Bashful_dove48

How to deal with my Christian boyfriend's porn addiction?

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My boyfriend and I are both Christians and have been together for about 3 months now. Just the other day he told me he struggles with an addiction to porn.

 

I had asked him because I felt it was something important to know if we're considering marriage in the future. I prayed about it, and asked him, but I didn't prepare myself emotionally for him to say he does.

 

He does NOT seem like the type of guy who watches porn. He's sweet, he's really close to his mother, and he's never kissed a girl let alone had sex. So my naïve mind had hoped he would say he's never watched it-in a world where probably 98% of the male gender watch it.

 

He said he's struggling, but he will get through this. He promised that the man I marry won't watch porn..but it still hurts knowing he did. I know its not because I'm not pretty enough or affectionate enough. Its an addiction, but it still hurts.

 

I didn't break up with him. As long as he makes an active effort to overcome this and DOES overcome this, I will show him grace. In the meantime..how should I deal with this?

 

I'm definitely praying for him, but is there any way I can hold him accountable in this? I told him to call me when he's tempted with it. Should I ask him about it every so often? I've forgiven him, but does that mean I just pretend he hasn't watched porn and just let him cuddle with me as much as he wants to? I'm frustrated about this.

 

Sorry this post is so long. If anyone has any helpful advice, that would be greatly appreciated.

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He has an addiction and he said that he's trying to quit. You can hold him accountable for it just as much as you can hold the porn industry and whomever may have introduced him to it accountable. One way you can help him is to continue to pray and even fast. You can even ask him to fast with you. Fasting from technology even the television is a great way to kick the habit. If he's downloaded the bible app he can do a study plan on porn and sex period. I understand you're frustrated but the best thing he needs now is a woman that he can trust to have his back as he continues to strive to be a better man. He was honest about it and was probably more than likely finding a way to tell you. He will kick the habit. Also this site (http://xxxchurch.com) is amazing! It helped a lot of people kick the habit! God be with you both!

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Thank you for your reply. I think I definitely should fast about this. I still love him and know he'll get through this with God's help. I'm just thankful he didn't lie to me about it.

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I know you posted in Religious Topics, but it seems like your situation isn't specific to one particular religion, so I'll chime in as well. Feel free to ignore if it isn't what you're looking for.

 

My boyfriend and I are both Christians and have been together for about 3 months now

I had asked him because I felt it was something important to know if we're considering marriage in the future.

 

Three months together isn't a very long time at all, especially when you're young (I think you mentioned in a previous post that you're 21, so you're about the same I am). I would advise waiting a bit longer before you start casting him as your future husband...you don't know what else might come up that you do not know about yet (afterall, you only just found out about this issue that is a huge deal to you).

 

He does NOT seem like the type of guy who watches porn. He's sweet, he's really close to his mother, and he's never kissed a girl let alone had sex. So my naïve mind had hoped he would say he's never watched it-in a world where probably 98% of the male gender watch it.

 

I've forgiven him, but does that mean I just pretend he hasn't watched porn and just let him cuddle with me as much as he wants to? I'm frustrated about this.

 

There isn't a 'type' of guy who watches porn. Like you said, it's extremely common. There are lots of men who are kind, love their families, and who are virgins. There are also lots of men who consume porn. It would be impossible for there to be no overlap between those two categories. This is actually good news for you, because it shows that this isn't some kind of incredibly deviant behavior...it's a common problem that he can likely successfully work through.

 

You don't specify how bad his problem is, but given that is hasn't interfered in your relationship so far, that he confessed as soon as you asked, and that he has expressed determination to get better, I don't think you need to do much more than you are right now. You offered your support if he feels tempted which is great. I would suggest asking him what other kind of help you can provide...some people like being checked in on without having to bring up the subject themselves, while others can find that a bit infantilizing and it can have a negative effect on their recovery.

