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Your friends and the choice you made

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Have you ever told your friends that you were wtm? How many of you are the only one that made that choice?

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I'm pretty open about it. Pretty much any time the subject of sex has come up, I tell people. The subject tends to come up a lot. As far I as I know, I'm the only one who made a direct choice to wait until marriage... not just love.

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I haven't told my friends I'm WTM cause I don't really have any friends (besides my younger brother).

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I know some friends who waited or tried to wait. I currently have a few friends who are waiting. I don't tell anyone including friends that I'm wtm. Unless they specifically ask. Very few of my friends know.

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I have three close friends. Two of them know and I plan on telling the third when the time is right. They know so much about me that I think they deserve to know this too - and if they have any questions about WTM, they know they can ask me :)

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Yes, I am an open book. Although I don't go around preaching it however, I don't believe in keeping it a secret either!  :)

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I've said this before in these forums. Where I live, waiting is (still) the norm. The sky would fall down on you if you were discovered to have jumped the gun before marriage. If you were found out after marriage, even if your spouse was ready to forgive you, your in-laws would probably lynch you (not really :), but something close).

 

So, if you actually told people in my circle that you were WTM, they'd look at you like 'what's the big deal about that?' or think it highly suspicious of you to be stating the obvious :). That being said, things are changing fast in my part of the world and I have come across people who are not waiting and consider it to be the "in thing".

 

Since I am actually surrounded by friends who are all waiters, you can push me off the site now  :).

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No one, almost, except one family member knows about my situation.I would probably die of a heart attack if anyone found out.  The social backlash I would get as a result of that knowledge would be irreparable.

 

I told a lady from a dating site one time, and I think she was lying through her teeth saying she could "say the same thing that I could."  That's the trouble too, some might welcome the news just because they want to "try out" a celibate man.

 

That's really why I joined the site; I can't really tell anyone else.  Non-celibates will either hate me for it, or they will try and "steal" my celibacy from me with lies.  I don't know what kind of person it takes to believe that after 30+ years, that I am suddenly just going to "cave-in" on a whim.  However, I seem to be surrounded by them all.

 

I hope this site will welcome my purity much better.

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Update: I just told my third friend today that I'm waiting :) So that's all my close friends that know.

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If they ask or the topic comes up, I tell them. I'm unashamed, so most of everyone around me knows.

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I decided to WTM when I was in high school. At that time, my close friends were all people I'd known for years and was very close to. I told all of them that I was WTM. They were okay about it (they thought I was weird, but they were like, "Well, if that's what you want, whatever"). Then one of them started telling others in our year because she thought it was so weird. I wasn't really bothered that they all knew, but I was a little annoyed that my friend was just telling everyone.

 

Anyway, I've since lost touch with all of them (they all went to different universities or just cut ties with their old friends). I now have three categories of friends - people I know from this site, people I know from the Catholic chaplaincy at my university, and people I know through clubs and societies e.g. choir. The first category obviously all know. The second category, it hasn't strictly speaking come up, but since they're all fairly serious Catholics who go to Catholic events about the Catholic faith with other Catholics, it's probably pretty obvious. The third category, no one knows, because the subject hasn't come up.

 

Now, as it happens, one of my best friends happens to fall in that third category. She knows I'm Catholic, but in the five years I've known her, the subject of WTM has actually never come up. One of these days, she'll mention it, and I'll have to tell her. I'm weirdly interested in what the heck she'll say...

 

xxx

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I made the decision to wait till marriage during college years (early 20s). My parents, sister, friends on this site, and even my choir director's friends knew about my decision. That conversation was interesting and it went something like this:

Situation: I was sitting in a garage with a bunch of older Filipino men. We were relaxing after a jam session. (Suddenly, a man spoke to me).

Man: So, you have a GF yet?

Me: Nope.

Man: Well, you should go to the Philippines and have sex with a bunch of Filipino women, They're a lot of good looking women in the Philipinnes.

Me: Thanks, but I want to have sex with one woman...my wife.

(Awkward silence follows).

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I have many friends who waited, or tried to wait, until they were married. So, they of course knew that I was waiting since it was a topic we discussed from time to time. 

