Guest JDmantel

Wanting very different weddings?

16 posts in this topic

Similar to my earlier honeymoon question, what happens if you both want different weddings? How likely are you to put your foot down? I realise that for most women a wedding is a big deal. But I'm the type that if/when I fall in love would just want the two of us! And finances also come into play, honeymoon would trump wedding for me. How many girls want the big day, surrounded by family and friends and all that stuff? And do guys also want that 'big' day? I'm sure I'd go along with it when the time hopefully comes, I just don't really get the appeal though. I've been to a couple of weddings and I was so bored! I don't know if this divides into a male/female category, it certainly looks that way but maybe i'll get some guys telling me they've dreamed of the tux they'll wear all their life! 

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I want a simple courthouse wedding. I hate planning things and feel no desire for a traditional wedding. I do like Muslim traditional weddings their dresses are so pretty, but I'm not wasting my time or money on a wedding. It just not me. I'm a very private person and don't like the glitz and glamor.

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Well as a guy I formerly wanted to just elope and be done with it, but looking back I think a wedding would be nice. For me, the wedding is all about celebrating the wonderful occasion with friends and family. All the other stuff are just secondary to that. I know that most women always dreamed of their own perfect wedding and I definitely want to give my future wife a memorable wedding. 

 

The problem I have is that some women have this idea in their head that more money you spend, the better the wedding will be. That simply isn't true. In fact, I would say that the bigger the wedding is, the more likely something will go wrong because you're just adding more things to keep track of. I've been to a lot of great weddings both large and small. But even the small ones are just as great as the big ones if not more so.  First off, smaller weddings are more intimate because it only involves close friends and family and not casual acquaintances you're not close with. Secondly, sometimes the couples cut costs dramatically by having friends and family take care of various details. My cousin's wedding was very meaningful because our grandmother sewed a wedding dress for her while my aunt baked a delicious wedding cake. Her sisters, my other cousins made the party favors and the wedding was held in the backyard property of my uncle's. My married cousin and her husband saved a huge bundle from all that and it was all the more special because their loved ones had a huge hand in it.

 

Now I know that this isn't always possible because some people don't have close ties with family and friends. But you still don't have to have a big expensive wedding for it to be great. If I ever get married, I would definitely want to adhere to a frugal budget. I refuse to marry one of those bridezilla types. Having the most extravagant wedding for just one day isn't worth starting off the marriage in debt and finances is a leading cause of divorce. It is simply financially irresponsible.

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I really do not want a large wedding. I'll be happy if I have my close family, and my best friend. I'd like something in a park, or a backyard, or anything that's really simple and won't have a ton of eyes trained on me... I don't like being that much of the center of attention. I wouldn't even mind eloping, if it weren't for wanting my close family and best friend there. I don't want to get married in a courthouse, though. I want to have a really intimate special day spent celebrating with the most special people in my life joining together.

 

I like the idea of a small budget, and making the dresses and things. I have a simple gown that I drew a long time ago, and I'd like to stick with a similar design now. Overall, I'm pretty open with whatever he wants. Honestly, aside from my gown and photos the biggest thing I've dreamt about standing next to love. Not that I haven't had a few fantasy weddings... like a few of us, with a minister, going up on the top of a mountain... I won't go into detail, not only is it fantasy and I doubt it would happen, but it's not like I know if I really want to, it's just one of many scenarios that could happen.

 

Though, I'll admit that the biggest thing I'd like is to have a decent photographer. Not an expensive one, but one who knows what they are doing. I want beautiful photos for 50 years down the line. I want to grin when my husband opens his wallet for something and I catch a glimpse of the wallet size image of us gazing at each other that I'm hoping he'll let me force him to keep with him. lol

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I definitely am looking forward to the wedding more than the honeymoon. The way I see it, you can take a nice vacation together pretty much anytime in your lives (and, in fact, can take nicer vacations once you're older and have saved up). However, there is only one other time you'll have all your friends and family together to celebrate you -- and you'll be dead, because it's your funeral. I don't want a large wedding in terms of numbers of people, but I do definitely want a nice celebration, not just a quick courthouse thing. I feel pretty firm on that.

