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Guys, who pays?

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You're on a first date finishing dinner at a nice restaurant.  The waiter sets the check down at your table.  Do you take it or wait for her to offer to pay her own?  What do you do?

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I think it's only proper that the responsibility to pay falls on whoever initiated the date. But even if a girl asked me out I would still offer to pay unless she is very insistent she pays. Not that there is inherently wrong with girls asking guys out, but I'm pretty traditional so I would initiate and pay anyways.

 

I find the idea of going dutch on first dates to be pretty ridiculous. First off, I think it's part of the messed up hookup culture where everything is ambiguous and undefined. Kids these days are so confused as to whether a "hang out" is even a date or not because they are too afraid to call it a date. If it is a date, then they are confused who pays. Then to take things ever further, the question of whether or not sex is expected or not. It's flat out anarchy. The traditional way is so much simpler and both parties are more or less on the same page.

 

So what if women can earn their own money these days? While paying for a date is relatively a small matter compared to the intent of the date, it is still something that sets a potential romantic relationship apart from just friendship. I don't think it makes a girl feel particularly special when she is treated just like one of your friends.

 

And ladies, no need to feel bad for us paying. We want to do it, at least I do. Just appreciate the gesture and that's more than enough.

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You're on a first date finishing dinner at a nice restaurant. The waiter sets the check down at your table. Do you take it or wait for her to offer to pay her own? What do you do?

I would take the check and pay it. I'm like Vince in the sense that I'm also a traditionalist. I don't mind if a woman pays but I feel I have a natural inclination to take that bill and hopefully make her feel special by the gesture.

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No way in hell I´m letting her pay! That is not how I was raised

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You're on a first date finishing dinner at a nice restaurant.  The waiter sets the check down at your table.  Do you take it or wait for her to offer to pay her own?  What do you do?

 

I'd pay it, especially in that situation since it would have been me asking her out in the first place lol. If I ask someone on a date, I shoulder the responsibility of making sure the date is well-planned and that it runs smoothly. That includes paying for dinner and all that jazz.

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You're on a first date finishing dinner at a nice restaurant.  The waiter sets the check down at your table.  Do you take it or wait for her to offer to pay her own?  What do you do?

 

GIRLS, what do you think? (Really curious so I thought I'd add that in, hopes it's ok).

 

Personally I always offer to go dutch, but appreciate the gesture if the guy says no and pays.

What I really hate though - and maybe other ladies have experienced the same thing and it might be why you're a little iffy about letting the guy pay - is when the guy then thinks you owe him something in return... Thoughts?

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I dont think it will be any check down at the table !! its a thing i like to do in such situation, as i always find an opportunity to pay it without my guest noticed it, especially when she goes to the bathroom  :) so no way i let her pay it !!

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GIRLS, what do you think? (Really curious so I thought I'd add that in, hopes it's ok).

 

Personally I always offer to go dutch, but appreciate the gesture if the guy says no and pays.

What I really hate though - and maybe other ladies have experienced the same thing and it might be why you're a little iffy about letting the guy pay - is when the guy then thinks you owe him something in return... Thoughts?

 

This. I get the sense that a lot of "modern guys" see paying for dinner as a way to basically buy themselves some sex. Like I'd essentially prostitute myself for a $20 entree! Please.

 

If I'd been friends with the guy for a while and trusted him (as was the case with my boyfriend), then I would be touched by the gesture of him paying for dinner. My boyfriend paid for our dinners for the first few months we were dating, but then it started to take a bit of a toll on his bank account (haha), and by that point we were already "established" so I didn't feel like either of us had anything to prove anyway. For a while we used to split the bill, but now more often we alternate between him paying and me paying. It probably still comes out to him paying about 2/3rds of the time though.

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I do.

 

This may sound macho but I assure you it isn't: I won't allow my date to pay the check. 

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If it's the 1st time, well I might want to pay for myself. But NEVER EVER I will pay for him. Not the 1st time anyway.

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GIRLS, what do you think? (Really curious so I thought I'd add that in, hopes it's ok).

Personally I always offer to go dutch, but appreciate the gesture if the guy says no and pays.

What I really hate though - and maybe other ladies have experienced the same thing and it might be why you're a little iffy about letting the guy pay - is when the guy then thinks you owe him something in return... Thoughts?

