Queen

Singlehood

44 posts in this topic

When girls find out you're waiting they think you're joking with them and then they think you must be crazy/weird. Ah England how I love thee! So I don't really date, I think I might if I didn't want a fellow waiter so much but I just do. But it gets hard liking people and then the pretty quick progression to dropping hints about sex. I just don't really date anymore. And if you don't date then you're going to be single! I'l meet someone eventually I guess!

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mostly lack of effort, and that lack of effort is due to several things.

 

1- I'm not sure what I want to do with my life or even what I'm going to be doing or where I'm going to be living for the foreseeable future. I currently work part time at a job with no co-workers.

2- I know it's going to be really difficult to find a non-theist waiter with a high interest in and drive for sex. I wish I could be fine with dating a non-virgin, as my pool would be much larger and I could just join a dating site and find plenty of amazing girls, but it's proven to be a serious barrier in the past. Maybe I'll change somehow, but I don't see it happening.

3- I don't have much of a social life, largely due to reason 1.

4- Single is my comfort zone, even though I really want the love and companionship of a long-term partner. It's hard to break out of that comfort zone and get back into the mindset necessary to be attractive and available for a relationship.

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I live off a military base so I'm surrounded by soldiers. Most soldiers are either married or want booty calls (sometimes both :o ). I can't date anyone at work, even though I would have liked to in the past, because it is against the rules. It is awkward dating customers. I don't join any groups at church and most people my age went off to college somewhere. I'm just floating right now :lol:

Edited: I forgot to mention that having a regular exercise routine doesn't leave much time either 😫

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm still pretty content in singledom. I like my current state and simplicity of life.

When I think of marriage, I see the beauty of it, sure, but I also see so much responsibility and work. I figure that means I'm not ready yet. And I have absolutely no problems with that.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not really social with alot of people. Plus I'm awkward. Not even like a cute awkward lol. I don't talk alot either which gives me the super power of being invisible yay.

Even though I do want to date I can't enter a relationship until I figure out what I want in life at this moment and feel content with myself. There is also a part of me that enjoys being single.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mainly because I have very high standards and I haven't yet done enough to meet a woman who fulfills these standards. As I've said before on here, I'm only physically attracted to a very small percentage of the female population. Combine that with insisting on her being a virgin+ (not even comfortable with her having made out before) and I'm looking for a very rare type of woman. I would have to be incredibly proactive to find such a woman (and even then it would still take time) and I haven't been proactive enough.

 

Don't get me wrong, I've taken some steps. I'm moderately social with women I meet in class and at work and I've dabbled in online dating a bit. I've just yet to meet a girl I'm attracted to in class or at work. Online dating, meanwhile, hasn't gone particularly well (distance factor contributes to this). I need to focus on meeting and talking to more women. Focusing in on places where you're more likely to meet a virgin (like at a church social group or something of the sort) would be a good idea, as well. Continuing to work on my own appearance is probably a good idea, too. No, one doesn't have to be incredibly physically attractive to get someone of the opposite sex to like them, but it does help.

 

I don't mean to make myself out as having been too lazy or anyting like that. Quite frankly, it's tough to have the time when you're a student and you have a job. I just have to do the best I can to be proactive.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I honestly don't know why I'm single.  I have my ideas though.  The main one I think is that I am surrounded by people younger than me.  I look young, but it is evident that I am in a different life-stage than most college students.  I also know for a FACT that part of the reason I am single is because I am celibate.  I met someone else who was celibate and interested in me, but he was STILL moving too fast physically.  He had the "everything but" policy and I don't share that with him.  So two dates and I was done with him.  There are more reasons, but I think mainly that I am not in the environment to meet different types of people.  I need to graduate and get out in the world first.  I'd love to have a boyfriend.  Though I am a very busy person and I don't know if many would be okay with me being busy a lot. So career-wise, I am not ready to settle down in a particular location.  It might be unfair to bring someone into that situation unless they were willing to move with me.

7 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1) I don't think I'm in a position to be considered a dating partner. I'm seeing nothing I can give as a reason why a girl should date me, let alone marry me, at this point in my life.

2) It seems the human female has not expressed interest in me. *shrugs*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Choice.

I get offers but I'm not interested in dating at the moment.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lack of trying, probably. Since I don't like to get out much, or be around many people, that plays into it a lot. I've had offers while out, but mostly from people I find no interest, or attraction of any kind, in. When I have, I got dissapointed too often. I have found myself interested, and excited about one or two people, but I'm too afraid of rejection, to do anything about it. Over the past few years I've just been trying to help with my nephews, and trying to figure out how to do the 'parental unit' thing, while trying to convince myself that a man will even want that kind of relationship. So, I just don't try for more than friendship. If it progresses, naturally, then my heart is open. I'm just not pushing anything.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lolllll !!!

... Because I do not want to be going out each time with the first guys that approach me when I know that I have no feelings for them. I am 31, it's better for me not to lose my time in any Relationship, especially when I know I am afraid of being hurt and of hurting someone.

For the moment there is not one guy that I know and with whom I'd want to spend the rest of my life. I have a lot of love to give my future husband and to him alone.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't get out much. Or talk to people.

Me neither Elizabeth; I am a little bit reserved. Painful and irritating for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When girls find out you're waiting they think you're joking with them and then they think you must be crazy/weird. Ah England how I love thee! So I don't really date, I think I might if I didn't want a fellow waiter so much but I just do. But it gets hard liking people and then the pretty quick progression to dropping hints about sex. I just don't really date anymore. And if you don't date then you're going to be single! I'l meet someone eventually I guess!

hey JDmantel! Don't let this prevent you from dating, after all you are the man, so make the first move! You simply have to date in the right places, where you know that there are waiters, just like you. Do you see what i mean? pick up some contacts on this site, those from the UK, maybe there's someone waiting for you, or they can introduce you to some good friends waiters also.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Attractive atheist women who are anarcho-capitalists AND are abstinent? Yeah right.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Attractive atheist women who are anarcho-capitalists AND are abstinent? Yeah right.

