ArtsyGal

Can you just be friends with a woman??

33 posts in this topic

Hello gentlemen :D

 

I have been told by a few women that women can not "just be friends" with men, that there is will be attraction with at least one of the two friends. 

I can understand what the ladies said because I have has friends that are men who have asked me out or showed there interest in me.

 

So my question is, when you are friends with a woman is it more then friends in your mind? What is your opinion on friends that are women? Any insight on this topic would be great :D

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I wouldn't say it's impossible for men and women to be "just friends" as an absolute. There are exceptions of course, but from personal experience I think it is extremely rare. I would say it is very rare that there would be an absence of at least a little attraction from at least one person during at least at some point in the friendship. With the exception of maybe one or two female friends, I have at least considered every girl I'm friends as a possible dating partner at one point or another.

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My boyfriend tells me that finding someone incidentally attractive doesn't make it difficult to have a platonic friendship with that person.

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Like half of my friends are female and I never had a problem spending time with them like friends, except for a few. Like a jealous boyfriend, or other people's slanders because 'a boy and girl have been seen together', and the little crush turning into an overly attached friend-thing.

 

My conclusion: it may be and may not be possible, it depends on your mentality and your view of life. If you try to communicate knowing you can't be 'friends', then it may affect your relationship. If you approach with the intention of 'being friends', then you will just react like you have to when it's going out of hand.

 

Instead, we should ask our brains whether it's possible or not.

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I am friends with some women. While they are attractive, the fact that they are not waiters means that I don't see them as relationship potential.

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I think it is easier, generally, for women to be just friends than for men.  And, ArtsyGal, my assumption is that the women you mentioned who have claimed that "men can't be just friends" know this from experience.  And I agree that it is generally true.  I didn't want to believe it, but that's what life has shown me over and over. I'm sure it is possible to be just friends though.  Just a lot of gray area. 

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I think it is easier, generally, for women to be just friends than for men.  And, ArtsyGal, my assumption is that the women you mentioned who have claimed that "men can't be just friends" know this from experience.  And I agree that it is generally true.  I didn't want to believe it, but that's what life has shown me over and over. I'm sure it is possible to be just friends though.  Just a lot of gray area.

Yea, this is why I thought I would get a guys point of veiw on this. I really have been questioning if we can just be friends because a few of my guy friends have tried to pursue and date me.

The answers are deffinatly something to ponder..... Hopefully there will be more answers and perspectives :)

Thanks everyone :D

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I think so definitely yes. However...I think it sort of has to be in a distracted setting. For instance, at work...school...practice, etc... Or with other friends not just solo. I think it's more rare to be solo and hanging out. I can think of 0 guys who have never tried hitting on me or I wasn't interested/attracted to the guy. It's simply our design to mate with males and females. Nothing wrong with that.

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 I can think of 0 guys who have never tried hitting on me or I wasn't interested/attracted to the guy.

I was gonna say something like that, I feel different levels of attraction to different people or even just depending on the mood.

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I have plenty of friends that are girls. It's very possible to just be friends.

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I've never really had a female friend that I'd hang out with, so I have no dog in this fight.

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Great answers everyone

For me as a guy who's involved in the modern church community, this is an area I have often spoke of.

As a result of being involved with modern church in which the ratio of men to women, certainly in the area of young adult ministry it's 5-to-1 or more.

So that being said, yes I have quite a few female friends and we're just that platonic friends.

As Dave mentioned above about many of them not being waiters is another product of the modern church, however I won't delve into that topic in this particular post.

So that being said, yes I think men and women can be "just friends".

Attraction is different than a potential dating partner I believe.

Attraction is merely a physical for the most part, ideal of a person.

However that being said, a good foundation to build a dating/courtship leading towards a successful marriage would be in the place that we're discussing, the "friendzone".

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Great answers everyone

For me as a guy who's involved in the modern church community, this is an area I have often spoke of.

As a result of being involved with modern church in which the ratio of men to women, certainly in the area of young adult ministry it's 5-to-1 or more.

So that being said, yes I have quite a few female friends and we're just that platonic friends.

As Dave mentioned above about many of them not being waiters is another product of the modern church, however I won't delve into that topic in this particular post.

So that being said, yes I think men and women can be "just friends".

Attraction is different than a potential dating partner I believe.

Attraction is merely a physical for the most part, ideal of a person.

However that being said, a good foundation to build a dating/courtship leading towards a successful marriage would be in the place that we're discussing, the "friendzone".

I'd say it depends on how much time you spend with them. I personally think if you were to spend time with those women every day you'd probably develop feelings towards them and the same for them. As I believe men and women can be just friends but only if they maintain acquaintance or distant friend status to each other, rather than having 'close friend' status when you're spending lots of time with them and time alone.

