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Sophie

Does it matter how much money your potential partner has?

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Okay, this might make me sound shallow, but here it goes: it is very important to me that I am dating a guy who is making lots of money and is financially very stable and can easily support a large family. I was raised in an upper-middle-class household, and I have no intention of lowering myself down. He doesn't have to be a millionaire, or even close to one, but I have to know that he is making a very good salary. I do want to be a stay-at-home mom, so it is important to me that I have a husband who can provide very, very well. Because of course I want all my kids to go to university without having to take student-loans and working for their own tuition.

But, of course, if I fall madly in love with a guy who doesn't make enough money, I will still date/marry him if I know for sure that he is The One.

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Money definitely isn't everything, but I think it's important to have enough money to support you and your spouse.

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Ive come to realize it will be very rare to find someone who is makibg as much as my Dad does at 54, who is 20-24. Thats okay. He started off out of.college with one job, got his masters, and so was able to pursue more challenging jobs that he enjoyed. Since im going to be a teacher, im clearly not doing it for the money. A district near my school hires new teachers for around $30,000. Thats great for just yourself, but not enough for me AND a husband. I hope we would both work for awhile and "plan" so to speak when we want kids. Sometimes im too much of a planner, but id want to provife well for them from the get go.

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I'm kinda the opposite. Money literally means nothing to me when it comes to relationships. I dated a girl for awhile who worked for an oil company (that her mom owned) and her dad was high up at a pharmaceutical company...then went to dating a girl whose mom drove a school bus and dad drove a semi..and she was a student who waited tables part-time. Didn't think twice about it and I actually liked the second girl better lol.

I come from an (upper I suppose?) middle class family but truthfully it doesn't matter to me one bit how much my potential wife makes. I guess it has alot to do with my mom and dad's relationship. My mom came from an extremely wealthy family and my dad was dirt poor when they met....that was 30 years ago and they're still happily married. B) I'd rather eek out a living with someone I truly loved then be wealthy and settle

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That's a good point, dd. I guess I'm more worried about kids, over me or s/o. Like if you can't afford to support 4 kids; don't have 4 kids! That's why there are things called Natural Family Planning...etc etc

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That's a good point, dd. I guess I'm more worried about kids, over me or s/o. Like if you can't afford to support 4 kids; don't have 4 kids! That's why there are things called Natural Family Planning...etc etc

Yeah I'm with ya 100% on that! Thats actually one of the main reasons I wanna wait to have kids til my 30s. I would prefer not to have to live on beans and rice and rice and beans lol trying to support a family at a young age. Nothing wrong with people having kids young but I wanna hopefully wait til I'm financially stable!

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Yes money is a big factor for me but not too big. My ex was filthy rich probably half a millionaire but although I loved him very much, I still don't believe you can buy character or quality in a man so with that being said I'm extremely picky when it comes to dating. My sister's husbands have tons of money too and don't have to work so would I want a guy who couldn't support me, no but a nice simple guy who makes a decent amount enough will suffice.

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It wouldn't matter to me how much my potential partner makes, in terms of it being a prerequisite for choosing a mate. I think it is more important to look at the character of person versus his or her bank account. Although, I do believe in being realistic and practical in terms of supporting each other (especially if/when children come), and planning these things.

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My sister's husbands have tons of money too and don't have to work so would I want a guy who couldn't support me, no but a nice simple guy who makes a decent amount enough will suffice.

Her husbands? For a moment I thought you made a spelling mistake but singular would have been "my sister's husband has" not "have."

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Her husbands? For a moment I thought you made a spelling mistake but singular would have been "my sister's husband has" not "have."

I think she meant to say, "My sisters' husbands", with the apostrophe after the "s" in sisters to refer to all of her brothers-in-law, not just one.

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Her husbands? For a moment I thought you made a spelling mistake but singular would have been "my sister's husband has" not "have."

thank you for correcting my grammatical error Sophie! lol sorry for the confusion

and yes, Mark, you are right indeed :)

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Tricky! It depends on the individual. I say that because I have had older male mentors tell me not to marry anyone who can't match my income bracket. Apparently, they've seen some women who have married guys that made considerably less, & the guys were really insecure about not being the "providers" in the home. I had a friend that had a hefty income & the house & everything that went with that. She had problems with men who were not secure enough to let her pay when she knew that they couldn't afford to. When they traveled, she footed their bill. She didn't want to stop living life her way to make them more comfortable, but she was more than happy to help them pay.

