Queen

Singlehood

44 posts in this topic

Honestly, because I have the self-awareness to know I'm not ready or have the desire to be in a committed relationship.

 

I know I will probably never marry. Saying that still sounds weird from time to time, but deep down I know it's the truth. I've never been much of a ladies man (not that I ever wanted that) but I also set very high standards for myself. Not in what I expect my wife to look like or what characteristics I feel she should have, but in what kind of man I feel I should be to deserve a woman such as her. It's sad really. My whole life I've basically felt like I was never good enough. Truth is, I've just never been what women want.

 

I also want to finish school and have a real profession. The way I see it I still have around 6-8 years left before I'll be done with my Bachelor's Degrees as well as my Medical degree and by then I'll be 35/36 years old. I also don't want to have a family so late in life. I'd rather not be that creepy old guy watching his children graduate high school while he pushes 60/65 years of age. I love children and it's one of the main reasons pediatrics is one of my choices for medical fields.

 

There are also things in my past that I've had to overcome like porn addiction, suicidal thoughts, cheating girlfriends, among other things. As a result I tend to come off very guarded and solitary, which I am, and I tend to be a loner as a result. I know what it's like to live your life alone, and I also know what it's like to live a lonely life, and I know no one should live that way. People often ask me why i'm still single and 99% of the time I feed them some obvious lie.

 

I've kind of just accepted the fact that although God may not have created me to be alone, it's a choice that I make everyday. I have such a big heart and the one joy in life that I have is helping others. That above all else brings me unimaginable joy...and honestly...that's enough for me.

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Kinda weird case for me...I'm almost 30,

decent looks/education/job.

& let's focus on potential guys I've met.

No one actually ask me out on a date,

We met then they just keep texting but

never make an effort to meet up. Then

once they found out that I'm waiting...They

all vanish!! & Majority guys I've met are non

waiters. It's easier to find any other pretty girls

who can give them exactly what they want.

No one stick around to see how am I as a person...

Guess I'll be single all my life but I'm fine with it ;))

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Not for lack of trying, that's for sure!

 

I'm not what's generally seen as a very attractive guy, and I'm just not all that social. It's not that I don't want to be, but I just don't "get" a lot of social things.

 

When I get to college I hope there's a social group for waiters, or if not I'm going to start one. I feel like most waiters want to date somebody that is, and that's really a pretty specific trait in a person in light of how uncommon it is. It could really help people of our stance find somebody significant to have a group to meet in person. Many waiters don't know about this website.

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(1) I'm inconsistent. Depending on the situation, I act very differently - this is true for most people, but I take it to the extreme.

 

(2) I'm weird

 

(3) I'm principled in counter-cultural ways.

 

...What Paul said. (Dude, it's like you're in my head, sometimes. Seriously.)

 

There are a few reasons, as far as I'm concerned, which account for my not having a partner. If I were to put things as bluntly as I sometimes want to, I have a feeling people would consider me to act all 'high and mighty'. However, in this instance, I shall do just that (Sagittarius folk are considered to be particularly frank, are they not?).  :)

 

1)  Inconsistency is a big one, for me; and I shall reference astrology, again, right here (my apologies to any and all of you who might think it meaningless or even offensive to do so).  I'm a Gemini rising (http://www.alwaysastrology.com/rising-signs.html), meaning there's a sense of duality (and then some) about me.

Generally speaking, I'm not a fan of people. I just can't fathom why people are so interested in having to make conversation for conversation's sake. However, if I can see that there is a genuine want to reach out, I will respond with as much gusto as I can manage. Then, I will often attempt to engage people in fervent discussion if I can see that they are struggling to initiate the same, but keen in doing so.

I've been called 'incredibly charismatic', 'a real people-person', and 'the sweetest person everrrrr' (over-emphasised rhotic ending optional) by multiple people, to date. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly appreciate hearing that people think that about me; but I wholeheartedly wish they wouldn't pay that much attention to me, in the first place.

