struggling

Am I virgin or not?

22 posts in this topic

So something that does genuinely interest me in regard to virginity is what really counts as losing it or having sex??

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This question always involves a lot of legalistic answers over what actions technically constitute giving up one's virginity. We are way too caught up in the grey areas. This makes me think that we as waiters are having the wrong mindset when we ask questions like this. Virginity to me isn't so much a physical state as it is a state of the heart.

 

The question shouldn't "I did this, am I still a virgin?" or "how far is too far?" Because all you're getting 100 different answers and you're just going to be even more confused than before. Plus these questions are usually centered around the self. But we as waiters aren't just waiting for ourselves, we are also waiting for our future spouses and if applicable, God. The question we should be asking ourselves is "How pure can I be?" This is based on the mindset of taking action to preserve one's purity in the present and the future rather dwelling on the past or pushing the boundaries as far as possible.

 

We should also be asking "What am I willing to save for my future spouse?" I'm willing to bet at least most of us would answer "as much as possible." So instead of looking at virginity as an "all or nothing" deal, think of it in terms of multiple pieces of a whole. The more intimate an act is that we do with someone, the larger the piece of ourselves we give away. We definitely don't want to spread ourselves around that by the time we get married, all we have for our spouse is our leftovers. But let's say you have done a lot of sexual things in the past. You can still regain those pieces of the whole each time you refuse or avoid and future sexual encounters. Because you're making a conscious choice to save yourself. Remember this is ultimately a heart issue, more so than a physical one. Of course physical virginity has it's value too otherwise we wouldn't be saving it. But I personally would take a non-virgin who made the choice to save as much of herself from here on out over a "virgin" who spent her entire life pushing the boundaries.

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You are not a virgin since you had sex before. A virgin is a person who does not engage in any type of sex. I am surprised that you are not a virgin and yet feel devastated that your girlfriends had sexual partners before. I really do not like when some men have double standards and feel that they are above women who had intercourse before.

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Short answer: 2.

Longer answer: Trying, I mean no disrespect but it really gets to me when someone asks for an opinion and proceeds to argue when they dont get the answer/opinion they want. You argued with me over P.M. and you're doing it again here.

I agree with Poisson's post 110%. I'm surprised that you've had such experiences yet are so devastated when you meet a woman who's had 2 (!!) partners. The current girl you're seeing, 5 partners, seems comparable to you, give or take. TBH, it seems hypocritical on your part.

Sorry if that came off blunt, but you asked for opinions. Please try to listen to what people are telling you. I'd hate for you to miss out on any more quality women because of this.

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Well, if you know that you are a virgin, then why ask here?

Let me break it to you: a virgin is : a person who has never had sexual intercourse

 

Furthermore, there are 2 definitions of sexual intercourse  on the Merriam Webster dictionary:

1. heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis: coitus

2. intercourse ( as anal or oral intercourse) that does not involve penetration of the vagina by the penis

 

I am pretty sure you belong to the second definition of sexual intercourse. since you mentioned something about oral sex, did you not?

 

 

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Would you say that a gay person who has never had penis-in-vagina sex, but has been having consensual sex with their same-sex partner of many years is a virgin? No? Then clearly heterosexual intercourse is not the only meaningful definition of sex.

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I am sure that the dictionary will update to any intercourse and remove the word heterosexual.

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Seems you still confused about what category you are my friend, but since you did things so far in bed, just know that you had sex !! maybe not a complete relation but seems you were almost there before feeling guilty and withdraw . so my advice to you, get to know any girl who did same as you without sexual intercourse so you have peace of mind .

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Hey, trying, just wanted to give you some insight from my perspective.

I had my first kiss when I was 28, and 7.5 months later was married to the same person. He was not a virgin. Honestly, what bothered me about him not being a virgin isn't that his penis had been inside anyone's vagina but mine, bit that he had shared that intimate connection with anyone but me. The kind of connection that i only ever wanted to share with one person, sometimes on more casual terms than i would have liked. I even considered anyone that he had just "fooled around" with as someone he had been with.

