Novelist

Obligatory Introduction

12 posts in this topic

Hi, newbie here.

 

I have to admit I hate introducing myself on forums. I always feel like I'm at an AA meeting or something. "I'm Novelist, and I'm a virgin."

 

Anyway, I'm a late-20s woman and aspiring author trying to make peace with the fact that my commitment to abstinence has relegated me to a kind of social isolation. I have had (and have) friends who understood my commitment, but I always sensed a touch of, "You poor little naive thing; the real world's gonna hit you like a load of bricks" about it. A sort of affectionate judgement, as if I didn't know. Maybe I imagined it, or maybe I was just projecting what I was thinking myself.

 

Another issue I've had is a complete lack of understanding concerning the emotional toll which waiting for nearly 30 years has taken on me. Dating feels impossible, like a hide and seek game--How long can I keep my clean little secret? And I feel very undesirable knowing that, while a few men have been very eager to sleep with me, no one has ever found me worth pursuing in the long run. I look in the mirror, and my every flaw seems magnified. Aging is starting to terrify me, and I never, ever wanted to be THAT woman. Since my libido has (naturally) waned a bit since adolescence, I sometimes feel angry to have "wasted" the best of my sexuality. The biggest issue is that, while I am religious and have faith in God, I have very little faith in people anymore.

 

My hope was that interacting with other people who are also abstinent would be liberating, in the sense that I would feel less judged and that, surely, many here would also understand the struggle, both physical and emotional, of waiting for something that might never happen.

 

Well, I didn't mean to post so much, but I guess my name should have warned you. I'm not always such a sad sack, btw. I'm just frustrated right now.

 

--Novelist.

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Welcome. I think you'll find what you're looking for, here. I hope so, anyway. :) I have been here almost a year, and I've found it to be many things...helpful, and supportive, being the biggest. I've also made some great friends here. So, you never know. Again, welcome.

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Welcome! And yes I know the feeling all to well. This site helps a lot though, hopefully for you too!

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Welcome! There are people of all different ages and backgrounds here. I hope that you find exactly what you're looking for in life.  :)

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Welcome ! You reached the right place !!  dont worry you are safe to speak your mind and feelings here without fear , and i hope you will have faith in people again as you know we are not all the same!!  :) 

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I am a 30-something man who avoids the world's critics of WTM'rs by keeping it a secret.  I find that I relate to everything you wrote in your third paragraph perfectly.  I also find that many like yourself have joined the site and have remarkable similarities in their struggles and triumphs as well.

 

Although I understand the concern of not wanting to waste the best of our years, I don't find that it I have ever been penalized for doing what I know is right.  I simply use the time to become a better single person, and if I should ever meet a special lady someday worth the wait, then I will present her with some magnificent perks to enjoy with what I did with my time spent single.  I commend you (as well as others do on the site I am quite sure) for remaining faithful.

 

I believe that the way to make sure we don't feel so alone is to remain available to each other.  I've met a few really neat people on the site already (both men and women), and I am grateful for their compassion and understanding.

 

I use the community chat roll most of the time, and I wish to extend my sincerity through that medium.  I hope you might find that me and others on the site can give a little relieving refuge from a world that simply doesn't understand us properly.  If you are a schedule-oriented person, "hit me up" with a mail message using the site message tab, and I would love to meet you.  Others will probably do the same.

 

Welcome to the site!

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Thank you all for being so welcoming. Reading through the forums a bit has already restored some of my faith in humanity. :D

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Hey novelist,

 

I sort of felt like I was reading about myself. My commitment to my faith, as well as to myself in waiting is something that I am proud of, but it has been hard to not exactly be accepted for it. Whether it was dating (or trying to), or people who just thought that I was odd. I've been called "Tim Tebow" more times than I care to remember. Many people tell me that I won't ever meet anyone likeminded but for some reason I have always just been optimistic. I have a great life and a career that I love, a great family and group of freinds. Not everyone knows about my commitment, so I can definitely relate to you when you had said that it feels like a secret. And once I tell a date about it, for whatever the reason it has essentially ended the relationship. When I found out about this site, I figured there were people who I could relate to. Turns out I was right :)

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When I found out about this site, I figured there were people who I could relate to. Turns out I was right :)

 

I know, right? I went from feeling almost totally alone to feeling . . . not alone. Hm. Not very eloquent, but still. I'm so glad the site exists!

 

Thanks again to everyone for being so welcoming.

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