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Glad to see it's not that big a deal for a number of people.

 

I wonder about doing two weddings? One very small one at the start and then if finances build, a bigger celebration a few years down the line. Maybe that's a little abstract? Although im sure I've heard of people renewing wedding vows every year?

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For me and my husband, the fact that we wanted a small wedding was overturned by the fact that we would be the first (or only) child that was getting married.

 

In my opinion, a large wedding was mandatory because both our parents were somewhat traditional immigrant families and had given us enough money for a 200+ wedding. They had also hinted very heavily that they wanted a large wedding. My relationship with my parents is also not so healthy that they wouldn't pout and rage about how we didn't invite the entire church to the wedding.

 

So if I had a fiance who was adamantly against it under the same circumstances, I would be very uncomfortable. He would basically be prioritizing his own comfort and preferences above his family and mine.

 

While it was ultimately our decision, factors like finances and the dynamics within and between families weighed heavily in what kind of wedding we had.

 

Whether I liked it or not.

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If I ever get married I think I would want to elope or get married at city hall and then maybe have like a party around our 1 year anniversary. If the person I marry doesn't want that then I guess we could have like a small wedding.

Planning weddings seem stressful and anxiety inducing lol.

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DAMMIT I still can't quote, do people know i'm replying to them?? My comp is 3 months old and already screwing up! I swear technology just malfunctions around me :mad:

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DAMMIT I still can't quote, do people know i'm replying to them?? My comp is 3 months old and already screwing up! I swear technology just malfunctions around me :mad:

You can say @--add name here-- and comment to them.

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I'd like a medium sized wedding. If he wants bigger or smaller I'd find a way to make it work. Most guys usually give the girl whatever she wants but I'd like a man that would push me to think.

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@Jasmine23, thanks for the tip, hope it works. As for the wedding I just think it's about two people so I would want it to be quick, romantic and then the real fun starts! But i'd compromise I think.

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@Jasmine23, thanks for the tip, hope it works. As for the wedding I just think it's about two people so I would want it to be quick, romantic and then the real fun starts! But i'd compromise I think.

You're welcome. I agree that it's about the two people. For me I think it being quick would be boring. I'd like it to be along the lines of 20-40min (typical ceremony) but it really depends on the couple. And a 2-3 hour reception that way you have more time to spend with friends and family because after that night you won't talk to them as much once you're marriage starts and your family grows so in that time you can enjoy pictures and other fun things (jmo).

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I'd like a medium sized wedding. If he wants bigger or smaller I'd find a way to make it work. Most guys usually give the girl whatever she wants but I'd like a man that would push me to think.

 

Yep, I think medium-sized for me too. And if my husband wants something different, I think we can compromise.

 

Although, I have fantasized about eloping in Iceland. :)

http://petapixel.com/2014/07/15/breathtaking-wedding-photographs-make-great-case-eloping-iceland/

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In no particular order:

 

1) Small, medium, and large mean different things to different people. Same with expensive/moderate/inexpensive. People will have totally different expectations on those words depending on their families, their cultural background, their financial background, their geographic location, etc. I mean, for example, good luck having an inexpensive wedding in NYC. And if you're close to aunts, uncles, and cousins in a large family, then a small wedding might still be 100+ people.

 

2) If you're not paying for your wedding, you and your spouse don't have final say over it. So compromising with your spouse will probably be less important than compromising with the parents. My parents invited tons of people who were not important to me to the wedding reception in my hometown... But they paid for that reception.

 

3) We had a small wedding (parents and siblings only) followed by three wedding receptions. Unusual, yes, but it worked for us.

 

4) I can't help but return to finances. If you've never planned a big event before, you probably don't have a good idea of how much money it costs to pay for such an event. Beau and I are both pretty frugal, but his initial budget for our wedding and receptions was completely unrealistic. He just didn't know any better. I definitely don't think you should go into debt for your wedding, but if you DO have the money, I would do some initial research into venues and catering in the city where you want to get married before setting a budget. Because the quickest way to save money is just to invite less people, and for some couples, their family size makes that difficult.

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