Queen

Why its hard to wait

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We often talk about the benefits to waiting.  But, to some who wait, remaining celibate is quite difficult. 
 

This thread is to list reasons remaining celibate is challenging.
 

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-It is hard to say you are a waiter in the moment when the person you love is initiating sex with you.

 

-It's easy to wait when a person has very few actual temptations, their path in celibacy is different than the person who actively dates. 

 

-One difficultly for me in celibacy is when I tell a man I am dating that I am waiting, its like they take it as a challenge to change my mind!  Men are deceiving me and makes me mad at men!  But its not all men, just a lot of them.  God tests the heart of man, and I think a lot of them fail the test.  (This is just my perspective as a single, 30 yr old female).

 

 

When I meet a man who respects me, I will just appreciate them that much more.

 

 

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What do you find difficult in your celibacy?

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-One difficultly for me in celibacy is when I tell a man I am dating that I am waiting, its like they take it as a challenge to change my mind!  Men are deceiving me and makes me mad at men!  But its not all men, just a lot of them.  God tests the heart of man, and I think a lot of them fail the test.  (This is just my perspective as a single, 30 yr old female).

 

 

Wow girl, I feel you on this point especially. It's funny, every man I've dated or talked to seriously, God has used to test me or teach me about love. (What it means to love God properly, the way He deserves and longs to be loved---faithfully, wholeheartedly). And at the same time, I feel like God was using ME to test THEM. (Your ideal girl is here, what are you going to do with her.??? Or, here's a nice girl....are you going to play games with her/use her/corrupt her). Omg sooo good!!!! I think that can be true in any relationship. Very good!

 

My challenges include: 

 

---enduring seasons of loneliness (they come & go)----times when I have no one to turn to or talk to at the end of the day or feel socially isolated, no matter how many friends I have. When I have a partner, the loneliness is washed away; I feel fulfilled, I feel I have someone to turn to, to share my world....

 

----not having someone to show affection to (I am openly affectionate to all my friends, but I am a super touchy person. I mean, whenever I have a bf, I am all over him).

 

 

 

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Not getting many dates because I'm up front about waiting. Which, is also a good thing. Double edged sword.

Family members thinking all of my issues would just go away if I got laid...again, because I'm not ashamed to share that I'm waiting.

Being 35ish before realizing that I'd be ok in life alone, if I never find love. Yeah, that could be a good thing, too.

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It makes it tough to find someone to date. For a variety of reasons that most everyone on here I'm sure knows, being a waiter makes it tougher to find a man or woman with whom you are compatible. This can then lead to moments of intense worrying about never getting to experience sex and remaining single forever.

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My challenges include:

---enduring seasons of loneliness (they come & go)----times when I have no one to turn to or talk to at the end of the day or feel socially isolated, no matter how many friends I have. When I have a partner, the loneliness is washed away; I feel fulfilled, I feel I have someone to turn to, to share my world....

----not having someone to show affection to (I am openly affectionate to all my friends, but I am a super touchy person. I mean, whenever I have a bf, I am all over him).

Yeah that pretty much sums it up for me too. The seasons of loneliness are getting more frequent as I get older and I get even more isolated which makes it even worse. Someone made another thread about "skin hunger" and I totally feel that a lot. I just long for someone to hold in my arms and feel affectionate towards.

It's also tough given that I'm 30 and without any experience in dating. By this age, almost everyone has been at least in one relationship. It's not so much the fear of never finding someone that bothers me, it is the fear of wondering if I am even capable of getting into a relationship. I feel like there is a difference. Because a person can have the qualities that would make them capable of getting into a healthy relationship, yet still never have been in one due to not finding the right one. Despite many failed attempts, it makes me feel like I've been doing something wrong this whole time and that I don't have the necessary qualities to get into one.

I don't say this to throw a pity party. That's just how I genuinely feel.

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I just long for someone to hold in my arms and feel affectionate towards.

This. This is one of the biggest things I fight to ignore. If I think about it too much it makes it difficult to be ok being alone. That skin hunger concept is very true for me...and I'm not really touchy-feely with most people, but I want to be with one person.

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I am Christian and I'm choosing to wait until marriage not only religious wise but for myself as a individual and follower of Christ. A reason why I find it so hard to wait is because, with me and my boyfriend, we connect on an emotional and mental level but, my mind will wonder if we will connect on a sexual level to the point of rationalizing why having premarital sex is okay. However, then I think about the hurt and regret I would feel if I took up that offer in my head and I decide that it's not worth possibly loosing a really nice guy over a moment of vulnerability.

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This may sound arrogant, but that's not the way it's meant to.

 

My waiting is not for myself. It's not about what I want out of a relationship.  I can call upon many facts about waiting improving relationship satisfaction to further support my decision, but it's not about me. It's also not just about "her" - it's about all the "her"s that may exist in my life, and how I never want to put someone in a position where they will feel like less than the only one I've ever truly wanted. It's based out of strong moral principle.

 

The reason waiting is hard is how it makes me look at the world. I wait because I believe it to be morally righteous, and thus I find myself frowning at many people's decisions to not do what I believe to be righteous.  It makes you lose faith in people, seeing them as impulsive, inconsiderate, selfish...

 

Of course we need to know forgiveness. But that doesn't change the initial reaction I feel when I find someone who I'm interested in, or even someone I simply know, hasn't waited. It's hard looking down on people, especially when you don't want to live that way.

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One of the biggest challenges i have faced while waiting was my constant hormonal urge. I guess it's different for every guy, but iv'e had a really high sex drive as long as i can remember and sometimes it drives me nuts. Waiting in today's world is so much harder because the majority of the people don't wait and you start to doubt if you'll ever find someone who waits as well. I guess some people think it's not worth to wait cause no one's waiting, thus they give up.

 

Secondly, for me personally waiting is so hard because people have over sexualized everything in the world today from cars to household goods. Look at any form of media and you'll see what i'm talking about. And because of all this the temptation is so much more.   

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