Buster Cannon

Are STDs a deal breaker?

26 posts in this topic

Came across this vid on Facebook:

While I don't agree with the opinion of the guy in the vid at all (he does have some other really good vids), it does raise an interesting question. Thoughts?

Personally, I couldn't do it. I feel that this is a little further beyond simply overlooking someone's past, because now you're talking about willingly contracting a disease. That's something that I'd rather avoid to be honest.

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No no NO NO NOOOOO! Come on....No!

I have no other words but NO! Just no.

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Easy for people to simply say NO, it can be alot to take on alongside dealing with someones past...I'm not surprised given that reaction on this website.  But at least Steadfast has some logic here and as he says quite rightly, it depends on the circumstances and how they got it. There are so many stigmas about STDs, people simply assume that whoever has one must have contracted it from sleeping around etc. Yes obviously there's a greater chance the more sexual partners that person has but there are so many unfortunate instances as well. 

 

What if that person contracted it from a cheating partner?

I knew one guy who had sex for the FIRST TIME and got herpes from that person. Can you imagine how he must feel... 

What if you date someone who you really like that ticks all your boxes, eventually fall in love and then he/she tells they have a STD?  

 

Furthermore think about this way, if you're with someone who has a STD and you're both going to wait til marriage you're not going to contract anything anyway.

 

There's far too much ignorance so I'm not surprised many people would reject someone with a STD

yet people don't realise that even with an incurable one, it's still very unlikely for it to be passed on (obviously depends on the STD, the severity etc. too much to get into on here). It's natural most people will fall into believing that these things would be too much to take which is understable but don't be so dismissive and abrasive (like Jasmine23 above) without at least trying to understand the circumstances.

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To the poster above, I understand what you're saying about STD's and what not, it's not just sexual partners but people can get STD's if they go for a medical procedure and the autoclave wasn't done properly (especially with blood borne pathogens). While I have to admit it is sad and unbecoming that such a situation may occur and the world isn't fair, I have to say that while I can be friends with someone who has an or even had an STD (as many of them can be cured with simple anti-biotics), it'll be very hard to accept them as someone to marry.

 

This isn't because their worth as a person is diminished or that there is a problem with them that can't be overcome. It's more of a fact that those who have an a curable STD usually means they have had it more recently (meaning they haven't exactly made the decision to become someone I would like to be with) and those who have an incurable STD which include Herpes (though it can go into remission) HIV and other viral diseases which will be with someone for the rest of their life would be difficult to accept.

 

I mean, I really don't know. Could I possibly do it; I might if the circumstances were a certain way but honestly it's hard to imagine a situation in which I would willingly want to be with and marry someone who has an STD.

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Am sorry for the person having STD but personally i try my best to stay away from anything which can affect me and my life, so my answer is a NO

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What if the STD was not directly contracted from someone else. What if it was from a blood transfer gone wrong? Or a rape? :(

 

I don't have an answer myself, yet. I'm just curious what others think

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What if the STD was not directly contracted from someone else. What if it was from a blood transfer gone wrong? Or a rape? :(

 

I don't have an answer myself, yet. I'm just curious what others think

 

Exactly look at my post above....and I would also add you can contract it even if you don't have intercourse...e.g. through oral.

 

I think people are very quick to judge and form opinions based on very little knowledge about STDs.  I was like this. I thought that the only people who get them are those that sleep around and/or prositutes.

To give you an idea, for example 1 in 6 people in the US have genital herpes (HSV2), that is almost 50 million people!!  

So think about it...it's very likely that every one of us will know at least someone with a STD, it's just that he/she would never disclose it, for obvious reasons, primiarly due to the taboo and stigma that exists. And furthermore, there are those that have it and don't even know they have a STD!  (due to the lack of symptoms).

 

So you see it's worth trying to understand the circumstances and context of how and why rather than being instantly dismissive and also recognising the overblown stigma that exists and that they are far more common than people think.

There is far too much detail to expand on especially on a forum such as this but no question there needs to be more awareness and education about STDs in general.

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What if it was from a blood transfer gone wrong?

 

Well, a disease wouldn't be sexually transmitted through a blood transfusion.  Though some diseases have multiple vectors, a specific transmission, sexually, is the one in question here...

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Wow, great topic actually and something I've never really put too much thought into for a couple specific reasons.

One of which is that I have always figured the probability of me marrying a 'Non-Waiter' is likely very low.

So that sort of answers that question right there in a nutshell.

But I think it's more important even than that, and maybe I'm thinking too far into this this topic but the "reason" for marriage is what, sex.

And the "reason" for sex is of course bonding between married folks, but certainly not to be superseded by the need to reproduce.

Therefore, reproducing with someone who has an STI/STD, the chances of them passing along that disease to the child during birth, I speaking as a man here.