I would rather observe, and only approach a select few who I consider to be truly worth 'exploring' further (hold up, though: I'm more 'traditional' in the sense that I would rather be chased than do the chasing, romantically speaking). That is to say, if I do attempt to make the smallest of small talk with you, you can make a safe bet that I want to know everything about you.  :D

Something that seems to be cropping up more and more, these days, is my desire to socialise. I adore being able to go out and get to know people outside of work, for example, as it's fascinating to see different sides to the same person. I don't drink, as I don't feel I need to - I wouldn't be opposed to dancing on the tables even with my sobriety intact.  ^_^

 

2)  Relating somewhat to my first point, I'm always on the go, chasing new opportunities; and would even consider myself fickle, in this regard.

An example of this is the fact that I own no less than 10 different musical instruments (and more than one of some of those), but would only consider myself able to play the cello and piano particularly 'well', as those are the two I've stuck at long enough to learn more than the basics. (But, y'know, my Gretsch lap steel looks really cool on the shelf, over there.)

I've yet to find someone who can 'keep up with me', as it were. It's not that I get 'bored', per se; I just crave being with someone who will give me the freedom to constantly pursue new things, all the while trusting the fact that he will always be 'enough' for me to come back home to. Heck, hopefully he'd even come along with me for the ride! Life's too short, otherwise, don'tcha think?  :)

 

3) In order to keep from making this an essay all about Caroline (oops; too late), I'll call this my last point. And this is perhaps the one I feel most guilty about, as it seems unbelievably superfluous.

I'd like to find someone who's not from around these parts, geographically speaking. People who embody even a select few of the traits I hope to find already seem few and far between. Limiting the search area to where I live would likely be much the same as trying to find Waldo whilst blindfolded: not especially good for the nerves.

I like the idea of searching further afield, and just making it work. The world is such a vast place, it would kinda seem like a waste not to explore it. Plus, I do enjoy travelling.  ^_^

 

Ultimately, if I can find a guy who shares the same core values as me (waiting until marriage, veganism, generally trying to make the world a better place, etc., etc.), we'll be winning like Charlie Sheen, in a less iniquitous way. And I'm confident that we will find each other, if it's the last thing either of us does.  :P

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So you can understand me well i dont do the DATING thing !! i only do engagement or friendship !! its make things very clair to every single one ive met and most respect me for being that honest about what am about, and helped me to save lot of efforts and emotions beside avoiding to hurt or being hurt, so being single wasnt a choice so far as ive met many virgin ladies who wasnt looking for anything serious at that time,the funny thing that some good ones was already taken, but i know its for a good reason that i didnt met that princess yet as she gonna show up in the right time  ;)

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I just got out of a place with no one....well maybe one person... for me.  There is a lot of transitioning going on in my life at the moment and now that it's summer I can get myself together.  I really believe I'll meet someone soon in a few months once I begin the college adventure! :D Either way I'll be growing more and more into who I'm going to be by the time I meet my future hubby. :wub:

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Honestly here's why 😖

1.) I'm a quiet person. I'm shy I guess so this makes me somewhat socially awkward around new people because I can't figure out what to talk about.

2.) I'm not out actively looking for a girlfriend or to meet new people.

3.) Frankly I doubt there's many girls out there that would date someone like me since I don't particularly look forward to having to talk on the phone for hours with her, to text nonstop, or to hang out all the time everyday! Need my space!

4.) I wouldn't date someone very fat or very skinny.

5.) Not many girls out there would have the patience to be with someone as inexperienced as me. Not even a first kiss for Weapon X jeeze!

6.) Too many girls in big cities like where I'm at would rather go party instead of enjoy say a walk in the park.

7.) I'm poor but do have lots of options upon graduating college!

8.) I live with mom and dad lol.

9.) I can only bench my body weight bro! Need bigger muscles to attract the fit ladies! 😄

10.) My religious views are beyond f***ed up! I'm so confused about religion and girls tend to prefer someone who has a clear obvious religious outlook.

11.) I'm too hot, the ladies think I'm out of their league 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄 hey not sure but might also be a reason why!

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I have to be honest, and this is a sore spot on my self-esteem, but the reason I'm not actively LOOKING for a relationship is that, despite my age and a college degree, I'm currently living with the folks and my only income is a very erratic and meagre dribble from book sales. It's insignificant, tbh. I might as well be totally unemployed and video gaming all day from a financial standpoint.

