aCountryGentalman

What is Maturity

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What is maturity?

 

I was reading through the "Ladies, what's the oldest and youngest you would date" forum, and people kept saying they would reconsider the youngest they would date IF he was mature.  How do you know if he is mature? What do you look for? 

 

The other reason I am more concerned about my maturity is because there is a girl that I like, and I am about 75%sure she likes me back. But she is about 25-27 and I'm 21. She doesn't know my age yet.  

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It's subjective, I think. Maturity means something different depending on age. I'm 27, so maturity to me might mean priorities that include job security, self improvement, saving for first homes and so on. I don't think I'd be able to date someone much younger than because you wonder what you might have in common. For example the 20-21 age. I'm going to assume that the main topics for that age, when I was there, was internships, exams, and so on. I don't really have to deal with that phase in life anymore, so In my mind, the next phase signals maturity.

The good news is that the definition is fairly fluid, it has more to do with what you might have in common with the person. If despite to age gap, you have a ton of things in common and shared perspective, chances are that she might consider you mature for your age.

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If she doesn't know your age by how you act, that is a good sign, to assume your are closer to her age.  Many times how people act give away their age, which is the maturity part. 

I can better describe how one attains maturity than to define it.  Life experiences give a person more mature qualities.  Knowing what it is like to have a job, work for money, pay bills, save money, show up for work on time, etc.  (Even if it is just minimum wage).  Or make decent grades (its kind of the same as in you have made a commitment to work and you put your best effort into it).  These people seem to be more mature (only from my perspective).  Also, I noticed some men that are more mature are the ones who truly respect their mothers and female family members.  They do not disrespect them when they are angry and no one else is watching.  Those men, in turn, treat women better in general.  Saying "hello. How are you" to the older secretary lady they frequently pass by at their school, etc. An immature guy is someone who only initiates polite conversation with those he may benefit from such as getting a pretty 20-something-year-old gal to smile at him. 

The perception of maturity is unique to everyone in some regard.  To me, a value system is also tied to maturity.  It is my personal belief that morality is found alongside graceful maturity to manhood.  A college student a couple years younger than me (and a freshman, I'm a senior), gave me his number hoping I'd give this freshman a chance.  But the reason  I never called him is because I already sized him up in our brief conversation.  He is interested in a business major because he'd like to own a bar/club when he graduates.  He said that he wants to do that because he likes making people happy.  This is extrinsic happiness and I very much value intrinsic happiness.  His values are absolutely not congruent with mine as I am not a part of the bar scene.  It really has nothing to do with being a freshman.

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For me, maturity is reflected in your actions.  How do you respond to situations and life experiences?  Are you comfortable with responsibility and a deeper relationship or does the thought of responsibilities (job, bills, house, etc) scare you?  How do you treat others around you?  Just some of my thoughts about acting mature.  

 

I've been told that I'm an "old soul" by several people and that I've always acted older than my age.  Part of that comes from having a lot of responsibilities over the years and I want to be able to relate that with the man that I marry.  I'm looking for a partner in marriage, not someone that I have to take care of and be the heavy hand in the relationship.  I want him to be mature, responsible, and capable of taking care not just of himself, but me and our kids as well.  I'm not looking for a man who is out partying or drinking or goofing off every night instead of working to better himself whether that be in pursuing a degree or holding down a job.  

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Maturity is definitely subjective. My husband (28) and I (27) both love to act like kids and do all the hands-on stuff at museums and giggle over fart jokes and go to the zoo and generally just be very silly.

 

But we both work full-time, we both prioritize a healthy savings account, we are both planning for retirement, he never gets drunk and I only get drunk because I'm a total lightweight, we have serious conversations about the status of our relationship and our goals for the future...

 

I mean, if you only hang out with me when I'm watching the Disney Channel, you'd probably think I'm immature. But if you talk to me about finances or politics or travel or something, I sound my age (or older).

 

Also, keep in mind that while it's great to be mature for your age, sometimes where you are in life is the biggest issue with incompatibility, regardless of actual maturity. There's a huge difference between someone still in college and someone settled into their career, even if the age difference isn't that much.

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I haven't been on here for ages so I can't remember the etiquette on ask the girls and if guys can reply but anyway, for me maturity is how you carry yourself through life, having the ability to think of others and hold yourself responsible for their wellbeing and not just realising your actions have consequences but being will to take full responsibility for those consequences no matter what they are or how hard it will be. Taking ownership of everything you do and not make excuses but being able to hold yourself responsible for your actions. Being able to have the forethought to think of and plan for the future both short and long term. Having not just a job but making that job into a career for yourself and the work ethic to make enough money to support yourself completely independently from your parents. I guess what I'm trying to say is maturity is when you can rely on yourself and others can take comfort in your support knowing that they are in safe hands.

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First I will say this. The very fact that you are pondering this, and asking for advice and others thoughts, is a sign that you are mature... or getting there (I don't know you, after all).

 

That being said... Maturity has indicators. It also depends on what the individual is looking for. To ME, it means that a person thinks before acting/speaking. They consider others when taking action. Being an adult they care for themselves. Even if they don't live on their own, or alone. They know how to balance their work, social life, money, etc. They know how to read a situation, and be helpful. They OFFER help when someone needs it. They are graceful in bad situations. They know how to handle themselves with dignity, and integrity. They aren't afraid to be themselves, or cave into pressure for the sake of the people around  them. They know how to guide without force, and how to let things play out when needed. They are caring.

 

I think there is a long list, and many varying (not wrong) views. I've only named a short list of what I think maturity involves.

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