ArtsyGal

Can you just be friends with a woman??

33 posts in this topic

I think everyone here is right at least a little bit. Personally ive had girls as friends and not had issues with being attracted to them or them being attracted to me. Just friends is more than possible but I think there can still be jealousy and possessiveness even as friends. I think the closer you become to someone even if purely platonic you can still be as protective as a lover would be so im sure that causes plenty of problems for people. I think its all about why you became friends with someone vs just it being the particular gender that your attracted to.

Yes, this is true, I admit. Though plantonic, in some ways it does resemble a relationship just because of the masculine/feminine nature. I am very protective of him. Id kick someone behind royally over him. And he definitely been in a brawl over me... in college... drunk people. And boy does he have a temper when he sees a "damsel in distress". Lol. I have my doors open and I have to fight to pay the tab. I know in having my friend who treat me as a lady I could not accept my man to do any less, and though Dennis isnt the jealous type, I kinda am. His ex didnt approve of our friendship and felt since they were together every other female shld be dropped. And for her, he attempted to do so. I felt abandoned and mad as hell. After they broke up, he came running back. He had to do some serious brown nosing, spoiling and apologing to get back on my good side and I told him after 8 years (at the time) if he ever dead me like that again I would drive the 3 hours to his house and personally kick him so hard in the balls best of luck using them. But then again I am extremely protective of my girl besties too. The cops once threatened to pepper spray me to make me let this one guy go after I caught him with his hands around her throat. So I think if anyone is closely bonded with another person, of course you will want the best for them and see them happy and if they are in pain, your in pain. Regardless the sex

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not a guy, but I'm just going to put this out there. I do believe that guys and women can be just friends... EVEN IF they do happen to have some kind of physical attraction. I mean, it's not as if we are incapable, as a species, to be mature about ourselves and our actions. If we know that it wouldn't work out for some reason, and both of us know and are in agreement, then why would it be unreasonable to believe that just because we are attracted to each other physically that we wouldn't be able to be friends? To me, it all boils down to maturity, communication, and honesty. These traits are not just for good romantic relationships.

 

I think it would be totally unfair of me to tell a new bf that he had to drop a friend based on what sex they are. 1. What if they have a gay friend, am I going to tell them to drop that friend because the friend might hold attractions to them? 2. If they were friends before me, then that person is a part of their life.

 

Let me also state that a lot of how what I am about to say, I feel has more to do with a relationship that is at least a few months old, something that you've pretty well decided is worth giving a shot. In a brand new relationship, discussions should be had, but determinations and expectations should wait until more solid ground, to even see if the world as you know it is worth the changes that will take place.

 

I would expect that some things might change. I would think that if he has a girl friend that she'd respect my relationship with him, as I would hers, and we should find some common ground, maybe even be friends. He just has to be honest about things and, if I feel the need, tell me about their friendship (which, I'd probably want to know but more because I'd want to know about ALL of his friends that he is close to... they are a part of him). I'd also expect him to be honest with me about his affection, or attraction, to her. It would show a level of trust. If, for some reason, I'd see something that makes me uncomfortable with their interactions, that would be something I think they should account for... especially if we are serious about each other, and he wants ME to be comfortable... otherwise I might think that he feels I am not as important simply because I haven't been around as long as her. I would expect him to, at the very least, consider my feelings... seriously thinking about why I might feel the way I do, and listen to what I am saying. If he can't do that, then he might need to rethink his feelings for HER, the friend. I do think that romantic relationships tend to, and should, make other relationships (aside from kids in the life of either person, because kids should not have to change except for getting use to the idea of a new person) shift gears a little. When you're considering marriage, and if you do marry, other relationship should take a second seat. Not to say that they should shift too far. You know, just scootch a little to the right, make room in the middle for the person you're in love with.

 

It would be totally different if every friend they had of the opposite sex was someone they'd slept with, or actually tried to. Like I said, being attracted and ACTING on those attractions are two different things.

 

Also, all of that being said, I do not think there is a fine line here on WHEN it's ok to say something, how far it's ok to take it, etc etc. We are all different. However, I will say this... it goes both ways. Don't expect her to get rid of her friends of the opposite sex, if you are not willing to do the same... and don't expect him to get rid of his friends of the opposite sex, unless you're willing to. It goes both ways.

 

Personally, I think a person with friends of the opposite sex would be more understanding of the opposite sex, because they have heard more and talked more with them. It makes a person more well rounded.

