Ladywolflucy

To christian guys

16 posts in this topic

How would you feel if the christian woman you had serious (possibly future wife) told you that she was sexually abused by a sadistic man, who by definition tortured her into being a submissive. ( what i mean by submissive, is a Master/sub) and after him was raped by different males along her life.And there might also be a chance that she can never have children. would you still want her? is she still worthy to be wanted? 

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My heart would absolutely shatter for her. I would hold her tight and cry like I never cried before. There wouldn't be any of pain that would compare to the pain of knowing the woman I loved was the victim of such barbaric and savage acts. But that and the inability to have kids will not change how I feel about her, nor does that affect her worth in any way. In fact, that would make me want to love her more and do everything I can to help her ease the pain, even if just a little. If there was a way to take her pain and put it upon myself, I would do it without hesitation.

 

As for these "men," they had better pray for a conversion. Because the hell that I will give them on Earth will be nothing compared to the hell they will receive on Judgment Day.

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As bad as it sounds, I'm not sure I can answer this question in a politically correct way.

Thing is that when someone is broken it's not the best time to be in a relationship. It's actually the worst; not saying I wouldn't be there for her but as far as the whole future wife thing is concerned, trying to be in a relationship with her while she isn't yet healed to independence is kind of like taking advantage of her vulnerability.

 

Yes she is worthy to be wanted regardless; but being with her while she is still vulnerable is still taking advantage of her. A good relationship is built on a good foundation and the reason she is with me shouldn't be because she thinks I'm the only person who will love her after the trauma, it should be because she loves me.

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My feelings are very similar to Vince. I would also get emotional and hold her too. I would make sure to be there for her as she goes through her own process of healing. If there was a chance that she couldn't have children, would i still love her? Absolutely! I would still feel she has dignity and worth.

As for the abusive men in the story, that would be another matter: i really don't have tolerance for that type of behavior. Therefore, I would view them more as mere insects than human beings and i hope i don't meet them in person cause i would strongly feel obligated to administer my own form of justice chuck norris style.

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As bad as it sounds, I'm not sure I can answer this question in a politically correct way.

Thing is that when someone is broken it's not the best time to be in a relationship. It's actually the worst; not saying I wouldn't be there for her but as far as the whole future wife thing is concerned, trying to be in a relationship with her while she isn't yet healed to independence is kind of like taking advantage of her vulnerability.

 

Yes she is worthy to be wanted regardless; but being with her while she is still vulnerable is still taking advantage of her. A good relationship is built on a good foundation and the reason she is with me shouldn't be because she thinks I'm the only person who will love her after the trauma, it should be because she loves me.

 

Yeah that's a good point actually. I guess it depends on where she is at in her recovery process. If she is in a vulnerable state that great affects her judgment, then I would definitely want to keep it just friends. I would still help her until she can rationally decide whether her feelings for me are genuine or not. I think there is also the danger of her developing a co-dependency in addition to the danger of being taken advantage off as well.

 

The emotional scars will always be there, but when she is able to work through the emotions and put it behind her, then we can talk about being something more. 

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I agree with the above comments though I would consider the perpetrators nonetheless human beings. As terrible as their actions were designating them as subhuman creates the kind of problems there are enough of in the world. No doubt their actions were motivated by warped pathologies to which they also are to an extent victim even if they don't acknowledge it. 

 

That being said, the biggest issue in regards to our future together would be the extent and her willingness to recover from the trauma and address any possible pathological weaknesses in herself that may have facilitated these atrocities. Not saying that she is to blame for what was done to her but I believe there are reasons (beyond the threats presented by a perpetrator) that make some people tolerate/rationalise/stay in abusive relationships and for her own sake and to prevent repetition of past mistakes these weaknesses should be addressed. Considering the depth of such trauma, I would have to be well assured of her attitude towards it before commiting to anything serious though I'd certainly be there to help her. And I apply that standard to any issue be it depression, rape, childhood molestation etc. The difficulty lies of course in determining the extent of recovery....

 

Indeed, I daresay that past trauma [and not the kind willfully and intentionally persued e.g. promiscious lifestyle], successfully overcome, would make a potential partner even more attractive simply because of the strength and experience they would have gained in overcoming it. On the troublesome journey through life who would you rather partner with: someone completely innocent and inexperienced to life's trials and harships or someone who has waded through the sh*t this world has to offer, cleaned herself off, and is the better for it? Give me the sh*t wader I say! 

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Most of you believe that her feelings for you wouldn't be genuine, which I say to that if she was at a lower stage of recovery, this would of been true. A few years ago she would of dated anyone because it appears to her that men are above her, and that serving is her duty. It's not as severe as before, and she can kindly say no thank you to men when they ask her out. I think her biggest concern while in a relationship is if he'll accept her and won't use her past against her. As to the after effects to the trauma she has triggers ( items or words) that make her remember things or relive certain events in her mind. that is still a major work in progress. As well as nightmares.

As to reasons to staying in such relationships. The first. (Her Master) came into her life when she was ten. He wasn't Master until after a couple months, by then she trusted him. After the first day and he brought her back to school, she was too frightened and didn't want another punishment if she tried telling someone or didn't show up the next day. Believe me, she ran from him several times only to be caught and punished. She had that feeling of utter hopelessness.

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Most of you believe that her feelings for you wouldn't be genuine, which I say to that if she was at a lower stage of recovery, this would of been true. A few years ago she would of dated anyone because it appears to her that men are above her, and that serving is her duty. It's not as severe as before, and she can kindly say no thank you to men when they ask her out. I think her biggest concern while in a relationship is if he'll accept her and won't use her past against her. As to the after effects to the trauma she has triggers ( items or words) that make her remember things or relive certain events in her mind. that is still a major work in progress. As well as nightmares.