But her passing along that disease to our child and it affecting our child's health, well that's very concerning to me.

I'm thinking of the choice I have to marry and have children with this person, however our children don't have that ability to make that choice?

It's like the person, whom i'd definitely love and be with till death do us part, however that is still quite an overwhelming thought isn't it?

The past isn't always just a person's past, but the ramifications of those choices, we have to live with as well, those whom we've yet to think of.

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Yeah, it depends what it is, and how he got it. Some things can be cured, and some aren't dangerous. If it's something that could actually seriously harm me or even kill me, then I've got to say no.

 

xxx

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I'm proud of the diversity of perspectives here.  Waiters can sometimes be narrow in thought.  This is why discussion is great!

There are a lot of "what ifs".  What if someone was sexual abused as a child and got an STD?  Or their mother passed on the STD to them during childbirth?  Now their future is plagued and to no fault of their own. 

 

One does not have to date someone with an STD, but compassion and understanding for others is invaluable whether you date them or not.

 

The guy in the video made some great points. 

I don't think I could knowingly date someone with an STD even still.  I don't think I could say, "Yes, I will catch your incurable disease."  But if I had an incurable disease, I probably would be heartbroken.  That would really be so wonderful if someone could love me so purely.  The love of Jesus, like the guy in the video suggests.

 

To share another perspective.  Most adults have Herpes type 1, which is not always an STD (but can be).  Herpes type 1 is canker sores and cold sores (in the mouth), and Herpes type 2 is genital herpes.  But either one can exist in either place.  So if you get the occasional canker sore, chances are high you have herpes too. 

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I understand the fact std's can be transferred through birth or rape or drinking after someone and it's not that persons choice but the answer is still NO! I'd like to keep the healthy life I'm trying to live and not be bombarded with an std or two. Why would I risk that? Why would anyone risk that? If my husband has an std (GOD FORBID!) We'd have to use protection for the rest of our lives HOPING I don't contract it. I want to have children of my own besides adopting so my answer stsys at No because it is that easy to say NO especially thinking of the consequences. Yes God says to love our neighbors and be kind to others but He also said don't tempt Him. Wouldn't you be tempting Him with the life He's given you buy having intercourse with someone with an std?
Yes I will shiw kindness and lovd to people with an std or multiple std's but I will not put myself in harms way. I know people with std's and it's hard enough that we sometimes have yo throw our cups away because we mix them up. I can't do it.

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I really don't know. It would probably depend on the kind, and the circumstances. I have had the kind of herpes with cold sores my entire life, so there's that. I think I'd feel heartbroken if I got to know a guy and that turned out to be the one thing he focused on about me, even though it basically just means no kissing and such when I have one. Then, again, I might count myself lucky, that he did me a favor. However, if it was something really serious, I might have to give it some extra thought...for the time being, anyway, because I have my nephews to consider. Things like, how well does he care for himself, how fastidious is he about cleanliness, etc. it would be a hard decision if I'd already fallen for him. If he told me before we got too serious I might not let it get serious, but I really don't know. Though I'd probably lean towards no. Now, if my nephews were grown...I might lean more towards seeing how it went.

If any of that makes any sense.

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Well, a disease wouldn't be sexually transmitted through a blood transfusion.  Though some diseases have multiple vectors, a specific transmission, sexually, is the one in question here...

Good point. But I'm not sure if the question is whether the disease is sexually transmitted, or whether the person has something considered an "STD". Aids/HIV can be (and has been) accidently transmitted by medical blood transfusion. True, It wouldn't be "sexually transmitted", but the disease would still be diagnosed as an STD.

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Easy for people to simply say NO, it can be alot to take on alongside dealing with someones past...I'm not surprised given that reaction on this website. But at least Steadfast has some logic here and as he says quite rightly, it depends on the circumstances and how they got it. There are so many stigmas about STDs, people simply assume that whoever has one must have contracted it from sleeping around etc. Yes obviously there's a greater chance the more sexual partners that person has but there are so many unfortunate instances as well.

What if that person contracted it from a cheating partner?

I knew one guy who had sex for the FIRST TIME and got herpes from that person. Can you imagine how he must feel...

What if you date someone who you really like that ticks all your boxes, eventually fall in love and then he/she tells they have a STD?

Furthermore think about this way, if you're with someone who has a STD and you're both going to wait til marriage you're not going to contract anything anyway.

There's far too much ignorance so I'm not surprised many people would reject someone with a STD

yet people don't realise that even with an incurable one, it's still very unlikely for it to be passed on (obviously depends on the STD, the severity etc. too much to get into on here). It's natural most people will fall into believing that these things would be too much to take which is understable but don't be so dismissive and abrasive (like Jasmine23 above) without at least trying to understand the circumstances.