 

Me_i_am_legally_blonde_witherspoon_gif.g

 

(Lol not really, I'm not that hot and I've moved away from anarcho-capitalism in the past few years.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're waiting until marriage, you'll probably look at least 50% hotter than you would have otherwise, don't worry.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not really interested. I also have a very active life, there isn't enough hours in the day.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To cut a long story short, I live in a country that due to various cultural reasons and the nature of my job, the dating pool is extremely limited. I am making plans to move to a country with more 'prospects' when my contract ends and get back on track!

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't really announced my desire to marry/find a marriage candidate to my parents or anyone yet.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't really announced my desire to marry/find a marriage candidate to my parents or anyone yet.

Interesting..

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great question, Qu(Stacie)een! You know how much we love to talk about ourselves! This honestly helps us understand each other a lot better, but also requires us to engage in deep reflection.

 

I'm single for three reasons, I believe:

(1) I'm inconsistent. Depending on the situation, I act very differently - this is true for most people, but I take it to the extreme. In situations where it may be very serious (like at my job at the gym), I act hyper and silly. Am I really like that? Not really. But I always find acting that way allows other people to accept their weirdness, and it puts a smile on lots of faces. In class, I'm a weird combination of silly and serious - I'll crack jokes here and there to create an easygoing atmosphere, but I'll also try to pose intellectually challenging questions, because I am a real nerd.

Many confuse me for an extrovert, because I seem to talk a lot, but it's not because I'm an extrovert; I'm talking a lot when either I am very enthusiastic about something and want to share it with someone (don't ask me why I became vegan - I'll ramble!), when no one else with talk (like times when a course instructor will ask for class participation and questions, I will speak because no one else will), or when it would be awkward if I were my true, withdrawn self (I kind of hate it when someone comes over to "just talk" with me, but I'm not about to upset them by being genuine!).

I'm told when I'm alone listening to music and walking, I look VERY serious.

Really, there is this struggle to maintain a balance between my genuineness and my phoniness, but I often think they are not dissociable - I'm highly empathic, and being "phony" by adapting to what makes others comfortable or happy in that situation is being my true self, even if it's not comfortable for me at the time.

This becomes a problem because women can rarely understand that there is a unified person there. If they see me in an environment where I'm silly, that's who I am to them. I don't think I've met many women who are intuitive enough to see who I am inside, and why I might seem inconsistent.

 

(2) I'm weird. I'm very rare, and easily misunderstood. If anyone is familiar with MBTI... I'm an INFJ - the rarest type (1% of the population), especially for males (.5%). This shows how atypical I am, and while some INFJs and other rare people "blend in", I've stopped concerning myself with that. I believe that if everyone embraced their inner "weirdness", accepted themselves as they truly are, they would be much more content with their lives, and many of our first-world problems would disappear. So I accentuate my weirdness to others, in hopes that, if they see this, they will be comfortable with their own weirdness. The problem comes from as typical enjoyment of and comfort with normalcy, which I cannot provide.

 

(3) I'm principled in counter-cultural ways. I don't drink or intoxicate myself in any ways. I'm a vegan. I'm celibate. (Vegan and celibate rarely go together, because the concern is often that of liberty of nonhumans, and that bleeds into sexual liberation; my value is based on conserving life and well-being of the defenseless, and so it also bleeds into consideration of other humans who may get hurt by my actions.) My principles are what define me, and they're not typical for someone in this age - they're all about cherishing life and ensuring the utmost consideration of others, namely defenseless others. This makes it hard to connect with others on a strong level. Others often think we connect really deeply, but they only see part of me; I rarely feel I connect very deeply with someone, and always feel bad at what seems a relatively uneven relationship. Connection is something I really long for. But it may not happen any time soon.

I feel I have a mission to help the defenseless, and my values reflect this. But rarely does one understand or accept this mission, especially when it's at the expense of hedonism.

6 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Paul - high five from a fellow INFJ who has embraced the weirdness!

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are many reasons. This list is not exhaustive, but a good representation nonetheless.

 

1. I don't know what it is about me, but it takes me so, so, so long to get over someone. With my first love, it took a year for my heart to stop hurting. I such an awful emptiness and fell into a mild depression for a few months. I think it's because I never truly give someone a part of me until I've established he's worthy and brilliant and wonderful, and he's someone who truly wants me exclusively. When he didn't want me anymore, I kind of fell apart. My second relationship ended in October 2014, and even though we didn't date for very long, I haven't seen anyone since then. Not even casually. Haven't put myself "out there" in that way. I'm ready, but hesitant. So many of my friends can break up with their long-term relationships and bounce back within a month. That blows my mind. 

 

2. I'm naturally very outgoing and this attracts the wrong types of guys sometimes. I do like more introverted guys (both of my serious relationships have been with introverts), but my ex said I seemed """very hard to approach""" because my friendliness was intimidating. 

 

3. I usually meet guys in social situations-parties, bars, etc.- and even though I'm outgoing, I'm very shy with guys I feel an attraction to. When I drink, which is only occasionally, I build up enough courage to approach him first (something I would never do if I was sober!!!) and have a conversation. Then sometimes we kiss, and then I can't bring myself to give him my number because what occurred was so casual. I just don't know where to meet guys in non-drinking establishments.

 

4. I'm picky. I think too picky.  :(

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now