I'll be honest. I screwed up a bit. After we had decided to get married, we went farther physically than I wanted. And honestly, in many ways i didn't consider myself a virgin, because I had shared a special connection with someone that I had with no other. We didn't have penetrative sex, but man did it get close. He still considered me a complete virgin, but by my standards, i did not feel that way.

You have to understand that a woman who has remained a virgin well into her 20s (I'm assuming that would be your age range ) would most likely consider what you have done as having sex. So though you may find your virgin, she may not view your virgin status in the same way. If this is something that is a big deal for you, please have this discussion in your relationships as soon as you can.

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Dude forget what anybody else says to the contrary, you're definitely NOT a virgin.

You seem to be wanting to hold on to some virtue or purity otherwise you wouldn't be debating whether you're officially a virgin or not. You either are or aren't. You're as devirginized as my brother and he's married!

So accept your social status as a non virgin and things will get easier. Stop focusing on something so irrelevant at this point. You're not a virgin!

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Last time I checked - the loss of virginity is universally defined as the first time you have penetrative intercourse. If this has never been done then you are still a virgin.

 

It seems people on this thread overwhelmingly disagree with you, so clearly it is not quite as universal as you think....

 

From Planned Parenthood:

 

"A virgin is someone who has never had sex. But "sex" is defined differently by different people. A lot of people think that women and men lose their virginity the first time they have penis-in-vagina intercourse (vaginal sex). But this definition is really limited because it leaves lots of people and other types of sex out of the picture.

Some people who haven't had vaginal sex don't think of themselves as virgins because they've had other kinds of sex, like oral or anal sex. And then there are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people who may never have vaginal (penis-in-vagina) sex, but don't think of themselves as virgins. Others believe that it depends on consent (consent means wanting and agreeing to have sex). So being forced to have sex, for example, isn't losing your virginity."

 

You can get STDs from oral sex; that's really all I need to know to think it counts. And you never answered my question; would you say that a gay person who has been sexually active for decades is a virgin simply because they never met your definition of "technical" virginity loss?

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like i posted in viewer discretion advised, there is a new technology being invented called teledildoniks where a person can now have intercourse online

 

1 machine is a hole that wraps around a penis

the other a dildo to enter a vagina 

both machines affect the other of course so that they can attempt to feel the other person from afar

they also have virtual Blowjobs and etc.

 

do you all consider people who do this a virgin? 

 

i also met a girl who considered her boyfriend a virgin but not his old girlfriend because he fingered her and broke her hymen which caused severe retroactive jealousy issues in this girl and she ended up being more sexual with him to try and compensate and seriously screwing up her life

 

do you think the guy is a virgin in this case?

 

 

are people who masturbate in front of each other over a computer still virgins?   

 

are people who don't see each other visually and text dirty sexts while masturbating to themselves still virgin?

 

do you consider someone who was raped and had intercourse a virgin? 

 

do you consider 2 people who saw each other naked in person still virgins?

 

do you consider someone who has seen countless people naked (like a porn camerman or something) a virgin?

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are people who masturbate in front of each other over a computer still virgins?   

 

are people who don't see each other visually and text dirty sexts while masturbating to themselves still virgin?

 

do you consider someone who was raped and had intercourse a virgin? 

 

do you consider 2 people who saw each other naked in person still virgins?

 

do you consider someone who has seen countless people naked (like a porn camerman or something) a virgin?

 

Yes, yes, absolutely yes, yes and yes.

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Trying, you're very concerned with being a virgin. People are saying you're not, and that's upsetting you. If you consider yourself to be, that's fine. I would consider you to be a virgin, and I am in a similar boat as you - done everything BUT "the full monty". I'm not happy about that, but I've also never crossed that line I swore I'd never cross, for that seems to be THE most intimate of intimacies. Other stuff is just similar or approaching, but not the same thing.

