Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
DHZ

How do you deal with lonelyness?

7 posts in this topic

I'm just starting to think that maybe I should deal with this now while I'm trying to get girlfriend instead of after I have one.

 

I'm a Christian so I know God's love. Even when I feel lonely I know he's her with me.

 

I don't really have any friends from church right now. So I usually just end up hanging out by myself wishing I could find a girlfriend. I did have friends not to long ago at church but they just seemed to stop going. So I'll usually just hang out by my self during worship. Then go in when the message starts. Though I really don't go for the messages at the churches I goto. Mostly because they are talking about what we need to do for the kingdom and for other, when the focus should be on Jesus, and relationship with God.

 

Anyways, I did have some friends that I could hang out with every week they were the guys I went to church with, but after they stopped going to church they haven't had anyone over too. So I've spend the last two to three weekends along.

 

Also even If the girl I been talking about becomes my girlfriend. She's dealing with depression too, so she has a tendency to want to be alone. Which probably wouldn't help my loneliness too.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What I find best to take the edge off the emotional stress of being alone is...

1) Exercising.

2) Reading.

3) This site.

4) Working for 6 days at a time.

5) Trying to keep a positive outlook on the situation at hand.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Read, go out and meet people, visit family, volunteer at an elderly home, work out, PRAY.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm just starting to think that maybe I should deal with this now while I'm trying to get girlfriend instead of after I have one.

 

Loneliness is a normal reaction to being alone, and is the emotional indicator that it is time for fellowship.  Its like being hungry, where its the body's indicator that it is time to eat.

 

Isolation, however, is not good.  It is the deprivation of the need to be with others.  It is analogous to starvation being the deprivation of food.  It depends on what you mean by loneliness.

 

If you are wondering what to do while you are lonely (as an indicator), then you simply find fellowship to satisfy the craving to be with others.  This is analogous to eating food to satisfy your hunger.

 

This is the ideal situation.  But I imagine you are not asking about how to deal with the ideal; I imagine you are instead asking how to deal with things when ideal options are not available.

 

You might be asking how to deal with loneliness when you don't have the means to get the fellowship you need.  You are in luck, sir; there is an answer to this one too.  It is analogous to what happens when you are hungry and there is no food available to eat, or it is not time to eat yet, or you are on a diet, or something.  There are neat tricks to handle hunger when this happens.  You can drink water to fill the stomach.  It helps a little.  You can exercise.  You can sleep.  All these things will help you wait a little before there is finally food available.

 

So here it is.  When you are lonely and the options for fellowship are limited, one might, in general, try to find ways to find fulfillment in creative solitude.  Creative solitude is much different than isolation.  There are many moments in history where creative solitude has led to remarkable changes to human culture after sessions were shared.  Here are a few ways to do this.  One method is to spend time building yourself up into a more enhanced human being.  This can be done with exercise, taking a class in something, acquiring a new skill, learning something new, or stuff like that.  Another way is to compose works of art, music, crafts, writing, or cooking, or something.  Another way is to buy, sell, trade, shop, invest, or other things like this.  Yet another way is to do puzzles, play games, perform research, study, calculate, or do an experiment.  I tried to accomodate all the main temperaments here.

 

There is another thing that happens as you progress in these things.  You will find that you will "get over yourself" when you add any of these new pieces of humanity into your life.  The less you are bored, the less you will be lonely.  It seems that preoccupying oneself with hobbies to quench loneliness is analogous to drinking water to hold us over until hunger can be satisfied with real food.  The reason this works is because loneliness is a more advanced form of boredom.  Quench boredom, and loneliness quenches with it.  Busy people aren't lonely.  Don't believe me?  Try to talk to a busy person in the middle of something all by themselves.  They will most certainly reply back with: "Not now," or "In a minute, I have to finish this..."

 

As one "gets over oneself," another neat thing happens.  Those new hobbies you have just acquired will make you an enthusiast enough to want to join clubs and groups to learn more and get all those questions answered that you've collected doing these new things.  Then you will meet people in these new venues.  This will be analogous to food becoming available after you held yourself over by drinking water instead to deal with it.  You will find that you will not feel more lonely after you finally meet some available people to fellowship with, you will feel LESS lonely.  THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT HERE.  It is absolutely necessary to "get over yourself" by finding creative solitude FIRST before making new needed friends.  This is because you will smother your new friends with NEEDINESS and sabotage your new friendships unless you learn to be happy alone first.  When people see that you generate happiness from within by practicing creative solitude, they will have something to gain from your valuable friendship.  In the spirit of the connected world of the 21st century: YOU will get texted, YOU will get the calls, YOU will be invited.

 

I hope you understand another thing about loneliness.  You are not alone in your loneliness either (I love word games, heh).  I figured all this crap out by the time I hit 31.  That's right, in other words, I finally learned how to make friends the right way when I became 31!  That's late, but so what!  I got news for you, personally.  I get the texts, I get the calls, and I get the invitations now.  Sometimes I don't even answer because I am too introverted to answer all of the social opportunities and I need to rest!

 

I will also tell you to be quite careful of one thing.  Imagine if you saw someone yelling at a starving person or just someone who was even hungry.  Wouldn't that make you mad?  I mean, really.  This is analogous to someone blaming someone for being lonely by telling them that its all their fault.  Don't believe a word they say, its garbage.  Loneliness will happen again, and its NORMAL.  Its just like being hungry, nothing more.  But, yelling at an isolated person is like yelling at a starving person.  Gimmie a break, please knock anyone out that does this to the least of these.  What an isolated person needs is friendship.  The only thing I want to see another do for an isolated person is to give them quality time.

 

Some people just need a boost.  The question is: "What am I going to do to help you?"  Well, in good personal fashion, I will make sure to stay at least one of your friendly neighborhood WTM acquaintances.  I always offer the WTM public chat room, and I visit it regularly.  I will be sure to give a boost whenever you need one.  People in my own life did that for me in the past, and now I never have to worry about being isolated ever again.  Even if it took me over 30 years to figure it out...

 

Oh, and I figured it out before I had a girlfriend like you will too, heh...

 

=D

4 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a cat, that helps me! :D

You sicko... I think that's illegal...

8 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You sicko... I think that's illegal...

YOU MADE MY DAY WITH THIS! HAHAHAHAHA

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0