 

Finally, you say you have forgiven him, but it sounds like you are still withholding affection, either to punish him or because you are still very hurt and have not been able to move past this discovery yet. You don't have to recover on anyone's timetable, but if you are still hurting, I think you need to be honest about the fact that you are still working on forgiving him. Sometimes forgiveness is a process, and that's OK. You aren't obligated to cuddle with him as usual, but I think you find that once you forgive him, you will *want* to engage in that kind of affection even without having to pretend that he hasn't done what he has.

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If he wants to get over it, he needs to seek professional help: counseling, Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings, etc.

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I'm not convinced that porn addiction is a thing. In fact, I'm leaning towards the negative position on that based on the work and writings of certain people who are experts.
 
In that article, Dr. Darrel Ray discusses why he doesn't think sex and porn addiction exist, and he links to work of his own as well as some of other experts. He does say this though: "I don’t deny that people have problems that may include sex or porn, but that is generally only a symptom of something much deeper like depression, social isolation, or reaction to trauma, abuse or divorce."

 

Based on that, you might look into discussing with your boyfriend the possibility that there is some deeper issue in his life with which he is excessively using porn to cope, if he does indeed have a problem with porn, in that he can't seem to avoid using it despite practical effort and it is interfering with his life and your relationship. From there, should he identify such a problem, he can then deal with that problem directly, and the problem with porn will, eh, dry up.

 

That said, totally abstaining from the use of porn, even if the underlying issue (should one exist) is dealt with, will likely be difficult for him. While my personal opinion is that leniency in this area on both of your parts would be the healthiest thing, if you view porn use as wrong and his using it hurts you then that obviously isn't an option. So, I would look into practical ways of avoiding the temptation, such as using certain software to block certain websites, etc. Also, since I've never heard of a porn habit divorced from masturbation (though I suppose it probably does happen), he might try masturbating without the use of porn for a while to get used to not watching anything. Probably an awkward conversation to have with a boyfriend of just 3 months though, I'm sure...

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I'm not convinced that porn addiction is a thing. In fact, I'm leaning towards the negative position on that based on the work and writings of certain people who are experts.

 

In that article, Dr. Darrel Ray discusses why he doesn't think sex and porn addiction exist, and he links to work of his own as well as some of other experts. He does say this though: "I don’t deny that people have problems that may include sex or porn, but that is generally only a symptom of something much deeper like depression, social isolation, or reaction to trauma, abuse or divorce."

 

Eh, if people can be addicted to junk food I believe people can be addicted to porn. True, there are often other co-morbid issues, but that's the case with all addictions really.

 

Clicked on the article and the dude lost credibility for me right in the first paragraph when he compares therapy for porn addition with 'reparative therapy' for gay people. I think he would have a better argument if he made the case that using porn isn't inherently pathological, rather than claiming that sex/porn addition "isn't a real problem."

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OP (and anyone else who might not care whether sex/porn addiction is actually a thing or not) can probably skip this post...
 

Eh, if people can be addicted to junk food I believe people can be addicted to porn. True, there are often other co-morbid issues, but that's the case with all addictions really.
 
Clicked on the article and the dude lost credibility for me right in the first paragraph when he compares therapy for porn addition with 'reparative therapy' for gay people. I think he would have a better argument if he made the case that using porn isn't inherently pathological, rather than claiming that sex/porn addition "isn't a real problem."

 
Hey, I'm not convinced junk food addiction is technically a thing either :P . I just don't see any reason to accept sex or porn addiction as being a real thing unless it's been demonstrated sufficiently scientifically, and I don't think it has. There aren't many studies on the subject. There's this one from 2012 (associated article), in which a team established criteria for diagnosing individuals with "hypersexual disorder", and then used those criteria to evaluate 207 people who were seeking help at various mental health clinics for "out-of-control sexual behavior, a substance abuse disorder, or another psychiatric condition, such as depression or anxiety." They found their criteria to be "reliable and valid" in diagnosing individuals with hypersexual disorder and predicting symptoms. Or there's this 2014 study (associated article), which analyzed the brain activity of individuals reporting difficulty regulating their viewing behavior of sexual stimuli while looking  at various visual stimuli, including sexually explicit stimuli and neutral stimuli. They were expecting, if sexual addictions work like the other disorders considered to be addictions by the DSM, that the brain activity they analyzed would be similar to that of substance-addicts while they are viewing the substance to which they are addicted. But they didn't find that. They found that the brain activity varied based on levels of sexual desire, and not based on measures of hypersexual behavior. They do discuss a couple problems with their study (which you can read about in the discussion section of the report), and state that more and improved studies are needed. So after a little bit of searching, the best two studies I found ultimately don't conclude the matter either way, so more research is needed. It's worth mentioning that the DSM-5 was published in 2013 and as yet does not include sex addiction.

