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Sophie

Have you all made up your mind 100% about waiting until marriage? What doubts/worries do you have?

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When I turned 13 or 14, I began to feel peer-pressure to lose my virginity. But I knew that because of my weight, acne, and no self-confidence, it would never happen in high school. Indeed, it didn't (obviously.) At first my decision was to not have sex until I am 20 years old (meaning completely out of teenage-hood.) I had decided this because both my parents were in their twenties with they lost their virginity. I started considering WTM around last September, did a lot of research (mostly using this website,) and came to agree that WTM was actually a pretty good idea. But my mind is still not made up. 60% I am leaning towards pre-marital sex (with a guy who loves me and who I love and we have to date at least four months.) And 40% WTM.

I guess this is because I am not willing to die a virgin, I don't want my first time to be on my wedding night when I am in my forties and will be dealing with hot flashes in the next year to ten years. My biggest priority is starting a family before I am 30 and ending my family at age 35 (meaning I'll be done having kids by age 35.) I'm not sure if I can achieve this if I WTM. Also keep in mind that I am an Atheist so I am not doing this for religious reasons. And even if I do decide on pre-marital sex, I won't even do anything remotely close to sleeping around.

So my mind is only made up 40%, and those are my doubts/worries.

What about all of you? What are your doubts about WTM? Because even if you have decided 100%, you always have to consider the possibility that marriage won't happen to you until you are in your forties, fifties, sixties, etc. And it would be too late to have children. I'm certainly worried about that.

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Ive made up my mind too-thats why i need this site for support lol. Sophie, even if not for religious reasons, what about emotional? I also though of guys ive made out with before and wanting to give something more to someone i love. Well, hopefully whoever that is ends up getting to marry me, because otherwise theyre not getting any more than anyone else :P i say that because ive never been in love. I really like and care for someone, but it hasnt gotten that dar for me before.

Its also a good test to see if hes a decent guy. For real! If hes not willing to wait for you (even if he hasnt himself) are you sure he's someone that has marriage potential? I date seriously though; ill go on a few dates and the guy can only be.my bf if i see he's got qualities of the kind of guy i want to marry. Doesnt mean we will, just means theres more potential.

One of my overriding concerns for me would be comparison. Wouldnt you want your husband to be (to quote a song) the "best you ever had" and you dont have to worry about comoaring him to anyone else?!? Or vice versa, about him comparing you. I read an article from a couple who waited, but the guy hadnt before her and he said that in their marriage bed there would always be three people; not just him and his wife. (The woman he slept with before who he was in love with). That may not happen to everyone, but that is just one of the saddest things. I wouldnt want to be his wife. Obviously, he feels terrible, bit theres not anything they can do.

Maybe what ive said doesnt help you, but i hope it does. Please feel free to PM me! Mainly because i have another point, but i dont want to post it.

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Aaaaand i forgot somethibg. What a shocker lol. If you are 40 when you get married; generally you'll be fine for ten years. And you can get good natural hormone supplement so instead of crahing and burning; everything will lower gradually. It wont be so bad then. Plus, your husband better be ready for kicking sheets off; then curling up next to him shivering, etc, etc. And you changing pjs in the night lol. Ive heard it all. Yeah it will stink, but everyone goes through it....maybe that will be me and not you, who knows? (God for me) But yeah, im just trying to help, although i dont know if i really did :P

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I've made up my mind as well 100% and if I die a virgin, I honestly don't think that's gonna bother me at my time of death.

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Ok, to be perfectly honest, I had considered sleeping around. I don't like commitment. I don't like the idea of being stuck with one individual for the rest of my "natural-born life." Lol. So, my reasons for waiting are varied & complex.

1) I believe in God & that Hell is real. So, that's a pretty big factor for me, but considering that you're atheist, I'll give you the others.

2) I know that I'm not going to be able to separate my emotions from the act the 1st couple of times. I'm sure that I could eventually numb myself enough to make a pretty decent attempt at it & probably even excel at it, since I can be really cold & analytical. But, numbing oneself is never a good idea.

3) The number of people that I know who have caught something out there is enough to make me reach for a chastity belt, no joke. & it doesn't help that I'm in school & the hospital where that stuff becomes even more pronounced, more obvious & more statistical (those numbers don't make me horny, au contraire).