Then again, I know a couple that have been married for over 20yrs & she makes more, & he's fine with that. She gets off later than him, so he cooks & takes care of what he can before she arrives. They have dinner when she gets home & they finish whatever needs to be done around the house together. They have one of the most beautiful relationships & their son turned-out great (polite, in grad-school, & engaged to a great girl).

It boils down to his self-assurance & self-esteem. His income bracket isn't a concern. I'm in school so that I can pay my way & help a loved one, if necessary. My concern would be him being comfortable in his own skin no matter what he does or doesn't have, & irrespective of what I've got. That being said, a guy who earns more is always nice, but not necessary.

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thank you for correcting my grammatical error Sophie! lol sorry for the confusion

and yes, Mark, you are right indeed :)

WOOHO!! :D 10 POINTS FOR ME!!!

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Tricky! It depends on the individual. I say that because I have had older male mentors tell me not to marry anyone who can't match my income bracket. Apparently, they've seen some women who have married guys that made considerably less, & the guys were really insecure about not being the "providers" in the home. I had a friend that had a hefty income & the house & everything that went with that. She had problems with men who were not secure enough to let her pay when she knew that they couldn't afford to. When they traveled, she footed their bill. She didn't want to stop living life her way to make them more comfortable, but she was more than happy to help them pay.

Really? I haven't thought about that!

Actually, I think I'm a little opposite to many people here. I wouldn't care how much a man makes as long as he is NOT richer than me. At least not all that much.

I don't know... I think I have issues with this, because all my life I've been associating money = control, and just to think of how much hard work I'll have do just to get to the point in life that I want to be in, and then marry a man who'll overshadow me in that aspect... I think I'll just feel so insecure about it.

I mean, I personally wouldn't lord my money over him, but I don't know why the thought of marrying a man who's richer than me makes me cringe.

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I want both of us to be able to support our family financially. If we are stressed with work I want us to be able to cancel all appointments and fly to egypt for the weekend :D I dont want my kids to have to take out loans for school either. I mean I took out loans and worked two jobs in college, sometimes three. I want my kids to have better than me. As long as my husband and I can support them and live comfortably I will be happy. We dont have to be Rockefellers, but I dont want us to struggle.

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thank you for correcting my grammatical error Sophie! lol sorry for the confusion

and yes, Mark, you are right indeed :)

I see! lol. Glad I saw that error.

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I had a dilemma similar to something like this a few months ago.

There was a guy that I thought I would really like to meet because he seemed to have a lot in common with me [including Zelda!] and is rather handsome, if I may add. After finding out more about him, it turns out that after trying a year of college, he dropped out because he didn't like the institution of college. He's worked his way to up being an assistant manager at Pizza Hut and will more than likely be doing that until his dying day. Here I am trying to get back into college to get a degree in radiology. We'd be on opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to income. It made me worry and I talked to a few people about it.

After getting insight, I realize that not everybody is cut out for college. Neither one of my parents tried to go college but still have nice things in life- they own a house, could drive any vehicle they wish because they have such good credit lines, and my Mom is actually helping out with my brother and I's college. I ought to be worrying more about how a man manages his money. This also goes back to my most recent relationship.

My ex was a great saver even though he worked a minimum wage job as I did, but he was so parsimonious and stingy. He paid for the first date- dinner and bowling, which was great! But after that, I paid for the rest of them and we didn't go to McDonalds or any two star restaurants like that. As we were enjoying our last dinner [as a couple] at a pretty nice restaurant, he didn't hesitate to order one of the most expensive dishes they had to offer. He was also kind enough to tell me that he just bought a brand new computer to go with the other two he had! "It was the best $500 dollars he spent!" He told me as I paid the check.

Would I rather marry a man that has a college degree and a good paying job? Most definitely. However, love isn't about that, and I'm fine with a guy that knows how to support himself and pays for the bills. I won't be so naive again when I see a guy buy whatever he wants for himself at a whim and will let me pay for everything for us. All that matters to me is that we don't struggle and can live within our means. I don't need the nicest stuff around, I just want to be financially stable.