 

But don't ask people for their opinion, and then say they're wrong if you get an answer you don't like. You need to mature (yes, I said it, get mad ALL you want, but it won't help anyone), and focus on what's REALLY important: celibacy.

 

It shouldn't matter if you're "technically" a virgin or not, or if your partner is. What matters is that both of you are celibate. You share an important value. If this girl is really passionate, from a place of spirituality and/or morality, about celibacy, intimacy with you will be like the first time, trust me, or ask other nonvirgins here - it's not what we think it would be like for them. They feel new, different, and their sex life sort of takes on a blank slate.

 

You're celibate, regardless of any technicality. As is she. Focus on that. That's what's important.

 

Good luck, my friend.

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I think you just have to accept that it's kind of a gray area, at best. Personally, I think more along the lines of you in the sense that never having had vaginal intercourse technically makes you a virgin. That being said, I personally would feel I've been much too intimate with someone if I'd had oral sex with them. So, in a way, the question "Am I a virgin?" is kind of irrelevant. The more important question, to me, is "Have I been too intimate with someone before?"

And I think that question can be hard to answer. If you were to ask the vast majority of people, I've never done anything with a girl. Yet, the strict waiter in me still asks myself that question. Now, I do think there can be degrees of intimacy. You can still think you've gone too far, but then also acknowledge that you haven't yet done everything and that potentially that means there is a difference between you and someone who has engaged in more types of acts than you. I would just advise you to think more along the lines of "Have I been too intimate?" rather than "Am I a virgin?"

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If your girlfriend went and received and/or gave oral sex/dry humping/heavy petting to someone else, would you consider her as having cheated on you or not? Would you describe it as sex if your partner did it?

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To all of you who think I'm not a virgin.....

Last time I checked - the loss of virginity is universally defined as the first time you have penetrative intercourse. If this has never been done then you are still a virgin. Sure you may think that I have had enough sexual contact to be classed as a non-virgin but surely it is the act of intercourse that counts from a technical standpoint.

Whether you're truly a virgin or not is one thing, but you seem to have made up your mind as to the answer so your question has become irrelevant.

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I would say you're technically still a virgin, but the opinion of others shouldn't even matter that much to you. There are plenty of people who actually have lost their virginity and had multiple sexual partners who decide to wait until marriage, and that is a decision that is still admirable and respectable, and the right person will think so too. 

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At first, I'd say "yes of course you're still a Virgin". But I can remember reading a book concerning sexe and diseas, and found understood that there is sexe with penetration and sexe without penetration.

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It sounds to me like maybe you know the answer to this question but you feel bad about it/aren't willing to accept it.

 

Ultimately, as others have said, it doesn't actually matter all that much. Virginity is a concept and a mindset more so than it is a physical thing. You may be better to consider the acts you've participated in and how you feel about them. Each person will feel differently about what they are willing to do and what they wish to save.

 

It's not to late to start pulling back sexually if that's what you want but maybe dispensing with the defining yourself will be the place to start. Decide what you want to do and what you don't and stick to it.

 

If you consider yourself a virgin then that's fine. If you think you've taken it too far before then that's fine too, learn from it. Now you know what makes you comfortable. 

 

I suppose asking someone if you're a virgin is like asking people if someone is a criminal if they were arrested but didn't get sent to jail. Some would say yes because they're been involved with the law but others would say no, there's no conviction. Really it doesn't matter whether the person is a 'criminal' or not, it's just a word. More importantly, are they a good person? Are they happy with their choices?

Same applies here, it's not about anyone else or what they think. Be honest with yourself about your choices and the answer to question will probably seem irrelevant.

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As for me and some of my friends a girl is a virgin if she didn't have intentional sexual intercourse. By intentional I mean she wanted and did it. So in this terms, I apologize for example, raped girl would still be a virgin. 
If she had some other sexual activities it gets complicated. 

 

I don't know about guys but if I had experiences like you I think I wouldn't consider myself a virgin, but I am not sure. 

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