 

As for Dr. Darrel Ray, why did that analogy totally lose him his credibility to you? In my view he was just saying that both involve(d) people treating a psychological disorder that doesn't exist. It could be a bad analogy, though. I haven't read the guy's books, but they are rated highly and I have listened to a couple talks by him and his points seem reasonable overall. Perhaps you're right in your last sentence, but one of his main focuses seems to be the relationship between the religiosity of people (and how guilty they feel about sex/porn) and the problems they experience due to their sexual behavior, and he is fairly anti-religion, so he would likely say that it isn't a problem (in a way that would qualify it as a mental disorder, at least).

 

Anyway, if sex or porn addiction do exist, the diagnosis would likely apply to a small percentage of people (like most addictions), like those that report compulsively watching porn for hours a day and sometimes skipping work and such, and likely not people like OP's boyfriend, who probably watches a "normal" amount. Just speculating though.

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As for Dr. Darrel Ray, why did that analogy totally lose him his credibility to you? In my view he was just saying that both involve(d) people treating a psychological disorder that doesn't exist. It could be a bad analogy, though. I haven't read the guy's books, but they are rated highly and I have listened to a couple talks by him and his points seem reasonable overall. Perhaps you're right in your last sentence, but one of his main focuses seems to be the relationship between the religiosity of people (and how guilty they feel about sex/porn) and the problems they experience due to their sexual behavior, and he is fairly anti-religion, so he would likely say that it isn't a problem (in a way that would qualify it as a mental disorder, at least).

 

Anyway, if sex or porn addiction do exist, the diagnosis would likely apply to a small percentage of people (like most addictions), like those that report compulsively watching porn for hours a day and sometimes skipping work and such, and likely not people like OP's boyfriend, who probably watches a "normal" amount. Just speculating though.

 

Because he's comparing abusive and outdated 'therapy' for a harmless in-born sexual orientation with modern-day therapeutical treatment for compulsions that can destroy people's ability to form relationships, maintain their marriages, etc. 

 

As for the DSM, it may be true that sex addiction is not in there as a discrete diagnoses yet, but when I ran all this by my boyfriend (who is studying to be a therapist), he told me that sex/porn addiction absolutely exists. So even though it isn't in there as a diagnoses, it seems that the psych community pretty well recognizes that a fair amount of people report problems with compulsive porn watching, and need help in resolving that issue.

 

I do agree that *most* people do not likely watch porn to the degree where it would constitute a legitimate addiction. I've really seen both sides of it. My parents' marriage fell apart largely due to my father's sex/porn addiction. But I know my boyfriend watches it sometimes, especially because we're in a LDR, but since it has never once interfered with our relationship on an emotional or physical level it doesn't particularly bother me.

 

Anyway this is all kind of OT....

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Her354, don't take his porn addiction problem on as your problem.  If he's got a problem, its his issue to fix.  And if he wants a porn-free life with you, he will do anything it takes!  (Now that is rare for a guy to quit porn for someone but possible).  He's got to put censorship on his computer, his phone, etc.  Guys truly struggle with porn.  So what actions will he take?  Let me tell you.. its easier to lie to you about quitting than to actually quit.  Don't let him turn into a liar over it.  You either put up with it.. or you don't.  He might be a great guy.  But he might be just testing your boundaries.  You need a strong man.  Not someone so weak he can't stop looking at naked people having sex. 

