Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Zokhanyo

Shoul I worry about Kissing, 29 years old en never kissed a guy.

6 posts in this topic

Hellow ppl.

Am 29 never kissed a guy in my life , reason because I have never dated en to me kissing is a big deal, so I can't just kiss anyone.

I always know that I have nothing to worry about sex, for it is natural and I have an imagination how it can be done, but when it comes to kissing its a different story; as I become this old am becoming to worry more and wonder how would I do it Gosh!👼

And ppl always scares me about kissing but I don't show it to them, I keep my confidence and laugh. Truth is; the thought of it really scares me off. Seriously now besides the saying that everything will just happen , how to kiss, if one could just try to break it down for me plz. And know that I am I am shy as I write this, exposing my hidden linen🙊🙈...

And ppl keep on saying kiss counts a lot in giving pleasure to your partner, so if I flop in this tjoo...

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Let me just start off by saying that I didn't have my first 'real' kiss (anything more than just a peck on the cheek or lips) until I was 31. During the time that I was only hanging out with the guy. Which, in the culture I grew up in, is acceptable. Also, he tried to give me tongue a couple of times which I didn't react well to. I clarify this for three reasons... 1. This experience changed my mind on what I find to be acceptable in my own life. For instance Unless I'm actually dating the guy exclusively, or '2nd stage' as I refer to it, there can only be cheek/forehead kiss, or subtle lip pecks, but I'm not going to beat myself up if it goes just a little further than that. Yes, I actually do categorize my idea of romantic relationships... and there are 4 stages., 2. I have learned from a lot of people on this site that kissing is something they find so intimate that it should only be shared with a fiancé or spouse, and that is ok and I see no problem with their feelings, but I feel it's ok when dating because I now know my boundaries and I also feel kissing is a good indicator as to what the chemistry is like with someone... which I feel is necessary in a romantic relationship. Finally number 3. I, too, always feared that I would be no good at it. Let alone knowing the 'how-to's' of it. I think that's, probably, a completely legitimate fear to have, if you have no experience.

 

OK, now that I have clarified my view point for you, here is why I did... Having only had that experience with ONE person (aside from just peck kissing as a young teenager) so I can't compare it to anyone, I do believe what matters is WHO you're kissing and if you really have a connection (or think you might) with that person. I have heard that people tend to think it weird to ask the person how the kissing was. I, however, am a 'researcher'... I guess you could say. I like to learn from my experiences, and other peoples experiences. I like to dig up facts and find out the real story. (Which is also why I don't participate much in some convos, because I simply am not that interested in finding out more. If I'm not interested, I find it difficult to engage myself, unless I'm only using personal experience, as I'm doing now.) Ok, sorry for the rabbit trail. As I was saying. Some people think it's weird to just converse with the other person they are participating with. I just don't know why. If you like the person enough to kiss them, or anything for that matter, you should be able to talk to that person about this stuff. So, after a few times of kissing, I asked him how I was doing... I knew he had LOT'S of experience (I've written about him in other posts, so you may have read about him). I'd tell you how that conversation went, but that's not important. What I'm getting at, is that I think (whether you start out really good at it, or not good) you can learn... and if the person you're with really likes, and cares, about you, they are going to want to stick around to learn with, or even teach, you. I believe that the first 2 stages of dating are very crucial because, and this is only how I see it, you are deciding if you and he/she are worth a lifetime together... which, takes time to figure out (sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on the people).

 

I should also clarify that my 'stages' sometimes have gray areas even in my own view when I think of different scenarios... I just use this idea as a guideline for myself.

 

I kind of feel like kissing (let alone ANYTHING else) is something you shouldn't be doing if you can't talk about it, and/or even use correct terminology (depending on what you're talking about... obviously, 'kissing' is an acceptable term. :) ).

 

OK. Sorry for the overly verbose answer. Sometimes I type a lot, and then I see how much I have said... I try to figure out what to delete... it never ends well. :/

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just like sex, kissing comes naturally. If its not right the first time, you two have the rest of your lives to perfect it. :)

6 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, you don't have to worry about it. As previously posted, not only does it come naturally, but feedback is also helpful!

I used to be anxious about it, thinking it would be so obvious that I didn't know what I was doing.

Chemistry and communication are also very important factors. When the time comes for you, I would recommend taking it slowly, don't feel like you have to kiss like a pro right off the bat. Most likely the man that you decide to have your fist kiss with will already know that you have never kissed anyone, or are at least very inexperienced.

Kissing is amazing and very intimate. I don't think it's about how good you are at it, it's about how you feel about the other person! I still don't feel like I know what I'm doing, but my boyfriend tells me it's something I'm really good at. (I didnt ask him by the way, his saying that was entirely voluntary and not requested, but greatly appreciated )

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nope. Nothing to worry about. You'll be able to get plenty of practice when you find the right person.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ow, thank you guys,,honestly the way you putting it have eased my fear,, I am confident and talkative but this worry of not knowing how to kiss was always bugging me at the back of my mind, even though on chats ; I would say am not worried bwt t, and say uh! Am relaxed bwt that, my cousin sister started a song saying " Zokhanyo how can you relax not even knowing a deep kiss" lol... And lough a lot ....

I am certainly taking each advice into consideration... Thanx for caring to answer me good ppl... May God bless u... I trust what u are telling me... I will try not to worry just as I am not worrying about sex...

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0