NoName

Take Charge?

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I started working at my brother's restaurant. I started talking with two of the cooks. One of the cooks asked me when the last time I had sex was. I told him I never have, and I was waiting until marriage. He apparently told some others. Which led to my brother asking me if I am really waiting until marriage. He also told me I need to pop the cherry. He asked me if I wanted him to hook me up with a server, and I said I'm good. He then told me it was a bad idea to wait because girls want a guy who takes charge and teaches them things in bed. I was just wondering what the girls thought of this. Sorry for any grammar problems.

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I'd MUCH prefer a guy who was inexperienced but willing to learn what pleases us both instead of a guy who thought he knew it all and 'took charge'.

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A huge part of the reason I decided to wait, and insisted on a partner with a similar lack of experience, was precisely because I wanted to AVOID having a teacher/student dynamic in my relationship. Honestly even thinking about the idea of having that kind of power differential in my relationship makes me feel nauseated.

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Maybe some girls do want that but are they the kind of girl you want?

Most waiters would prefer to be with another waiter (me included) you've waited for them so it would be nice to know they've waited for you right?

Non virgins/non waiting girls perhaps are more likely to want a guy with sexual experience but I'm sure even some of them wouldn't mind a waiter guy eithere.

Also just because you waited to be married that doesn't mean you can't "take charge " when you are I.e. Being the initiator being the one to suggest new things etc.

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I'd MUCH prefer a guy who was inexperienced but willing to learn what pleases us both instead of a guy who thought he knew it all and 'took charge'.

 

I wanted to like this but...yea.... :P

 

I realy like the whole two inexperienced people learning together idea. But if you don't and are truly concerned with lack of skill may I recommend reading a good sex book(s). I hazard to guess that that will create more (albeit latent) skill than your average peer who relies on porn for the majority of his guidance. Plus you'll still have the fumblings of putting knowledge into practice...

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I started working at my brother's restaurant. I started talking with two of the cooks. One of the cooks asked me when the last time I had sex was. I told him I never have, and I was waiting until marriage. He apparently told some others. Which led to my brother asking me if I am really waiting until marriage. He also told me I need to pop the cherry. He asked me if I wanted him to hook me up with a server, and I said I'm good. He then told me it was a bad idea to wait because girls want a guy who takes charge and teaches them things in bed. I was just wondering what the girls thought of this. Sorry for any grammar problems.

I really wish I could talk with your brother and his friends..... -_-

You don't need to have sex with a bunch of randoms to take charge in bed. As I've always said I'd prefer to learn with my husband not be taught by him in that area. Even being inexperienced you can take charge in many ways. Your brother and his friends can and should learn from you. Thank you for taking a stand.

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Hell no, I don't want some experienced guy who takes charge. I want someone as awkward and inexperienced as me, it's ok if awkward inexperienced guy takes charge though.

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Just found this, and thought I'd share it:

 

http://chastityproject.com/2015/05/im-afraid-awkward-wedding-night/

 

I like this part:

 

But their discomfort with sexual inexperience at marriage is normal. I expect it out of the culture that prefers preparedness for a wedding night over preparedness for marriage—a culture that probably doesn’t even discern the difference. It’s a culture that is curious as to why I can enter marriage without any sexual history and be undisturbed by that.
 
I’ll tell you why: because we don’t have to be disturbed. Entering marriage without prior sexual experience expresses confidence in our commitment to each other, and not knowing what to expect authenticates it. A couple that won’t save sex because they don’t want to have to communicate on their wedding night isn’t likely to communicate well in a marriage.

 

 

Anyway, I've never worried about my husband being "inexperienced". As I've said before, I'd much prefer him to be inexperienced. Frankly, I think it takes the pressure off of me if I know we're both beginners. We won't be expecting anything beyond making love and falling asleep in each other's arms. Plus, a lot of honeymoon practice, so I'd say it's a win-win.

 

xxx

 

EDIT: I just had a look at the comments for the author's blog, and found this great one, which I'll add:

 

http://arleenspenceley.com/wedding-night/#comment-1985216641

 

Speaking from the other side of the wedding night, I would say that while it may have been "awkward" in the sense we weren't pros etc the beauty of the commitment we had just made and of sharing this first time together was so overwhelming that the impression left of the night was of that joy and love not any discomfort or awkwardness. Meanwhile I often wonder how much more awkward and uncomfortable is sex for the first time outside of marriage, especially with the understanding that this isn't your forever person but somebody you are having sex with because you like then well enough and hey, we should get some practice in before we find The One. Without that amazing bond of lifelong commitment what is there to counteract the awkward? I think waiting til marriage probably saves you a lot of awkward in the long run.

 

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A huge part of the reason I decided to wait, and insisted on a partner with a similar lack of experience, was precisely because I wanted to AVOID having a teacher/student dynamic in my relationship. Honestly even thinking about the idea of having that kind of power differential in my relationship makes me feel nauseated.

I'm not a girl, but I had to respond to this because this comment so accurately describes how I feel. While it's not the main reason I would only marry a virgin, the thought of a teacher/student dynamic makes my skin crawl.

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