Invincible

BIzarre hypothetical situation

26 posts in this topic

Let's say you get married and are happy. One day something happens to your spouse like fell off a waterfall and their body was never recovered. After years of searching they are presumed dead. Years later you marry someone else whom you also are happy with only to discover your original spouse was still alive but was in a coma and was nursed back from the local tribe (don't question the details, just accept it for what it is. lol). 

 

What would you do? Do you break off the second marriage? Have a polygamous marriage?

 

Please don't use cop out answers such as "I'll just simply not remarry" or "I won't believe they're dead until I see the body." This is assuming you did remarry.

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Geeze..... honestly I only plan to marry one time and one time only (guess I only want ONE person to have the key to my heart.) Buuuuuut if I did I'd have to take a break from both. Yes I love the second guy but the first one is my first true love. Also I think I'd be too caught up in looking for him to get married again even if they stop looking. With all of the technology we have I'd be posting pictures and going to the news for help! :D

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I would do what I thought was in the best interest of my children. If I had said kids with spouse #2, I think the answer would be fairly obvious. If I had kids with spouse #1, but they had known spouse #2 as their second parent for many many years (possibly longer than they knew spouse #1), I'd probably stay with spouse #2 as well.  But if I had only recently married spouse #2, I'd probably go back to spouse #1. No matter what, I'm sure it would be a difficult and heartbreaking decision. 

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I saw something like this on a TV show once, I want to say it was either CSI or NCIS.  A husband and wife were together, and I believe she was captured with the husband being lead to believe that she was dead. During the episode, the two ended up being reunited, but years had passed and the husband had remarried. It was a sad situaiton as you could tell that the husband and wife wanted to rekindle their old marriage, but the husband chose to respect his new marriage.

 

Personally, there's no easy answer to this.  If your wife is presumed dead and you re-marry later on, you're under the assumption that you're starting with a clean slate.  Finding out that your old wife is alive, you'd rightfully still feel connected to her, and you didn't divorce her so you'd technically still be married to her. If you go re-join your old wife, you have to divorce your current wife, and if kids are involved it's even tougher.  If you stick with your new marriage, you have to leave your first wife, but if you had kids with your first wife then that adds additional complications.

 

Sad outcome no matter what you do.  :(

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I would consider it wrong for me to leave the 2nd wife due to my belief that only death and adultery terminate a marriage. While the death here turns out to be incorrect, the belief in her death was innocent, very reasonable and verification was attempted (which is the case otherwise she would not be considered legally dead). 

 

What you are basically asking is should a person return to their original marriage (after remarriage) if it was invalidly terminated. This is not an unusual senario. The invalid termination can result from instances such as your example but more often a change in beliefs as to what is a legitimate divorce e.g. "in the eyes of God". Thus the more frequent case of faultless "legal" divorce followed by remarriage and conversion to e.g. Christianity which informs them they had no right to divorce and remarry under the circumstances.

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Heads I stay with my current husband. Tails I divorce husband #2 and marry husband #1.

It's how I make most of my decisions in life.

On a serious that's a tough one.

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@tisthebeardedone-I think legally you might still actually have be married to the first spouse, so you're second marriage wouldn't be considered valid. So, you wouldn't actually have to (or be able to) divorce the second wife since you're not actually married.

Of course, I'm not certain how the legality of this all would sort out, so maybe what I said isn't right.

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Oh, yeah. I didn't answer the question. I think I would go back with the first spouse since I would view myself as still married to her.

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Re: legality, I think it would depend on whether or not your first spouse was declared legally dead (which you can do in the US after they've been missing for about 7 years, or after they've been in an accident such as a plane crash where a body may never be found but it's pretty obvious they've not survived). But then, they'd need to be declared dead in order for you to legally remarry anyway.

 

I supposed you could do a one-sided divorce, but then what would happen to the 50% of joint assets you'd technically be renouncing claim to? It wouldn't really make much sense to do it that way if you sincerely believed your spouse was deceased. You could also just live with your second spouse as if you were married without legalizing it, but again, why would you do that if you truly believed your first spouse was gone forever?

 

(I'm probably now on some kind of watch list for googling 'length of time to declare spouse dead'....)

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Hmmm, I guess it depends on which spouse is more romantic and better in bed? Lol JUST KIDDING. This reminds me of the scenario from that old movie, "move over, Darling". Umm I would probably end up staying with my second spouse, it wouldn't be fair to him to end things because my first spouse was still alive.

