Buster Cannon

Do non-religious waiters have it harder?

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*Wasn't sure whether to put this here or Religious Discussion*  :superwaiter:

 

Just a thought that crossed my mind.  As a Christian, I don't really feel like I've ever had any serious opposition to my stance on WTM.  Growing up in church surrounded me with people who generally had similar viewpoints. At the very least, people who disagreed weren't very vocal about it. For someone that isn't religious (or is an a religion that may not be WTM-friendly), I can't help but wonder how their experience differs.

 

IMO, religious waiters have an easier time for a couple of reasons:

  • Religious waiters have a much better chance of finding a like-minded person that's also waiting (i.e. church)
  • You have more people standing behind your decision; for example, I can't think of many other places besides church where an adult male can announce that he's a virgin and actually get commended for it.

For the religious waiters: do you think that your faith (and the resources that come with it) makes it easier in terms of WTM? Why or why not?

 

For the non-religious waiters: do you feel that not having the resources that religious waiters do makes it feel like you're "playing WTM on hard mode?" Why or why not?

 

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I don't feel like it's playing WTM on hard mode. I don't need strength from unknown place, or a community to help in my wait.

The only issue Im sure I will find at some points is that of finding a person who will wait with me/for me.

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It's definitely harder for people at large to make sense of a nonreligious waiter. They might think religious waiters are strange, but it is atleast something they can understand. However, they tend to think nonreligious waiters are downright crazy -- they literally cannot comprehend why they would do such a thing.

That doesn't really make waiting more difficult, though. Because people aren't pushing waiting on a nonreligious waiter, it is generally something they have thought hard about and decided that they really want for themselves. That strong intrinsic motivation means that fear of "stumbling" isn't much of an issue, in my experience. I don't need other people to support my choices.

The biggest fear, I think, is of not finding a compatible partner, since such a large percentage of waiters are religious. This is magnified substantially if it is important to you to have a partner who is both a virgin *and* nonreligious. I lucked out on that one big time.

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I think it can really depend on the person's environment, or on how they were raised in many cases. I am a Christian but I was not raised religiously and wasn't raised to wait. My family was Christian in name only and my parents never even mentioned waiting. Getting more involved in my faith and waiting till marriage was my decision.

 

While I usually have some support from people at my church, most people in my family find it strange and don't understand it. So I do think being religious makes waiting "easier" for me in a way because at least people in church understand, even if my family doesn't. 

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I think it would be harder to wait, for myself anyway, if I wasn't a Christian. Almost all of my family is Christian, and so I always had family support, and encouragement. I think my parents would be devastated if they found out I didn't wait, not that they really would need to know. Also, going to a predominantly Christian University, there is a lot of support there as well.

 

Also I think if I wasn't a Christian, there would be at least a little less guilt if I were to mess up and not wait. That's just me though.

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Being religious or non religious doesn't make any difference if waiting might be harder. Waiting until marriage is a commitment someone makes to themselves. People can have all the support in the world and still make bad choices. Does being a christian make it easier? I guess it does. But non religion people can surround themselves with positive people with the same view and thoughts as they believe in

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Being religious or non religious doesn't make any difference if waiting might be harder. Waiting until marriage is a commitment someone makes to themselves. People can have all the support in the world and still make bad choices. Does being a christian make it easier? I guess it does. But non religion people can surround themselves with positive people with the same view and thoughts as they believe in

 

Waiting until marriage is a difficult feat for anyone, religious or otherwise, but waiting for religious reasons is definitely more socially acceptable. It's a good explanation. People generally don't think twice about it.

 

I've been on-and-off Catholic since being confirmed, and while I am a believer in God, I don't necessarily practice like most good Christians should. I don't have many religious friends and the very few who know I'm waiting don't get it. They're like, "But you're not even religious," as if that's the only reason why people choose to wait. 

 

That being said, I think Christians (or anyone from a cultural/religious background where WTM is the norm) have it a lot easier, especially since they're likely to be surrounded by like-minded folk. 

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In regards to whether they're more likely to give in to temptation, I think it's a wash. A religious waiter who was strictly raised to wait until marriage and was told any other choice was filthy and unnatural was pretty much scared and indoctrinated in to waiting. They didn't really choose to wait and don't really have a solid grounding to keep them waiting. As we see so many times, the second these kids leave their sheltered environment and are given an alternative viewpoint for the first time in their life they give in since they never had to deal with adversity before. The non-religious waiter, meanwhile, had always chosen waiting for themselves and doesn't have this problem.

On the other hand, the religious waiter might be so blindly indoctrinated that an alternative viewpoint isn't something they can even comprehend. The nonreligious waiter, meanwhile, isn't so much threatened by temptation, but is open to simply changing their mind about waiting since they aren't pressured or indoctrinated to keep waiting. This is why I think it's a wash. (Also, I don't mean to imply all religious waiters are waiting because they are indoctrinated to. I was just using these scenarios as examples)

In terms of finding a fellow waiter or virgin to marry, religious waiters definitely have it easier. I suppose not even so much religious waiters, but people who are involved in a religious community (not all religious people are involved in a religious community and occasionally nonreligious waiters are involved in a religious community). Nonreligios waiters, in general, don't know any other waiters. They just have to kind of hope they meet someone who is willing to wait with them. This is even more challenging if you'll only marry a virgin, as you have to hope he or she just happens to have never had sex and is willing to wait with you. It's kind of a shot in the dark. This ties in to why I considered the first part of my response "a wash," since I think the nonreligious waiter, who isn't morally committed to waiting, might change their mind since they just can't find another waiter or someone willing to wait.

