Sobriquet

Being a whore is a goal now?

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Welcome is right.... she wouldn't be a whore just a Slut..... so so vulgar.

But then again a Whore doesn't have to take money she or he could take other things like std's and a piece of someone's heart.

 

Oh get off your politically correct high horse will you.

He didn't call her a SLUT I did :)

The amount of pride you take in calling this young woman a slut is mind-boggling.

 

I'm with Sobriquet on this one. In not so many words, his friend said that she wants to sleep around when she gets to college. While I personally don't make it a habit of using terms like 'slut', if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, quacks like a duck...well you get the idea. By sleeping around she's choosing to take part in that lifestyle, and by association whatever negative stigmas are associated with it.

Can we please stop calling someone who none of us have ever met a slut? The only description we've ever had of this girl is from an emotional high schooler who she just turned down. And yet you're all calling her a whore and a slut and telling those who defend her to suck it up because that's what she is. Until she gets to college and starts sleeping around she is neither and even if she does sleep around, why does it matter? She's not a slut for following an alternate lifestyle. No more than a waiter is a prude for following their own alternate lifestyle.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Posts like these are going to drive potential waiters away from the site and waiting. Acting like you have to be in a stable and committed relationship before even kissing someone or else you're a slut just drives more liberal waiters away. But given how their peers are acting maybe that's not such a bad thing.

 

What does this have to do with racism? He didn't give anythingto say shes black or white or oriental.....

I don't really think we should have to explain political correctness to a 24 year old.

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A lot of people take pride in being called a Slut, Mirage. You're making an assumption that she doesn't want to be called that. We're actually giving her a proper adjective. She wants to be the literal definition of the word Slut.

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@Welcome: Slut is a noun, and it's different to apply a noun to someone than an adjective. Nouns communicate identity in a way that adjectives don't (consider slut vs. slutty). I still find it a dehumanizing term, particularly in this case.

And of course intent becomes action, but action is always more important than intent. There's that saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions, which communicates that actions are much more significant. I think it's supremely unfair to judge a young woman by an intent which may or may not be acted upon.

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Sorry for the explicit title.

 

First off, been a long time around. I found myself in a nice WTM relationship and all was well. That ended, and I've been looking around for over a year now.

 

Suffice to say, I did find a yound lady in my class who I liked. We just graduated from high school. She was a virgin, didn't smoke, didn't drink, did well in school, no tattoos, no piercings.

 

Everything was going well. We got along just fine, and she was very sweet to me.

 

Yesterday I told her I wanted to go steady, and then the truth came out.

 

She didn't want to be in a stable relationship because she wanted to be a whore in college. Not her exact words. She said she wanted to see what it was like "to party, flirt, and hang out with guys." I translated it to she wanted to screw around in college, and she confirmed though didn't quite care for my wording of it. (HA!)

 

I told her I wished I had known that's how she was before I got involved. Her reply was, and this is a direct quote from her text, "Thats not how I am. That's how I want to be... I just want to see what it's like."

 

The hell is this? Women actually want to "see what it's like" to be used as somebody plaything? I know you're not supposed to wish poorly on somebody, but I can't say I won't find it funny if her poor decisions come back to bite her.

 

If you can't tell, I'm a little angry. I cared a lot about this girl, but it turns out I was just supposed to be the first in her long line of guys. She said she didn't think I'd get so attached.

 

Oh well. Good riddance to a (future) whore!

Good thing you found out now I guess. Now you can prepare yourself for a woman that isn't into that lifestyle.

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I agree that what she did was hurtful, and I even understand OP calling her a slut in his anger...but grown adults on this forum piling on and calling an 18 year old girl a slut crosses a line into inappropriateness IMO.

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I'm with Sobriquet on this one. In not so many words, his friend said that she wants to sleep around when she gets to college. While I personally don't make it a habit of using terms like 'slut', if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, quacks like a duck...well you get the idea. By sleeping around she's choosing to take part in that lifestyle, and by association whatever negative stigmas are associated with it.

Racial slurs aren't nearly the same thing. Someone calling me the N-word would be considered offensive because it's a prejudice based on something that is beyond my control and has nothing to do with my worth as a person. Choosing to sleep around is something that you DO have control over, and is generally looked at as a negative trait. 'Slut' isn't a politically correct term, but then again the truth often isn't.

So true.