 

But I don't necessarily think that would change if I got a "real" job, moved out, and started looking. It certainly wasn't different when I was at college and pretty much aching for some romantic company.

 

WTM is a factor, probably the primary one. There aren't that many men WTM to begin with, and fewer still looking for a woman my age. Nothing like WTM to make a girl feel old before she's 30! Lol, I know I speak for myself only.

 

To echo what some others have said, I'm a weirdo. Ha. And an enigma.

 

I sometimes think I suffer from "attractive introvert" syndrome, though I'm no VS model. A lot of men look right through me, and I suspect the ones that don't think I'm too stuck-up for them. I'm not really shy, but chit-chat causes me to freeze up and become awkward. I have Christian religious beliefs which do not line up with the Christian norm, but at the same time they do not entirely line up with my religion! I'm a square peg, for sure.

 

Finally, I don't connect on a deep level with many people, and that's what I need in a relationship. I don't just want a nice, decently attractive man who respects my beliefs (and they're hard enough to come by). I want my best friend. I don't see the point in settling for less.

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Weapon X,

Well said. I understand that you live with your parents and this is fine because you are in school. I will recommend that you work on # 3 and 11 if you want to find a girlfriend one day.

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It took me a while to realize why I'm single, and even then someone else had to point it out to me. I used to just think I was painfully shy around men, but really I think I subconsciously push men away, or even actively sprint away from them (I kid you not, I've actually done that before to avoid talking to a gorgeous guy).  It's not that I don't want a relationship, it's just that past disappointment means I have a hard time letting myself trust someone. In the back of my mind, I see men as the people who leave you, the ones who break you when you're vulnerable. I talk a good game when it comes to love, I'm a hopeful romantic and my first instinct always is to leap--but instead I follow my impulse to protect myself until suddenly I'm alone with all of my shields.  I'm definitely working on that, and on being more open to the kind love I dream of having because I know that I've got a lot of love to give and there are really good guys out there. But until then, I guess I'm single because I haven't met anyone fast enough to catch me when I run away :D

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Honestly..  why are you single? 

 

Well here are my reasons why I'm single:

 

Like many people, I'm shy. 

 

Where I go to college, it's not very easy for many people to find a girl or boy. My college is located near the ghetto and a lot of the girls prefer gangster boyfriends and are very arrogant when you approach them. Two guys I used to know tried to approach them and they would act in a very rude manner. Also, in my college many people are not open to meeting new people would rather stick to their own little circle. There are some decent girls, and although I find cool I am not attractive to them. There was this one girl whom I have would have dated but couldn't because she prefers a devout Christian bf (She's a devout Christian) and I am an atheist.

 

I have to take care of my little sister. Both of my parents are working and they want somebody they can trust to take care of her. However, a lot of times babysitting my sister consumes a lot of my free time and due to this I don't hang out with my friends any more. There are times when I am free but usually around that time my friends aren't available due to work  (Though there are cases when both me and some friends are available but they only come once in a while). 

 

I want spend my energy learning more about myself. I feel like if I learn more about myself I can be more successful in life.

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I live in a country which is quite conservative, and, I have certain things I adhere to: I am sentiocentric vegetarian, and, it takes a lot of time to figure out someone's inner self the traditional way; but it is the most interesting thing to me, yet. The point is, she does not have to be one, but, should be willing to grow children this way. Also, I would love to adopt at least one orphan.

I an highly sensitive, I behave randomly, sometimes, like seriously randomly, sometimes making bad jokes out of it. Moreover, it is not as easy as finding one in India. I think that's what keeps me single, given that a lot of girls have been attracted towards me due to a lot of factors, before. I do neither smoke nor drink, but I have mild OCD (most of the people who are close to me don't even know it), so, I use alcohol to clean things, sometimes.

Then, I have been very busy with studies last few months, and am still very busy learning a lot of new things, for example, recently I was exploring Web Workers and WebSockets. I think, to me, the only valid reason or excuse I find, for not knowing or understanding something, is, boredom; I try to make way through everything I do not find boring.

Despite this, I would love to get married young. Seriously. Even tomorrow. Who knows? I think there are exactly a few points I should know about her, before I decide the eligibility, but those are quite difficult to ask straightaway.

