TheWanderingChef

What Would you do?

18 posts in this topic

Okay everyone, so am pretty sure everyone here wants the perfect love? right? And for the small price of $49.99 it can be yours lol jk just a little joke.

but more importantly I've come to the conclusion that not all of us will get that. Not to be a pessimist but could you imagine a world where everything was like that it wouldnt be fun!!! Everyone happily married in the world we would all be like robots!!! Thats also why the whole notion of finding your love in college and then marrying them right after I really could care less for because so many other people want the same thing. In my opinion I would rather have my own unique experince.

This however brings me to my next question I was talking to my friend and we were having a disscussion on what if your married and your spouse cheated on you. Well what I said was pretty much like I would leave her and move on with my life. My friend however said if you do that then you trully never loved that person. "true love is caring, true love is forgiving, true love is understanding". So that brings me to my next question if this happened to you what would you do? When my friend told me that it left me thinking and wondering. So I thought i would ask it here to see what everyone thinks.

seeflo

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If they only cheated ONE time and somehow i knew, i would ask why. Clearly he wouldnt be able to ecplain it. Id tell him that i want to try to work it out and if he does too then were going to counseling.

If he wouldnt go with me, id go by myself for awhile and see if he would come with me.

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Omg, Seeflo this is a good question!!! I'm glad you had the courage to ask because I've secretly wondered how other waiter's felt about infedelity. Yes, yes and I do understand what you mean, marriages aren't all rosy posey but cheating is a whole different aspect. I have a very low tolerance for bs. Personally, I disagree with your friend because cheating is not something that " Oh but it just happened" excuse. Bull. When people cheat it's a pre-conceived notion about how bad they want it with who they want it with. They are not even considering their significant other in the process, just themselves. So yeah, I'd forgive them but lose them quickly. The way I see it is, they can either have me or all the other girls but they are not getting both. Which ever they decide I'm not forcing that decision, they have their free-will so they can either choose to be faithful or fool around with whoever else but if they choose the latter they better start packing their bags or I can just pitch them out the door for them ha. There is a book called "Love Must be Tough" my sister's gave it to me because they said when I get married I might need and it is a very very good book. I'd recommend it to ya'll, it's pretty good.

Oh yes, the only way I would accept him back is if I wasn't doing my part as a wife. Like being loving, and respectful, and supportive to my husband but if I was then pssh he best take a hike!

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I agree OHG...like if i wasnt meeting some need, but then the problem becomes why couldnt he communicatee it? Did i ignore him or brush him off? Or ask what was wrong and he woukdnt open up....

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Very good question Seeflo! I used to be of the mindset that if my wife cheated on me I would end it immediately. Of course as a single person its very easy to say that. Now I'm not so sure...

A couple I know who have been married a long time recently went through this. The wife cheated on her husband of many, many years and he took her back. They are both Christians and he decided to forgive her and work through it. Forgiveness is an amazing thing...it's also an amazingly difficult thing to do. Their experience has led me to view this subject more like Seeflo's friend. I'm not saying I wouldn't end my future marriage over infidelity, but I'm just saying that I no longer view it as that cut and dry. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it and hopefully I never will.

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Omg, Seeflo this is a good question!!! I'm glad you had the courage to ask because I've secretly wondered how other waiter's felt about infedelity. Yes, yes and I do understand what you mean, marriages aren't all rosy posey but cheating is a whole different aspect. I have a very low tolerance for bs. Personally, I disagree with your friend because cheating is not something that " Oh but it just happened" excuse. Bull. When people cheat it's a pre-conceived notion about how bad they want it with who they want it with. They are not even considering their significant other in the process, just themselves. So yeah, I'd forgive them but lose them quickly. The way I see it is, they can either have me or all the other girls but they are not getting both. Which ever they decide I'm not forcing that decision, they have their free-will so they can either choose to be faithful or fool around with whoever else but if they choose the latter they better start packing their bags or I can just pitch them out the door for them ha. There is a book called "Love Must be Tough" my sister's gave it to me because they said when I get married I might need and it is a very very good book. I'd recommend it to ya'll, it's pretty good.

Oh yes, the only way I would accept him back is if I wasn't doing my part as a wife. Like being loving, and respectful, and supportive to my husband but if I was then pssh he best take a hike!

Pretty much same here. Except for the accepting him back.