As to reasons to staying in such relationships. The first. (Her Master) came into her life when she was ten. He wasn't Master until after a couple months, by then she trusted him. After the first day and he brought her back to school, she was too frightened and didn't want another punishment if she tried telling someone or didn't show up the next day. Believe me, she ran from him several times only to be caught and punished. She had that feeling of utter hopelessness.

I know I'm not a guy, but just wanted to say, the story of this girl breaks my heart. To have gone through such horrible things that I can't even imagine, and still have the ability to tell her story...she sounds like a very strong person to me. That she is going through healing and working through her hopelessness, and able to break free from her past...she sounds amazingly strong.

I pray that she finds the kind of man that she is looking for!

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My heart would absolutely shatter for her. I would hold her tight and cry like I never cried before. There wouldn't be any of pain that would compare to the pain of knowing the woman I loved was the victim of such barbaric and savage acts. But that and the inability to have kids will not change how I feel about her, nor does that affect her worth in any way. In fact, that would make me want to love her more and do everything I can to help her ease the pain, even if just a little. If there was a way to take her pain and put it upon myself, I would do it without hesitation.

 

As for these "men," they had better pray for a conversion. Because the hell that I will give them on Earth will be nothing compared to the hell they will receive on Judgment Day.

 

My sentiments are the same as yours, Vince. My eyes are welling up just thinking about it and I would tell her that I love her, that her fellow brothers & sisters in Christ love her, and Jesus loves her.

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How would you feel if the christian woman you had serious (possibly future wife) told you that she was sexually abused by a sadistic man, who by definition tortured her into being a submissive. ( what i mean by submissive, is a Master/sub) and after him was raped by different males along her life.And there might also be a chance that she can never have children. would you still want her? is she still worthy to be wanted? 

 

I would accept someone like that. When someone has sadness I want to show them love 

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How would you feel if the christian woman you had serious (possibly future wife) told you that she was sexually abused by a sadistic man, who by definition tortured her into being a submissive. ( what i mean by submissive, is a Master/sub) and after him was raped by different males along her life.And there might also be a chance that she can never have children. would you still want her? is she still worthy to be wanted? 

 

Yes I'd want her. She'd still be worthy...but whether she believes so herself is unfortunately the bigger issue. :/ ...but all things are possible with faith.

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How would you feel if the christian woman you had serious (possibly future wife) told you that she was sexually abused by a sadistic man, who by definition tortured her into being a submissive. ( what i mean by submissive, is a Master/sub) and after him was raped by different males along her life.And there might also be a chance that she can never have children. would you still want her? is she still worthy to be wanted?

[/quote

U see I don't see forced sex like rape as losing your virginity or even giving it up simply because it wasn't a free will choice . My heart goes out to anyone that has to go through an agonizing hell like this and of course I could accept it , but as far as being with a woman I can't marry outside my religion so she would have to be either a catholic or orthodox girl .

As I said on many posts before , virginity is even more spiritual then it is physical .

As long as she knows how to live with all her being that is what truly counts in the end

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Yes I'd want her. She'd still be worthy...but whether she believes so herself is unfortunately the bigger issue. :/ ...but all things are possible with faith.

A truly wise and Christ like post

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If she was the one for me, of course I would.  None of those things would be her fault to begin with (or *were* her fault, assuming this is an actual person we're talking about).

I'd be concerned, however, about her mental and emotional state, and how much progress she had made in coming to terms with her past trauma.  I'm an emotionally weak man myself, and though I've "been the therapist" in at least one relationship, I wouldn't want to take on that role again.  It's just exhausting, even though the idea of protecting and nurturing a vulnerable woman is attractive to a lot of men...

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How would you feel if the christian woman you had serious (possibly future wife) told you that she was sexually abused by a sadistic man, who by definition tortured her into being a submissive. ( what i mean by submissive, is a Master/sub) and after him was raped by different males along her life.And there might also be a chance that she can never have children. would you still want her? is she still worthy to be wanted? 

 

Hi Ladywolflucy,

 

... I don't even know where to begin by believing how bad thinking such a woman could be on.

 

"Is she still worthy to be wanted?"... Whoever couldn't be worthy?! Besides, such a Woman, with a deserved capital W, would have endured all the raping and torture without losing her mind and her ideals... How the hell wouldn't she be worthy?

 

As said above by the numerous replies before, my answer would be a resounding YES. How can one say "no" to someone who still believes in her ideals, who carried them through Hell itself, and still stands full on her feet despite the hits? I'd be ready to help her go through a complete recovery and hold her truly to my heart.

 

Though, as said by previous posters, I'm worried about her own self-image. I can love Her with all my soul, but can she love herself? The human mind is a fragile thing, sadly. I'd wait for her to realize and take the time to make sure she can love Love again before taking any kind of decision with her. As Laurentinus said, some guys like vulnerable women; but I'm not. I'd rather avoid to be her next unwilling abuser : there are boys way better than me she could get, and I wouldn't want her to take me just because she feels weak or abused.

 

And for the b*****d who did that to her, I don't think I'd be able not to traumatize him harder than what he did. Even if it'd cost me damnation or worse. It might not be Christ-wise of me, but I can't even begin to believe that a Soul could be hurt that way without consequences.

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If I liked her before i found that out, then finding that out wouldn't change my opinion. As others said it might be a good idea to make sure she is ok to start a relationship after such traumatizing experiences. I Would be surprised of someone actually openly said  she was not worthy...but I suppose those people do exist... She cannot control what happened to her in the past, I would only be concerned with who she is now. It has to be said, such a relationship may not be easy, it will mean a lot of communication,  it might mean being a shoulder to cry on. However as I said before if I'm otherwise attracted it's doubtful that fact alone would scare me away.

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