 

I have told a few friends from different circles when the topic came up, some thinking it's weird, others thinking it's a smart thing to do, but not for them. 

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No one, almost, except one family member knows about my situation.I would probably die of a heart attack if anyone found out.  The social backlash I would get as a result of that knowledge would be irreparable.

 

I told a lady from a dating site one time, and I think she was lying through her teeth saying she could "say the same thing that I could."  That's the trouble too, some might welcome the news just because they want to "try out" a celibate man.

 

That's really why I joined the site; I can't really tell anyone else.  Non-celibates will either hate me for it, or they will try and "steal" my celibacy from me with lies.  I don't know what kind of person it takes to believe that after 30+ years, that I am suddenly just going to "cave-in" on a whim.  However, I seem to be surrounded by them all.

 

I hope this site will welcome my purity much better.

Or you could be that person to change their minds. Maybe if they're like "Oh" (I don't know your name so I'm going to go with Marty, "If Marty can do it then it must be cool. We've been going about this all wrong."

I'm also careful with who I tell. I have this fear that some sicko will want to rape me if he finds out. But also I don't tell guys right away because I feel like if I tell them first they might lie because they think it's what I want to hear.

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Two of my best friends share many values with me, including our waiting until marriage for "tha nastee". One of my best friends, however, has very few values in line with mine. But regardless, they know, and they've known early on.

 

I find it funny when my different-valued friend makes a point of it in most conversations we have with other people, but I laugh it off. I don't care to broadcast it, but I am quite comfortable telling anyone. I don't often want it to become a "thing" we always talk about, but I will share it with whomever, when it is appropriate/relevant.

 

If I was to never tell anyone I was a vegan, my goal of changing the world would never come to fruition. It's the same with any value, including my waiting.  It's not for "me", it's for "them" - it's a moral value I believe everyone should adopt because of its valuing of other individuals one may be romantically connected with.  If I want the world to know sex in the context of a strong, committed relationship as marriage, I must shout it on the hilltop.

 

I also don't just talk about it with my best friends or my friends who share that value. People can change the way the live, but only if they know what options are available for them.

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Two of my best friends share many values with me, including our waiting until marriage for "tha nastee". One of my best friends, however, has very few values in line with mine. But regardless, they know, and they've known early on.

I find it funny when my different-valued friend makes a point of it in most conversations we have with other people, but I laugh it off. I don't care to broadcast it, but I am quite comfortable telling anyone. I don't often want it to become a "thing" we always talk about, but I will share it with whomever, when it is appropriate/relevant.

If I was to never tell anyone I was a vegan, my goal of changing the world would never come to fruition. It's the same with any value, including my waiting. It's not for "me", it's for "them" - it's a moral value I believe everyone should adopt because of its valuing of other individuals one may be romantically connected with. If I want the world to know sex in the context of a strong, committed relationship as marriage, I must shout it on the hilltop.

I also don't just talk about it with my best friends or my friends who share that value. People can change the way the live, but only if they know what options are available for them.

If I were a dude I would most definitely be shouting it on the rooftops.

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About half of mine friends know. I don't broadcast it nor try to bring it up. None of my friends waited. Even have two friends that claim over 100 partners.

If I were a dude I would most definitely be shouting it on the rooftops.

Don't think it's a good idea, especially if you're a guy or even a girl.

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I DO NOT have so closed friends , thus i will not take this conversation with everybody. but my closest friends know since they are also waiters.

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I've never told my friends. I'm not really sure how they would respond. Honestly, I think it would just be awkward more than anything.

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I'm the only one in my circle that's wtm. my friends don't know i'm a virgin. most men assume I'm a ho cuz of the way I look (i like to dress sexy). i don't really give a crap. i don't see how i should have to explain myself to anybody. they can believe what they want lmaooo

 

and as far as my friends go, even tho they're not wtm, they're not wild or anything like that either. they keep it classy too.

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I haven't actually told any of my friends that I'm waiting... and I'm not sure why I haven't, either; I have fairly tame friends, though we're all also pretty open and liberal as far as social things go. I'm the only one in my circle who is waiting, and as of last month, I'm also the only one who is a virgin. Most of my friends know that I'm a virgin... though somehow my roommates seem to keep forgetting this even though I know we've talked about it before, haha.

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