I've researched this topic a lot.  I've researched many related topics as well.  Guys will do what you "allow" them to do.  "Allow" is referring to actions (such as staying in a relationship, etc) rather than verbal direction ("I don't like that").  Research for yourself why men cheat, why men do all kinds of things.  This is why.  Have him show you WHAT he is doing to stop.  And THEN you will see what he is made of. (Does he give you a plan of action or excuses.. probably excuses but I hope I'm wrong!)  Personally, men have told me all kinds of stupid stuff, "but all men watch porn", "I'll stop now that I'm in a relationship <lie>", "Girls watch porn too" (that's a common one; to deflect the question), "1 Corinthians 7" (this guy said this in a hypothetical marriage situation: if you don't put out, off to watch porn he goes). 

Good luck!  Facing evil at its best. 

 

 

 

(To others who don't agree with my post because I understand the controversial nature of porn viewing:  this is MY value system.  You don't have to agree with it.  I take a stand against porn. I'm tired of men viewing it as an entitlement and not as an option. I'm tired of potential boyfriends lying about it.)

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Thank you everyone for your advice. We talked the other day and I told him plainly that its either me or the porn and that I will not enter an engagement with him until he's fully freed from this addiction. He understood and said he would give me updates every now and then and that so far he's doing really good at not watching it. I did end up crying in front of him over it which I hated, but he held me and said he would overcome this and I know he will with God's strength.

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Here's an article that may help in a Christian perspective and from someone who has/does experience porn addiction: http://www.missionserenity.org.au/PDF/PornRelapse.pdf

Mission Serenity deal with restoring lives from severe traumas such as childhood sexual abuse and porn/sex addiction and is lead by a couple who have profound firsthand experiences. You might like to check out their other resources :)

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I'm surprised to find myself writing so openly about this, but I am a Christian man who has struggled with a porn addiction. I imagine that gives me the sort of perspective your boyfriend might have, but with the wisdom of being on the other side.

 

I'm definitely not the "type" of guy who watches porn. But I found myself as someone who did and I realized that it had become addictive. I couldn't stop even in the many times that I tried to. I knew that it changed the way that I saw women, making me see them as sex objects rather than as equals. And in a twisted way, I found that looking at image of women on a screen took the edge off of loneliness and a desire for intimacy, at least for a while.

 

It's hard to understand just how all-consuming an addiction is unless you have been through one. In addition to how it changed my perceptions of women, it also made me lose hours of time and on occasion made me late for work. I always feared that one day it would lead me to breaking my promise to wait until marriage and that I would eventually have sex just to satisfy the ever-escalating need. Honestly, that fear kept me from dating for most of my life.

 

I had the wisdom to know that marriage and having sex would not "fix" the addiction, that it would still become just as much of a problem and would ultimately hurt my future wife. And I came to realize that nobody, not my future wife, not my friends and family, not anyone could fix my addiction for me.

 

I came to realize that I needed help and that years of trying had proven that I couldn't do it on my own. One night, I searched online to find if there was some sort of "Alcoholics Anonymous" for porn addicts. What I came across was Sex Addicts Anonymous, a 12-step group for those struggling with any sort of sexual addiction. Before I could talk myself out of it, I went to a meeting.

 

I've been in the program for almost a year now. Admittedly, it's been a bit odd because I'm one of the youngest people who go to the meetings and, as far as I can tell, the only virgin. But if this were Alcoholics Anonymous, they would still accept me if I felt I was out of control with only one drink a night. And many people in the program have lost marriages or worse. They've told me that they wish that they got help when they were at my age and my stage of the addiction.

 

I am currently 74 days sober from any sort of pornography and related media. My life is so much better than it once was. I'm not spending hours of time on this addiction. I'm much happier. And my relationship with God is so much stronger now. It hasn't been easy and I've had a lot of relapses. But I'm where I want to be in life.

 

The path I took may not be the path for everyone struggling with pornography. But I was dead serious about not having this addiction when I met my future wife. And I was willing to go to any lengths to get it, even joining a 12 Step group to get help for it.