Well 1st I think it is very refreshing to see such gentlemenly responses. I am old school. On a 1st date, especially a promising one, I think it is nice he pays. I like chivalry. Not every date, I like to treat my guy too sometimes... if he lets me, but for a 1st date, yes, the guy pays.... if I pay promptly for myself it prob means I got this and prob don't want a 2nd date. If a guy ask for us to go dutch on a 1st date I will of course pay but no brownie points for him. My dad was 61 when I was born, all I know is old school, lol.

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I'll pay to be polite, not to satisfy my masculinity, my manhood won't suffer because a woman bought my food. By now, my girlfriend and I are pretty much on a "whatever who cares" basis, when it comes to paying for food.

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This is an interesting situation, because I think the ideal situation is more complicated that we typically discuss it as.

 

I think the man should pay at least on the first few couple dates. But I don't think it's great for the woman to EXPECT he pay. She should reach for the check, but the guy should pay. If the guy doesn't pay, she can end up paying and decide to never see him again.

 

I don't like it when I'm expected to pay. It's better when she offers, but I insist. That way, I'm doing something considerate, not just conventional. Convention and tradition can suck it; consideration and kindness are important. And when she offers, it becomes kindness on the part of the man, not obligation by tradition.

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I think it's only proper that the responsibility to pay falls on whoever initiated the date. But even if a girl asked me out I would still offer to pay unless she is very insistent she pays. Not that there is inherently wrong with girls asking guys out, but I'm pretty traditional so I would initiate and pay anyways.

 

I find the idea of going dutch on first dates to be pretty ridiculous. First off, I think it's part of the messed up hookup culture where everything is ambiguous and undefined. Kids these days are so confused as to whether a "hang out" is even a date or not because they are too afraid to call it a date. If it is a date, then they are confused who pays. Then to take things ever further, the question of whether or not sex is expected or not. It's flat out anarchy. The traditional way is so much simpler and both parties are more or less on the same page.

 

So what if women can earn their own money these days? While paying for a date is relatively a small matter compared to the intent of the date, it is still something that sets a potential romantic relationship apart from just friendship. I don't think it makes a girl feel particularly special when she is treated just like one of your friends.

 

And ladies, no need to feel bad for us paying. We want to do it, at least I do. Just appreciate the gesture and that's more than enough.

 

Thank you so much for your stance on this! It's exactly why I ALWAYS let men pay! LOL.

 

If I'm going on a date with a man, I expect him to pay, and I generally don't have these types of discussions (outside of the internet), because everyone seems to be okay with this arrangement.

 

I can afford to pay for my own meal (and yours too, if that were pertinent), but I feel, when the check comes, it's a man's time to "show and prove" what he's all about.  When I go out with friends, we occasionally "go dutch" or I pick up the check, and that's perfectly fine.  But if you're going to be a man, and lead a family and a household, then it starts, in my opinion, on Day 1, on the first date!

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GIRLS, what do you think? (Really curious so I thought I'd add that in, hopes it's ok).

 

Personally I always offer to go dutch, but appreciate the gesture if the guy says no and pays.

What I really hate though - and maybe other ladies have experienced the same thing and it might be why you're a little iffy about letting the guy pay - is when the guy then thinks you owe him something in return... Thoughts?

 

I have no problem letting the man pay for the entirety of the meal, and also no problem letting him know concretely that there's "nothing else" on the night's menu afterwards.  I've never felt like there's a "gray area" here, though I've known lots of women that tend to end up here.

 

I think men should pay for the meal on romantic dates, and I don't think it makes me a "user" as a woman to think this way.  I travel a lot and take meals away from home a lot and within the context of business meetings, so picking up the check isn't that big of a deal personally, but romantically, when you're trying to "woo" me, it's one of the few things that I man can do early on to get my attention.

 

No matter how much money I make or how successful I become, I don't think I'm ever going to pick up the tab for a man I'm romantically interested in, because doing so automatically makes him a non-viable candidate.  I can pick up the tab for meals for friends and family, no problem; It's a Blessing to be able to afford to do so, but if a guy wants to show that he's worthy of being a respectable mate, that might one day become my husband, he needs to take charge here.

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I do.

 

This may sound macho but I assure you it isn't: I won't allow my date to pay the check. 

 

Yes, it sounds macho...and kinda sexy! LOL. #WellDone :lol:

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Yes, it sounds macho...and kinda sexy! LOL. #WellDone :lol:

 

I guess that's why the girls tried to kiss me and invite me to their home after paying the bill in the eating house...

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