Chak

A waiter with kids !!

19 posts in this topic

Just wondering if a single mom or a single dad  who decided to wait should be considered as a waiter till marriage as most of time and as far i was reading across the forum we are talking about single persons who had previous partners and had sex but choosed to wait, what abt those who had a baby or more by accident and decided to keep them and wait as well? can you as a virgin or non virgin accept them as your future spouse/husband? why/ why not ? plz specify if you are a virgin or not in your comments thx.

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Yes I would accept them. My Dad dated and married my Mom even though she had a child already.

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Yes, I would date someone with a child. My mom was pregant when she got with my dad and he accepted me before my birth and named me. When dating someone with kids it's of course harder. Is just not the two of you. Its 3 or more of you. You can understand a break up, kids may not, it effects them too and when you get married your an instant parent. I feel like the child and the man must accept and love me. If his kid doesn't like me and against me, I don't see it working. Also you have the child's mother. We will forever be in each other lives as well (if she is around) and have to find a way to make our new extended family work.

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I would not date someone with kids, but that does not mean I do not accept single parents as true WTMers. All it takes for me to accept someone as a waiter is a commitment to saving sex for their one-and-only.

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Like Steadfast Madcap said, someone having kids doesn't disqualify them from being a waiter.  However, them having kids would definitely be a dealbreaker for me in terms of dating them.

 

Honestly, I'd much rather start my own family instead of jumping into a ready-made one. It's an easier adjustment, there's no potential drama with the child's birth father, and we get to learn how to be parents together. With a blended family situation, I'd have to be a father from day one, meanwhile I'm still trying to get the hang of the husband thing.

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I think a waiter with kids is still a waiter since he or she chooses to wait until wedding night. Will I date a waiter with kids? Yes, only if the kids have the same mother and also depending on the number of past sexual partners.

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Hm... Can someone who is waiting until marriage be considered someone who is waiting until marriage? That's a toughie...

 

;)

 

If someone is waiting until marriage NOW, that should be all that matters. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has regrets (screw all that "No regrets!" crap - if someone truly regrets nothing, they will never grow).

If one was not always a Christian, and convert later in life, do we say they're not really Christian?

If one was not always a criminal, and then commit a crime, do we say they're not really a criminal?

That's not how it works.

 

Where is that person in their life NOW?

 

If someone has kids, even "illegitimate" children (not sure if I like that term, but you get the gist), and are NOW waiters... They ARE waiters.

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Yes. I'm going to leave it at that because I don't feel like going into any of my other thoughts right now. I'm tired... :)

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Hm... Can someone who is waiting until marriage be considered someone who is waiting until marriage? That's a toughie...

 

;)

 

If someone is waiting until marriage NOW, that should be all that matters. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has regrets (screw all that "No regrets!" crap - if someone truly regrets nothing, they will never grow).

If one was not always a Christian, and convert later in life, do we say they're not really Christian?

If one was not always a criminal, and then commit a crime, do we say they're not really a criminal?

That's not how it works.

 

Where is that person in their life NOW?

 

If someone has kids, even "illegitimate" children (not sure if I like that term, but you get the gist), and are NOW waiters... They ARE waiters.

 

^What he said.

 

I also hate the term "illegitimate children." While there are planned and unplanned children, there is no such thing as "illegitimate children." That is a dehumanizing term that should be wiped out of the dictionary and the minds of everyone on earth.

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The problem with that argument being that it ignores that many of us do not simply want to wait until marriage to have sex with a potential future spouse, we want them to have done so also. I encourage people who have already had sex to start waiting, but I wouldn't really classify you the same way as somebody who always has.

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Just wondering if a single mom or a single dad  who decided to wait should be considered as a waiter till marriage as most of time and as far i was reading across the forum we are talking about single persons who had previous partners and had sex but choosed to wait, what abt those who had a baby or more by accident and decided to keep them and wait as well? can you as a virgin or non virgin accept them as your future spouse/husband? why/ why not ? plz specify if you are a virgin or not in your comments thx.

 

I kind of look at the initial scenario you described as the difference between "abstinence" and "celibacy", where "abstinence" is someone that has always abstained from having sex (and is a virgin), and "celibacy" is someone that has had sex, and then made the choice to not have it again, until they are married (or for some other reason).  In this regard, a single parent can be celibate, but not abstinent (in my opinion), and one's ability to accept their status as such is purely a matter of personal choice.

 

When I was younger, I was totally against dating or even considering someone with kids.  As I've gotten older, and most of my same-aged counterparts tend to have children, I've realized that I may have to change my opinion on this somewhat.  For instance, I can likely be with someone who's living a righteous life as a single parent, if their child's parent is deceased.  I'm just not ready for (or interested in) the whole "blended family" thing with a living parent interfering with my life and marriage.

 

I really don't know what might ultimately end up happening, as my opinion on single parenthood is changing.  I'm thinking about fostering, then adopting a child (or children), and I assume that eventually, I may actually end up going on a date with the intention to marry.  Though I know I'll have more "baggage" with me (in addition to not being willing to have sex before marriage), I'd still like to think someone will be willing to accept me and my children.  I guess we'll see. :)

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Was so nice to read everyones point of view, am with you, everyone have the right to be a waiter having kids or not, just making the decision of waiting till marriage give them the title of a waiter, 

Regarding being a virgin or non virgin  the decision to have them as a future partner is diffrent from one to another, going with everyones background, culture, religion,personal values.....etc as i can see some took their family and parents as an idol and agreed, some wouldnt mind but with conditions and others would absolutly refuse.