And seeflo, I believe your friend is right. But true love works both ways. Why should my husband feel the need to cheat if he truly loves me and things are somehow going wrong? He should tell me up front if I'm being a bad wife, and I'll man up and improve. Like you said, love should be understanding and caring. Is it understanding and caring to cheat? No.

If he feels he'd just rather take the easy way out and get some loving from someone else, rather than put his back into the relationship and tell me where I'm going wrong so I can fix it, then it's not worth it. In that case *he* doesn't have true love. If he doesn't have true love for me, there's no point in sticking around.

Sorry if I sound like mean biatch here, but it hits almost too close to home, and I have very low, if not, zero tolerance for something like this.

I mean, I understand that neither wife nor husband is always going to be perfect, like you said, but there's a difference between flawed, and outright deviant. Love to me, may not be just about showing affection and being all lovey-dovey, but it's about patience and working together. Why should patience and working together have to come after the disaster? Doesn't it make more sense that we display these things before things even go awry? At least to that point that one should feel the need to cheat?

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"true love is caring, true love is forgiving, true love is understanding".

Yeah, but true love is not cheating.

If my husband cheated on me, it would kill me. Well not literally, but I would be devastated and in shock for quite some time. If we were having huge problems in our marriage and I felt like it was both our faults, not just his, and he cheated on me because of our mutual problems...I might be willing to do counseling and forgive him. Most couples cheat when the marriage/relationships is really on the rocks. If our marriage was a good one and he cheated, goodbye. I would find forgiveness to be very hard to give, and I don't think the pain or distrust would ever go away. Loyalty is literally my number one value in life, so...I expect my husband to be as loyal to me as I am to him.

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This however brings me to my next question I was talking to my friend and we were having a disscussion on what if your married and your spouse cheated on you. Well what I said was pretty much like I would leave her and move on with my life. My friend however said if you do that then you trully never loved that person. "true love is caring, true love is forgiving, true love is understanding". So that brings me to my next question if this happened to you what would you do? When my friend told me that it left me thinking and wondering. So I thought i would ask it here to see what everyone thinks.

seeflo

I'd divorce her, period.

Look, I'm a Christian too (I'm assuming that your friend is one, correct me if I'm wrong), but you're not required to stay married to a cheater. True love is about fidelity, not about (forgiving) infidelity. If you want to forgive a cheater, that's fine, but I personally will not stay married to a woman who doesn't love me enough to resist the urge to have sex with other men on the side. And as I said before "understanding" a cheater is nonsense. I won't rationalize cheating or allow a significant other to get away with it.

Of course, I expect a great deal of loyalty, and won't marry a woman if she doesn't have a conscience.

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Honestly, I have no idea. I'm a crack shot though :lol:

No, seriously, it would be in a guys best interest not to come home. My family is military, LAPD (aunt & uncle), gun-toting cowboys & cowgirls. I'm a girl, but I get 50/50 on target practice. It would just be in his best interest not to come home! Keep going, file for divorce & change his name. Just saying. Love is patient, Love is forgiving, & Love is kind. But, Love ain't my name! So, if he wants to cheat & what-not, he needs to marry love.

No, seriously, all kidding aside. I honestly don't know. I have loved people who have wounded me deeply & vice-versa. They have forgiven me, & I have forgiven them. Am I capable of it? Yes. The question is will I be able to get back to a place of trust. It's not even about forgiveness, although, that is a start. I have forgiven people that I have never been able to trust again because they refuse to change. A marriage without trust is a shell of a marriage without a heart. If I we can't rebuild trust, it's over. & I can say from personal experience that it is very hard to rebuild trust after it's been broken, & this was in a relationship where sex wasn't a factor...So, I can't imagine what it would be like in a relationship where that was a factor. It's not something that I want to contemplate. This is really on of those "I'll cross that bridge if I have to, but God I pray I never have to" moments.

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This is really on of those "I'll cross that bridge if I have to, but God I pray I never have to" moments.

i agree with dulce. but to answer seeflo, there is a difference between loving and forgiving them and loving and being a doormat you can leave and still love.

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i agree with dulce. but to answer seeflo, there is a difference between loving and forgiving them and loving and being a doormat you can leave and still love.

Agreed.

And that's the tough part I think. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to stay with them. But I know, for me personally anyway, that if I'd been married 20 years or something I think it would be hard to throw that all away...IF it was something that could potentially be worked out. But then again it would be their fault...their actions that caused it. Definitely a subject I'm torn about.

