NoName

Does your family know?

25 posts in this topic

I couldn't find a page that asked this. I just wanted to know how many of you have told family you're waiting until marriage? I told my brother and his girlfriend recently, and they made a few awkward jokes and we haven't really spoke about it since. I haven't told my parents. I was just wondering how things have changed, and if you feel excluded. Thanks for the input.

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I, myself, decided at a pretty young age to wait. Which came from a LOT of reasons. Yes, my immediate family knows, and a lot of my extended family knows. I think they always have. We talk about it... sometimes a lot, sometimes not for ages. It comes up on occasion, but in our family we are pretty open about a lot of things. Most of them are fine with it, either encouraging or being indifferent... while there are a few who don't understand it at all. I have an aunt who sleeps around a lot, and she tried for years to get me to live her lifestyle. Always setting me up with different guys, etc, even going so far as to tell one of them that she thought it would be great if he was my first. That's right, she thought it was her decision. Anyway, I've never hidden it, and I've never covered it up when the subject of sex comes up. Even so, I am an oddball even in my family. Nobody else has waited... to my knowledge.

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I haven't directly told anyone in my family, but they are aware of my religious and personal views on certain things so I think they assume it. Either way, I don't think it really matters to them one way or the other, since my family and I don't share the same beliefs. They haven't ever asked me directly, but if they did, I'd tell them honestly. I think they know me well enough that they're aware I won't tolerate any disrespect or teasing about it, so I don't think they'd waste time bothering me about it.  ;)

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I have an aunt who sleeps around a lot, and she tried for years to get me to live her lifestyle. Always setting me up with different guys, etc, even going so far as to tell one of them that she thought it would be great if he was my first. That's right, she thought it was her decision. 

That is horrible! One member of my family was like that. In private conversation she tried to make me feel bad for being a virgin, but I shut her down pretty quickly and she never mentioned it again. (And I was only 16 when that happened, so IDK what type of person would try to shame a 16 year old for being a virgin. Ugh, SMH.)

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My parents raised me to wait and we still talk about it openly so yeah, they know. And my sisters also know and talk to me about it and they are also waiters so we're a house of waiters. Lol My extended family doesn't really know but some of them probably assume because of my beliefs that they do know about and the fact that they've never known me to have a boyfriend. Lol If they ask, I'd have no problem telling them.

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PhotoGirl That's terrible. I remember my older brother was asking his girlfriend to hook me up with one of her friends. He said if I sleep with a girl, my mind would change. I was like :disapproval: that's what I'm trying to avoid... Sorry If I used that face wrong.

 

JesSea That is disturbing that you were made fun of for being a sixteen year old virgin.

 

NicoleNova I'm happy you and your family are so close. I've never really had a girlfriend, and my parents are probably thinking something is up.

 

I have had friends find out. That was usually followed by "I'm hooking you up!" My oldest brother told me that when I turn twenty-one he is going to get me drunk and hire a stripper for me. He doesn't know I'm waiting. I can't wait to tell him the only thing I'm doing on my twenty-first birthday is hopefully getting my concealed carry license and shooting my new handgun.

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Of course it's personal, along with family values, morals and upbringing and being raised in modesty.  For me it's not just cultural but a covenant I have with my family, myself and God.

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My family would probably disown me if I didn't wait. Lol! WTM is the norm in my family's culture as well as being part of our faith. But they never bring up the issue of sex except to tell us not to do it until marriage. While I think that is the wrong way to teach children to about sex, my family created the foundation for my decision to wait. Both my sister and I are waiting.

 

To add to the trend of crazy stories of people trying to get us laid, I have my own tale to tell. I was at small party that my friend's mom was throwing for both friends and family. The party was winding down for the night and I was talking to my friend's lesbian cousin. She apparently was a bit tipsy from the wine which loosened her inhibitions a bit. We had a nice conversation until she started asking my about my sex life. I told her I was WTM and she was shocked and kept telling me I need to "live life." She then offered herself to me sexually just to help me "get it over with." That was my cue to excuse myself from that intensely tempting situation. 

 

In all honesty, it was probably the alcohol talking. Though in a twisted way, I find it an ego boost that a lesbian would turn straight for me, if even for a moment :P

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We had a nice conversation until she started asking my about my sex life. I told her I was WTM and she was shocked and kept telling me I need to "live life."

I hate when people say that! That has been said to me so many times and it aggravates me to no end. What's ironic is that I've done more with my life in terms of education/career than all the people who've said that to me, so jokes's on them, I guess.  :P

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I have this aura of waiting that let everyone know for me so i didnt tell anyone but i remember other people discussing waiting in school and my name was brought up as '' that guy is def a virgin'' xD , I think my parents specifically allready knew because i never left the house

 

 

thankfully no ''live lifes'' xD but one time my mother was like ''son...if you ever go out and have sex...make sure you wear a condom....

 

and i was like WTHHH MOM WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM?!?!?!  (literally out of nowhere watching tv)

 

 

son your a boy,i don't have to worry about you as much as your sister.. boys are the ones that go out and have sex, your going to do it whether i say no or not, so wear a condom, i cant afford any extra mouths to feed so don't be stupid

 

that is the only ''sex talk'' i can remember

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I told mine. My parents are proud of me. My siblings on the other hand........they make smart remarks but i just smile and know that I am really making an impact.

