uriah32

Why Has God Blessed You Less Than Your Nonchristian Friends

10 posts in this topic

Well, this is my first forum post here even though I have been reading through these forums for quite some time. Anyways.....

Why does God sometimes seem to bless your friends more than you. How come I don't go out to the bars every night trying to bring some girl home yet my buddy who did that for years gets to date some AWESOME christian girl and I'm sitting here single ( I am more or less talking relationshipwise in this topic)? How come I am struggling to find a solid christian girl yet my other buddy has tons of them trying to date him but he refused to because they won't have sex, like why can't you throw some my way God???

I have really thought about/researched this and I have my opinions but I am really wondering how other christians view this. I am looking forward to hearing other views (and seeing how humorous some of these may be considering some of you are still trying to convince yourselves that masturbation is not a sin, sorry I saw that in another topic and am still mindblown). Thanks!

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This may be hard to accept, but God never promised that each individual person that they will find someone. It took me a while to come to terms with it but its true. God has outlined what a Christian marriage should look like but other than that you will not find it anywhere that says He has a special person reserved specifically for for each person who follows Him. It's American Christian culture that have over-spiritualized that idea. Many people will end up with someone eventually, but not all of us. We have to accept the possibility of being single our whole lives. Is it scary? Of course it is. Quite frankly it scares me to death. But it is what it is. We are not entitled to a relationship. We are not deserving of anything except death for our sins. But God is merciful and saved us. That is all He promised.

Relationships aren't the be all end all of blessings. Just because you haven't had a relationship yet doesn't mean He hasn't blessed you in other ways. It's easily to overlook what we already have been blessed with and take it for granted. I'm sure God has blessed your life in many other ways.

In regards to why there is a disparity between you and your friend's success with girls, I honestly can't say because I don't know you or your friends. In fact I often ask myself the same question. But it may be because your friend puts himself out there by going to bars and being around other people. Which does raise the chances of him meeting a girl. But then again, they many not necessarily be the best type of girls. Maybe your friend is one of those guys who really knows how to smooth talk a girl. I dont know. But remember, quality over quantity. The good quality girls are usually the hardest to find.

I know it may feel hopeless sometimes because I feel that way a lot too. But that shouldnt keep is from trying.

I hope the best for you.

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In the sense of relationships? I have many friends who've found people to have relationships with, and turned out to be really unhappy... and I've had many fewer friends who found 'the one', and I couldn't be happier for them. I, in all honesty, think that He has a different plan for me... at least for the near future. I'm helping raise nephews, and am (for all intents and purposes) a parental figure, living WITH them. I think He wanted me HERE. Now, I'm not saying I don't feel like He has a plan for a mate for me. I really do. However, I think trusting His plan for my life is more important than my desire to find a husband. Which may not even BE in His plan. If he puts someone in my face and I can't ignore it, and the guy finds out how I have to live my life (AND is completely ok with it, along with the fact that he'll have to take on at least one nephew with me), then sure... I'll follow Gods lead. Unless that happens, though, well... I guess that leads to my next thought...

 

Blessings come in many forms. You just have to keep your eyes and heart open to them. I never thought I'd want to be a parent. I have no desire to have children of my own (no, I would never have an abortion and, if I were to become pregnant, I'd have the child and love it as if I've always to have him/her, but I don't feel it's wrong to try and prevent conception), but I'd love to adopt. I'm, also, blessed that I have a mother who is open to talking with me, and is one of my very best friends. I'm blessed that I have passions to focus on when I have time. I'm blessed that, with my moms support, encouragement, and guidance, I've made some great decisions for my life... including moving across the country to start over, which she did with me, and my nephew. So, I'm blessed in so many ways.

 

Do I want to find someone who will love every aspect of my being, whether they LIKE all of me or not? (Because I believe true love means loving in spite of flaws, and wanting that person to be happy even if it's not you making it happen, even though you hope it's you... because everyone has flaws.) Sure. I want someone who I can know loves me like that. Who will know the darkest parts of me, and there is a lot of darkness, and still see the light, because there is a lot of light. I want someone who will shed light when I need it.

 

Anyway, I know I went a little off topic there. Sorry. I guess what I'm saying is that, yes it kind of sucks that others are naturals at finding people to be with, but blessings come in many forms.