I don't get why some people feel the need to get all butthurt over matters like these (somebody being judged for their questionable actions) it's human nature to see something and make judgements about it internally. people have a choice of whether to keep those judgements to themselves or not( i will say that it's wiser to keep it to yourself if it's a negative/controversial judgement/opinion lol) but what I'm trying to say is.....you can't live your life in fear of other people's judgements and constantly get butthurt over them. people are gonna judge you no matter what you do or say in this world. you can't stop people from being human and humans DO judge one another.

people have a right to form negative opinions about people who are acting in questionable ways. do they have to voice that opinion? not always but hey some people want to and that's fine.

Like Buster said, we're talking about the actions that people take. which can always be altered/controlled by that person. if you don't like being called a hoe, there's something you can do about it.

I got called hoe in high school all the time because of the way I dressed. did I give a fuq? No lol cuz my friends and my family and I all know the kind of person that I am. I don't feel the need to get butthurt over some stranger's comments.

we all need to develop a thick skin in this world lol

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I let my better sensibilities overcome my emotional attachment. If I thought I could be around her in the capacity of "just for fun" like she wanted I'm lying to myself. I care too much for her, and I'm not going to hang around until she gets bored and finds a guy at a party to lay with. If she wants meaningless, vapid hookups she can go ahead. I'm not going to stand on the sidelines, and when she's done having her "fun" and decides to find somebody decent I hope she doesn't think it will be me. It won't be.

 

And I still don't understand the hookup culture, but I don't think I ever will. It all comes down to how much emotion you attach to sexual relations. Apparently I value it a lot more than she does. For some it's a meaningful connection, for others I suppose it's more of a hobby lol.

 

As an aside, I hated having to send the message via text, but there was no way for me to see her within the next week. I'm not going to let it fester that long. I've just got to move on. It's been a couple of hours and she hasn't messaged back. I suppose it makes little difference if she does or not. Even though I don't mean much to her I still want to part on good terms.

:) :)

 

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and as far as this girl, I wouldn't call her a hoe but I wouldn't protect her character on some forum either lol looks to me like the OP is ready to move on to bigger and better things now so that's cool.

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I'd rather live in a world where we shed unnecessary negative stigmas and stereotypes and let people freely live their lives how they desire (so long as they don't harm others), rather than perpetuate them and tell people they brought them on themselves by choosing to live as they do and that they should just take the judgement and deal with it.

 

When you (in this case Buster Cannon) say she's choosing the lifestyle of sleeping around and by association choosing the negative stigma that goes with it, you're perpetuating what is IMO a harmful and unnecessary way of thinking.

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I understand that we all, particularly we waiters, have our standards of sexual ethics and that we will form judgments (sometimes negative ones) about others' behavior in accordance with our standards. However, I would hope that we can express difference or disapproval without resorting to derogatory terms.

 

This thread has touched a chord with me because I deeply dislike how scrutinizing and criticizing the sexual lives and choices of women is considered socially acceptable. Notice how there are plenty of disapproving terms for a promiscuous woman but few for her male counterpart. I entered this conversation because 1) I think that the portrayal of the young woman in question was unfair and unkind, and 2) I think words like "slut" and "whore" are almost always inappropriate. Those terms are usually used to shame and stereotype women, and I'd like to see them disappear from the cultural lexicon. A pipe dream, I know.

 

And a word to you, Sobriquet:

I understand your pain and anger. i know from personal experience: break ups suck! While it can be momentarily gratifying to hear and speak ill of the person who has hurt you, I hope that you will ultimately find a healthier and more satisfying form of closure. 

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I'm glad you have found a way to move on. While it really is unfortunate, it seems the two of you are just looking for different things right now.

 

As for using the term "slut," I suppose it depends how you define it. Strictly speaking, I suppose "slut" could simply be someone who wants to or is willing to risk having multiple casual sexual partners. If what the original poster says is true, I suppose her goal is to be a "slut" (that definition of one).

 

Of course, "slut" usually carries with it some sort of negative personality connotation. It is unfair to call her that type of "slut." For all we know, she is a wonderful person who just also wants to sleep with a lot of guys. Personally, I believe that's a poor choice, but she's an adult and can do what she wants.

 

Of course, whether or not society will ever view a slut as simply someone who sleeps with a lot of people is an open question. It is possible the word will always carry the other negative connotations with it.

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Oh get off your politically correct high horse will you.

:) I didn't see this until now lol made me laugh.

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I'm glad you have found a way to move on. While it really is unfortunate, it seems the two of you are just looking for different things right now.

 

As for using the term "slut," I suppose it depends how you define it. Strictly speaking, I suppose "slut" could simply be someone who wants to or is willing to risk having multiple casual sexual partners. If what the original poster says is true, I suppose her goal is to be a "slut" (that definition of one).

 

Of course, "slut" usually carries with it some sort of negative personality connotation. It is unfair to call her that type of "slut." For all we know, she is a wonderful person who just also wants to sleep with a lot of guys. Personally, I believe that's a poor choice, but she's an adult and can do what she wants.