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My parents definitely know and support me.  I don't think my other relatives know b/c I've never explicitly brought it up.

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I vividly remember telling my mom that my biggest wish was to have my first boyfriend be the guy I ended up marrying. I don't think she took me very seriously, because I was a young teenager at the time. Joke's on her, I'm still with the guy I had my first date with.  :D We haven't talked about waiting specifically -- in my family, sex (or lack of) is the only thing we just *do not* talk about.  :lol:

 

I've told a few friends that I deeply value being with one person until I die; not just in a normal monogamy way, but as in *only one ever*. They usually make a  :blink:-type face and move on.  :P

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Over here where I live, you don't have to tell your family. Everyone waits (except the black sheep :)) and it is the only acceptable way of life. It's culture. It's religion. It would bring unspeakable shame to your parents, your family name and family honour if you didn't wait until marriage. So, where I come from, this type of conversation is not something you would have with your family.

 

However, I must also add that as the 'night-club culture' (as we call it here), becomes more popular among the youth, traditional ways of life are changing. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but my country is the best at aping the worst of what the world has to offer.

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What country are you from Raz? If you don't mind telling me. I didn't think many people anywhere waited. That's cool to know that there are still large groups of people waiting together.

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I told my mother about it. We had this whole discussion about "test driving the car before you buy it" or how ever that saying goes. She is really cool with my choice of waiting or not. People in my family have not waited nor do they believe in it. I don't know if they know that I am waiting but Im not as comfortable telling them as I am my mother.

A couple of my friends are waiting but most aren't. They were surprised that I chose to wait, laughed a little and they continue to question my choice. At first I was really sensitive to it but after a while I don't even care. I'm confident in my decision to wait.

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No, unfortunately my parents did not raise me with open dialogues such as waiting, etc.  I'd be happy to tell them but they'd have a harder time with the openness it takes.  .......unfortunately......  Because I'd love to have that kind of relationship with them.  They are much more inhibited than I am.

 

Not being able to talk with them about such matters largely explains why I made the choices I did leading up to now.  The only people willing to talk to me about sex were the ones who wanted to have sex with me.  Making the choice to wait until marriage was entirely my own idea.  I thought it was really sweet if a guy was willing to wait until marriage to have sex, and most guys aren't willing to do that.  I didn't want what most guys had to offer, so I wanted to wait.  And that's when I looked it up online to see if it was a feasible idea, and I discovered this site. 

 

If my parents provided a stronger support system and offered more mentorship, my life could have ended up completely different. 

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I don't think I've ever told family that I'm waiting till marriage. Maybe it's a cultural thing but we don't really talk about intimate matters in my family. It's a funny combination of taboo and awkward.

I'm also really vocal in disinviting condescending or counter productive advice in my life so most folks don't try to manage/change my choices. Even as a teen, I was more sure of my path and most folks seem to respect that.

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I have never told anyone in my family that I'm waiting until marriage, and to this day I'm still not entirely sure what they know or how they feel about it. 

If I were to tell my family say 5 years ago, there would have been some condescending and passive aggressive underlying tones in a few of their voices, but at the current moment I am the only member of my family who is still either unmarried or without children. I think if I were to tell them now they would all be pretty supportive, maybe a little surprised but supportive none the less. I think my brother would probably be most surprised seeing as how we lived together and I would periodically spend the night at my ex's, sometimes for consecutive nights. 

Sex and waiting were two things that were never really discussed in my family, which is kind of ironic coming from a Catholic family that attended church every Sunday. I don't know if that's because it was also how my parents were raised, or because they never had the time to talk to any of us (they worked a lot growing up), or if they just felt uncomfortable about the whole thing. That is something that I would address if I ever marry and have children. 

Most of my friends don't know either. I had friends from previous churches who knew but most of them were non-waiters who kind of made me feel ashamed at times about being a virgin. These were the people who were supposed to be the most supportive and they just kind of always made me feel like an outsider. Currently, my two roommates are the closest friends I have and I know they would never make me feel this way. None of us really talk about sex except to make inappropriate jokes about one another, but neither of them is promiscuous either so they would be supportive if I told them. 

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On 2/26/2015 at 2:44 PM, NoName said:

I just wanted to know how many of you have told family you're waiting until marriage?

I have never spoken about it to my family members.  Recently, I saw my mom staring at my computer screen that I had left on in my room.  It was the website I recently created.  This site to be exact: https://savagenutritionist.wixsite.com/celibacy
I was so embarrassed, but she never asked.  

With that said, I don't believe the topic should be so taboo.  If ONLY people I trusted would have talked to me about it, my life would have been different.  My parents didn't even let me complete sex education at my school, because they were weird about it - thinking it is not the school's place but clearly not their's either.  So I knew nothing.

I plan on having this talk with my daughter, but I still have yet to figure out how I will.  But it is important. 

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My sister knows that I am waiting but my parents don’t know. I received sex education in school and taught about it in church but unfortunately, we never talk about sex at home. It was something that was never brought up. 

If I ever have children, I want to talk about sex with them. 

 

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