I have been called hot and sexy, too, some months ago. A Chinese-Malaysian chick, too, said that; we used to Skype a lot until we disagreed and fought over something (it turned out that she started behaving like an insensitive one, started ignoring me, etc., a long story). I have gained weight due to excessive stay-at-home studies last months so I am not sure how I look, now.

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I live in a country which is quite conservative, and, I have certain things I adhere to: I am sentiocentric vegetarian, and, it takes a lot of time to figure out someone's inner self the traditional way; but it is the most interesting thing to me, yet. The point is, she does not have to be one, but, should be willing to grow children this way. Also, I would love to adopt at least one orphan.

I an highly sensitive, I behave randomly, sometimes, like seriously randomly, sometimes making bad jokes out of it. Moreover, it is not as easy as finding one in India. I think that's what keeps me single, given that a lot of girls have been attracted towards me due to a lot of factors, before. I do neither smoke nor drink, but I have mild OCD (most of the people who are close to me don't even know it), so, I use alcohol to clean things, sometimes.

Then, I have been very busy with studies last few months, and am still very busy learning a lot of new things, for example, recently I was exploring Web Workers and WebSockets. I think, to me, the only valid reason or excuse I find, for not knowing or understanding something, is, boredom; I try to make way through everything I do not find boring.

Despite this, I would love to get married young. Seriously. Even tomorrow. Who knows? I think there are exactly a few points I should know about her, before I decide the eligibility, but those are quite difficult to ask straightaway.

I have been called hot and sexy, too, some months ago. A Chinese-Malaysian chick, too, said that; we used to Skype a lot until we disagreed and fought over something (it turned out that she started behaving like an insensitive one, started ignoring me, etc., a long story). I have gained weight due to excessive stay-at-home studies last months so I am not sure how I look, now.

 

Yeah mewaiting, you are highly sensitive and I do like this. I think it is a really attractive quality in a guy. You are like a dear little brother to me and I can assure you : I saw your pic and there is nothing to worry about. You are very cute my little bro :D;)

And very clever too...

I am sure you will find a pretty and smart girl like-minded as you are...

You are precious for me

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Because no one on this site is messaging me with interest.

 

Kidding.

 

Real reasons are that my life has always kind of been in a flux. I've just moved, I'm still seeking my life's work and I'm very very picky. I want someone I'm attracted too, who has remained as abstinent as me and who is also beautiful on the inside.

 

Also, the women I've been writing too as penpals live too far away

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Because no one on this site is messaging me with interest.

 

Kidding.

 

Real reasons are that my life has always kind of been in a flux. I've just moved, I'm still seeking my life's work and I'm very very picky. I want someone I'm attracted too, who has remained as abstinent as me and who is also beautiful on the inside.

 

Also, the women I've been writing too as penpals live too far away

 

I keep seeing how a bunch of waiters are so picky.  Isn't waiting hard enough?  I find this so puzzling.  I mean, I would "buy" that people could be so picky if they also discussed what it was about oneself that makes one so worthwhile.  That discussion, however, never comes in tandem with how picky one can get at least on the site.

 

Personally, I already know I am not ready for marriage, so I spend time making myself a badass that is worthwhile to marry during my singlehood while I still have it.  I think it is worth noting that if you want someone you cannot yet EARN, then u have to build yourself up to that level of a spouse.  I have been in the process of this for quite some time, and I will enjoy being mature for intimacy in imminent fashion very soon...

 

I think it would benefit people to know how the average heterosexual engagement actually takes place.  One man at any given moment finds a woman who is the best he can do, and the other woman at any given moment finds the best she can do as well.  They both then figure out that those people are each other at the same time for once.  Then the engagement is executed.  I mean, if this seems cynical, I hope it is at least an eye-opener for who we each should be looking for.  The natural attraction laws are beyond our control, so one never really knows how much they would deviate from their current naive plans to get married.  The truth is: no one makes a decision to marry another by themselves; it requires a prospective spouse's input as well.  I am not sure, therefore, how fantasies from unrealistic standards can be realized by oneself...