4) Let me tell you about me. I’m the girl who won't even commit to the same cell phone after an upgrade drops! If this ME commits to be with one guy, settle down & commit to marriage, I want it all. Not some “we're almost married.†Or “we don't need a piece of paper to define us.†NO! I want the fairy tale: the wedding with close fam & friends (hopefully no more than 50 peeps, preferably he won't wear a tux & I won't be in a dress that makes me look like frosting. Lol. No dis to those that want that. My friends want the frosted dress & the tux & an amphitheater, & I love them to death.), the fights, the rough times, the good times, & everything in-between...& I want a rock on my finger while we live together, ride together, fight together, etc. I'm a "ride or die" kinda chick, but not without a rock.

The biggest commitment that I believe I can make is with my body. I know you're atheist, so this may not hold the same significance for you, but the Bible says that I'm supposed to present my body as a living sacrifice unto God. There's also the old wedding vow that a man would make to his future wife: "With my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow." So, when I get down with my husband (if I ever get married), I'll be sharing all that I am with him, giving him all that I have & vice versa. Literally! My bank account goes up & down, my clothes change, my address changes, car changes, but my body will always be my body. It's the one thing that will belong to me to freely give & commit to another until I die. So, he's gonna rock me up (not a huge diamond either, cuz that's not realistic in surgery. Preferably, just a gold band), we're gonna rock it out, & it’s going to be a rockin’ good time :P

So, to answer your question, “Yeah, I’m 100% committed to staying down until I get that rock, then we’ll be gettin down" :D

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I am 100% committed to waiting. The older I get, the more certain I am. Plus there's that whole purity ring vow made to God, which I don't intend to break (I no longer wear the ring, but it was simply an outer symbol of inner decision anyway). I do worry that my standards are too high, that I won't find the person who wants me, I used to worry that male waiters just didn't exist anymore (thanks guys, for clearing that up) :D

Here's the thing though, I've always heard that virgins tend to be very clingy with the person they share that first time experience with. I feel like, if that's true, maybe it's because that first person should be your husband/wife and why wouldn't you want to "cling," so to speak, to them? I believe there's not a more precious gift that you could give to your spouse than to be able to say I waited for you and I am giving all of myself to you and you alone.

There's also the old wedding vow that a man would make to his future wife: "With my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow." So, when I get down with my husband (if I ever get married), I'll be sharing all that I am with him, giving him all that I have & vice versa. Literally! My bank account goes up & down, my clothes change, my address changes, car changes, but my body will always be my body. It's the one thing that will belong to me to freely give & commit to another until I die. :D

This exactly!

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100% in. I've passed the point of no return, there is no going back for me. Too much time and effort invested. I guess that's why they call it faith.....

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Yep, I've made up my mind.

At first I wasn't sure (like I am about most things), but now I'm standing by it.

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I guess this is because I am not willing to die a virgin, I don't want my first time to be on my wedding night when I am in my forties and will be dealing with hot flashes in the next year to ten years.

Dying a virgin, while not painless, is probably more painless than losing your virginity to a man/woman you're not completely happy with (to the point of marrying him/her first).

And I'm committed to waiting till marriage. I don't have doubts; I know that it's the right thing to do. There's no shame in being/staying/dying a virgin.

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I've made up my mind as well 100% and if I die a virgin, I honestly don't think that's gonna bother me at my time of death.

Haha! Good point. lol. Yeah, being a virgin would probably be the last thing on my mind when I'm on my death bed, too.

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Sophie, even if not for religious reasons, what about emotional?

Emotional is the main reason why I considered this. But I do know that if I lose my virginity to a guy after a substantial amount of dating, and we are together for quite some time, and we break up, it wouldn't hurt me any more than if we hadn't slept together. To me, sex is very important, but I think that when it comes to long-term relationships, whether you've had sex or not, the break-up pain will be the same. But obviously I would love to lose my virginity to the only guy I'll ever be with, which is why I am considering WTM.

Its also a good test to see if hes a decent guy. For real! If hes not willing to wait for you (even if he hasnt himself) are you sure he's someone that has marriage potential?

Yeah, I agree with you 50% but the other 50% isn't quite willing to label a guy "unworthy," or "disrespectful" because he doesn't want to wait until marriage. I mean if I want to wait until marriage, I would hate it if someone called me a "prude" or "frigid." Well either way I do get called that because I am very conservative, WTM or not. If a guy won't wait a few months then I'd dump him in a second, but...if he is willing to wait 6 months but doesn't want to marry unless he's dated for 3 years and he doesn't want to go 3 years without having sex...am I willing to lose him, or label him as someone without marriage potential? I'm not so sure. So that's another reason why I am hesitant.