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I find it difficult. I am a Christian, but I think that it would be harder. I don't know if I would wait for marriage I sure wouldn't be a man whore but I honestly don't know if I would wait without my God. He's my drive to do the right thing.

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Piggy backing off JesSea, it does really depend on ones environment. As a Christian I was brought up to wait so I thought nothing of it and said "hey a piece of cake" and as I got older waiting got harder. I struggled and put my faith on the back burner and started to.... "branch out" if you will. I don't use explore because I didn't do much exploring. I watched people and I talked to different people and I hung out with non waiters. Being around them I had a hard time sticking to my faith. I never lost my virginity or went any further than a kiss or two but I still felt guilty. After I had my share of guilt I turned back to my faith and started to hang around more Christians but those that were and are truly of the Christian faith and were and are waiters like me. I felt more stability and I understood/understand more and when I struggled I called my supporters and instead of them telling me to do the things that were tempting me they gave me scripture and structure as to why I shouldn't. Waiting got easier when I gave my all to Christ but waiting was harder when I put Him on the back burner. So to answer your question again, it really depends on ones environment.

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I would say being non-religious and waiting until marriage both reduce the available pool of people willing to date you. There are plenty of people who see sex in a dating relationship as a requirement. There are also plenty of people who need to have a religious element in a relationship. Being non-religious AND a waiter makes your available dating pool very small indeed. Especially since many non-religious are not waiters (and require a sexual relationship) and many waiters are religious (and require a religious partner).

However, this was a huge problem in the past, but with the internet, it is very easy to filter out the people who aren't even going to consider dating you and find the ones that are. Internet dating isn't a perfect solution, but it really allows you to broaden your potential dating pool. I can't even imagine how I would have met my wife without the internet. In fact, meeting her on the internet was a huge stroke of luck.

I would say it's not necessarily harder, but statistically more rare. On the up side, I would wager that most non-religious waiters are very good people and thus very likely to be good partners once you find them. But I might be a bit biased...

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I think whether or not it is harder to wait depends on the REASONS one has for waiting.

 

My reason for waiting is not strictly speaking religious. I am a devout believer in God, and my faith in God's love drives me to see the beauty in everyone, and live a life as moral as possible, as a means of respecting that beauty. But "because the Bible says so" I have always thought to be a crap reason to wait. So I don't think my reasons for waiting are "religious".

 

I say this all to give context to what I believe.

I think religious waiters might have it easier, actually. There is typically more pressure from family, and a feeling of anxiety for consequences that would come from not waiting. Even when one begins to view waiting for the sake of respecting others as an insufficient reason, there will still be the fear of disappointing others to keep one in check. Granted, this isn't a good reason, but it does increase the likelihood that one will wait.

For atheists, it is not part of their culture typically, so there will be less of a support system for them.

 

HOWEVER, we need to consider that the external pressure religious people have might weaken the genuine conviction of waiting, and once that is gone - once their no longer motivated out of fear for disappointing (parents or God) - they will LIKELY have no motivation to wait.

When an atheist waits, they do not rely on their religious fear or fear of disappointing their family, and so, if they already strongly believe that waiting is the right thing to do, they will be less likely to be influenced by external pressure or lack thereof.

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I agree with Beau Mari. The dating pool just seems smaller for non-religious waiters. In fact, I didn't know such a thing existed until I stumbled upon this site. So immense respect for anyone with the conviction to go against the grain like that.

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HOWEVER, we need to consider that the external pressure religious people have might weaken the genuine conviction of waiting, and once that is gone - once their no longer motivated out of fear for disappointing (parents or God) - they will LIKELY have no motivation to wait.

When an atheist waits, they do not rely on their religious fear or fear of disappointing their family, and so, if they already strongly believe that waiting is the right thing to do, they will be less likely to be influenced by external pressure or lack thereof.

 

Pretty much this.  Unfortunately, most 'purity talks' given to most church-going teens involves some variation of, "don't do it because God said so", with a reference to pregnancy or STDs thrown in there.  First off, a typical teenager doesn't really find their own personal relationship with God until they leave the house, usually around college or so, when they aren't under the watchful eye of their parents.  Even for those raised in a Christian home, it's easy to look like they have a fear of God, then go buck wild once they graduate HS.  At that point, if you aren't truly committed, any motivation to wait often goes out of the window.  Shoot, I went to a Christian HS, and most people I knew kept it in their pants until they went away to school.

 

Secondly, I don't think the consequences of pre-marital sex are brought up often enough in churches, so the "because God said so" approach doesn't work. Even the potential risk of STDs/pregnancies can be brought down by the use of condoms/birth-control/etc. A non-religious waiter probably has more practical reasons for waiting because they actually spent time thinking about it.

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