How have your parents helped you wait?

[e2493dt 69]

How have your parents helped you wait? Or have they shared their waiting experience that encouraged you? I grew up with parents who waited and am thankful for their example.

 

Here's some articles on the importance of Father/Daughter relationships

 

https://blog.udemy.com/father-daughter-relationship/

 

http://family-studies.org/how-dads-affect-their-daughters-into-adulthood/

 

 

http://firstthings.org/father-daughter-relationships

 

https://psychologies.co.uk/tests/what-kind-of-fatherdaughter-relationship-do-you-have.html

This last one is a quiz to see how important your father is to you as a daughter

 

Guys not excluded from commenting. How would you encourage your future daughters?

The relationships between fathers and daughters help us women decide who as a male suitor is worth our time!

[Invincible 8,026]

My parents were the kind that never talked about sex around me except to tell me not to do it before marriage for religious and cultural reasons. Which I don't think is the right way to teach kids about waiting. But they did set the example by WTM themselves for me and my sister and I'm thankful for that.

 

As a man who aspires to be a loving father, this issue is very dear to my heart. It is said that a father is a son's first superhero and a daughter's first love. I personally think that every father should be the golden standard in which every daughter measures potential suitors by (and by extension, mothers should be a good model for the kind of wife a son should seek). A lot of "fathers" these days run off and abandon their families. While their kids may grow up and lead great lives, it usually leaves serious emotional wounds by the absence of their fathers.

 

I think that is a big reason why so many girls grow up with low self-esteem and seek after toxic relationships. They didn't grow up with a father to tell her she's beautiful and to teach her to have a high sense of self-worth. It seems to me that girls especially have a longing desire to be loved and cherished. So if all she knows of is guys treating her like trash, she is more likely chase after that thinking that is the best that can get.

 

I would consider it a pure joy to be involved in my children's lives as much as possible. If I have a daughter, I hope she becomes a daddy's girl whom I will still remain close with even after she grows up and gets married. I always imagined myself being the overly-protective father who scares off guys she brings home by showing her my gun collection. lol. I want to my daughter's father, friend, protector, confidant, provider and emotional support in every way possible. Spending lots of time with her will be a top priority. I do plan on taking her on father-daughter dates and show her how a man is supposed to treat a woman. I hope she will know from my example that any guy who treats her with anything less than honor and respect will be kicked to the curb.

 

Sometimes I think about how bittersweet it will be when my daughter does finally get married. Because while I would be happy she found a good man, it would be hard to accept that I would no longer be the most important man in her life :/ But I would rest easy knowing I raised her well.

[GodsPhysicist 476]

My parents didn't really help me at all.  I had to figure all this out on my own.  I think it has to be a personal decision anyway.

[Amber Elizabeth 869]

Years ago when I was younger (like maybe middle school age I think), there was a public service announcement commercial on tv that had teenagers asking their parents to talk to them about sex. And my mom was like "Don't have sex!".

 

Does that count? 

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

https://psychologies.co.uk/tests/what-kind-of-fatherdaughter-relationship-do-you-have.html

This last one is a quiz to see how important your father is to you as a daughter

 

Pretty sure I just failed that quiz:

 

"The rebel daughter

There's no doubt about it, the image you've formed of your father is a negative one; you don't trust him, you don't do as he says. Whether because of things that have actually happened, or because of the way others have portrayed him, you don't think he deserves your love. You have tried to define yourself without any reference to him. You have tried to distance yourself from him because your worst fear is that you'll grow to be like him. The further away he is, the better. If you do meet, both of you are hostile: you go along prepared for a fight. You need to be careful you don't go too far, though, or you could get stuck in a position of anger and rebellion from which it is impossible to make peace. Your anger is that of the little girl you once were, who is rebelling and fighting against a father who doesn't show his love. She can't see the positive sides to this man, who so often seems to be in conflict with her mother. She rejects him before he can reject her, to avoid admitting that she craves his affection. You need to cry, and express the pain you feel so that you can come to terms with the fact that you didn't have the kind of dad you wanted. Eventually you will stop feeling so angry with him and stop hating him. You need to acknowledge the hurt you feel with regard to your father, and try to work out how you can get past it."