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To be clear. I am assuming that I have waited many years, and have gone through the channels of making sure I am single. So that I don't feel like I am cheating... even if I might feel guilty upon their return. I'm also assuming that it just happened, that I didn't go out looking for seconds.

 

Tell them each they can have half of me....time, everything. The one that says that's not enough for him, that he wants all or nothing. That's the one I'd go with. He's not only thinking more about how he would feel only getting half of who I am, but he's also considering me... how difficult it must be to not only have to choose, but to have to please two people. That's a stronger love, thinking about someone else.

 

I believe God has a plan, and everything happens for a reason. So, it would be difficult. Either way. That first love would be so intense, passionate, etc, but if you happen to find something like that again... how would you decide who to hurt? I have no idea. I mean, if you love someone this much, you want them to be happy. If something happens to you, you want them to be able to move on. I believe, in this situation, a truel love MIGHT not give the ultimatum. Like in the end of Castaway. It was hard for him, but he let her go.

 

No matter what either person does, there is going to be pain. After all, love is not an easy thing to let go of. That's why everyone always says if you find it, don't let it go. It's not easy to find, and it's even more difficult to move on from.

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To be specific this would be polyandry right? In my country, there was an ancient obscure practice where two brothers of the same family would marry one woman so that the wealth of the family would not be divided between the children of two families.

 

That aside, if my love for both of them was so intense that I couldn't choose between them, I'll do what I do best - walk away, from both of them.

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Didn't something like this happen in Castaway? I haven't seen it in years but I remember it, kind of.

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Wait. How did I find two men who wanted to marry me? 

 

Anyway, I would either choose between one of them (And that's going to REALLY suck :(), or I'd divorce both of them and be single. I believe staying with both of them would be unfair for both my husbands.

 

 

Either way is gonna suck.

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If my wife was presumed dead I wouldn't remarry at all. I'd probably just wait a few years before I give up.

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I've seen multiple Indian movies with this same premise, lol!

 

Not sure, I'd probably have to be polygamous as it's allowed in my religion. The problem is getting my government to allow it.

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Obviously kill the second spouse so I can go back to my original ;) Hahaha jk.

Oh my GOSH Envincebal. LOL at this question. Well I'm going to go with the alternative answer and say I would have prayed about it and depending on the answer Gods spirit gave me Im going to say God would have told me not to remarry. To think that God would have led me to another marriage and caused my former spouse that type of pain would be unthinkable.

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Hopefully I don’t have kids with them both!!?!?!?!?! Dear God that would suck.

@Invincible Thanks for the thought provoking scenario. It helps me to better understand myself, which would benefit my hypothetical marriage one day….The older I get, the more hypothetical it’s becoming haha

This is one of those situations most people don’t truly know what they would do/feel until they go through it. I do not know for sure but here is my best guess:

I agree with the above comment…I’ll just have to go full on Dexter on wife 2. After I’m done burying the body somewhere in the woods, I’ll rake in that life insurance policy and splurge on wife 1…haha kidding.

Personally, my love for each of them would be unequivocally EQUAL. That being said…I think I would stay with wife 2. That would be totally unfair if I chose to end our marriage for another women. UNTIL DEATH DO US PART…so if wife 1 is reasonable presumed dead, I honored that first commitment and unfortunately it abruptly ended…so it’s now over… I would like to think I would honor my new commitment with the same integrity and remain faithful to wife 2.  

If I had kids with them both? That is probably the only time I’d think about a polygamous marriage lol…Only if they were both ok with that idea.

Maybe you can do another post from the women’s point of view?….wife 1 has 2 children with her husband and one day they are kidnapped for ransom. The money was not delivered on time and the kidnappers fake the execution of wife 1 and the 2 kids. They are presumed dead. Several years later they are released but she finds her husband remarried and has 2 kids with wife 2….

Ladies, what do you do if you’re wife 1? Could you do a polygamous marriage if wife 2 is 100% ok with it? Do you move on and remarry but keep in touch with him because he is the bio dad to his kids? Do you stay single but let him be a part of the kids’ lives? Would you be tempted to still have sex with him, despite knowing he’s with wife 2 or would all feelings of love and intimacy be over?

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I would make them fight to the death for me, or I would just kill them both and then get a third husband. Because if I can trick two guys into wanting to marry me, then I can trick a third into wanting to marry me. No need to try to choose between my first two husbands. :D 

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On 2/17/2015 at 6:33 PM, samaye said:

BTW, this reminded me of these old movies:

Too Many Husbands

My Favorite Wife

Move Over, Darling

Don't forget Castaway!

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