 

If your boyfriend is as serious as I was about getting rid of an addiction to pornography before marriage, then perhaps this is something that you might mention to him. You can't force him to go and if he does go, I can't guarantee that it will be a silver bullet to his addiction. But if it is something that can help, I can promise that it will be worth it. Getting the help to get free of a porn addiction is the best decision I have made it my life.

 

There were several 12-step groups related to sexual addiction that were founded around the same time in different parts of the country, so if he wants to learn more, he might see which one has meetings in his region. There's Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, and some smaller ones.

 

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about whatever.

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@Will H

Great post! Thanks for sharing, it takes some guts. I'm glad to hear that you found support, and especially with a more experienced group of "elders" :)

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you need to break up with him until he overcomes his addiction..... you are not equally yolked..... He is committing the act in his mind when he watches it.

 You should be a supportive friend  and pray for him until he gets it together, otherwise you will end up staying with him, continue to fall in love with him when he really does not need a significant other right now, he needs a deeper relationship with the lord. He is using porn to cover up his deeper spiritual issues that ONLY GOD can resolve.

Marriage should not be in your mind, He is far from marriage material right now on a spritual stand point.

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you are not equally yolked..... 

 

Well I'm pretty sure neither of them are an egg so they seem pretty equally yolked to me.

 

As for the rest of your post. Damn that's harsh. She's already told him it's her or the porn and now you want her to break up with him until he's "closer to the lord"? How will we know when his understanding of the lord is deep enough? When he stops watching porn? When he's overcome all earthly desires? When he is personally visited by the lord and embraced as a brother and an equal?

 

I can agree that he should stop watching porn if it's negatively affecting his life. However saying that someone you don't know doesn't deserve or need a relationship until he's cultivated a "deeper relationship with the lord" just seems like punishing someone for doing something you don't agree with.

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Well I'm pretty sure neither of them are an egg so they seem pretty equally yolked to me.

 

As for the rest of your post. Damn that's harsh. She's already told him it's her or the porn and now you want her to break up with him until he's "closer to the lord"? How will we know when his understanding of the lord is deep enough? When he stops watching porn? When he's overcome all earthly desires? When he is personally visited by the lord and embraced as a brother and an equal?

 

I can agree that he should stop watching porn if it's negatively affecting his life. However saying that someone you don't know doesn't deserve or need a relationship until he's cultivated a "deeper relationship with the lord" just seems like punishing someone for doing something you don't agree with.

First of all excuse my TYOP, BUT if you think I am talking about eggs  , you are spriitually ignorant and have no place to comment on my post. secondly, Just because he is struggling with porn does not mean that is NOt her brother in christ, BUT IT DOES MEAN THAT HE IS NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE AND SHE NEEDS TO BREAK UP WITH HIM IN THE MEAN TIME PERIOD POINT BLANK.

When someone is "waiting for sex before marriage and is SERIOUS and want to PROTECT THEIR PURITY"  you should not want to be in a comprimising position like that. That guy she is in a elationship is struggling with lust, a lustful spirit. That is an issue of conflict spiritually which =NOT BEING EQUALLY YOKED  ! 

But people might not understand that if they are comprimising their purity while they are so called "waiting".

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First of all excuse my TYOP, BUT if you think I am talking about eggs  , you are spriitually ignorant and have no place to comment on my post. secondly, Just because he is struggling with porn does not mean that is NOt her brother in christ, BUT IT DOES MEAN THAT HE IS NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE AND SHE NEEDS TO BREAK UP WITH HIM IN THE MEAN TIME PERIOD POINT BLANK.

When someone is "waiting for sex before marriage and is SERIOUS and want to PROTECT THEIR PURITY"  you should not want to be in a comprimising position like that. That guy she is in a elationship is struggling with lust, a lustful spirit. That is an issue of conflict spiritually which =NOT BEING EQUALLY YOKED  ! 

But people might not understand that if they are comprimising their purity while they are so called "waiting".

 

Everyone struggles with something whether it is lust, body image, eating disorder, vanity etc. Clearly your struggle is with pride and arrogance. I guess by your own standard, you're not marriage material either.

