armytiger

any one think doing other things is ok?

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The last girl in dated wanted to do other things but wanted to wait for the real thing. I felt that was almost if not just as sinful. I'm assuming she meant oral sex or hand jobs. Anyone disagree with me?

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I pretty much think it's wrong to touch below the belt before marriage. I would only allow hugging, kissing, holding hands. That's my standard.

Although I guess foot massages, shoulder and neck massages would be OK too, later in the relationship.

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I completely agree. Not only is it wrong, put more, more often then not, tends to lead to more. 

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I wouldn't judge anyone regardless of what they decide to do or not do before marriage - ultimately it comes down to what you and your partner are comfortable with doing. Discuss with your partner the boundaries you both are happy to adhere to and use that as a rule to live your relationship by.  There are a whole range of people with different boundaries on this site - from those who wish to save kissing until marriage to those that feel comfortable with doing everything but penetrative sex before marriage.  I don't think there's anything immoral or sinful about it as long as both partners are happy with the choices they have made.

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Well 29k to answer my own question the Bible says lusting is sinful In itself. plus I have been very convicted looking a sinful things online and when I went to a spring break club once and girls took there tips off I feel a burning in the spirit that I know was me been ing convicted that I shouldn't be ther or look. I think the spirit stops convicting you if you give into something long enough

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@spirit2change   haha some of us (me!) would find giving a girl a foot massage better than doing quite a bit of other stuff ;)!! I really hope my future wife enjoys foot massages and as for spending all day shoe shopping? No problem! :lol: 

 

@armytiger  it's totally natural to look and think especially if a girl is topless! You just do what you're both comfortable with. Don't feel bad for being turned on.

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Well 29k to answer my own question the Bible says lusting is sinful In itself.

Assuming that you're a Christian, I'd recommend not experimenting with other things even if it isn't full-on sex. Oral sex is still a sexual act, and even other 'bases' can lead to more.

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." ~ Song of Solomon 2:4

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I personally will not do anything more than kissing. There's kissing, and then there's kissing. It's as much for my own self control as it is a desire to stay far away from a line I won't come back from if I cross it, and to stick to my religious convictions about lust.

 

That said, I have a lot of respect for everyone who decides to wait for sex until marriage, regardless of what they decide is okay before then. While they may do things I will not, I still think that they should be commended for their decision.

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Assume? It is best to ask for more details, than to assume to understand another. Either way, of course there are people that disagree and have other standards. Not everyone that waits, is doing so because of religion either. But, that matters not. Do what you think is right.

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I  do not kiss  or hold hands before marriage.  Holding hands  can lead to hugs that lead to a peck on the lips that  leads to tongue kissing , which leads to grabbing  things like my butt and breast while tongue kissing, which leads to the guy kissing on necks then kissing breast.  Which is easy to do when you think you love that person and want to wait til marriage to do "everything else"

what I described already is a "LEWD  ACT. "  It also causes spiritual confusion. That is why I do not hold hands or kiss until marriage.  

I also will not pass judgment on anyone who does not agree with me because there was a time when I felt like it was okay to kiss and hold hands as long as I WAS NOT GIVING OR RECIEVEING ORAL SEX, HAND JOBS OR SEXUAL INTERCOURSE BEFORE MARRIAGE.

The lord had to deal with my for 7 years before a received the word from God that I should not kiss or hold hands before marriage also.

I believe the lord has someone special for me and that whoever he puts me with , our relationship will honor HIM.

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dmeg i really respect that! I wish there were more girls like you. I believe that doing other things sexually even be just as sinful and excuse to still get some without feeling as guilty. But I reall believe that good things come from trying to put God first in everything.

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i agree that it's better not to dabble in anything sexual if you've made the decision to wtm but not everybody is a black-and-white thinker like that. some people are okay with exploring the grey areas in life. personally tho I'm all-or-nothing so i wouldn't go there. if I'm abstaining from sex, it won't be a half assed effort. i'm abstaining in every way possible.

i'm not knocking anyone that wants to do these other things tho.

 

but i will say that if the reason you're doing all that other stuff is because you're feeling pressured to or because you think your man/woman will leave you if you don't give 'em something, then you probably need to rethink the whole situation.

don't ever do it out of fear.

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I am a virgin. Theres a lot I haven't done. My current bf keeps pushing it. We kiss. He has kissed my boobs, and feels my body when I sit in his lap and kiss. Im 26. Its getting harder to wait as I get older. Its easier, in a sense, bc I have mastered myself to an extent. I know how to avoid putting myself in compromising situations. But I want sex even more the older I get! I posted about this in the 25+ forum!

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I think it breaks down to someone's definition of sex. If oral/hand sex doesn't count before marriage would they consider it sex if it happend after marriage and outside the marriage?

