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Slayerofdragon

Handicapped Children

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Hey everyone, just wanted to ask a question: If you knew or even if you didn't know, that your child would be handicapped (physically, emotionally, or mentally), would that be a potential deal breaker in your marriage? Personally, I feel that having a handicapped child wouldn't be a deal breaker for me (I have a brother who has cerebral palsy), so I hope my wife would be understanding.

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I really don't know. I have a form of Autism called Aspergers and I also have ADD. I am very high-functioning though - my Aspergers is not a serious case. My ADD can get pretty bad, and my Aspergers really negatively affects my social skills and my ability to empathize and read people's expressions. The point is, even though I have these two mental disabilities my parents still managed to raise me and send me off to university. Yes, I was definitely not an easy child in many ways (especially before I was diagnosed and got help,) but my parents - especially my mom - did everything in their power to insure that I got the best education and the best psychiatrists.

My child(ren) will most likely have Autism and/or ADD that they inherit from me, but that won't stop me from having kids. I'm high-functioning, so I bet they would be too, and I will know how to help them. But physical disabilities? I am definitely do not have the money to take care of a child with physical disabilities, and who knows if my future husband will too. That would get very expensive, and I would not be able to support that child, which would be heartbreaking for me.

What would an emotional disability be like? Depression happens, but that occurs in teenage years with all those hormones and stuff. It's quite common, especially in girls during PMS.

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Absolutely not! A child with special needs is still a child and should be loved and appreciated the same way. From my experience, I do think that having a child with special needs does place extra stress to a relationship, but I don't think it's impossible to do. I'm finishing up my masters in speech-language pathology, and it would be super hypocritical of me to spend all this time working with a population like that, but not accept my own child.

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Wow, great question.

I dunno if I want children and I'm having doubts I'll ever find true love but to answer your question:

No, that wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. It would be more stressful (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and probably financially) but a handicapped child is still a child of God and they deserve no less love than any other child.

I agree that all kids are children of God & deserve love. Your entire statement sums up my feelings. Except the not being sure about having kids. I'm pretty sure I don't want them. My mom had 13 siblings & my dad had 8. So, I've had plenty of kids in my life. I'm good on the kid front. Lol.

As for the true love thing. You don't have to find it. To hear the people that I know that are in true love tell it, Love found them. I'm talking about people just showing up when they weren't looking & had given up. So, if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. Enjoy being single. There is a certain freedom & beauty that comes with being unattached :)

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As for the true love thing. You don't have to find it. To hear the people that I know that are in true love tell it, Love found them. I'm talking about people just showing up when they weren't looking & had given up. So, if I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. Enjoy being single. There is a certain freedom & beauty that comes with being unattached

I like you.

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Wow, thank you so much. This is definitely what I needed to hear. I definitely am enjoying being single and have certainly crafted a new found appreciation for it. There were waves of bitterness this week but i successfully weathered the storm. There is a definite freedom and beauty that's in being single and i'm making nice strides in not only my professional career but also in terms of switching careers/moving towards my dreams. I also have a very busy schedule which is easier when you're single. I'm also able to do more good as a single :-)

Again, thank you VERY much.

I wish you all the best in pursuing your dreams. Glad I could offer some encouragement. We all have those moments. Happy that you weathered the storm :)

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having a handicapped kid wouldn't be a deal breaker, it would be a deal breaker if my spouse refused to accept them. Then he would wifely challenged cause Me and my kid would leave B)

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What would an emotional disability be like? Depression happens, but that occurs in teenage years with all those hormones and stuff. It's quite common, especially in girls during PMS.

An emotional disability would be something like depression, episodes of extreme irratibility, sadness, withdrawal, or a decreased energy output level. These are symptoms that can prevent a child from learning or having normal relationships with peers or teachers.

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you know, that's one of my biggest fears...having a handicapped child. sometimes I stay up at night, worrying that because I worry about it so much, that it WILL happen--a negative self-fulfilled prophecy, if you will. I just want my children to be physically and mentally healthy because I don't know what I would do if my child ended up severely handicapped...

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Growing up I had an aunt who was severely mentally handicapped. And my grandmother, being the amazing woman that she is, showed me a depth of love that I never knew possible when she cared for my aunt for more than 35 years before she (aunt) sadly passed away. I wouldn't say it takes a special person to love a child that's handicapped, but I would say that it takes a certain type/depth of love that some people just aren't capable of. I don't feel it's a deal breaker at all but is something that should be discussed before getting married. 'What if' scenarios are always hard to talk about because no one goes into a marriage hoping for these things, but sometimes they do happen and it should change the way we love, not hinder it.

To this day I'm still not sure what my aunt had but one of my favorite memories was always walking to my grandmother's after school and dancing with my aunt in my grandmother's living room. She always loved to dance and although it may have been hard for others to see, I know it was something that always brought her great joy. Having a child that's handicapped isn't the end of the world and I would still do my best to show my child the deepest level of love and care that I am capable of. Having a child with a disability will put a strain on any relationship and maybe that's where communication between two people is most crucial. To reassure one another that you are here for your child and for your spouse. What kind of parent would walk away from a child that you brought into this world?

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On 28/01/2012 at 1:02 PM, Olivier said:

Wow, great question.

No, that wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. It would be more stressful (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and probably financially) but a handicapped child is still a child of God and they deserve no less love than any other child.

Same for me.

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