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Depending on the situation I could see myself leaving or staying.

Depending on the level of severity, we could work on repairing our marriage. Of course I would be devastated but I don't think would just automatically want to leave if my spouse told me he cheated. I don't consider that a doormat. I can't just give up on a person easily like that.

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Honestly, I have no idea. I'm a crack shot though :lol:

No, seriously, it would be in a guys best interest not to come home. My family is military, LAPD (aunt & uncle), gun-toting cowboys & cowgirls. I'm a girl, but I get 50/50 on target practice. It would just be in his best interest not to come home! Keep going, file for divorce & change his name. Just saying. Love is patient, Love is forgiving, & Love is kind. But, Love ain't my name! So, if he wants to cheat & what-not, he needs to marry love.

No, seriously, all kidding aside. I honestly don't know. I have loved people who have wounded me deeply & vice-versa. They have forgiven me, & I have forgiven them. Am I capable of it? Yes. The question is will I be able to get back to a place of trust. It's not even about forgiveness, although, that is a start. I have forgiven people that I have never been able to trust again because they refuse to change. A marriage without trust is a shell of a marriage without a heart. If I we can't rebuild trust, it's over. & I can say from personal experience that it is very hard to rebuild trust after it's been broken, & this was in a relationship where sex wasn't a factor...So, I can't imagine what it would be like in a relationship where that was a factor. It's not something that I want to contemplate. This is really on of those "I'll cross that bridge if I have to, but God I pray I never have to" moments.

hahahaha that was funny!

but on the second part how true :)

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I'd divorce her, period.

Look, I'm a Christian too (I'm assuming that your friend is one, correct me if I'm wrong), but you're not required to stay married to a cheater. True love is about fidelity, not about (forgiving) infidelity. If you want to forgive a cheater, that's fine, but I personally will not stay married to a woman who doesn't love me enough to resist the urge to have sex with other men on the side. And as I said before "understanding" a cheater is nonsense. I won't rationalize cheating or allow a significant other to get away with it.

Of course, I expect a great deal of loyalty, and won't marry a woman if she doesn't have a conscience.

this is how I feel too LookingfortheOne!

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This is so cold, but I'd leave him in less than a New York minute.

Infidelity, out of all heinous things there are, is just so vile and despicable in every single way. It is the lowest, most unforgivable, inexcusable, filthiest, unspeakable, and shameful act of betrayal that one can do to another human being. Even just voicing my feelings on this topic makes me livid to the core and my reaction is purely hostile. It makes me hateful knowing that people validate perfidious behavior.

I promised my virginity to him not even knowing who he was.

I've suffered so much pain before finally meeting him.

I've wrote about him.

I am head over heels for him.

I will dream of the day he'll propose to me.

I will write vows to him.

I will have stood before everybody I loved to honor him.

I will commit everything I am to him.

I will sacrifice everything- including my own life for him.

Just to have it all thrown away? Call me weak, but this can’t be forgiven.

[Deep breath]

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If she was remorseful, then I would forgive her, and I have no doubt whatsoever of that.

http://www.biblegate...-35&version=KJV

But not just because of this scripture...I have made huge, stupid mistakes of my own and been forgiven for them. Yes, they weren't as bad as cheating, but I would be a hypocrite to not give her the same forgiveness.

Definitely not something I ever want to experience, though. It would destroy me inside for a long time (and her - guilt is extremely debilitating).O

EDIT: And for the record, I don't believe Jesus was stating that adultery should always be forgiven in the above scripture, or that those that don't forgive adulterers won't be forgiven by God.

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This is so cold, but I'd leave him in less than a New York minute.

Infidelity, out of all heinous things there are, is just so vile and despicable in every single way. It is the lowest, most unforgivable, inexcusable, filthiest, unspeakable, and shameful act of betrayal that one can do to another human being. Even just voicing my feelings on this topic makes me livid to the core and my reaction is purely hostile. It makes me hateful knowing that people validate perfidious behavior.

I promised my virginity to him not even knowing who he was.

I've suffered so much pain before finally meeting him.

I've wrote about him.

I am head over heels for him.

I will dream of the day he'll propose to me.

I will write vows to him.

I will have stood before everybody I loved to honor him.

I will commit everything I am to him.

I will sacrifice everything- including my own life for him.

Just to have it all thrown away? Call me weak, but this can’t be forgiven.

[Deep breath]

YES! That's exactly how I feel!

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