ArtsyGal

A hard question? Child bearing what if she can't

17 posts in this topic

Hello everyone :D

This topic has been on my mind after hearing a horror story of a woman who was married(she was on the pill) and got pregnant very quickly after the wedding. They found out that the baby was a girl. The husband wanted the wife to have an abortion because he only wanted on child and it had to be a boy! Thank The Lord the woman was strong enough to leave the guy and had the baby :)

Now my question! Is the sex of your child important to you?

What if your wife/you found out you couldn't have children? Ladies, would you be devistated? Gentlemen, would you be upset, maybe be angry at your wife?

Love to see your opinions :)

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Is the sex of your child important?

 

Ideally I'd like to have multiple children, and I'd like at least one of them to be male.  Gotta continue the family line and all that lol.

 

What if your wife/you found out you couldn't have children?? Gentlemen, would you be upset, maybe be angry at your wife?

 

I would be a little disappointed, but I certainly wouldn't be angry at her, it's not her fault that we can't have kids. At that point you either pray for a miracle or go the adoption route.

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I would really like to have one of each. I'm sure I would be upset if I never had a daughter, especially, but it's something I'd just have to mourn and move on. It would be even worse if I found out I'd never had any kids at all -- I'd just be completely and utterly devastated, because the one thing I've always known I wanted to do is experience pregnancy and childbirth. But again, there's nothing you can do about it; I'd just have to mourn and move on (hopefully going the adoption route).

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Is the sex of your child important to you?     No way!  I'd be happy with whomever God blessed me with.

 

I've studied genetics and procreation, etc.  And with that I've learned that it is a miracle any of us are alive today with everything that goes into.  It is a blessing to have a child.  Not an obligation.  I'd go the adoption route if I wanted a baby and couldn't have one.  But I would always wonder what childbirth would be like if I was not able to experience it.

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Is the sex of your child important to you?

I would like one of each but will be happy with healthy children.

Ladies, would you be devistated?

Yes I would for awhile. I would keep trying though, there have been to many miracle babies not to keep trying. I would also probably adopt.

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This topic has been on my mind after hearing a horror story of a woman who was married(she was on the pill) and got pregnant very quickly after the wedding. They found out that the baby was a girl. The husband wanted the wife to have an abortion because he only wanted on child and it had to be a boy! Thank The Lord the woman was strong enough to leave the guy and had the baby :)

 

I'm curious as to why the issue of kids wasn't discussed prior to marriage. More importantly, why this woman decided to marry such a disgusting man in the first place. But I suppose it's neither here nor there.

 

Now my question! Is the sex of your child important to you?

What if your wife/you found out you couldn't have children? Ladies, would you be devistated? Gentlemen, would you be upset, maybe be angry at your wife?

 

Nevermind the fact that it's the man's sperm that determines the sex of the child, getting angry at your spouse over something he or she has no control over is a huge red flag. There is no reason why all these important issues should not have been discussed before marriage to determine the kind of person you're potentially marrying. If my future wife turned out to be barren, it wouldn't change how I feel about her. I'd be happy with whatever God gives us.

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I'd like to have kids someday, but if I was married, and found out it wasn't possible for one or more reasons, I really couldn't hold that against the wife or even myself. These things happen. There are plenty of kids that need to be adopted.

 

As far as the sex of the kids... I'd prefer to have a mixture of each. But that isn't something that we have any control over.

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Is the sex of your child important to you?

 

Not really.

 

 

What if your wife/you found out you couldn't have children? Ladies, would you be devistated? Gentlemen, would you be upset, maybe be angry at your wife?

 

 

I'm currently not interested in having kids and I'm not sure if I ever will be (I'm somewhere between no and maybe). So it might not bother me too much then. But when and if I was interested in having kids it would. If I wanted kids and I couldn't have them I would just adopt. Though if I could have kids, I would probably still try to adopt at least one so we'd have a mix of biological and adopted kids.

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I would be devastated if I found out that I was unable to have children. It would be a very hard thing to accept, but I would pull myself together and explore other options with my husband e.g. adoption.

As for the sex of the child, I used to have a strong preference for a girl but now I'd be delighted just to have a healthy baby, whether it was a boy or a girl.

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Is the sex of your child important to you?

Not really.

What if your wife/you found out you couldn't have children?

I'd like to adopt regardless, though I admit I hope to have one or two biological kids. Not a huge deal.

Gentlemen, would you be upset, maybe be angry at your wife?

Well, I'm not a crazy person. I'll let that be my answer :P

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Actually, I don't have a preference. I had a niece (we lost her a day shy of 4 months) and I have 3 nephews. Girls clothes are a bit cuter (in my opinion) but aside from that both are adorable.