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Would I rather marry a man that has a college degree and a good paying job? Most definitely. However, love isn't about that, and I'm fine with a guy that knows how to support himself and pays for the bills. I won't be so naive again when I see a guy buy whatever he wants for himself at a whim and will let me pay for everything for us. All that matters to me is that we don't struggle and can live within our means. I don't need the nicest stuff around, I just want to be financially stable.

That is great that you're okay with that, but I made that a dealbreaker for me after going out with a guy who tried college but didn't continue with it. It sounded like he really enjoyed what he was doing, which was great, but I like to have that same personal experience with someone, you know? And also be able to have more college level conversations....like about htings from classes....for example 2 of my friends and I sometimes talk psychology because they are both psych majors.

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Everybody seems to believe that I'll end up marrying a guy that'll have a degree with me, which makes me really happy and everything. I mean, I prefer it too, because when you sit down and tell your children all about the importance of doing well in school and going to college afterwards, that might come off as being really hypocritical if neither parents did.

I guess I put this question into contemplation because I had dated my most recent ex [The disaster mentioned] who is going to be an engineer and make six figures one day but probably wouldn't spend it on anybody but himself! >.> He was so painfully self absorbed, it was beyond belief...

[ps- I am a psych fanatic myself :3 ]

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who is going to be an engineer and make six figures one day but probably wouldn't spend it on anybody but himself! >.> He was so painfully self absorbed, it was beyond belief...

Lol my engineer brother is almost the same way, though he loves to splurge at xmas, infact my engineer friend is somewhat similar 2 hah, i think its something to do with the engineering mindset

Personally I'm going to make a decent amount of money (think engineer level - potential to make more though I'm trying to avoid working in the oil/gas and mining industries just because I don't want to live in those types of situations), don't really care if she makes equal or not, but I do care that she has ambition and dedication to furthering her life, not someone who just doesn't feel like applying herself/working at something. And I have this fear that she'd only be interested in me for money. Sally also brought up a good point about education and conversation, I'd like to be able to talk at an educated level, and I sometimes slide clever geeky puns/joke things into my speech heh.

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Its not my goal in life to have a lot of money, and I definitely don't specifically look for a guy with a lot of money. As long as I have enough money to survive and buy the things I need that is really enough for me. Its nice to have money for the things you want, but the past two years of my life have really taught me to appreciate the people around you rather than the things you have. When I started college I would have said my family was pretty well off. We had a nice house, cars, could go out whenever we wanted etc., but then my dad lost his job in the spring of '10 and still hasn't been consistently employed. We went from the nice house in the suburbs to literally living in one of the most ghetto neighborhoods right around from the place where everybody jokes you go to get shot or to get drugs (bankhead for anybody familiar with altanta). I've lived on the budget where every dollar matters, and while things have gotten better and I can splurge on a gift every now and then just because I think it will cheer somebody up and make them smile, not having the money didn't make me miserable. So it doesn't really matter how much money my potential partner makes, because I know money doesn't make you happy, you have to choose to be happy. And if you budget wisely you can still get things that you want and have fun.

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well said Missy,

my story is similar but opposite - when my parents were together they were poor, for a while lived without electricity or running water, and when they split my mom took us kids and the cloths we were wearing, and started over.

12? years later, she has a house, two vehicles, and starting to really make money on her writing. I'm about to graduate with a degree in environmental science, my brother in mechanical engineering.

Happiness is a choice, you can either wallow in guilt/self pity/etc or you can choose to look forward, choose to be happy with what you have, choose to make a difference, and apply yourself.

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Sally also brought up a good point about education and conversation, I'd like to be able to talk at an educated level, and I sometimes slide clever geeky puns/joke things into my speech heh.

That is MOST romantic. xD

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He doesn't have to make a lot of money, the mentality around that money is important, like being a saver, responsible, gets up everyday to go to work.

He has to be an educated man like you guys were saying, just to maintain my interest level.

But the money he makes isn't important. He has to be passionate, driven, motivated, determined, in love with doing his job.

Like my dad says "it doesn't matter if he's a brick layer, as long as he does his job whole-heartedly with determination and with purpose"

I rather him be a brick layer who springs out of bed to go to work, doesn't get paid much but loves what he does and is a happy man, than a CEO who gets paid millions but is miserably stressed and frustrated.

Because his feelings and attitude will affect your life much more than any sum of money will, and it has the power to make you miserable as well if he is miserable.

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