[Guest]

I wouldn't let my mom give me the talk , I told her I already learned in school.

[e2493dt 69]

I guess some parents have a hard time talking to their kids about sex. I wish parents explained the why to kids today. And the importance of a special wedding night with one person. Mine gave me and my bro "the talk" lol. Also since I went to a Christian school many pastors, teachers, and other friends of the family of the family are open about sex. The weirdest part is that their all like sex is fun but always stressed IN MARRIAGE! haha It was a little awkward for a group of junior highers! I'm glad that I had good adult examples in my life and no pressure in high school.

 

As waiters we value our virginity and I hope you all have a good discussion with your own kids someday regardless of the example of your parents. I hope to marry a guy that would be as protective of his future daughter as Invincible will be! For those of you who didn't have the support of your parents I'm very glad that you made the decision for yourselves!

 

It's very true waiting is a personal decision but parents and other adults can be a great encouragement.

My mom always wanted a daughter and I'm her only one. My dad held me for the first 2 hours of my life and I currently date him My big bro is awesome too. Be thankful for family.

 

Thanks for sharing!

[Noga 153]

Sadly, I don't think they helped at all. I just came to it because it feels good and right for me personally. The rest of my family does not share my values. And I've been criticized by some, because I am waiting for my husband. So, it's been a very solo process. But I still feel good about being true to myself. I don't do it to please family or anyone else. This is who I am.

[JesSea 905]

They didn't really help. I wasn't raised with my faith, nor was I raised to wait. I actually decided to wait before I even started delving into my faith, so that was interesting how those two paths interconnected later on. Overall, my parents are somewhat supportive of me in general, even if they don't understand. For instance, while I've never told them directly that I'm waiting, I think that they've figured it out by now, and they've never bothered me about it or acted like it was bad. I'm grateful for that.  

[Invincible 8,026]

Also since I went to a Christian school many pastors, teachers, and other friends of the family of the family are open about sex. The weirdest part is that their all like sex is fun but always stressed IN MARRIAGE! haha It was a little awkward for a group of junior highers! I'm glad that I had good adult examples in my life and no pressure in high school.

 

That's how it should be with any upbringing that promotes WTM. It's all too common in Christian circles to act as if sex is dirty and lie about how you'll get pregnant just by holding hands and things like that. Kids are naturally curious so they look to their friends and society for the scoop on sex. Of course society will tell them it's not a big deal and as long as you wrap it up then it's all good. God created sex as something beautiful and feels good that is only reserved for marriage. Our role models shouldn't be shy in talking about that otherwise they would be doing a huge disservice to the kids who look up to them.

 

 I hope to marry a guy that would be as protective of his future daughter as Invincible will be! 

 

Aw...I'm flattered

[PG1 1,730]

Well, unfortunately, I can't say that I had any role models who waited. My mom is extremely supportive of it, and she is very open about sex. She always has been. My dad. I've talked about him before, what little I can say about him. Long story short? He and my mom divorced when I was about 2 or 3 (my sister was just a baby)... and they never should have been married. She married him because they slept together, and I guess she convinced herself that that was a good enough reason. He married her because she told him that, and he said that she was his 'duty to society' because he grew up middle class while she grew up in and out of foster homes and children's homes and from a broken family. Anyway, my mom has always been open about sex... sometimes, too open 'uhhh TMI mom TMI'. lol My dad? I don't think he's ever uttered a word even near me that has anything to do with sex, waiting, or anything... but he has no problem keeping his 'art' out when we visit. Needless to say, he hasn't been in my life for the majority of it. Unfortunately, if it weren't for the few good male friends, I may not even know that the kind of man I'm looking for exists. So, when I do meet men of this calibre I feel as if my life is blessed. If I ever marry, it's going to be someone who feels the way Vince has stated... and I know this might not be the most common thing, but it does happen. I love those youtube clips of the dads taking their daughters out on 'dates'. Even though I do believe that a woman is capable of raising her son to do treat a woman, just as a man is capable of raising a daughter how to treat a man, I do think there's something lovely and poetic when a girl has her daddy to show her. I wish I'd had that.