 

The important thing is what are we doing to deal with our struggles. Her bf is obviously committed to actively fight his addiction because he openly admitted it and wants to seek help. He didn't make excuses or try to cover up spiritual issues like you erroneously claimed. That is a noble thing. It takes a lot of courage to be completely vulnerable about your struggles, especially with the one you're intimate with. He is struggling because he's a broken person and a sinner, like you and I. If he is showing that is is proactively trying to fight it then his heart is in the right place and if he's not, then yes I agree that he shouldn't be in a relationship.

 

You can judge actions, but you have no right to judge his spiritual state. That is simply ignorant and self-righteous. So get off your high horse and I recommend that you pray for some humility.

 

 Also this site (http://xxxchurch.com) is amazing! It helped a lot of people kick the habit! God be with you both! 

 

 

to the OP, I second Jasmine's suggestion. xxxchurch has helped me a bunch in my personal struggle. This is a good way to hold your bf accountable. There is a free version that is more than enough to get the job done. There's no need to get the paid version. Just simply have him download it on every computer or mobile device he has and register your email to receive notifications on any flagged site he goes to. It's not perfect but it works great. 

 

You both are in my prayers.

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Everyone struggles with something whether it is lust, body image, eating disorder, vanity etc. Clearly your struggle is with pride and arrogance. I guess by your own standard, you're not marriage material either.

 

The important thing is what are we doing to deal with our struggles. Her bf is obviously committed to actively fight his addiction because he openly admitted it and wants to seek help. He didn't make excuses or try to cover up spiritual issues like you erroneously claimed. That is a noble thing. It takes a lot of courage to be completely vulnerable about your struggles, especially with the one you're intimate with. He is struggling because he's a broken person and a sinner, like you and I. If he is showing that is is proactively trying to fight it then his heart is in the right place and if he's not, then yes I agree that he shouldn't be in a relationship.

 

You can judge actions, but you have no right to judge his spiritual state. That is simply ignorant and self-righteous. So get off your high horse and I recommend that you pray for some humility.

 

 

to the OP, I second Jasmine's suggestion. xxxchurch has helped me a bunch in my personal struggle. This is a good way to hold your bf accountable. There is a free version that is more than enough to get the job done. There's no need to get the paid version. Just simply have him download it on every computer or mobile device he has and register your email to receive notifications on any flagged site he goes to. It's not perfect but it works great. 

 

You both are in my prayers.

Obviously you are stuggling ALL TYPES OF THINGS THAT NEED PRAYER BECAUSE YOU HAVE PERSONALLY ATTCKED ME AND DONT EVEN KNOW ME, AND YOU WILL BE EATING YOUR WORDS AGAINST ME.

I am speaking the truth, LUST IS LUST and it does not excuse that fact that she should break up with him.  It does not mean she should not help pray him through this situation and not be a friend to him, She should be there for him, but when someone is fighting lust, the LAST THING THEY NEED IS A RELATIONSHIP PEROID.  whats wrong with her being a friend to him and whats so harsh about her being a sister in the lord to him until he can get it together .This woman wants marriage and He should not ready. that addiction can carry over into the marrige, then what, you will be on this fourm giving her marriage ADVICE on her porn addicted husband. CHILD PLEASE.

so when someone has a porn addiction instead of having a friend and sister of the lord, HE SHOULD HAVE A "GIRLFIREND TO MAKE OUT WITH, SO THEY AND TOUCH AND FEEL ALL OVER EACH OTHER, AND HAVE MAKE OUT SESSIONS.

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO HARSH BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE HE NEEDS THAT IN HIS LIFE INSTEAD OF A FRIEND/ SISTER IN THE LORD IN HIS LIFE  BEING THERE FOR HIM AND PRAYING HIM THROUGH THIS SITUATION.

 

THIS TYPE OF THINKING IS NOT IS SOMEONE'S BEST INTREST ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A FAITHFUL "WAITER" THAT PROTECTS YOUR PURITY AND SOUNDS LIKE YOU ALSO NEED TO PRAY FOR YOURSELF WHILE YOU ARE AT IT.

