WTM Outreach: Getting others to wait

[spirit2change 284]

Hi, I was wondering what are other people's feelings about WTM outreach, as in telling other people about waiting and encouraging them to do it in an effort to increase the number of waiters in the world.

1) Do you think it's important that waiters as a group have outreach going on so waiting will gain popularity? Or do you more think it's a personal matter and doesn't matter much that society's norm is not waiting?

2) Apart from these forums, do you encourage others to wait? Why or why not? How do you do it? Whom do you encourage, mostly close friends or do you reach the public? Are you involved in any outreach projects or film or stage productions? Would you like to be?

3) Do you have any ideas for outreach you would really like to try?

I'll go first, my answers are:

1) I think it's extremely important people outreach and more people become waiters, because I believe more waiters will mean less broken families, fewer bad breakups and emotionally scarred people, fewer people will cheat or abandon their families and leave kids in fatherless homes. Because overly promiscuous culture leads people astray from family loyalty.

2) I mention that I'm abstinent when I get the chance in conversation, with pretty much anyone, although I want to find out a way to do more outreach.

3) I know from being Vegan it is very effective when people pass out flyers on school campuses or public places, so sometimes I wonder if that will work for waiting. Although I am Christian so I also like the idea of wrapping in waiting with evangelization.

Thanks for your responses!

[Steadfast Madcap 3,216]

1) I don't think it matters if waiting becomes the majority-opinion, but I do think that right now a lot of people don't feel very free to choose to wait, even if they really want to. With the increasing dominance of 'dating' apps like Tinder, I've heard a lot of girls say that they feel like they *have* to start sleeping with someone within the first 1-3 dates, or they'll be passed up for another, more-willing person. They feel like the only acceptable 'excuse' for waiting is being very religious.

 

2) I usually only talk to close friends about it, typically in the form of trying to get them to follow their own hearts when they express thoughts like I mentioned above. I'm very open about my own experiences with them, as well. When it comes to talking to strangers, I usually only intervene if I hear them bashing the idea of getting married young, or without dating around. I use my own relationship history (one guy ever, been happy all they way from 10th grade to senior year of college) to put them in their place.

3) Not really. Personally, I get annoyed when strangers try to tell me what to do, so any type of activism that you typically see in schools or colleges just irritates me (even if I agree with their stance!).   What I'd really like to see is more effectively integrating the idea of waiting into sex ed. curriculums. At least when I was still in school, there were really two types of sex ed. One was the, "Well, we know you crazy teens will inevitably have tons of sex because you can't use your brains yet, so here are a bunch of condoms,"-type, and the other was the, "Don't have sex, or you will get pregnant and die!!!!"-type. Both are insulting to teenagers' intelligence. 

[Queen 2,329]

I support outreach and agree that many people just don't know that the option is theirs due to sociocentric thinking. 

 

Most importantly though, I believe that waiting is a choice.  And the choice is for anyone.  I do NOT support shaming people for not being abstinent (which takes away the choice by instilling guilt) and will never support an outreach program like that.  But that celibacy benefits the celibate person whether they are a virgin or not. 

 

I do not support virginity being tied to purity.  Because when it is promoted in that light, people will give up on the idea of waiting if they think in some capacity they could be impure.

 

Waiting as an outreach is a fantastic idea, but how it is done is super important and will decide whether you will enlighten people to waiting or not.  If you go about it with shaming people (for example of shaming: no stds, no unwanted pregnancies), then people will think you are preaching at them and sending them to hell if they "sin" and does not consider the psychology and perspectives of people.  And they will think your way is not for everyone due to the egocentric approach.  This approach will not be successful to encompass all people from all backgrounds. 

 

Waiting with full acceptance of all people could be successful and I am excited to see the progress of such approach.  Outreach must also be from credible sources.  If you want to talk about preventing unplanned pregnancy with teenagers, then have a person who has had a similar experience talk about celibacy, not from people who have no idea what it is like to be in that position.  Talk about the BENEFITS of waiting.  Not the consequences of not waiting or you will shame and scare people away from your idea.

WAITING FOR MARRIAGE IS FOR EVERYONE and benefits the waiter.  In developing and implementing a Waiters Outreach program, always try to see from another person's perspective.  And then would your message still be effective?

 

I would also have the target audience be single adults (opposed to teenagers).

 

Lastly, I am not saying that consequences of not waiting are not valid topics of discussion.  I am saying that they will make an Outreach program unsuccessful or only successful in a niche target audience.

[JesSea 905]

1) I don't think it matters if waiting becomes the majority-opinion, but I do think that right now a lot of people don't feel very free to choose to wait, even if they really want to. With the increasing dominance of 'dating' apps like Tinder, I've heard a lot of girls say that they feel like they *have* to start sleeping with someone within the first 1-3 dates, or they'll be passed up for another, more-willing person. They feel like the only acceptable 'excuse' for waiting is being very religious.

 

I agree, and it really upsets me that so many people (women in particular) feel that they *have to* have sex with the person in order to find a partner. No one should feel like they *have to* do something that compromises what they believe in. Many young women I went to school with often expressed that they didn't feel comfortable enough to say no to a guy. I think a great thing would be to encourage young people to become more confident with saying no and standing up for themselves in general. 

[Buster Cannon 1,432]

I meant to respond to this topic long ago, but got lazy lol.

 

Anywho, I was listening to the radio earlier today (Christian station), and they were talking about a group called Silver Ring Thing that promotes WTM.  As the representative explained what they did, one thing in particular stood out to me; the people advocating waiting were in the 16-23 bracket.  I think that is huge, because having someone explain the benefits of waiting that is in your age group is far more effective than an older married couple who quite frankly has no idea what it's like to be a young waiter in 2015.

 

1) Do you think it's important that waiters as a group have outreach going on so waiting will gain popularity? Or do you more think it's a personal matter and doesn't matter much that society's norm is not waiting?

 

I do think that it's important for the message of WTM to be shared.  On one hand waiting is a personal decision, but it's not a bad idea to let people know that you're willing to defy the societal norm. There are plenty of folks that don't wait simply because they have no idea that it's even possible.  By showing them through example that waiting is possible (regardless of virginity status), they learn that sex isn't a required part of a casual dating relationship, despite what the media feeds them regularly.

 

2) Apart from these forums, do you encourage others to wait? Why or why not? How do you do it? Whom do you encourage, mostly close friends or do you reach the public? Are you involved in any outreach projects or film or stage productions? Would you like to be?

 

Honestly, I haven't even brought it up outside of close friends. To me it seems like one of those topics that you don't just bring up whenever.  "Hey, nice weather we're having! By the way, how do you feel about premarital sex?" An organized outreach seems like it'd be better suited towards promoting WTM.

 

I would also have the target audience be single adults (opposed to teenagers).

 

I agree that single adults should hear the message too, but I feel like it's necessary for younger ages as well.  These days, folks are having sex so early that it wouldn't be a stretch to start talking about this stuff as early as elementary school.