First of all if you're going to come at me for simply saying no, do it with a bit more class please. Second, My answer is still NOOOOOOOOOOO! And trust me if your partner wanted6to kiss you or have sex with you and they had an STD your heart would be pounding out of your ears. Finally, I don't say no or answer questions without thinking of my answers or how a person may feel first so jumping to conclusions about me is just ignorance. Who wants to be going and getting tested every 3 weeks or month? Anyway I already said how I feel above you can read that too. Also, I'm NOT the only one that said NO. I saw "Ew No" as well so don't just point fingers at me please and thank you.
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First of all if you're going to come at me for simply saying no, do it with a bit more class please. Second, My answer is still NOOOOOOOOOOO! And trust me if your partner wanted6to kiss you or have sex with you and they had an STD your heart would be pounding out of your ears. Finally, I don't say no or answer questions without thinking of my answers or how a person may feel first so jumping to conclusions about me is just ignorance. Who wants to be going and getting tested every 3 weeks or month? Anyway I already said how I feel above you can read that too. Also, I'm NOT the only one that said NO. I saw "Ew No" as well so don't just point fingers at me please and thank you.

 

Sorry that I essentially called you out on this but it's because you reacted the way that you did in your first response.  I found it quite shocking (along with the other person who said "ew no)."  The fact that all you said was NOOOOOO, just no, come on, nooooo without giving any explanations or reasons as to why...initially at least.  You've said you think about your answers...but that response doesn't indicate that does it!?  That was my point.  

 

It's a quite surprising response given the fact that you say you know people with STDs. I was expecting someone in that position to at least show some sensitivity and tactfulness even if it's not something you could personally deal with in a relationship/marriage.  I wonder what they would have thought if they saw your first comment on here....

You do also realise that because these are so common, you might not even know that your future partner has something himself (unless he's never kissed anyone before). 

50% of teenagers and young adults have Oral Herpes (HSV1) and that percentage increases 80-90% by the time you they are over 50 years old.

As the topic came up I was keen to share my views on this because there is not enough awareness and it's attitudes like this that elevate the stigma of STDs even further by people reacting in such a manner like you and a few others initially did.

 

Anyway I'm not here to convince you or anyone else that it shouldn't be a deal breaker because it's totally understandable that it is in a relationship (like it would be for alot of ppl) but you could have shown some class yourself by actually explaining and detailing in your first post the reasons why you wouldn't go there.  You've now done that in your second message which is fair enough. But you can see how dismissive and insensitive your initial comment was and how it came across and that's what I was pointing out in regard to yourself.

 

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it's hard enough that we sometimes have yo throw our cups away because we mix them up. I can't do it.

 

 

And there we go...IGNORANCE AT ITS FINEST!!  This is exactly what I mean by a lack of awareness.

I was about to close this page down until my eyes caught this part of your response....

 

You do realise that they're called SEXUALLY transmitted diseases/infections for a reason...

Unless you are talking about molluscum contagiousum (which itself is rare and can be passed through touching contimated objects), you cannot contract a STD from simply sharing the same glass or cup or sharing other inanimate objects. STDs need human skin in order to survive and they die almost instantly when they're outside the body.

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You know what.... you are really Trying my patience.

STD viruses have grown over the years. Just because it says sexually transmitted doesn’t mean it can't be passed through from silva. We do throw our cups away because we don't wsnt to RISK spreading anything. People get different std's in their mouths and eyes I'm sure your health teachers taught you that if not poor you.

My views or points of views are definitely not ignorance it's consciousnes. STDs need moisture and that's why we wear gloves in certain places, wash our hands in certain places, THROW AWAY cups that may have been mixed up. Maybe sit in a library or call some professors or something or your doctor and I'm sure they'd agree that some stds can be passed through other bodily fluids. If a nurse gets spit at shes quickly rushed to a wash station and Er for treatment and is given antibiotics and test. You probably don't have an or live with a nurse or may have not taken health classes but I do and I have so my IGNORANCE is more borderline FACTS! I've been to the doctor with an RN that was spit at or poked with a needle even dry needles and they still have to get tested after it happened over 3 years ago. Go ahead and think what you want but like I said when someone with an STD comes your way and you want to be intimate with them your heart will be pounding out of your behind fearing you don't catch it even with protection. Forgive me for wanting to continue living a healthy life.

You can also contract stds through damp or wet clothing or towels, and toilet seats what makes you think you can't catch it from drinking off the same cup especially paper cups.

I'm not talking to you about this anymore. Everyone else can talk to you about it. If you disagree with me congratulations a lot of people do. You are now on my ignore list have a nice day!

@Buster this was and is a great topic.

 

Wow I am truly dumbfounded. Now your approach to this whole thing makes sense.

