Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Zoe

Question on a different-type of situation?

7 posts in this topic

Hello! I'm Zoe and I'm new here! Things in my life are moving pretty fast (and I'm happy about them!) but there's something I would really like advice/opinions on from others that are saving themselves for marriage!

I've been dating the most perfect guy for me for about 21 months now. He joined the Army last year, and just finished basic training (boot camp) at the end of March. Now he's going to be in school for at least 6 months (could possibly end up being 9 months), and if we were married, we could live together (right now we're 5 hours apart). We've been talking about it a lot because it's been really hard on me knowing we could be together if we were married, and it's hard on him too...so we have been seriously talking about getting married one weekend so we could live together! Especially with the possibility of him getting deployed after school, we'd like to spend as much time together as possible. And I'm really excited about it and I know he's the one for me and I'm so ready to start my life with him.

My question is...I was wondering about it too, and so is he...if we got married soon, we wouldn't have time for a ceremony and would just go to the champlain on his post to get married. And I know that marriage is marriage, but I always kind of pictured in my head getting to walk down the aisle in a white dress, my dad giving me away...and us making love for the first time on our wedding night! And he is so sweet and told me even if we got married the "quickie" way, if I still wanted to wait for our ceremony, he wouldn't mind. I would prefer to do it that way but I also want to make him happy...and even though he is nothing but supportive, it was my decision to wait and not his personal choice.

My question is, what do you think you guys would do in our situation? Should we still wait for a proper ceremony, or even if it's just the two of us and a chaplain, would that still count as waiting for marriage?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Zoe!

How much time would there be between the quicky wedding and the real wedding? 5-9 months?

How soon could he possibly deploy?

First off, any possibility of near-future deployment pushes up the timeline in my opinion. If I had my perfect girl and she was going to war soon...I would probably apply the logic "If she goes away and dies, it'll be years before I find somebody else as good or better...if I ever do. So in the end I'll probably be glad that I got to have my first experiences with somebody that will probably be the love of my life (barring or including tragedy), if not one of only two great loves."

So if that's the case...if there is the threat of tragedy looming very near, then if were me I'd go ahead.

But if deployment/possible tragedy isn't a pressing concern, then maybe wait. If you want the fantasy of a big ceremony and your first time together on your wedding night...the fantasy you've waited your whole life for...then think of it this way: You're only 5-9 months away from achieving your dream wedding in all regards. If that's the case, then why wouldn't you wait? 5-9 months will go by in a blink. And it will always be more meaningful looking back.

Sorry if I'm being morbid. My brain usually goes to worst-case first, and you did ask what I would do if it were me!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you so much, Mike! And no, that didn't sound morbid at all...it made a lot of sense. :) Honestly I still want my fantasy of our first time being our actual wedding night and not just the night we signed the papers. And he's never pressured me, but I still just want to make him happy...and I know he's really excited (as am I) to make love. If when we met he also told me he was waiting for marriage it would probably make a difference...I mean, we are both virgins, but he is just respectful and told me he was waiting for the right girl, and not marriage.

We have been talking a lot today and are trying to plan it for April 25th - the day after Easter. :-) I still wouldn't be able to live with him until probably a month later, though. And yep, our ceremony should definitely be before Christmas...we were planning in October sometimes, but it's dependent on when he actually graduates (he's not in classes yet, and once he starts them, they take 24 weeks).

And I've heard stories about some soldiers deploying merely days after they graduate...but they are infantry so it's different. My sweetie told me the earliest he's heard of deployed Signal soldiers (what he will be) is 6 months after they graduate, but it could still happen any time. I've tried thinking that 20 years down the line, when I looked back to this year, what would I want to happen? And honestly since like you said, it's not that far away, I really would still like to wait for the day of our ceremony.

And also...the possibility of deployment is what is making us want to get married now! =) But I am excited and I don't think we're rushing into it at all. I feel like I would regret it if he did end up getting deployed and we didn't make the most of the time that we knew he was still in the States. And I feel very lucky that his job in the Army is a pretty safe one...if he does get deployed he will be on the base working on computers and not in the heart of the danger (even though everything over there has an element of danger, he's not on the front lines). I'm just not looking forward to the possibility of 6 months to a year without him! =(

Thank you again for your advice! I'm sure we will talk about it again and I will let him know that I would be the happiest if we could wait for that special day. At least we will be able to live in the same house and see each other every night...rather than maybe once a month if we didn't get married.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Cool! Sounds like you've got a good plan all worked out.

And he's never pressured me, but I still just want to make him happy

I assure you, he's already happy. ;)

At least we will be able to live in the same house and see each other every night...rather than maybe once a month if we didn't get married.

That's not a small thing. Back to your desire to make him happy: Moving in with him and getting married on paper is a HUGE step towards the direction he wants to go. You just sleeping in the same bed as him every night will be an exciting change for him...the kind of exciting change that could hold him over (very happily) for, say, 5-9 months or so.

Although, once you're in that close proximity every night, and already technically married...you're going to start really, really looking forward to the sex thing. You're going to have to ask that question every night (at least at first), and have to answer it every time with the countdown ("7 more months")...that's going to make it feel like an eternity.

If you start feeling like that, just try to slip into a routine...try to just answer the question once and then just maintain it, instead of having to reassert it every night. Routine makes time go fast. The less you stress over it, the less you consciously let yourself look forward to it, and the more you just focus on living your life as it is, the faster time will move and the sooner your day will arrive!

I'm excited for both of you. Keep posting updates!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you again so much! I really appreciate all the advice, we haven't really talked to anyone about what they would recommend us do (it feels a little awkward to me to ask someone, especially since most of my friends aren't saving themselves...) so it means a lot to me to have your opinion and advice! And what you said about assuring me that he's happy...that made me smile so much and feel so good! =) We are both people-pleasers, and with him being my favorite person...I always want to make him the happiest person in the world! And he says the same thing to me, haha. But I think this waiting for the ceremony would make it even more special...he hasn't even asked me about it lately, we're both just getting really excited talking about the furniture we want, how soon we can really be together, and all that fun stuff! :)

And thank you, I will keep everyone posted! We are having a few snags for our April 25th idea...even though 5 hours isn't that far, both ways for gas will be $200 and money is a little tight since we spent a lot of money for me to go see him and spend the weekend with him when he graduated at the end of March. And my grandma could be moving up here any weekend and we only have one car that could make a 5-hour trip and if my mom needs it that weekend to go get her, that is definitely more important...we don't want her homeless! We're both happy because we know it will work out, sooner or later...and we are use to the "waiting" game if you know what I mean, lol!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm really excited about it and I know he's the one for me and I'm so ready to start my life with him.

You two sound like a super cute couple! I'm really glad you posted this, it's cool to hear about such a strong couple that found each other. I agree with what's been said here, if you want to wait for the actual ceremony then go for it. He already respects your choice and I'm sure he won't mind waiting that much longer. Sounds like you've found a really great guy. Good luck with everything and keep us posted!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope I find a guy like you have! That's awsome that he respects your choice, and you are getting married !!! =) I can't wait for that someday

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0