 

Of course, whether or not society will ever view a slut as simply someone who sleeps with a lot of people is an open question. It is possible the word will always carry the other negative connotations with it.

He didn't call her a Slut it was basically me. There are all types of sluts. I was friends with one and she had the most amazing personality and she had an amazing heart. I use words of the past because I have no idea where she is or is doing now..... but no matter how sweet she was she was a slut. She willing slept with multiple guys and she nicely kicked them to the curb and went to the next one.

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Oh get off your politically correct high horse will you.

 

I get better perspective up here.

 

I'd rather live in a world where we shed unnecessary negative stigmas and stereotypes and let people freely live their lives how they desire (so long as they don't harm others), rather than perpetuate them and tell people they brought them on themselves by choosing to live as they do and that they should just take the judgement and deal with it.

 

As a waiter, I appreciate when my choices for my sexual life are respected and not openly denigrated. I think it's only fair that I extend the same attitude to people who make different choices, even--perhaps especially--when I disagree.

 

The only description we've ever had of this girl is from an emotional high schooler who she just turned down. And yet you're all calling her a whore and a slut and telling those who defend her to suck it up because that's what she is.

 

QFT.

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A duck is a duck regardless of how many ducks it has sex with.

Darn, missed a chance to rhyme..

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He didn't call her a Slut it was basically me. There are all types of sluts. I was friends with one and she had the most amazing personality and she had an amazing heart. I use words of the past because I have no idea where she is or is doing now..... but no matter how sweet she was she was a slut. She willing slept with multiple guys and she nicely kicked them to the curb and went to the next one.

That more or less is my line of thought. I just think one should use caution because if you call someone a "slut," often people think you mean more than just simply someone who chooses to have sex with a lot of people. Instead of causing confusion, it probably is easier to just say something like, "He or she sleeps around a lot."

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I'd rather live in a world where we shed unnecessary negative stigmas and stereotypes and let people freely live their lives how they desire (so long as they don't harm others), rather than perpetuate them and tell people they brought them on themselves by choosing to live as they do and that they should just take the judgement and deal with it.

 

When you (in this case Buster Cannon) say she's choosing the lifestyle of sleeping around and by association choosing the negative stigma that goes with it, you're perpetuating what is IMO a harmful and unnecessary way of thinking.

Until she gets to college and starts sleeping around she is neither and even if she does sleep around, why does it matter? She's not a slut for following an alternate lifestyle. No more than a waiter is a prude for following their own alternate lifestyle.

 

Well, it looks like we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. Even though we're all waiters here, I get that we come from different backgrounds and hold different core beliefs. As someone that views premarital/casual sex as morally wrong, I have no problem with there being a negative stigma behind it. Like I said before, I don't make it a practice to call folks "sluts/whores", but I do feel that you have to own the consequences of your actions. If someone calls me a prude for refusing to  partake in sexual activities before marriage, I'm cool with it. If a girl who sleeps around is called a 'slut' (which is the literal definition of the word), she has to either own that or make some changes to how she lives her life.

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*sidestepping the raging debate*

 

Sobriquet: While I can understand the hurt that this situation has caused I would recommend you have an honest, candid and informed conversation about her choices with her and as a part of that your choice to wait. I'm sure you are versed in the benefits of waiting  and the regrets of people who have lived a promiscuous relationship (e.g. increasing difficulty to bond with someone long term, flashbacks of former "lovers" during lovemaking, unintentional comparisons etc) [preferably with more proof than "I'm telling you so it must be true"]. She may not be so informed and as such you can offer a valuable service to her regardless of whether it steers her away from her currently intended course or not - if not now then it may later when she notices the first regrets poping up. However, I would avoid presenting it as a limitation to her freedom to do what she wants or appear to have some ultirior motive of "keeping her for you". Try to be caring but impartial not expressing it as a product of any vested interest -  the distance in your current relationship can aid that. Try to discuss the situation with a genuine care for her future and how her current choices can/will impact her without trying to seek any benefit for yourself. If she doesn't value it now, hopefully she will retrospectively. 

That being said you may very well have had a similar conversation with her already. Nonetheless consider if it was of a sufficient calibre if you were in her shoes looking back at a pivotal point in your life. 