Personaly, as some of you who followed my previous topic abt the born again virgin gonna assume  that i will definitly refuse to be with a non virgin especially with kids, beside respecting everyones point of view, i totaly agree with  buster Cannon, simply coz i wont accept less than a pure person, starting my own family and raising my own children instead of someone else children, avoiding the fathers drama  jumping everytime in my personal life if hes known if not thats one more reason to refuse, being considered second as this child gonna always come first ..

Other than that everyone is free to choose their best match.

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The problem with that argument being that it ignores that many of us do not simply want to wait until marriage to have sex with a potential future spouse, we want them to have done so also. I encourage people who have already had sex to start waiting, but I wouldn't really classify you the same way as somebody who always has.

That is absolutely understandable. I think all of us feel that way now, or have felt that way before.

I know I certainly felt that way for a while - in fact, a girl broke up with me because of my resentment for her past sexual experience. And right now, one of my best friends is having a crisis - "What's the point of waiting if everyone around us is having sex? I'll probably end up with someone who's not a virgin!"

 

What changed my life (yes, that language is rightfully strong) was realizing why I was waiting. I'm not waiting for myself. To me, waiting is a moral value, and a moral value is not meant to serve oneself.

 

If you're waiting because YOU want to be someone's first, then by all means, be bitter. Though I will tell you, it will not give you the same personal growth and sense of fulfillment.

If you're waiting because you believe it to be respectful to your future partner, don't be bitter. If someone wishes they waited for you, but regret that they didn't, they can't change that, and they will not be happy about that. But you can make them feel special, loved, desired, cherished.

 

Think not about what others can do for you. Think of what you can do for others. It will lead to a live of much greater spiritual, moral, personal fulfillment.

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The problem with that argument being that it ignores that many of us do not simply want to wait until marriage to have sex with a potential future spouse, we want them to have done so also. I encourage people who have already had sex to start waiting, but I wouldn't really classify you the same way as somebody who always has.

 

But they already are classified differently: that's why we have the words "virgin" and "non-virgin." It's possible to be a waiter and a non-virgin, and it's possible to be a virgin non-waiter (my boyfriend was the latter). Between those two words I think it's possible to cover all of the important ground when talking about your own preferences.

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That is absolutely understandable. I think all of us feel that way now, or have felt that way before.

I know I certainly felt that way for a while - in fact, a girl broke up with me because of my resentment for her past sexual experience. And right now, one of my best friends is having a crisis - "What's the point of waiting if everyone around us is having sex? I'll probably end up with someone who's not a virgin!"

 

What changed my life (yes, that language is rightfully strong) was realizing why I was waiting. I'm not waiting for myself. To me, waiting is a moral value, and a moral value is not meant to serve oneself.

 

If you're waiting because YOU want to be someone's first, then by all means, be bitter. Though I will tell you, it will not give you the same personal growth and sense of fulfillment.

If you're waiting because you believe it to be respectful to your future partner, don't be bitter. If someone wishes they waited for you, but regret that they didn't, they can't change that, and they will not be happy about that. But you can make them feel special, loved, desired, cherished.

 

Think not about what others can do for you. Think of what you can do for others. It will lead to a live of much greater spiritual, moral, personal fulfillment.

This isn't what the thread is about so I won't get too deep into it, but there are a lot of assumptions in this post. It's great that you decided your waiting has nothing to do with wanting a virgin partner. If that makes you feel fulfilled, then grand. But, please, don't assume what applies to you applies for everyone. I will experience much more fulfillment in life by having a virgin spouse than by not having one. I could explain my reasoning logically and coherently, but I've done so before on these forums and honestly I don't have to justify it to anyone. It makes me shake my head that others think they know what would better fulfill me.

 

Also, you're assuming one has to be bitter if they will only marry a virgin. You don't have to be bitter about not being able to find a virgin spouse. Disappointed? Certainly. But bitter? No, you don't have to be. Some of us know how to desire something and not be bitter if we don't get it. Sure, sometimes one might fall short and become bitter. You certainly don't have to, though.

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Dating someone with a child definitely takes humility.  It's basically adopting a family that needs you.  It's a pretty selfless and self-sacrificing move. 

At one time, I was against dating someone with kids, because I couldn't stand the idea of a baby's mama around and sharing kids.  Now, I've learned that there are many contexts to children and some don't even have the other parent in their life at all.  In that case, it would be like adopting a child.  That child needs a father or a mother and you could be that for them.  You could change their life. 

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Dating someone with a child definitely takes humility.  It's basically adopting a family that needs you.  It's a pretty selfless and self-sacrificing move. 

At one time, I was against dating someone with kids, because I couldn't stand the idea of a baby's mama around and sharing kids.  Now, I've learned that there are many contexts to children and some don't even have the other parent in their life at all.  In that case, it would be like adopting a child.  That child needs a father or a mother and you could be that for them.  You could change their life. 

i know so many who would go for a single parent with kids, mostly they are single parent as well, divorced with kids , or just adopters... being in the same situation make them more understanding of the needs of those little families who needs a parent to have a normal life. Adopting a child or fostering one is  wonderful and noble tho, but as you were against daiting someone with kids before  yet there is a majorty of singles who are against and try to build their own family tree, anyway am sure there exist good hearts who are brave enough to put a smile on those kids face and treat them as their own. 

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If a waiter has children from a previous relationship, either they broke up with their SO or they unfortunately passed away, it does not disqualify them from being a waiter in the present.

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