 

I apologize. I didn't take the time to look at the links. Honestly, I really don't want to look at a quiz that tells me what I already feel. I'm not close with my dad... at all. It's sad. I sometimes have a hard time dealing with it. However, it is what it is, and I have to remind myself that he doesn't represent every man out there... and that's something I'm lucky to know. My mom may have made her mistakes as a parent but, if it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't be here. Really.

 

So, I guess I could have just said that, even though they weren't examples of waiting, at least my mom is supportive and proud that I've had the courage to make this decision. I guess it's just that I always have this stuff in the back of my head. Especially when I'm on this site. I know I'm ok, but in a lot of ways I'm kind of screwed up.

[cookiemonster 500]

My parents gave me if you have sex before marriage you're going to hell talk. Plus people who aren't virgins on their wedding day are considered used and nobody wants them anymore. It's like a used toothbrush or piece of gum.

My parents didn't really help me in anyway wait until marriage. I made that choice on my own.

['tis the Bearded One 661]

Apart from the religious teaching of no sex outside of marriage, they didn't really do much. Though my mother strongly supports my intentions to wait. For various reasons the whole area of sex education/importance of waiting was woefully unattended when I was younger so I intend to be far more proactive with any kids I may have. But then maybe they didn't see the need for "the talk" as I wasn't interested in relationships until quite late and I had the sense to figure things out on my own. 

[Jasmine23 1,605]

My parents brought me up in a Christian church with Jewish roots. They not only taught me through Biblical teachings but all around commonsense life lessons. They each gave me a lesson where my dad took me on dates to show me how a man is supposed to treat me and what to do if he get out of line and what not to do when we are both struggling to not "let loose." And my mom taught me how to dress modestly while impressionable and how to speak and react to a compliment. She also went through some other things one being something I'll always cherish and I'll keep to myself having my mom and dad teaching me these things even biblically helped me make the choice to wait. I beat all odds in my family and I thank God and my parents for that.

[amaizingwait 78]

My mom talked to me about it quite a few times. I've always had so much respect for my mom. She has always been there for me and tried to do what is best for me. She told me about her experiences and explained why she regretted not waiting. She showed me the benefits of waiting and as I got older I saw that what she was saying was true. I do want a deeper level of intimacy and I do want my first time to be special. My dad has always been on the other side and has given me some grief over it. They divorced when I was young and I have seen the differences in their relationships since they split. My mom waited until she remarried and her relationship with her new husband is incredible. I know that I want that kind of closeness myself so my girlfriend and I have been waiting for over 3 years. I know that it will be worth it and we both can't wait to get married.

[Queen 2,329]

As difficult as it is for me to say this, ladies, when dating and considering if this one is "the one", you must also consider if this one is "the one" for your children.  I didn't know what to look for and I did the best with what I knew.  I even tried to make a good decision, but I was wrong in my choosing.  Wish my dad did a better job, then I would have known what to look for instead of just guess at it.  Now I live with heartache and no superhero.  That's why I became my own superhero with God's help.  Turns out I do a pretty good job at it, but that's how a supernatural God works.

[Burento 66]

As someone born out of wedlock, I don't think my parents even know.

[e2493dt 69]

 you must also consider if this one is "the one" for your children.

 

That's so true. Also something I don't think this culture thinks about these days. Having a child with someone connects you to that person for the rest of you life. I've babysat a three year old whose parents are young teens and separated. They don't even see each other for the child's sake. The father's mom would go to pick up her grandchild from the mother. This little girl has attention problems because her parents are kids themselves!

 

As for me I want someone who treats me with respect, honesty, and loyalty. Then all theses things will care over to future children. I want someone who protects my purity and his. Surely then my future spouse will wish to protect our kids purity. Sex and marriage are between God, man, woman, and possibilities of future children.

 

 

 

As someone born out of wedlock, I don't think my parents even know.

 

Do you think you parents don't know how to talk to you about waiting? Or do you parents not know that you have chosen to wait?

[hanachu 275]

Ha ha, my mom thought thought I would naturally develop a healthy view of sex by not talking about it.

 

Of course I only found out about this after I was engaged =_=

[Burento 66]

They don't know that I've chosen to wait, but I very much doubt they even think that waiting is an important thing.