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Well, it looks like we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. Even though we're all waiters here, I get that we come from different backgrounds and hold different core beliefs. As someone that views premarital/casual sex as morally wrong, I have no problem with there being a negative stigma behind it. Like I said before, I don't make it a practice to call folks "sluts/whores", but I do feel that you have to own the consequences of your actions. If someone calls me a prude for refusing to  partake in sexual activities before marriage, I'm cool with it. If a girl who sleeps around is called a 'slut' (which is the literal definition of the word), she has to either own that or make some changes to how she lives her life.

exactly.

at the end of the day it's all about owning up to the consequences of your actions. you're kidding yourself if you think you're immune to that.

I dunno about other people but i wouldn't wanna live in a world where people just turned a blind eye to questionable behaviors ( in general). if I'm acting in a questionable, self destructive way I would want somebody to tell me. whether I wanna listen or not is for me to decide (lol) but in life, it's important to be self-reflective sometimes.

and other people's opinions can sometimes help with that. self-reflection leads to positive growth.

it's fine to say that you wanna live in a world where nobody judged one another. of course that might be ideal for a lot of people. but it's not realistic. you can't live on ideals alone. developing a thicker skin and a personal filter (the ability to take in useful information from your surroundings and learn from that and disregard whatever you think you don't need) is a much more realistic way to live.

you could be a total saint (doing everything right. living an honest life) and people will still whip up insults out of thin air and try to bring you down. the shyt never ends but that's life.

developing a thick skin is your best chance at survival.

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How about this.... what I've learned over the years

If you have sex with multiple people by choice and get some form of payment for it you're a whore. If you have sex with multiple people just because you want to you're a desperate person looking for love or satisfaction in all the wrong places or also called a slut...... or just plain stupid. But if you're trying to be something you're not, then you're pathetic OR should I say acting?

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I dunno about other people but i wouldn't wanna live in a world where people just turned a blind eye to questionable behaviors ( in general). if I'm acting in a questionable, self destructive way I would want somebody to tell me. whether I wanna listen or not is for me to decide (lol) but in life, it's important to be self-reflective sometimes.

and other people's opinions can sometimes help with that. self-reflection leads to positive growth.

 

There's a difference between someone expressing genuine concern for a friend, and someone calling a person a derogatory name. It's fine if people politely express worry about my life choices, but if I found out they were calling me a prude or frigid behind my back that'd be friendship-ending. Definitely wouldn't make me rethink my behaviour, only question why I picked them as a friend in the first place.

 

And perhaps people should rethink their idea of what a natural consequence is. If I sleep around without protection and get an STD, that is a natural consequence of the choices I made, and I have to own that. But if Jimmy calls me a slut, that is a choice he is making, and he has to own that.

 

it's fine to say that you wanna live in a world where nobody judged one another. of course that might be ideal for a lot of people. but it's not realistic. you can't live on ideals alone. developing a thicker skin and a personal filter

 

You can simultaneously develop a thicker skin to cope with society as-is, and continue to fight for your ideals. It isn't an either/or choice.

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GOOD news guys. A noun can be used as an adjective (i.e. history teacher, race horse, slut friend). So my point still stands. Using an adjective (or noun as adjective) does not take away from someone their personhood even if the adjective is seemingly negative. I'm sure that most of us have had awesome and amazing slut friends (male or female) that we saw more than just their sluttyness. Realizing that they're a slut doesn't make you our them an inherently bad person.

Check mate and Jaque mate.

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Well, it looks like we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. Even though we're all waiters here, I get that we come from different backgrounds and hold different core beliefs. As someone that views premarital/casual sex as morally wrong, I have no problem with there being a negative stigma behind it. Like I said before, I don't make it a practice to call folks "sluts/whores", but I do feel that you have to own the consequences of your actions. If someone calls me a prude for refusing to  partake in sexual activities before marriage, I'm cool with it. If a girl who sleeps around is called a 'slut' (which is the literal definition of the word), she has to either own that or make some changes to how she lives her life.

 

It's like when someone calls my co-worker an idiot because they animate everything pose-to-pose.

 

And when I tell you guys about it, you say "well they need to own that or make changes to their drawing"  and "OF COURSE they're an idiot. It's stupid to use pose-to-pose when straight-ahead is so much better, so why are you so bothered about your co-worker being called an idiot?"

 

No. NO. NO NO NO NO NO.

 

Whether or not pose-to-pose is better than straight-ahead animation will make animations better is not the point. The point is that this is an abusive setting where people's emotions and humanity is only valid if I do things your way.

 

So if you call a girl a slut, be honest that what you're doing is abusive. But if you pretend being a Christian or a moral person has ANYTHING to do with dehumanizing and insulting a CHILD, my stance will be "no it doesn't".

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She's an adult. And using pose to pose instead of straight-ahead isn't the definition of the word idiot. Go on Google for in "slut definition" and you'll see that she (wants to) fit(s) that definition to the tee.

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