 

As far as if I'd be devastated finding out I could not have kids? No. I don't really have any desire to give birth. Which does leave me a feeling a little guilty on occasion, because I don't want my future husband to feel let down by me... if I am meant to marry. I'm also not even completely sure I am able to have kids. Without too much detail, I have had some issues with that area of my anatomy already throughout my life. I have PCOS and I'm 35 (women in my family tend to go through 'the change' rather early, and I have had some signs). So, I'll leave it in Gods hands and hope that if I ever marry my husband will like the idea of adoption (hopefully an older child, they have such a hard time finding loving homes because people always want babies), or helping me if I have my nephew.

 

Of course, I am a firm believer in expecting the unexpected. Our plans don't always match Gods plans and, when it comes to His plans, I feel resistance is futile. :)

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Was this couple Asian or Indian? Because in certain cultures they kill girls and keep boys because girls are inferior to boys.

I don't want kids but if I did I only want boys. And it would be a blessing to me if I wasn't able to have kids. No need to worry about getting pregnant.

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Is the sex of the child important to you? Nope, they are equally precious. Although, I would like one or two of each, I intend to be happy with whatever we have.

Devistated over discovering we couldn't have children? I hope not, there would be no point. We could adopt (I come from a family with adoption, so this isn't a far stretch for me), or put our energy into our neices and nephews.

Also... I do know two couples where it is the male that can't have children. So, this isn't always a lady problem. But, I suppose it doesn't matter either way.

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I want one of each. My husband and I have discussed the possibility of having one biological child and then adopting a second child.

 

If there are fertility issues we'll just adopt. I would love to have a biological child that comes from both of us, but if there's a sperm/egg issue, I don't want to go through all the time and expense to have a biological child from just one of us. There are children in the world who need homes, so we could do that.

 

Or we might just foster several children. I know foster kids also desperately need good foster parents. That could or could not lead to adoption, depending on why the kids are in foster care. Those are all just decisions that we will make when faced with the option.

 

I would be disappointed if we had fertility issues, and I would probably grieve for awhile, but then I'd move on. It's not something I would dwell over, nor would I be upset with Beau if the fertility problem were on his end. That's something completely out of your control, and I can't imagine being so callous as to blame your spouse for that.

 

 

There is no reason why all these important issues should not have been discussed before marriage to determine the kind of person you're potentially marrying.

 

Vince, spend enough time browsing the relationships subreddit, and you'll discover the shockingly high number of people who don't discuss enough major issues prior to marriage.

 

For example, many couples don't go beyond "kids or no kids" when discussing marriage. On that question alone, a couple should be in agreement on:

  • how many kids?
  • when to start trying for kids?
  • how far apart in age is ideal?
  • will both parents take parental leave? for how long? will you prioritize saving so that, if necessary, both parents can take unpaid leave?
  • will one parent stay home? which parent? for how many years? if not, daycare/nanny/grandparents?
  • philosophy on naming kids (take turns picking? family names? veto power?)
  • what form of birth control to plan pregnancies?
  • what to do with an unplanned pregnancy?

Other things to discuss, but not necessarily decide right away, include: preferred form of schooling (public/private/religious/home), vaccinations for kids, balancing time with in-laws after kids are born, overall parenting philosophies (like thoughts on chores, allowance, family vacations, discipline, etc.). These need to be discussed in case each partner has very strong and radically opposing beliefs. If the opinions aren't as strong, they can obviously be decided as they come up, based on more present circumstances. For example, I wouldn't have married someone who insisted I stay at home and homeschool our kids. But Beau and I have discussed different schooling ideas for whenever we have kids, based on what our options might be at that time.

 

You can compromise on a lot in a relationship, but when you compromise on anything big involving kids, you're potentially putting them at risk.

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Vince, spend enough time browsing the relationships subreddit, and you'll discover the shockingly high number of people who don't discuss enough major issues prior to marriage.

 

*sigh. Foolish mortals. They shouldn't even call it "common sense" anymore. It should be called "rare sense" or "more than 3 brain cells sense." smh

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Sex doesn't really matter for me. All genders have their challenges! Though considering there are some techniques to influence the child's gender whether I wanted a girl or boy first I'm not sure.

 

I'd like to have at least one biological child - I'd like us to experience the whole pregnancy thing - so it would be a bit sad if that didn't eventuate. I certainly wouldn't blame her. She'd probably feel bad enough on her own. It wouldn't prevent us from fostering/adopting. On the upside it would save on birthcontrol/vasectomy costs  :D

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the sex of my child is not the most important for me (however i would like at least a girl).

if i can't have kids, ican still adop but i won't let no husband make me feel somehow 4 being unable to give him a child. Maybe the problem comes from him ... lol

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