It sounds like you are very paranoid and what's disturbing is that you actually appear to genuinely believe all what you've said! 

 

For the benefit of others - the vast majority of STDs are mostly spread by sexual contact, either through intercourse or oral sex. This includes some of the most common ones like chalmydia, gonorrhoea, genital herpes, syphillis, Hep B, HIV, HPV (Genital Warts). 

 

Yes the STDs can be present in not just sexual fluids but also in saliva and blood like Hep B or Hep C for example but apart from sex, this would only be transmitted through needle sharing or say an infected mother passing it on to her baby.  

 

If STDs were passed on in the way you describe it wouldn't be long before every human on this earth would be infected in one way or another.  You are insulting people who do have STDs by making them out to be like lepers or having Ebola or Bird Flu. 

What's intruiging to me is that you claim to have this inherent knowledge, yet not once did I actually see you providing an example of a specific STD and how it's passed on.  

For example....

 

 

You can also contract stds through damp or wet clothing or towels, and toilet seats what makes you think you can't catch it from drinking off the same cup especially paper cups.

 

 

You DO NOT get STDs from hugging, shaking hands, sharing food, using the same utensils, drinking from the same glass, sitting on toilet seats, or touching doorknobs.  Honestly, where on earth or who on earth told you otherwise!?  Just think about this for a minute...have you ever used a restroom that's not your own?  I'm assuming you have at some point in your life.  Which means then, YOU COULD HAVE A STD ...because according to your ridicolous theory STDs are passed on by sitting on toliet seats!

 

Seriously, give me JUST ONE example of someone who's contracted a STD in this way.  You can't because there's NEVER been a documented case thus what you're claiming is based on ZERO evidence.

 

Yes there is slim possiblilty to contract scabies and pubic lice through certain activities but these two diseases are relatively rare themselves and they aren't technically STDs because they can be transmitted outside of a sexual context in the same way you could get tetanus from a rusty nail or rabies from an infected dog bite.  In any case both of these are fully curable and aren't dangerous.

 

The ONLY realistic, common thing you can catch from doing this are diseases that are clearly not STDs - the common cold, stomach bugs, mono and so that's why it's generally not wise to drink from the same cup of some stranger anyway but NOT because you could catch an STD!!  For goodness sake.  Yes there is a very minute possiblity that if someone had Oral Herpes (HSV1). But in that case he/she would have to have an active outbreak i.e an open sore AND managed to get some of the virus onto the cup AND you drank from the exact area that he/she had just made contact with...but it's so minute that it's a non-issue.

 

This sort of wacky paranoia of yours reminds me of people in the late 70s when the HIV virus broke out and everyone initially thought you could get infected by sharing clothes or merely hugging an HIV person. 

 

 

STDs need moisture

 

 

So these STDs are just floating around in the air are they!?  Oh my gosh you could be breathing in one right now! 

 

The bacteria and viruses that are responsible for causing them require a living host in order to “live†and multiply. Depending on the type of bacteria or virus, direct skin-to-skin contact or the passing of bodily fluids such as sexual fluids in most cases and also (in fewer cases) blood, saliva, breast milk between an infected person and another person is required for the transmission of an STD.

 

If you disagree with me congratulations a lot of people do.

 

 

WHAT'S THAT TELLING YOU? HELLO!!  Maybe you've been misinformed and so frankly you haven't got a clue about this.

 

My suggestion to you - take some time out, you have the internet, so educate yourself about STDs, understand the FACT that you cannot really contract them in the manner you described. Until then, quit posting information that simply isn't correct.

 

In summary for the others who've read this, to re-iterate - the general rule is if you have never had oral-genital or genital-genital contact with another person then you are not at risk for STIs/STDs.

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Yeah people make mistakes but I shouldn't have to suffer for them if I don't WANT to. The guys argument was.. Too basic. If I thought someone was ugly should I still date them because they're beautiful in God's eyes.. No not if I don't want to because I am allowed to make CHOICES. Now about the real question... I don't really know that the answer is NO but I'm definitely not giving it a yes.. Depends.

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Not sure. I think it would depend on which STD and its seriousness and judging on the expectation that I will contract it. I don't want an STD cloud hanging over all our sexual and other possibly transmissive activities. I would expect an infected individual to do their best to get themselves cured - even socalled incurable diseases can be open to curing given the right treatments/lifestyle.

 

No one finding the idea of sharing one's lovers disease as another level of intimacy?  :mellow: Lol

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Yes, they would be a deal breaker. For me, this is the primary reason to avoid promiscuity or to "Wait till Marriage". I want to preserve the purity of my own body, and not contribute to the spread of incurable diseases.  It wouldn't matter if they got their diseases by non-sexual contact. 

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