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I'd say it depends on how much time you spend with them. I personally think if you were to spend time with those women every day you'd probably develop feelings towards them and the same for them. As I believe men and women can be just friends but only if they maintain acquaintance or distant friend status to each other, rather than having 'close friend' status when you're spending lots of time with them and time alone.

 

Speaking as a bisexual person, this logic would mean that I'm incapable of having close friends. That's...not true.

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Men and women can definitely just be friends. Most likely there'd need to be some factors that exclude them mutually from wanting to be romantic. Like they're just not each other's type or they're of different religions and neither would date outside their religion.

However, if a person is the type who values sex just for itself without wanting the relationship aspect, they might find it almost impossible to just be friends, because in the back of their mind there'd be a desire to have sex, even if the two of them are incompatible relationship wise.

So it's possible, but really depends on the people's attitude towards sex and relationships.

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If you see them in group settings, sure why not? I have tons of these and it's really fun. But hanging out solo there is usually always a power struggle where one likes the other. I also don't really text these people on a regular basis. I might have people I go to for advice should something major come up, but I would never hang solo with a guy. The guys I've thought I could be friends with in the past have turned out to have liked me or flirted with me at some point. I wouldn't feel right having someone be "tortured" by not being able to be with me and I don't really hang with guys I've considered more than friends because if I'm interested in someone Im usually trying to make them "mine". However I think it's possible there could be some sort of mutual friendship in theory as long as NEITHER party is attracted to the other.

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Many of my friends are women and I see our relationships as platonic. While some of them have had elements of attraction for a time, they all pretty much settled into a comfortable "just friends".

So at least one guy says it's possible.

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I think everyone here is right at least a little bit. Personally ive had girls as friends and not had issues with being attracted to them or them being attracted to me. Just friends is more than possible but I think there can still be jealousy and possessiveness even as friends. I think the closer you become to someone even if purely platonic you can still be as protective as a lover would be so im sure that causes plenty of problems for people. I think its all about why you became friends with someone vs just it being the particular gender that your attracted to.

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Depends on the woman.....Interestingly enough I've never been close friends with a woman who I'd be interested in developing anything further. Either because one of us isn't interested or a dealbreaker is in effect. Or if I did try for something serious and they weren't interested and wanted to be "just friends" I've found that to be ingenuine on their part and just a means of getting out of the situation. 

 

Though I've had the weird case of a woman making it clear from the get-go she saw me as basically "neutered" and strictly platonic friends and then lateron when she had a steady boyfriend strongly hinting that if I'd 'gotten my act together earlier' I could have had her.... :huh: 

women ... :lol:

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Nothing bad in being friends , but i dont think we see it from all sides, being a class mate , co worker, a friend of a friend can give the friendship a specific meaning and a limited  border that we cant cross, but having an ex boyfriend/ girlfiend/ husband/wife as a friend thats another thing its kinda rude especially when starting another relationship .. i see most talks as being single but what abt being married and both the husband and wife got friends from the other sex, be sure that problems happen and challanges gonna be huge with the risk of being attracted and most of time falling in the mistake of cheating ... but mostly as single the attraction exist even its deep inside our mind that at a point we decide to do the step to get out of that cercle of friendship and get more closer by wanting it as a relationship by flirting or asking for a date ...so personaly i believe its very rare where the friendship is innocent and can work, other than that its just a cover to stay close to the one you like ...

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I know Im not a guy but I couldn't help myself. A guy and a girl could absolutely be just friends and in many ways that relationship is sooo much better than a romantic relationship. Me and my "brotha from another montha" been besties for 10 years! I <3 him, as a best friend type way. He doesn't want anything more and neither do I. He is hot too, and I am always trying to play match maker for my hunking cowboy. Best things about a guy friend there are no reserves, no barriers, no standards, no embarrassment. We are not interested in each other so free to be absolutely off our rocker. And surviving college together we have literally seen the very WORST of each other. I don't have to hid my crazy, not trying to impress him. I dont have to shave, my hair can be crazy, I am free to release bodily noises, he is free to blow up my bathroom. Unlike with couples u dont have to worry about arterial motives, like pretending to be truly interested in hope for sex. He is still around because he clearly like my personality. And I his.... well mostly. And you can be perfectly honest without fear not being put in the dog house. "Kim those jeans make ur butt look wide... burn those." "Eww gross dude, why u shave ur beard, u look like a pedo now" "Kim quit nagging" "Dennis your being an a$$" stuff like that. My point is, your not attracted to every guy or girl u encounter, so to think just because your opposite sex it is impossible to "just be friends" no way. Asexual plantonic opposite sex friendships are the best. My future husband will def have to be accepting of my freindship with Dennis. Just as I would accept a 100% platonic relationship he would have with a friend girl.

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