 

My advice, though potentially unsolicited, is to let go of the ideal standard with which some of us hold dear.  It would be better to hunt for compatibilty, which includes a better real standard for sharing the ups AS WELL AS the downs in life.  We should each make room to fall in love with the way someone makes mistakes, their negativity, and their weaknesses.  For a personal example, to declare just one, I want to fall in love with the way a woman gets angry.  I want a woman who feels "sexy-sassy" when she gets mad, so that I enjoy her during the more frustrating times.  I suppose the way I would reciprocate in compatible ways is to make a woman feel like her husband is powerful when he gets angry, but that she feels safe because I won't take it out on her.  A picture of her thoughts would be narrated as: "OMG!  I'm glad I'm always on my husband's side; I wouldn't want to have to mess with THAT!"  It goes on and on like this for positive as well as negative traits.

 

I hope people let go of their "Pygmalian Projects," and let nature provide more wonderful prospective replacements.  I can't bear the thought that some of you fine folks will not be waiting for marriage, but waiting forever because you didn't know that you were searching for incompatible perfection.  You do not produce a spouse for yourself, nature does.  If you want some degree of control of how nature provides human beings, you can produce a child instead.  However, you will still have to find a spouse before you can do that in order to make your waiting worthwhile.  So, there is no escape...

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I keep seeing how a bunch of waiters are so picky.  Isn't waiting hard enough?  I find this so puzzling. 

Um... Waiting is why I'm very very picky.

If I wasn't waiting, I'd hardly be picky at all.

The pickiness is simply due to the fact that there are so few people who have waited, and amongst those who have waited are spread pretty far apart.

 

in today's society, asking for the same is considered very very picky.

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@GodsPhysicist-There is no doubt that you're correct that there needs to be mutual interest and that only wanting one, very specific type of person for a spouse limits your dating pool since that one, specific type of person needs to also like you back. At the same time, though, is there really a point in getting married if the only reason you're marrying is because the other person was simply the best you could get? For example, maybe some people are just too physically unappealing to attract the type of person from the opposite sex that they're attracted to. Would it really be better for that person to go after someone they aren't attracted to simply because it's the best they could do? Or, as another example, someone wants to marry someone only from their exact religion but can't find someone from their religion who also likes them. Would that person necessarily better off marrying outside their faith? I think this would be a case-by-case scenario.

Of course, looking for literal, 100% perfection is impossible, but I don't think most picky people are looking for perfection.

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Assuming that you aren't a proponent of divorce, choosing a spouse is a VERY critical decision, even more so as a waiter where you're choosing a single sexual partner 'until death do us part'. If there's ever a time to be picky, this is it.

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Um... Waiting is why I'm very very picky.

If I wasn't waiting, I'd hardly be picky at all.

The pickiness is simply due to the fact that there are so few people who have waited, and amongst those who have waited are spread pretty far apart.

 

in today's society, asking for the same is considered very very picky.

 

 

@GodsPhysicist-There is no doubt that you're correct that there needs to be mutual interest and that only wanting one, very specific type of person for a spouse limits your dating pool since that one, specific type of person needs to also like you back. At the same time, though, is there really a point in getting married if the only reason you're marrying is because the other person was simply the best you could get? For example, maybe some people are just too physically unappealing to attract the type of person from the opposite sex that they're attracted to. Would it really be better for that person to go after someone they aren't attracted to simply because it's the best they could do? Or, as another example, someone wants to marry someone only from their exact religion but can't find someone from their religion who also likes them. Would that person necessarily better off marrying outside their faith? I think this would be a case-by-case scenario.

Of course, looking for literal, 100% perfection is impossible, but I don't think most picky people are looking for perfection.

 

We must just have different ideas of what the word "picky" means. When I hear the word "picky" in regards to dating, I think of people who reject someone they might otherwise have a great relationship with because of frivolous things that make their prospective partner fall short of their absolute ideal. Examples would be: they make a good living, but not quite six figures, they're 5'8 instead of 6'0, you're a fan of craft beer and he hates the taste of alcohol, etc. Picky, to me, does not include: wanting someone who is on the same page as you in terms of sexuality (which WTM is a part of), religion, and family values (kids or no kids? spanking or no spanking?).

 

So if it is any consolation, you guys don't sound at all picky to me.  :D

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