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I went on two dates with someone who was a waiter but he thought ANYTHING else (besides intercourse) was okay.  To me, if we did other sexual acts but not intercourse, it would just be a big tease.  I don't want to go that far without getting to go all the way. lol  Other than that, I think kissing is okay but only in a relationship.  And he better "put a ring on it" if he wants more.

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I agree with you. If I were a guy, I would not have trusted your last gf since she did not respect your decision to wait. She seems too sexual and you should decide why you have waited all these years and could have engaged in oral sex with someone who is not your wife in the heat of the moment. I understand your concern because I met a military guy who was so sexual that I had to let him know that I was not interested for him to be my first. The lesson is for WTM to avoid dating very sexually driven partners since they will try to change your mind.

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I suppose I will be the dissenting voice here. I have similar feelings to the original posters girlfriend. I draw the WTM line at vaginal/anal sex. I've never had much of a problem with oral sex, fondling, or anything of that nature.

 

 

No matter what, you have to find somebody who shares your line no matter where you draw it. I expect from my women only what I expect from myself.

 

I am not religious. My moral views are taken from a non-religious standpoint, and that is a huge factor in my difference of opinion. I do what I find to be right.

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Its a bit funny as some are waiting but dont mind have a little snack while they do, a little touch here or a kiss there, starting a desire but refusing to have an orgasm.. am with you things get more harder with time as the desire can burn us alive while we are fighting ourself and waiting the legal partner...so its gonna be diffrent from a person to another if they religious no talks abt it, but if its just a decision some gonna give some and keep some after marriage  :) after all i salute those who win that battle  ;)

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I do believe it is sinful as well. I have been there a little and always had that conscience telling me that God is not pleased. Besides, later on, I learnt that there is the "sex with penetration" and sex without. At the end, the both are sex.

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I do not believe in engaging in acts that lead to orgasm--I guess that's as simply as I can put it. Men have pushed my boundaries before, and I always walked away feeling sinful and disrespected. I had a friend once who was younger than me, and she was waiting but was quick to assure, "I mean, I've done other things," by which she meant oral/manual. To me, it's like adding, "I'm waiting--but don't worry, not really. You'll still be happy ;)" Which seems wrong to me. Some people even prefer oral sex to intercourse.

 

I'm not Snow White, but I guess I feel that waiting should be hard. There is an effort there that should be required, which I think would be quite cheapened by walking away from a date sexually satisfied, just as you would have done if you weren't waiting at all.

 

I will say, however, as to the concept of lust--sexual attraction itself is not lust. When people say that there is something wrong with kissing your partner because it might cause lust, that seems peculiar to me. I don't think there's anything WRONG with waiting to kiss or even hold hands, but it doesn't seem healthy to try and conduct a courtship completely without sexual attraction.

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We can do other things. Do you wanna pray with me? wanna go grab some lunch? watch a movie? talk on the phone all night? Do you wanna meet my parents? let's go to church sometime? wanna learn more about each other? matter of fact do you wanna stay pure together? That'll be cool ;)

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Lol, Egirly. That would be the perfect in-your-face response to being asked, "Can we do other things? *wink wink*?"

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Lol yeh that post got a little sassy, but I'm strong in my anti-breaking my boundaries so he can get what he wants feelings :P

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I agree with you. If I were a guy, I would not have trusted your last gf since she did not respect your decision to wait. She seems too sexual and you should decide why you have waited all these years and could have engaged in oral sex with someone who is not your wife in the heat of the moment. I understand your concern because I met a military guy who was so sexual that I had to let him know that I was not interested for him to be my first. The lesson is for WTM to avoid dating very sexually driven partners since they will try to change your mind.

 

Hmm... Aside from like one other person here, I suppose I'm an odd man out. I respect people and their views on waiting with everything... but I’m okay with everything but intercourse.

 

Just make sure you’re on equal terms with WTM. But please don’t go around saying 'overly sexual' people cannot be trusted like poisson has stated. That label includes virgins like me who want to do more than kissing and holding hands and assuming we’re out to pressure others into doing this is asinine. I would never pressure someone into oral because I wouldn’t date someone with dissimilar views on WTM in the first place.

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Just make sure you’re on equal terms with WTM. But please don’t go around saying 'overly sexual' people cannot be trusted like poisson has stated. That label includes virgins like me who want to do more than kissing and holding hands and assuming we’re out to pressure others into doing this is asinine. I would never pressure someone into oral because I wouldn’t date someone with dissimilar views on WTM in the first place.

 

You beat me to it. I am also extremely sexual but that is exactly why I will have strict boundaries before marriage. Being overly sexual and intention are two different things. I want to fight hard to keep my carnal desires at bay before marriage.

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