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OK, girls. Weddings...

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I know we all, or most of us, have that 'dream' of what we'd like. No, this isn't about details. :) Those are probably on a different thread. Probably in 'Girls Only'. What I'd like to ask is this. Just HOW important are those details to you? I mean, if you want a big wedding... is it a MUST? If you want a small wedding... are you willing to go a little bigger if, say, your fiance is from a big family who like big weddings? Is it a 'my way or the highway deal'? Or, would the only important factor be that you are finally committed to one another? Would you get upset if something went terribly wrong (like your dress got ruined the day of)? Or, would you just go with it, and make it work? Or, any other scenario you can think of.

 

Just something that I thought of while watching a tv show, and her dress got completely ruined, and then I read something on another thread.

 

My first thought was 'Oh, that's terrible, but at least you've still go the bride and groom...that's the important thing'. I, myself, would just make it work. I'd want him to be happy, too. Simply put, if I'm walking down any aisle to HIM, I'm good, he'll my strength.

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Hm, there are a few details that I think are absolute musts for me. Since I am both very atheist and somewhat libertarian, the ceremony must be in a completely secular *and* non-governmental space. So both the synagogue (my boyfriend's family is Jewish) and the courthouse are completely ruled out by this. By the same token, I would be very uncomfortable with any element of religion in the ceremony, and I'd also be uncomfortable being married by a JP. I really don't care if it hurts anyone in his family's feelings, as cold as that may seem. I'm not going to effectively lie in my *wedding ceremony* -- where I make the most important promises of my life -- just to keep the peace.

 

I'm also very uncomfortable in large social gatherings, so I feel pretty strongly about keeping the number of guests down to approximately 50 people. Since I can really only think of about 5 or so people from 'my side' that I'd want at my wedding, I don't feel that is too much to ask of my boyfriend!

 

As for things like my wedding dress getting ruined...well, in all honesty, I would be pretty upset, since I hope that I'm only going to get one shot at wearing such a dress! However, I'd solider on and have a good time anyway. We all know that the dress isn't the most important thing about that day. And I'm sure -- after I'd had a decade or two to recover -- it'd make a good story for the kids/grandkids.

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Steadfast... I don't know this is something you knew, or not, but you don't really need a JP or a religious leader to officiate the ceremony. I'm not sure how it's done, but almost anyone can be ordained, I believe. I guess it's even possible to have a friend ordained. For someone who doesn't want any religion brought into the ceremony, this might be a good thing to consider. Also, what a nice thing to have as a story, right? And what an honor for the person who agrees to do it for you. :)

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While it's nice to face wedding-day problems with a smile and a "oh well, it's OK" attitude, there's a lot of stress factors on the days/weeks/months before the day that people react differently to. Like a budget (the roses you wanted blow you $300 over budget), guest list (forgot to count a few cousins = $500), forgot to make a program (take away two nights of sleep), interviewing photographers, DJs, coordinators (hours of research, calling, pulling up portfolio sites, price/quality shopping), the family drama (oh god the family drama)...

 

Something like a late bridesmaid may seem like a small thing to everyone else, but to (usually) the bride, it can be the straw that can break her.

 

Personally, my favorite part was making the wedding website, comics, usher cards, programs.... basically all the print material. After that, I lost all interest in the wedding :/a I was mentally prepared for any "devastating" accidents that would happen during the wedding, in a "tulle and staples solves everything" kind of way.

 

As long as it looked good to everyone else and there was little time for people to be bored, I was satisfied.

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I definitely see your point.

 

Of course, no one knows EXACTLY how they might react in any given situation, until they are actually there. I'd like to think that if anything happens on my wedding day, I do hope that I will look in the mirror and tell myself 'Dude! You're getting married today. Are you really going to let a disaster take something away from you and your love? You have waited TOO long for this to let this bother you. This is YOUR day, This is HIS day'. Yes, I give myself these talks. :) Of course, I'm the girl who likes rainy days, and wants a guy to whisper inappropriately funny things in her ear during serious moments.

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Steadfast... I don't know this is something you knew, or not, but you don't really need a JP or a religious leader to officiate the ceremony. I'm not sure how it's done, but almost anyone can be ordained, I believe. I guess it's even possible to have a friend ordained. For someone who doesn't want any religion brought into the ceremony, this might be a good thing to consider. Also, what a nice thing to have as a story, right? And what an honor for the person who agrees to do it for you. :)

 

My younger brother got ordained online! He co-officiated our wedding ceremony. The only reason we also had the regular church minister was so he could help with the organization and the flow of the ceremony. My little brother did our secular readings and said some really nice stuff about us. He also concluded the ceremony with the official, legal statement declaring us married.

 

He's been the officiant of a few of his friend's weddings now, and apparently he's even been approached by wedding guests to find out which church is his! They were disappointed to find out he's not the minister of a church. ;)

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If we must have a ceremony… there is one thing I will not budge with and that is… my horses must be involved. My gelding and my mare. They will be next to us or we will be on them. Or if he has a horse, he can ride it. And my gelding will chew my dress so it will be ruined long before we are finished. Don’t care because it’s a piece of clothing. Yes, they are beautiful, but I would rather not dwell on a constructed piece of fabric. :D

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… my horses must be involved. My gelding and my mare. They will be next to us or we will be on them. Or if he has a horse, he can ride it. 

That is lovely!  :) My friend and her husband had their puppies involved in their ceremony. I always think it's nice when people have their animal friends involved because I really do view them as part of the family. 

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I would be happy with skipping the whole wedding ceremony and just getting a marriage license at the court house.

Yes it's my way or the highway:) Seriously if my FH wants a wedding ceremony then I want it to be small. Only close family and friends. But I hate planning things. Yes I'm boring.

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I'm all about celebrating the marriage. The wedding will be gorgeous because it will be made with Love. No sweating the small stuff. I'm very flexible about what the wedding looks like. But I'm firm and clear on who I will marry. That feels good to me, because the wedding is one day, and the marriage is forever. So, I just focus on what's important:) to me! That said, because I know I will marry a compatible man, we will create a lovely wedding however we do it. I'm open to the mystery of how that turns out...

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