NoName

Fear of being cheated on?

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I was wondering if any of you have ever thought of not waiting any longer, because you were afraid of being cheated on. I keep seeing people getting cheated on and cheating, and it makes me think whether or not there is anyone that wouldn't. How can I know? Most people who will cheat on you, wouldn't tell you they're going to cheat, or else they fall to their temptation and cheat spur of the moment. I've been really nervous about that lately because people close to me, that I would have never guessed would cheat have cheated. I'm starting to wonder if I even want to get married. I know I want a relationship with a woman and have kids. However I was thinking maybe I should just say screw it, have sex and when I'm ready just adopt a kid. I hate that I would be giving everything up however, it's driving me crazy. Sorry for any mistakes I wrote this quickly. Also sorry if this is posted in the wrong place or has already been posted.

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It sucks, doesn't it? Many people can only think of themselves, and neglect consideration of who may get hurt as a result of their actions.

 

This probably will not be a satisfying answer. But you just need to have faith - in God, in the universe, in the faith of people - whatever you call it. You will find someone you can completely trust, and you know only loves you. Frankly, if you're waiting, and find someone else who is, the chances of that are reduced significantly, because they value sex only in committed, married relationships.

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At least with waiting, I think at the very least you'd have plenty of time to figure out if your SO is the cheating type and GTFO before you ever end up sleeping with that person. I know the statistics surrounding cheating are a bit scary (I've read that upwards of 70% of men cheat on their wives, and up to 60% of women cheat on their husbands), but honestly, that's way less scary than looking at the statistics surrounding people who are WTM. If you're already holding out for the slim percentage of women willing to wait for you, surely you can also hold out for someone who is in the 40% of women who will never cheat.

 

Would having casual sex and adopting a child as a single parent really be anywhere near as fulfilling as what you really want, a marriage and two-parent family? Even if your spouse did end up cheating, you would still have given it your all, and gotten to live your dream for a few years. To me, that seems far preferable to giving up simply out of fear of getting hurt. I believe that having a deep, loving relationship, is one of the bravest things ordinary people can do. Why? Simply because of how vulnerable it does require us to be. It would be absolutely devastating to me if my boyfriend were to cheat on me, but I'd much rather have known what it was to have a romantic partnership with another person than to have gone through my entire life with my guard up, never letting anyone else in.

 

Finally, everything I've read suggests that cheating has to do with some kind of unhappiness present within the relationship that is allowed to fester. Very rarely do people cheat with someone they love more than their spouse, or even someone they think is more attractive than their spouse. It's simply a pathological coping mechanism to deal with their own unhappiness. So I think that if both people in the marriage are totally open with each other about their feelings, and are willing to work through any problems together...cheating is far less likely to occur.

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Looking for the right partner with similar qualities than you, faithful, honest, a one person man/woman type , hopefully virgin or seriously waiting till marriage to have sex, beside of being truly in love with each other, would make you avoid that risk of being cheated on, but all i can advice you to do is do the right choice and leave the doubt aside cuz it may destroy you and any relationship and remember people aren't all same and as there is good people there is also bad people ..

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Thanks for the replies. I am trying to have faith that God will lead me to a good woman. It's still scary that I could potentially be cheated on by my spouse that I would give everything to. To any fellow Christians reading this prayers would be appreciated. To any non Christians, thanks for reading and taking the time to respond.

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I don't know how someone could cheat on a waiter.  If you aren't in a sexual relationship, then your partner isn't violating your sex life with you.  The sex life doesn't exist.

 

I think you mean you don't want to be betrayed by someone.  Let the waiting until marriage philosphy sort out the betraying type.

 

How about that?  It hurts a HELL of a lot LESS to be betrayed than cheated on.  No one can cheat on you while you wait.  That's one of the many benefits of waiting.  It seems that a few replies are in agreement too.

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You need to be with someone you can trust at all times. If not, you will worry about what she does when you are not with her. Please take your time to know her well before you start a meaningful relationship!

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Thanks for the replies. I am trying to have faith that God will lead me to a good woman. It's still scary that I could potentially be cheated on by my spouse that I would give everything to. To any fellow Christians reading this prayers would be appreciated. To any non Christians, thanks for reading and taking the time to respond.

You are welcome and just know that we are here for each other so keep the faith and good luck !!

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I have been in a relationship where I was cheated on because I was a waiter. And the worst part was she's a Christian. Kinda made me lose faith in women. 

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If it is something you can't control it is best to not worry about it. There's nothing you can do either way to prevent this. You can only control if you cheat. Just choose wisely, a woman with strong character, love her the best you can. You can't control what she does beyond that, since you can't control it worrying only makes you miserable.

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