 

Just my two cents... you know, even though I'm not a guy. :)

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello gentlemen :D

 

I have been told by a few women that women can not "just be friends" with men, that there is will be attraction with at least one of the two friends. 

I can understand what the ladies said because I have has friends that are men who have asked me out or showed there interest in me.

 

So my question is, when you are friends with a woman is it more then friends in your mind? What is your opinion on friends that are women? Any insight on this topic would be great :D

I have a few online sisters and they are the most precious friends to me , in fact I am more closer to them then I have ever been in my life to my blood brothers who are the 2 most selfish ,egotistical persons on earth . I would never give them up :)

So yea a guy can definitely be just friends with a girl, in fact those can be very precious friendships

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You can just be friends, from my personal experience it is possible. I have plenty of girls who are very good friends but im always aware of my limits. Always know where to draw the line whether it may be in your actions or conversations and i think girls and guys wont have a problem. As far as i know i have only had one friend who i developed very strong feelings for after being friends for a while and that was because she had exactly the same values and beliefs (about everything in life) as me so it was really hard not to see her more than a friend.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In short, it was possible for me to maintain platonic relationships with women.  However, it was not possible for any of the women with whom I tried to maintain platonic status.  It wasn't my fault, I swear...heh...

 

I personally suspect that even if a woman isn't initially interested in a relationship, she would at least like to explore the possibility of one.  If a woman doesn't feel like she is getting anywhere within it, she will move on.  I find that women often say things like: "I think it is cool that we can just be friends."  However, I do just that, and they give up when romantic advances never come from me.  If execute any romantic gestures later, it is a miracle.  Somehow the friendship is restored.  I've never found that a man has a problem with platonicism.  I find that women, in my own experiences do, but will never ever EVER admit it.  They want men to guess that a relationship is desired by her so that she can feel like it is "meant to be" because she didn't "cause it" by suggesting anything.

 

I think platonic relationships are a feminine invention to deal with a woman's desire to advance on a prospective mate without having to be rejected if it doesn't work out.  It never works because not being clear about one's own desires leads to inconsistent results.  There is no such thing as magic.  Even though sexual attraction is beyond our control, the first few seconds of meeting someone new already takes care of that before a friendship even starts.  Waiting for magic isn't going to change natural attraction...

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kquest, I really like your comment and I'm so happy to see here again after about two years. I miss you been a friend and I will be happy to have you back on Skype you are a rare gem. It's me Abayomi who live in India.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know Im not a guy but I couldn't help myself. A guy and a girl could absolutely be just friends and in many ways that relationship is sooo much better than a romantic relationship. Me and my "brotha from another montha" been besties for 10 years! I <3 him, as a best friend type way. He doesn't want anything more and neither do I. He is hot too, and I am always trying to play match maker for my hunking cowboy. Best things about a guy friend there are no reserves, no barriers, no standards, no embarrassment. We are not interested in each other so free to be absolutely off our rocker. And surviving college together we have literally seen the very WORST of each other. I don't have to hid my crazy, not trying to impress him. I dont have to shave, my hair can be crazy, I am free to release bodily noises, he is free to blow up my bathroom. Unlike with couples u dont have to worry about arterial motives, like pretending to be truly interested in hope for sex. He is still around because he clearly like my personality. And I his.... well mostly. And you can be perfectly honest without fear not being put in the dog house. "Kim those jeans make ur butt look wide... burn those." "Eww gross dude, why u shave ur beard, u look like a pedo now" "Kim quit nagging" "Dennis your being an a$$" stuff like that. My point is, your not attracted to every guy or girl u encounter, so to think just because your opposite sex it is impossible to "just be friends" no way. Asexual plantonic opposite sex friendships are the best. My future husband will def have to be accepting of my freindship with Dennis. Just as I would accept a 100% platonic relationship he would have with a friend girl.

I will be happy to have you back on Skype. I miss you kim

quest, I really like your comment and I'm so happy to see here again after about two years, we met on Okc and became good friends. I miss you been a friend and I will be happy to have you back on Skype you are a rare gem. It's me Abayomi who live in India.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am a guy, and I have a few female friends whom I am very close to. I think there are situations where one needs to be aware of certain boundaries that should not be crossed, or at least know the consequences before you cross them. Dating your best friend can be the biggest gamble.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now