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voulaki726

NON-VIRGIN Waiters who married virgins: QUESTION

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no, that's not my real picture sorry! Haha!

no, that's not my real picture sorry! Haha!

thought I was finally in love! :(

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Doesn't matter. A girl who waits till marriage is incomparably more beautiful then the one who has already lost the priceless treasure, even if the latter is Miss World, Universe etc.

This thread is not about what you think about nonvirgins.

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It is hard to date a non virgin waiter. He will not understand the reasons you decided to wait till marriage. I hope you make the right decision in your relationship especially if you two decide to marry one day.

A nonvirgin waiter will understand the reasons a person decides to wait for he IS a waiter. Most nonvirgins are not waiters. If a nonvirgin decides to wait, they have made a profound choice. It just may have taken them awhile to come to this virtuous truth in the notion of waiting. But they do understand its value or they wouldn't be waiting.

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You've all made some very insightful posts. Definitely some worth pondering. I'm not married, but I still would like to present the perspective from a virgin who is unable to take a non-virgin. I simply cannot. The way I think about things and the subtleties of my being inherently make me incompatible with one. I can't change who I am, so instead I'm just accommodating for what I can work with. This will spare both myself and any potential partner from problems and complications down the road. I know other people who are the same way, and I encourage everyone to stick with their gut on these matters. If you can be with a non-virgin, then that's great, but if you can't, then there is no shame in that. At least, that's what I think.

That does bring up a few questions worth discussing. Are waiters who are willing to take people who were initially non-waiters morally superior? Do people like myself have to resign ourselves to being bitter and judgmental? Are we weaker for not being able to overlook the past? It'll be interesting to hear more about this. There is inevitably going to be bias on each of our ends. If we are being judged for a mistake we made in the past, we are likely to feel the need to defend ourselves, as well as defend other people who have done the same. At the same time, hearing that somebody else made a mistake that we have never made, depending on the severity of that mistake, it's going to be much harder for us to sympathize with them. Of course, some people do have that level of empathy and can easily put themselves in another person's shoes. The rest of us have to draw the line somewhere.

Even outside of waiting, there are things that some people cannot look past. We all have our own dealbreakers, after all. I think when we see that an aspect about ourselves is considered a dealbreaker for someone, we do feel a slight desire to vindicate ourselves. It is hard to learn how to deal with that, and I can't say that I have totally learned how to myself either. But I think that's okay. As an example, I know that some people would consider that my usage of porn in the past has permanently "tainted" me, and as much as I may want to contest that, I know that I can't. I have to respect that. While I did quit, do regret ever having used it, and stand firmly against that entire industry, some people are just going to see that as me having my cake and eating it too. I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing it that way though. To be completely honest, that's kinda how I see non-virgin waiters too. I do recognize that's very harsh, but I don't think that way with malicious intent or anything like that. Are we being judgmental? Sure, but we can't pretend that we're so open-minded and forgiving that we don't ever judge people for doing things that we disagree with. We can certainly strive towards being that free-spirited, but everyone has their limit.

I think the important thing to take away from this thread is that only you know what you're comfortable with, and you should live your life accordingly. You can't look at this like it's a matter of right and wrong. I agree that you shouldn't hold someone's past against them. I agree that what matters most is that they love you more than anyone before. I also agree that we should only look at someone for who they are now. While all of these things are very idealistic, I don't think all of us are capable of being that way. I wouldn't say that's as bad as it sounds though. I know for me that I don't look down on or condemn the people who don't fit my standards. I just wouldn't be able to develop romantic feelings for them is all. Honestly I think I could be best friends with most people in the world and love them in that sense. But I do recognize that I am judging them. I think that's just a normal thing to do. People will judge me for other things, so I'd say it's fair. At the end of the day, only you know what's best for you, because you understand yourself better than anybody else ever could. You know how much you can take and how much you can look past. I don't want people to rush into questionable relationships or stay in miserable ones only for the sake of being morally righteous or something like that. If you can't accept something about your partner/potential partner, then that's fine. How you go about handling that is entirely up to you. Everybody will try to tell you what the "right" thing to do is, but that might not coincide with what you think is right. You have to stand by that.

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