello! when dating i stick to one person at a time, its easier to keep track of dates that way...well for me anyway, im super busy and I forget stuff :lol: I also dread that awkward moment of seeing one person while dating another :blush:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hello! when dating i stick to one person at a time, its easier to keep track of dates that way...well for me anyway, im super busy and I forget stuff laugh.gif I also dread that awkward moment of seeing one person while dating another blush.gif

hahah right!!! omg!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can see where you're coming from, I think in that aspect its a mutual respect if you only talk to each other. It also makes sense because it would be more frustrating to give your attention to multiple people...The better question would be how do you keep these things from developing from a friend-friend relationship.

Usually Mac&Cheese, I let them down easy (don't wanna hurt the male ego) once it gets to that point and if they still choose to remain friends it's totally cool and if not that's okay too I'd understand.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Multiple Prospects: Yes

I've focused one at a time, and that is a waste of time. You'll find someone you like, play the dating game, and get hosed in the end. I have ignored other potential options because I found someone I really thought I liked, and the results are terrible.

My suggestion: Don't string anyone along, but meet people, and decide which person you're interested in. You can filter people down from there, mainly by seeing who shows interest in you as well.

I have enough social circles where it isn't normally a problem to meet multiple dating prospects. My problem comes in finding someone l like; then having someone in that group trying to set me up with someone else. Happens to me all the time, and it's hilariously frustrating. You can't date the girl you're interested in because one of their friends is interested in you...and trying anyway is like poking a hornet's nest.

But I digress...

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey Gil,

I understand what you mean. I think that rings true for me too in a way. I guess I understood his question as if you want to date someone how do you approach it. Like do you talk to several people at once then weed 'em out kinda thing but your way as taking them as friends first then seeing if there's anything there I do that too sometimes but I usually keep it strictly friend based then if there's one that sparks my interest I only talk to him. I think it'd be rude of me to be leading him on and talking to several other guys as fall back plans. I hate that actually.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand what you mean. I think that rings true for me too in a way. I guess I understood his question as if you want to date someone how do you approach it. Like do you talk to several people at once then weed 'em out kinda thing but your way as taking them as friends first then seeing if there's anything there I do that too sometimes but I usually keep it strictly friend based then if there's one that sparks my interest I only talk to him. I think it'd be rude of me to be leading him on and talking to several other guys as fall back plans. I hate that actually.

I completely agree with this and I know what it feels like to be someone’s fallback :( . I think it’s the best policy to be strictly friends first and if it develops into something else then give it a try. However, if you know for sure that due to their beliefs or whatever, that the relationship won’t last long then don’t bother dating. Why waste your time and theirs?

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

However, if you know for sure that due to their beliefs or whatever, that the relationship won’t last long then don’t bother dating. Why waste your time and theirs?

Well, I struggle with this myself. The "good" Christian girls I am interested in don't reciprocate feelings. I chased chaste girls for 5 years and got nowhere. That game was tiring, so I expanded my horizons into other leauges. I recently started dating someone active in her church, doing volunteer events for it as well. She attends regularly, probably even better than I do at my church. However, she's a lot more liberal in a lot of ways, even believing things that contradict most accepted Christian principles.

Maybe she had a bad past but is open to not being super focused on the sexual status quo of most relationships. We've been on a hand full of dates and we haven't scared each other away, but I'm somewhat skeptical. Haven't quite been put into a situation to where we share our intentions, but I have a feeling I will find out soon enough...

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My Mom and I talked about this not so long ago and she tells me that it is perfectly alright to to date multiple people at the same time for the sake of "weeding" people out and it's not cheating if you aren't in a [committed] relationship. Like is short, don't waste time on one person at a time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I may be narrow minded, but I just can't do it. I naturally only can have feelings and interest in one guy at a time. I guess I do my "weeding out" when I'm just friends with them because I can I have really good premonitions; I can tell pretty early on if they might be right for me or not. When I'm one on one with just person and can dedicate all my time to them, it helps me see things clearer and focus on the details.

I am also not a competitive person, so that could also be why.

I completely agree with this and I know what it feels like to be someone’s fallback :( . I think it’s the best policy to be strictly friends first and if it develops into something else then give it a try. However, if you know for sure that due to their beliefs or whatever, that the relationship won’t last long then don’t bother dating. Why waste your time and theirs?

This is another point out of my plethora of reasons ^.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I may be narrow minded, but I just can't do it. I naturally only can have feelings and interest in one guy at a time. I guess I do my "weeding out" when I'm just friends with them because I can I have really good premonitions; I can tell pretty early on if they might be right for me or not. When I'm one on one with just person and can dedicate all my time to them, it helps me see things clearer and focus on the details.

100% agree---I can decide before really "dating" whether I want our 'acquantance"/"friendship"/"whatever" to go in that direction or not

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I would humorously call all this... the "Bachelorization" of the universe...

I have to say I never dated more than one girl at a time - and I am EXHAUSTED thinking about how you date more than one person at a time! I clearly am not a player LOL.

I will say there is a difference to me about dating more than one person at a time, and going out on 1st or 2nd dates with a few people... going out is one thing... but if I can feign some sort of distinction here, once you get to about 3rd dates... feels like you should be ready to try it on for a while without distraction...

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Multiple Prospects: Yes

My suggestion: Don't string anyone along, but meet people, and decide which person you're interested in. You can filter people down from there, mainly by seeing who shows interest in you as well.

I have enough social circles where it isn't normally a problem to meet multiple dating prospects. My problem comes in finding someone l like; then having someone in that group trying to set me up with someone else. Happens to me all the time, and it's hilariously frustrating. You can't date the girl you're interested in because one of their friends is interested in you...and trying anyway is like poking a hornet's nest.

But I digress...

This is a great point Gil! I admit to being on the wrong end of that more than a few times! I had a roommate who I think all the girls thought was cute, and I on more than one occasion found myself liking someone who really liked him... :(

But that puts us back on the point of a little general all-purpose "browsing" can be fine... I just do sort of think that if you're past a 2nd date... maybe you really are "dating".... and then I for one was down to one-at-a-time... :)

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think I would humorously call all this... the "Bachelorization" of the universe...

I have to say I never dated more than one girl at a time - and I am EXHAUSTED thinking about how you date more than one person at a time! I clearly am not a player LOL.

Yeah same here. I just couldn't do it emotionally for one thing..plus I just really don't think its fair to the other person.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have to say I never dated more than one girl at a time - and I am EXHAUSTED thinking about how you date more than one person at a time! I clearly am not a player LOL.

Feast or famine! I've gone on dates with multiple people in a short amount of time. I have not gone on multiple dates with multiple people over a short period of time. Like ian was saying, after a couple dates, you have to decide where to commit. Usually I'm kicked to the curb by then!

And I don't know too many V-card carrying Players haha.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0