One of my overriding concerns for me would be comparison. Wouldnt you want your husband to be (to quote a song) the "best you ever had" and you dont have to worry about comoaring him to anyone else?!? Or vice versa, about him comparing you.

Yes, this is a concern of mine. >.< I mean, I can deal with him not being the best if we still have a great sex life, but if I've had previous experience and I know my husband and I don't have great sex (whatever that even means) then yes, that would be unfortunate. So this, emotional reasons, me being old-fashioned, and risks of STD's, are the reasons why I am considering WTM.

Maybe what ive said doesnt help you, but i hope it does. Please feel free to PM me! Mainly because i have another point, but i dont want to post it.

You've made some very good points for sure! And believe me, I have thought about all of them. Although I have decided that emotionally, pre-marital sex would not do any damage to me (especially since I would never ever sleep around, or sleep with a guy who I am not in love with and who is not in love with me.) I will definitely PM you! That means send a message, right? I am not good with tech words...>.<

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I'm 100% in. Like others, I try not to think about "what if I never get married" and those sorts of questions. I mean worrying isn't going to help the situation so whats the point? Easier said than done I know, but if you can try not to think about the "what ifs" it definitely helps!

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I dunno actually. Like I know I don't have the guts to go all the way and like I kept it for this long that it makes me selfish and not want to give it away because I've had to work to maintain it so I want to keep it lol. because of my human natural desires there have been times when I've thought about it but my convictions won't let me.

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Hey!

Yes, I'm in, 100%

For a few reasons, I think. Religious reasons, obviously. More than that, though, the thing that first convinced me to wait was very simply, when I thought about having sex with more than one person in my life, I just hated the thought of it. Or of the thought of my husband having slept with anyone else (Although, that doesn't mean I couldn't marry someone who wasn't a virgin, it'd just be more difficult). Also, the chances are, I will get married some day. And when I get married, it'd be great just to say to him on our wedding night, "I love you so much that I saved myself just for you. Everything I have is yours now". I mean, just the thought of being able to do that is enough to make me want to wait. And, statistically, I will get married some day, so what happens if I don't wait? "I love you so much, but I gave my virginity to some guy in high school who I dated for a few months, because I was scared that no one would ever marry me if I waited..."

On a similar note, I wouldn't mind some advice. I have a friend, best friend in fact, who said to me once, pretty much out of the blue, "You know...I'd really like to wait till marriage. And...I think it's great that you can do it, but...I'd just be too worried: what if I never met anyone who'd wait for me?"

Sooooo...what do you think I could say to her? Like, what'd be my best argument for her to wait? She's Catholic too, but I don't think the "religious argument" is going to do it...

xxx

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I'm in 100%. No question for me. A lot of my reasons are emotional attachment, meaning, and connection. I am not attracted to the thought of sleeping with someone and then watching them walk away. That would be too painful for me. In that case, sex would just feel like I was just pursuing an instinct... and then as soon as we were through, it would have just been an event that is now over and done with. And since sex has the potential to create new life in the world, I guess I just inherently feel like it should be counted as something much more than that. It has the potential to create a lasting effect on the world-- a brand new life. Even if you never end up having children, that's the full potential of the act. And I feel like that should receive more respect than it currently gets from our society.

I feel like you can view sex as something to enjoy in the moment, or something to seal a greater foundation. I feel that sex, like a lot of things, can be as shallow or as sacred as you choose to make it. For myself, I prefer the latter, and if I can't have it that way, then I don't want it at all. Because I also feel that, at the end of the day, there is more to life than gettin' down. :lol:

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i have definitely made up my mind 100% to wait so I don't really have doubts but at times it is hard because I do desire the marriage/family thing, but I will just have to see what happens in life. I can't imagine just giving it away outside of marriage after waiting all thi stime.

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Great question.

Yes, I've made up my mind 100%

Yeah, that was big for me. But I'm "all in" I guess. It crossed my mind that i may never get married, and - it was difficult for me - but I accept that. If I die I'll have other things to worry about anyway :D

This! This describes my decision so accurately!

Yeah, at first it really bothered me that I was going to die a virgin, if I never get married (which I might not.) But like ThatGuy said, I probably have other things to worry about.

And if worse comes to worst, and I mean if somehow I knew I was going to die really soon and I knew that I won't have the chance to get married, if and only if this is the case, then the most desperate I'll probably get is to use a vibrator. XD I won't even settle for at least a player. That's how much I'm willing to save myself for marriage.

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