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Will H

If he/she doesn't text back soon, does that mean they aren't into you?

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So you hit it off well with someone and really are looking forward to hearing more from them. You've texted back and forth a couple of times and you have a good thing going! So one day, you text them and say whatever. Could be serious, could be casual, but you are really wanting them to text back and are looking forward to it with rabid anticipation!

 

Half an hour passes and you don't hear anything. No worries, they're probably in a meeting or driving or whatever (and please, don't ever text back while driving!). Then an hour passes, then two, then four, then eight. Why haven't they texted back?

 

Doubt starts creeping in. You weren't asking for much. You're not being needy, are you? No, you just started texting each other and you're pretty sure you're not being needy (but something to watch out for). You've texted each other in the past, so cell issues aren't the issue. And you've been really accommodating to their schedule, giving plenty of time in case they really can't text back.

 

Then you start to wonder? Are they just not into me? If they were, would they make it a higher priority to text back?

 

I admit that I've had these thoughts. Is this true? Or is it an overreaction?

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relax. sometimes people stop texting back because they simply have nothing more to add to the topic being talked about or whatever. or maybe they're just plain busy. don't sweat it. it's usually nothing personal .

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lol but just out of curiosity, what did you say to her before she stopped texting you?

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I think people look into texts and emails a little to deeply. It is difficult enough to drawl a conclusion over a few sentences. So, I don't suggest tying yourself into a knot. Not all texts get answered and not all do get answers quickly, for a multitude of reasons. It doesn't mean she is interested, it doesn't mean that she isn't.

You are excited and your thoughts and disapointment are completely natural. You are not over-reacting unless you constantly message her, or hassle her about not responding.

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This is why texting should not be a primary form of communication with someone.  It's so impersonal, and signals can get misconstrued all the time.

 

If you're concerned with immediate replies, stop texting her so much. Say hi to her when you see her. If she's by herself, offer to walk her to wherever she's going (provided it doesn't require you to take buses or miss a class/meeting, etc.).  Communicate with her FACE! If you want to use your phone, CALL HER!!!! THAT'S WHAT A PHONE IS FOR!!!

 

I think our generation is twisted - Facebook and text are our primary means of communication. That's not how it should be.

Remember, the point of texting is to send messages in such a way that does not require immediate mutual conversation. Use it as that.

If you want her to reply, talk with her in person, or over the phone. Be in the moment with her.

If she's not interested in either of those things, you KNOW she's not interested. If she does speak with you comfortably at those times, then she might be into you.

 

People in our generation, despite our obsession with having hundreds of "friends", lack this social intelligence, yet our perception of our social intelligence is higher than it's ever been. Ironic.

So keep it relatively old-fashioned, is my advice - the way we do things today doesn't do us any good.

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There is this other thing where the text was read with the intention to reply later, but it was forgotten. My bff and I have a habit of doing that to each other :3

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I agree with samaye - I do mean to reply but something else catches my attention and I forget.  Or maybe I even type in an answer, thought I pressed send (but didn't) and moved on to another text.  

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I think it's ok to just ask her. Most of what has been said makes total sense, but there are some people who just don't like talking on the phone (and some of us take a long time to know someone before we're comfortable with it, no matter who it is) and some people just get busy with life. Some people just prefer a face to face convo, of some sort. Even the ones who do rely on social media to keep in touch on a daily basis (which, unless you're in a romantic relationship with someone, should not be a problem EDIT: if you ARE then texting to HELP with keeping in touch is ok... you just should rely on it). These things, by themselves, are not a real indication of how a person feels. So, just very politely, ask her about it 'Hey, we seemed to be getting along pretty well. I wanted to let you know that I'm interested in you and, if you're interested in me, see if we can get together sometime.' If she tries to skate around the issue, just let her know that you just want to know the truth, and that you'll take whatever she says a face value. If she is interested, let her know that you'd like to get to know her better and see what happens. Offer to do anything from a full on date, to just a casual coffee date, or walk at a park. Give her the opening, but let her have some choice.

 

Just my thoughts. I know that I've appreciated when people were honest with me. I'll tell you, it takes a real maturity to be honest and take the lead. Sure, it hurts a little if they aren't interested, but not nearly as much as not knowing or feeling like you KNOW, and then finding out otherwise a while later.

 

Also, you never can tell what the future holds. Maybe, if you're feeling that there's something there, maybe there is and it's just not the right time... maybe not, and Gods trying to teach you something about yourself. If you believe in God, trust Him to guide you (and her) and to give you the words.

 

Like I said, it's just my thoughts on it.

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Thanks to everyone for your feedback. I didn't write about this regarding any particular event, but it's happened in the past. I guess I just got so wrapped up in creating a narrative that everyone thought it was a current situation :-)

 

But yeah, this is great advice for next time it might happen. I think I have a tendency to read between the lines a bit too much and texting is one way that it happens. Especially good point that texting shouldn't be a primary means of communication.

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I don't reply on purpose just to make them squirm.

 

For someone called Welcome, you sure are a ballbuster.  ;)

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ahhhhhhh, well, I definitely fit into that sporadic texter category. doesn't mean I'm not into him when I don't text back like omg right away!!! but I would prefer a phone call, or better yet, an occasion where we can meet and chat in real life. 

 

so, OP, I wouldn't scrutinize texting so much. some people just don't like it as their primary mode of communication.

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