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Wife Zone

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How would you feel if your husband refused to partake in particular venereal(best word I could use) desires that you craved, but used to do them (and enjoyed them) with past companions?

I've heard this sort of phenomenon be called as the wife zone.

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Never heard of this, and like the "friend zone", I don't believe it really exists. it's just an excuse for bad behaviour. (and the term "wife zone" carries the connotation that premarital sex is better than marital sex, which I think is false)

 

Also, I don't care what my husband would have done with his former companions. Not something I want to be thinking about while having sex, ya know?

 

Plus, part of sexual pleasure is pleasing the other person, so making my husband do something that he doesn't want to sounds unappealling. 

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I have no idea.  Sounds like something I would question though if it would ever occur.  I don't mind him refusing something.  But to have enjoyed it in his past yet refuses now, that is the red flag aspect.  Sounds like a questionable person in general.

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Huh. As someone who's married, I think it would bother me if I knew explicitly what he did not want to do with me but did with someone else.

 

Then there would be a discussion where I would ask him why he didn't want to do some specific thing with me. If the reason is because it's become physically uncomfortable to do or is an emotional trigger, then I would leave it alone until he feels comfortable to do it.

 

It would still bother me, though. I would need to work on accepting the situation slowly until it doesn't.

 

If there's no real reason, then I would tell him that he shouldn't have said anything about how he did this or that with so and so, and I was upset that he thought I'm "too wifey" to screw a certain way. Along with asking him if he has a girl for every shenanigan he wants to do but not do with me.

 

In that case, whether or not I want to do it is irrelevant. This tells me he's more interested me functioning as a wife based on his image of what a wife can or can't do rather than discussing it with me like an equal human being.

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Thank you for the responses gals BUT I would like to make a CORRECTION.

This sort of behavior seems to stem from the Madonna-Whore Complex.***

Not popularly known as the wife zone.

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Honestly? I'd hope that we would have gone over a ton of scenarios, positions, actions, fantasies...even getting a few books to discuss things...BEFORE maying. During serious courtship, or engagement. That way we'd have an idea of what we'd want to try, or not willing to try.

HOWEVER, should something come up like that, I'd talk to him about why. We would discuss it, because it's a learning about each other experience. I'd never want him to do something he wasn't comfortable with, as I'd hope he'd feel about me. I have this thing about us both being comfortable, and happy.

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How would you feel if your husband refused to partake in particular venereal(best word I could use) desires that you craved, but used to do them (and enjoyed them) with past companions?

I've heard this sort of phenomenon be called as the wife zone.

Pray about it. Maybe there's reasons why he doesn't feel comfortable. Ask about those reasons. Tell him you crave doing that with him and you want to get closer if he's interested. Your job as a wife is to please your husband, but his job as your husband is to pleas you. Just keep praying. Maybe if there's something you don't necessarily like but do it for him and enjoy doing it for him you could mention that but say it carefully because you don't want that coming off as a threat. This is a very important issue because your sexual intimacy and satisfaction in the bedroom is an essential part of a happy marriage. But all in all, be gentle this sounds like a sensitive topic.

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I could understand some reluctance on the partner's part in performing some past activities if they act as triggers. It might trigger memories and feelings from the past they don't want to revisit, especially not while they are being intimate with their spouse. Maybe they were performed with a demeaning attitude that they now reject and it would be difficult (or at least take some time) to do them within the attitudes currently desired. 

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