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How come I don't go out to the bars every night trying to bring some girl home yet my buddy who did that for years gets to date some AWESOME christian girl and I'm sitting here single ( I am more or less talking relationshipwise in this topic)? How come I am struggling to find a solid christian girl yet my other buddy has tons of them trying to date him but he refused to because they won't have sex, like why can't you throw some my way God???

 

Whenever I have thought about these things every once-in-a-while, I like to ask what the other person is doing that makes them effective.  I think what works is to not dismiss someone entirely because I don't agree with just one thing they do in life.  I try and look for the things that they do well and see passed the things I don't agree with.

 

I think in this specific case, you friend is obviously attractive to ladies.  You might be thinking that this is backwards because he doesn't value purity like you do.  However, something you might try is to acknowledge his success with attraction in spite of your disagreement with his past sexual encounters.

 

You might be focusing on how lucky he seems to be in winning over an attractive female who matches your tastes and unfairly considering that unfair for you.  Instead, you might consider the entire situation lucky because you have a friend that matches your tastes for ladies and you are lucky enough to be his friend!  I am quite sure that as a fellow man, he would be more than happy to consider himself an expert on the situation and share with how to attract the ladies of your choice.

 

These things are all attitude inspired.  As a fellow Christian, whenever I feel like I am being treated unfairly, I realize that Jesus has never held out on me.  I live in an incredibly abundant world, and If I only ask Jesus to help me get what I need and want, I find He doesn't require me too often to look too far away.

 

I will go out on a limb as well.  You friend seems to have had sexual encounters with women you are not willing to have because you value purity.  Upon learning from your friend about how to be more attractive, he might call on you in the future about how to handle not being as pure as you are.  This seems to happen to people who seem to find sex easily, but, when they finally find love, they have a harder time relating to only one person in a serious relationship.  This would be a great opportunity to be a good friend back and explain how important purity is to intimacy.

 

So, with a friend like yours, he has already gone through some of the "dirty work" to teach you attraction (and perhaps made mistakes that you don't have to make, which is a great thing), and you can still remain pure while being attractive with less baggage.  And when the time comes, you might be returning the favor to your friend by offering good advice...

 

I think the main idea here is to consider our friends valuable no matter how many things we don't agree with.  We are loved by our friends because of the things they do well, and we love them back when they don't do so well.  I know the appreciation is mutual with all of my comrades, and I have been blessed with a variety of talents and character distributed among all of them.

 

I hope these thoughts are consistent with your concerns.  However, I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not-too-far-off.

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You're blessed to know WTM is the right thing to do, you're blessed with wisdom about God's ways and hopefully there is a special place in Heaven for you. Compared to someone who doesn't believe in God and WTM you're the one who is blessed more. It's way better to have the kingdom of Heaven than to be addicted to sex.

Also, your friend would be blessed if he took after your example and became a waiter. You have a lot to offer him if only he would listen and change his ways.

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If you are what you say, then it means you are not a sheep.

 

If you are searching for a 'solid Christian girl' then you should go to a monastery.

 

If you are struggling, then you should ask for help.

 

If you are too shy to ask for help, then you'll either: have courage one day, meet your destiny one day anyway or ask yourself every time why you aren't blessed.

 

When the soldiers prayed for God to win the war, Ataturk told them to pray to put out the lights. No one succeeded. He went to the lamp and crushed it and said: that's how you will win the war.

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I sincerely suggest you watch Amadeus, if you haven't already. It will give you some perspective.

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On 31/05/2015 at 1:26 PM, Queen said:

The grass is always greener on the other side.

I recently found an alternate version that I rather like: The grass is greener on the side you water. :) 

 

As regards the OP:

Firstly, who's to tell that God hasn't/isn't blessing you more? What look like blessings can be curses and what seem like curses can be blessings...

Presuming God has blessed them more...maybe because this mortal coil might be all they've got?

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On 31/05/2015 at 1:26 PM, Queen said:

The grass is always greener on the other side.

I recently found an alternate version that I rather like: The grass is greener on the side you water. :) 

 

As regards the OP:

Firstly, who's to tell that God hasn't/isn't blessing you more? What look like blessings can be curses and what seem like curses can be blessings...

Presuming God has blessed them more...maybe because this mortal coil might be all they've got?

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