BY THE THANKS FOR THE PRAYER SINCE YOU  ALREADY PUT ME ON YOUR PRAYER LIST .

 

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BY THE THANKS FOR THE PRAYER SINCE YOU  ALREADY PUT ME ON YOUR PRAYER LIST .

 

No he didn't, he said he'd pray for OP and her boyfriend.

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No he didn't, he said he'd pray for OP and her boyfriend

 

LOL well thats a shame lol :lol:

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No he didn't, he said he'd pray for OP and her boyfriend

 

LOL well thats a shame lol :lol:

 

 

FYI you're typing inside the quote boxes of people you're quoting which may cause confusion. To avoid this, either 1) make sure you're typing underneath the gray quote box or 2) click the little "BBCode" button at the top left of the comment toolbar. This will change the comment text to BBCode, and you can just make sure you're typing your comment after the tag.

 

(That's what I fixed in your previous comment)

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Obviously you are stuggling ALL TYPES OF THINGS THAT NEED PRAYER BECAUSE YOU HAVE PERSONALLY ATTCKED ME AND DONT EVEN KNOW ME, AND YOU WILL BE EATING YOUR WORDS AGAINST ME.

I am speaking the truth, LUST IS LUST and it does not excuse that fact that she should break up with him.  It does not mean she should not help pray him through this situation and not be a friend to him, She should be there for him, but when someone is fighting lust, the LAST THING THEY NEED IS A RELATIONSHIP PEROID.  whats wrong with her being a friend to him and whats so harsh about her being a sister in the lord to him until he can get it together .This woman wants marriage and He should not ready. that addiction can carry over into the marrige, then what, you will be on this fourm giving her marriage ADVICE on her porn addicted husband. CHILD PLEASE.

so when someone has a porn addiction instead of having a friend and sister of the lord, HE SHOULD HAVE A "GIRLFIREND TO MAKE OUT WITH, SO THEY AND TOUCH AND FEEL ALL OVER EACH OTHER, AND HAVE MAKE OUT SESSIONS.

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO HARSH BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE HE NEEDS THAT IN HIS LIFE INSTEAD OF A FRIEND/ SISTER IN THE LORD IN HIS LIFE  BEING THERE FOR HIM AND PRAYING HIM THROUGH THIS SITUATION.

 

THIS TYPE OF THINKING IS NOT IS SOMEONE'S BEST INTREST ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A FAITHFUL "WAITER" THAT PROTECTS YOUR PURITY AND SOUNDS LIKE YOU ALSO NEED TO PRAY FOR YOURSELF WHILE YOU ARE AT IT.

BY THE THANKS FOR THE PRAYER SINCE YOU  ALREADY PUT ME ON YOUR PRAYER LIST .

 

 

Funny how you accuse people of "not knowing you" yet you make outlandish assumptions about the OP's bf when all you have to go on is her account. Rules apply to everyone else but not to you, got it.

 

It's not what you are saying that's the problem, it's how you're saying it. You resort to name calling and make ridiculous slippery slope arguments. No one is suggesting they should makeout and feel each other. I don't know where you're getting that from. Nor is anyone suggesting she has to stay with him. Your posts lack any sort of grace and your hypocrisy shows. 

 

My troll alert is lighting up like Times Square right now. Farewell and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

 

Also, your gratuitous use of caps and uneven font sizes unnecessary and annoying.

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I was fortunate enough to get help for my porn addiction before I have met my future wife, and I am thankful that I have been sober for nearly 3 months. In the 12 step program that I am in, there are others who started to get help when they were forced to make a choice between the woman they loved or their addiction. Those men chose the woman they loved and are on the road to recovery.

 

 

For that reason, I don't agree with the advice to dump your boyfriend immediately. You have given him that same choice and he will need to decide. It should be clear after a while which he chooses: you or the addiction. Support him in whatever way you feel you need to, but ultimately realize that this is a choice he will have to make himself and he will have to do whatever it takes to overcome that addiction.

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